Kid "Picking" Nails Horrible

Get the kid to a therapist - this is a physical manifestation of a mental disorder that is treateable with medication.

Fix the anxiety, fix the problem.

another vote for therapy to learn to cope with the anxiety in a healthy manner

I would strongly consider getting her some help if she does have anxiety to the point that it's affecting her life.

That said, I have been on both sides of he Anxiety Wall (it's well-treated now) and you know, I still bite and pick from time to time. At this point in time, I keep them short, try to remember to put cream on them at night (cuticles and fingers), and use clippers to remove the dry skin. What's always been harder for me to deal with about the nail-biting, though, was all the fuss and shame my mom directed toward this. Feeling awful about the habit (and hearing words like 'disgusting' etc) was far more damaging than the picking or biting. So I heartily agree with the prior suggestion of approaching this as 'stopping a habit'; I also found a great redirection outlet: I was given some thick therapy putty as part of my PT for tendinitis and that gives back a lot of sensory pressure, playing with that. Sounds silly, but have your friend consider keeping some around wherever they watch tv, etc. That may be a helpful alternative if she's picking when she is 'bored'.
Good luck!

The nail/skin thing is the SYMPTOM. You don't treat symptoms. You treat CAUSES. If someone has a horribly painful sore throat due to strep throat, you don't just treat the pain - you have to treat the strep itself. Sure, you can do something short term to relieve the pain in the throat, but if you don't eradicate the underlying cause, it just comes back.

They have to treat the source of the problem, which is the anxiety. They should put away the fake nails and everything else, and seek professional help for this poor kid who is experiencing self-destructive anxiety.

Why not take her to a therapist to help her learn how to handle this anxiety?

You are correct, it probably is anxiety.. I picked at my fingers for years and my mother would get so upset and simply think that if she yelled loud enough for me to stop, I could .. .however, it's not that simple.. I once read that nail/skin picking is akin to trochotillomania (when someone pulls out their hair by the cuticle) which is also a form of ocd..
that said, as a kid, I could never stop, oh I tried and tried, but for some reason I could not.. In my case, I lived in a VERY stressful household, so I am sure that in part was one reason I picked.. also, my father picked at his fingers and although I wasn't around him much, could be I "picked" up the habit so to speak.. Also, I have read that it could be due to a mineral deficiency like copper or zinc.. anyway... a couple of things.. you may want her to get a blood test just to see if her hormones have begun to change up a bit .. she is 12, so I am guessing there is a shift.. you might think, hormones, she isn't perimenopausal :) or anything like that.. BUT.. keep in mind, her hormones are shifting enough to cause dips in estrogen and progesterone each month.. when younger, right before my period start, I would pick at my fingers like no one's business. why????? because as we get closer to the onset and then once the period begins, estrogen levels are at their lowest, which means that cortisol (the stress hormone) and that which is controlled by estrogen can really run ammuck until the estrogen builds back up... the cortisol can cause a person to become very jittery.. this coupled with outside stress and foods like sugar or caffeine, which can also make you jittery and BAM... nail biting galore.. sadly, by the time the estrogen builds back up and the jitters go down, the damage is done.. have her mom track the child's cycle and see how symptoms go.. I am willing to bet, IF the girl is menstruating... your friend's mom will begin to see a pattern.. once you can establish a pattern, I then believe the child can be more readily helped.. in my case, once I began to really understand my body, I could at least prepare nutritionally, mentally and physically... I found that the more I exercised, the less I picked.. the better I ate (less sugar and caffeine) the less I picked ... and the more I began to calm my emotions( via meditation) the less I picked..
it's definitely an EXTREMELY hard habit to break...but it can be done... it will take lots of work... because often it's done without thinking about it.. but that's just it.. she will need to become more aware and mindful.. and that will take some doing.. I would begin with a 10 meditation to calm her thoughts and mind... until she can notice right when the picking begins, it will be hard to stop.. it's through the awareness that she can take the next step.... which is .. she becomes aware of the picking but then needs something to replace it... example... her go to might be keeping a journal on hand at all times and instead of picking, pick up the pen and write... there has to be a physical exchange.. because to just "think" her way out of a habit won't do, she needs to have an action to go along with it, at least at first so as to train her mind.. so begin writing.... then once distracted enough, go about her business. this is kinda of akin to a smoker whom instead of smoking, chews gum.. they have a physical distraction...
then as she has more awareness, her mom should find other ways for her to build on this... for that, I would tell your friend to go online and read more about ocd and breaking habits.. even how a smoker stops smoking.. I mention this because there are similarities when it comes to breaking habits.. and I know there must be lots of info on that via the net..
now did I stop picking at my nails.. for the most part, but it took me years.. however I didn't learn all that I mentioned above until I was older.. had someone helped me sooner, I think I could have done it when younger.
oh there will be times when I take a pick IF super nervous.. but nothing like I once did. I was truly a slave to the habit..
don't lose faith.. it can be done... good luck

