Leaving My 4 Month Year Old

In my opinion, yes---they aren't ready for mom to leave yet. I would wait until she is at least a year or so. Are you breastfeeding? Have you had any time away before? If so, how did she do? If you feel comfortable leaving her, then go for it. But I wouldn't do it at such a young age. Just my 2cents.

M

It all depends on how comfortable you are with leaving her. Do you absolutely trust the people you're leaving her with? If you're breastfeeding, do you have enough stored milk for the duration of your trip?

Some people have no trouble leaving their young babies with people they trust, others wait till their children are older.

I'm seriously starting to dislike this site. I'm kind of floored at Kathy's response. C. was asking a simple question that required a simple answer and you're talking about nursing and EEG's? Come on. And as for the comment about they need to be at least 9 months old before you leave them for more than a few hours- there are working mothers away from their infants for 9-10 hours 5 days a week. They still love and deeply bond with their babies.

And now to my simple answer... No, it's not too soon, and you've bonded plenty in 4 months. A weekend is nothing. It's not like you're going on a dream vacation for 2 weeks and leaving your baby! Have fun!

I am sharing the following both as a mother and as a therapist. I can only speak from my own knowledge base and experience. We all have different needs, different situations, and different tolerance levels. So, what is best for some may not be for others. Ultimately, you will need to asses what your real needs are. I love the wisdom of a man called `Abdu'l-Baha. He said, "We must give up the important things for the most important things." It is up to us to take a stab at deciding what is most important.

I found that I was much happier bringing my child with me wherever I went. Once there was a baby in my life, time away from him was just more stressful than time with him. That does not mean I did not need help and support from time to time. I feel that the ideal vacation for a young mother is to bring a helper, such as your MIL or a hired nanny/sitter, along so you can go where you want and enjoy short excursions. From my experience and understanding of infant development, I would still probably wait until 9 months to be away for more than a couple of hours.

This the sort of question our great grandmothers rarely got to ask. In most cultures around the world, it would never cross a mother's mind to ask it still today. Science is beginning to back up this tradition.

Early childhood development, especially the development of the subconscious and emotional functions of the brain, are highly influenced by the bond between the infant and the person to whom the baby is primarily attached. Young children are constantly struggling to assign meaning to everything that happens in their world. A 4 month old has no way of understanding why Mom and Dad are suddenly not available. They have no concept of things like 'vacations'. In fact, before the age of 3, a child really only understands 'now'. The understanding that a goal will be achieved over time is not something they can grasp. So, to an infant, if the parents are gone for 2 days, there is no way the child can grasp the idea that they are coming back. The fact is that parents are constantly training their baby's brain in ways we did not understand until recently. Did you know that, while nursing, the baby's brain wave patterns become identical with the mother's? This has been proven with EEG readings of mothers and infants.

Before I knew much about any of this, I used to care for my young niece when her parents wanted a baby-free weekend. I have always had a way with children and was probably more nurturing than the parents were. Nonetheless, I saw the sense of loss and confusion the child experienced. This is why we chose to not leave our son without at least one parent until he was ready to ask for an overnight at Grandma's house. Having rocked a child while it cried itself to sleep, I simply could not have enjoyed time away from my own baby knowing he was likely confused and miserable.

I hope this provided you with some helpful food for thought as you struggle to make your best choice.

If you feel and are confidant that she will be in great care when you are gone....why not? Just make sure the person who is taking care of her has all the emergency information and is set for "everything and anything." You are her mother and you (I would imagine) know best. Are you able to get back soon if need be? I don't know how far you will be going away.

I left my just turned 5 month old baby girl with my mil for a weekend while my hubby and I celebrated our anniversary. We left later on Friday (5pm-ish) and arrived earlier on Sunday (noonish). I had such mixed feelings about it! I fully trust my mil's ability to care for my daughter 100%. We had spent quite a bit of time together before that, so my mil knew my daughter's needs very well. I only had an issue with going because since she was born, my daughter had been glued to my hip. I did all the caretaking, so it was odd not to have her there to care for. I do think it was a healthy decision in the end. It's nice to be able to get away on occasion so your identity isn't fully consumed by your child (which is very easily done as a mom). I would say if you fully trust the person in charge of her care and that person knows her needs, go for it! If not, I would wait. You won't have any fun if you are stressed about your daughter. Good luck and have fun!

NO! You need a break too and it's not wrong to take some time for yourself. It is hard to leave little ones, no matter the age, but if you are feeling like you need a little time to yourself then take it! It seems obvious to me that of course you're confident in the abilities of the caretaker or you wouldn't even be considering it. I am a tiny bit surprised at the negative responses you got, and no, not everyone would choose to leave their baby, but that doesn't make it wrong!! My son was about 4 months when I let him spend the night with my MIL. Yes, I thought about him, of course, but it was nice to be away for a night and not have to worry about waking up early, etc. Just because our "great grandmothers" didn't get time to them selves is certainly no reason why our actions and our thinking should progress with the times! Your responsibilities as a wife and mother are FAR different from your great grandmother, I can promise you that, and there is no reason you shouldn't get a break! Go for it, Girl! Get away, drink wine and sleep in!

What form of too soon do you mean? How long will you be gone? Babies need consistently good care. If you are leaving her with a reliable caretaker she will be fine. How will you be? It's a decision only you can make.

I believe that once babies are bonded with their parents, the parents can leave for an evening or a couple of days without harm as long as they are left with a loving and responsible care taker. Sometimes, mothers don't have a choice and have to leave for longer. The baby will still be fine as long as they receive emotional and physical nurturing.

When the baby is older and in the midst of separation anxiety issues leaving them for any length of time is not so good. But at 4 months I can think of no reason not to leave a baby for short periods of time or longer if necessary.

You have to follow your heart. How do you feel about it? Who is she/he staying with? Take those questions into consideration. Don't go too far, that way if you feel or need to come home, you are close enough to make it home quickly. Good luck and if you decide to take a weekend trip, enjoy your time!!

I couldn't do it. I just never wanted to be away from our son when he was so little.

I think she's too young to be left. However, if you trust the people and they know your child, then you have to make that decision without too much worry.

I, personally, waited until my daughter was older (19 months) before we went away overnight, but I was nursing her and did not want to risk having issues with continuing to nurse if I were to leave. I think, as some of the others have said, this is a decision only you can make for yourself. I couldn't leave my infant for that long and have any fun (I would have worried the whole time...I'm pretty sure it's a biological response in Moms), but there are people who are perfectly comfortable with it and, if you're one of those people, then by all means go and enjoy yourself! As long as you have made arrangements for your baby to be completely and lovingly taken care of, then the baby will be fine. If YOU aren't comfortable with it, then I don't see the point and I would wait until your LO is older. Good luck to you!