Jr. High Son Has Already Developed "Attitude".

Welcome to the beginning of the hardest years of parenting I have ever experienced. Mine started about that age with the sighs, and eye rolling, and downright rudeness.

When he gets like that - and 4 years later, he still does - I quickly point out that he is being disrespectful and to ramp it down a notch or two. I also teach him better ways to express his "dislike" and I agree with him that he does not always have to agree with me, but he must always listen to me, because I am still the parent. I teach him better ways to express himself - options for swear words, that have become oh, so popular with his group.

But, I pick my battles. There are times I let the eye roll slide - i.e., when he is complying with what I asked of him I will let him roll away.

I do not tolerate disrespect nor will I allow him to raise his voice at me. So, I try very hard to show him appropriate respect and not raise my voice at him either. It works well with my son - I get what I give - well, normally, as a parent I do give more to my child than I get back. But, I have realized that he knows the lessons he has learned from the feedback I receive from his teachers and other parents - he is a polite, respectful young man to others. So I must be doing something right.

Hang in there E. - boys are just as hormonal as girls. It's tough, but you both will get through out. I am told that there is a lovely adult on the other side of the teen age and I can't wait to him. LOL

Yep, it can happen.. Sometimes it will continue and get worst and sometimes you can ask them "Really?" "you want to stick with that attitude? Or do you want to be treated your age?"

I explained to our daughter her attitudes totally would demand how we would treat her.
If she was a know it all, that would be tested.
If she was rude, We would become more controlling and begin working on her manners.
If she lied, she would not be trusted.

Freedoms and respect are earned.

They are testing.. but it is our job to let them know what our expectations are. And when they have gone too far.

I didn't believe that teen attitude was real until each of my kids went through it in turn. I thought a good mother could avoid teen attitude. WRONG.

They grow out of it. Just make sure there's a limit to their disrespect.

not only is it normal, but it gets worse. :)

My younger son is a Freshman this year. One of my friends was visiting & asked what the Heck was going on with her stepson....total defiance, well - really a complete non-compliance...no matter what's asked of him.

& I told her the story that my Mom shared with me last week when I was complaining about my son: just 2 weeks into my freshman year, I had completely changed. My Dad had given me a "command" as he liked to do....& I turned to my Mom & said, "do I really have to listen to him?"

OMG, I totally had NO memory of this...but my Mom sure does! I guess this teen yuck is universal & timeless. aaaargh

I work in a Middle school. And mother of two sons (now grown up who no longer remember how to roll their eyes-they just don't call or do if they need money). Very normal. This too shall pass.

I was always told by my education professors that middle school is the HARDEST age to teach because of the attitudes ------------ and ---------------- brace yourself ----------------------------- the HORMONES! Good luck:)

Google Search "Tween Boy Development."
And "Teen Boy Development."
Arm yourself with this info.
Your son is a Tween now. Tweens are from 9-12 years old.

This is normal, and revocation of privileges works wonders.

Middle school is where you find the worst behavior! It's where kids learn to say and do hurtful things without regard for the person they hurt. The problem is there are so many neglected kids acting like monsters to be "cool" because they don't have parents who teach them to be empathetic. I blame the parents, seriously! To clarify, I do not mean you but the parents of the kids surrounding your son. Kids want to fit in, especially in middle school.

11 years old? Immediate "Attitude Adjustment", Tomorrow is Friday, sit him down (both you and dad),after school and let him know if he shows his little behind (including "eye rolling", smart mouth and or the tongue noises) over the weekend or next week, he will be seriously grounded. For emphasis, give him EXTRA chores this weekend and have him write down the terms you and dad have explained, as he understands it!

Get him while he's still young!

Blessings.....

His weekend fun should be dependent on how he handled his week. Explain to him what is expected and what he will get to enjoy if he follows through. If you don't nip it in the bud, it will continue and he will see that he can have this control over you.

The key is to stay calm as if it doesn't faze you. For example, "As we discussed, you are allowed to disagree with me or not like what I say/do but you will not talk in that tone of voice. Your Friday night will be spent _____." Then remind him that the rest of the weekend is his so far, so he might want to change his tone. You can break up the weekend into several time segments. Make the time segment length match the offense.

Just speak very matter-of-factly. You cannot raise your voice. You cannot act like it even matters to you. He broke the rule, so here is the consequence. Then put some headphones on with your favorite music. No long, dramatic sermon. Keep it short and sweet. It will drive him nuts!

I feel so fortunate that my 18 year old only child and I have had fantastic communication and avoided the teen/tween drama. I'm sorry he is being an abnoxious brat, I was one of the lucky ones!

See "Hormones and Wheels" on loveandlogic.com

it will help you for yrs to come!

I wish I had a $1 for each time I said to my son, "Growing up doesn't mean that you have to be mean and rude to your mother." He's an adult now and a nice person, so maybe it helped!

I think this has a LOT to do with the kids he's hanging around with. I just had this discussion with my 9th grader last night. One of her best friends has been hanging around a lot with a girl she knew in elementary school. They were apart for Junior High but are now back together in High School. My daughter said her friend is doing lots of eye-rolling and sarcastic, mean comments--things she has never done in the past. My daughter feels sure it is this other old/new friend who is 'rubbing off' on her friend. I'm fortunate because at 14 my daughter is able to figure this out for herself and not succumb to other kids' bad influences; unfortunately at 11 your son is probably not so able to do that. You may have to keep a close eye on the kids he hangs around with a try to subtly discourage those friends you find to be a bad influence (if he knows you're trying to keep him away from them he will try harder to be with them!) I never let my kids get away with that kind of behavior--I never yell, but I always tell them exactly what they are doing and what I don't like about it ('Please don't roll your eyes when I'm talking to you--it is very disrespectful.'). They are very responsive and adjust their behavior immediately when I do this. Good luck--it will get better!