I am in my fifties,and have been a lifelong nail biter. My condition is never going to stop, I am always in recovery stage...but it is usually covered up with nail polish which I pick off and add to probably on a daily basis so I don't look horrible. In fact I am pretty sure now no one knows that I pick my nails. Never really bit them, but picked. And worse, my toenails have been victimized by me also! Same thing there, I continuously polish them and fortunately as I age I can't bend over and grab them LOL Sadly,
It is something only the child will be able to deal with on her own terms.
Truthfully I am an anxious person, but to me it isn't anxiety why I do it. It is a strange cathartic feeling. And I have heard so many ways people try to stop and that is my way. If the girl is open to suggestions, tell her to manipulate her fingernails instead of picking them. Hand her a squeezy ball and have her play with it all the time. Perhaps enlist teachers that would allow her to do this during the day. Wishing luck, I know how ashamed I was as I gazed at the girls who had the most wonderful painted nails. Luckily now I am able to fool everyone.

first of all, don't get her fake nails any more. if she's picking to the point of infection, you don't want the unsterilized tools from a public nail salon getting anywhere near her.
i've always been a picker and nibbler. i don't think i'm particularly anxious, it's just a lifelong habit. but then, i don't do it to the point of pain or infection.
if you know your daughter is doing it from anxiety, then obviously it's a matter of addressing the anxiety. focusing on the symptom won't fix the underlying problem.
khairete
S.

It's odd that this comes up here on MP when just earlier today I was reading about this same habit in comments posted about a column in the newspaper. The writer was noting that this can be a strong indicator of anxiety that requires help beyond just treating or distracting from the nail-picking itself. Has the girl ever been evaluated for diagnosable anxiety? I don't like to slap a medical label on every little action a child does, but if the picking is really extreme, she might need to see a child psychologist at least for evaluation, to rule the idea of anxiety in or out, and to get treatment for anxiety if that's what's needed. In other words, the picking might be a symptom of a larger problem, not the problem in itself. You mention it's "a serious habit of anxiety" but don't say if that's been looked into medically.

If I hadn't seen that comment online today I might not have thought of that larger picture.

I remember doing this myself during high school and college. It was gross. I just started getting manicures, using lotion and wearing rubber gloves for cleaning. If my cuticles don't get dried out then I don't have anything to pick at. I stopped the manicures after I stopped the habit, but once I was in the habit of looking after my hands I didn't start picking again.

She probably needs anxiety meds. This will help her compulsion to pick at things. She could put on gloves for a while to break the habit but it's still obvious and makes her feel different. So I'd just get her on meds and maybe work with a therapist on helping her to overcome her obsessions to do this.

It might not be easy for you, but something to think about: have a child psychiatrist put her on anxiety meds. Is she in professional counseling? Those two together might do it. I'd also look into what was and is going on in her life to make her want to start doing that.
It reminds me of when I used to bite my nails. My mom had put stuff on my nails to make them taste terrible, etc., but what finally did it was I decided on my own that I couldn't stand the feeling of my nails getting snagged on my clothes. Not only that I decided that my fingernails tasted pretty nasty from all the filthy germy things I'd touched, so it probably grossed me out, too. It still bothers me to have a slightly rough fingernail.
It sounds like she is living with anxiety to a level that needs professional help. I know from experience that the right psychiatric meds for a child can make a world of difference.