Leaving My Child for the First Time.......

Good Morning.... I just read your post & felt compelled to write.

I would like to encourage you to go & spend time with your husband - all marriages need time away to recharge. You'll have a great time if you let yourself.... We have never had the joy of living near family so we've never had grandma's to watch our kids on a regular basis. It sounds like your mother in law is very generous in offering to keep your little one. I think maybe you need to cut her some slack.... your "first time mom" tendencies are in high gear.

I have three little ones (all under 5) & I can tell you that if we can go 6 hours w/o a diaper change- we're thrilled. Diapers today are super absorbent & keep the wetness away from their bottoms... there really is no need to change them unless they are soiled or super wet...... As far as not drinking as much - maybe he's having such a great time he's not all that interested. Toddlers eat if they are hungry & they drink when they are thirsty - he will not dehydrate himself.... especially if she is offering it to him on a regular basis.

You might want to try & relax just a bit & enjoy the time he gets to spend with his grandma. It's such a magical thing when kids get to spend quality time with them.... don't ruin it by having such hard core rules on things that are not "safety related". When it comes to their safety - I"m all about rules - but your concerns are more of a control thing...

No one will do things exactly like you do - but that's okay. She raised your husband (and maybe his siblings too?) so she's not a rookie. It's good for kids to see different things & to have different influences in their lives.... he will more than likely have a blast at her house & that's great!

I hope this all works out.

D.,
I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. It is tremendously hard to leave your child for the first time, especially when you aren't 100% sure about how grandma is handling things. That being said, I really think you should take the time away with your husband. It is so important for a marriage that couples take time to connect, just the two of you, after children come into the picture.
Maybe you could do just an overnight? Or two? And if your husband won't talk to his mom, maybe you could do it? If you come from a loving (and not critical) place, she just may understand.

Drop the tyke off at grandma's and enjoy some quality time with your husband. Every house has different rules and just because your mil does not do everything exactly as you would do does not mean her ways are wrong. Just makes them different is all. Does your son come home damaged in any way by being at her house? Does he complain when you want to drop him off because he does like it at Grandma's house? I understand the first kid syndrome just as well as any other mother so if you fear for your child's life, do not leave him in her care. Otherwise, drop him off and go have a good time with your hubby. He deserves it.

Wow. First, I believe your concerns are warranted. Your mother-in-law should respect you and give him the food you bring for him. As far as the diapers go, I would say your son had red skin & she needs to change him more often to stop it from coming back. Granted she raised kids, but she should raise your son how YOU want him raised. If my mother-in-law did this, my hubby would talk to her. If it bothers you this much, your hubby should do the same.
good luck!!

As others have said, you are lucky to have a loving grandma to watch him! I know that with my first child, I was somewhat controlling too, about how others cared for him. Like dad or grandma. But the fact of it is, they love him and are not doing him harm, they are just doing things DIFFERENTLY. My poor husband, he didn't have alone time with our first for 5 months until a friend pulled me aside and said "hey, he needs to find his own way to do it. You were not a baby expert when your son was born, and your husband is not either. But he is caring for him with love and needs to be able to feel that he is capable". Grandparents never do it the way you do, but that's okay, he will be fine!

He doesn't need a diaper change so frequently unless he poops. I would only probably change a diaper once in 6 hours if there was no poop and they hadn't drank very much. Unless he is getting a rash, he should be fine. Give her alternatives for feeding him that work with what she likes to offer. Various types of fruit would do the trick for constipation, it doesn't HAVE to be oatmeal and prunes. Tell her about his constipation, then say that you know with her experience she probably has some good advice in that area. Then she will be more inclined to think aobut his constipation when she feeds hm.

You and your hubby need alone time, go and have fun! It is not healthy to be too clingy to your child, you guys need adult time too!

----A mom to three

Keep in mind that she raised your husband. She will not break you child by doing any of things you mentioned! Go have a great time! You deserve some fun time with your hubby!

I would say to relax. Go on your trip. He will be fine. I always try to tell my mom what to do and she says that when my daughter is with her she acts and does things different. She does not allow things I allow or care to follow my rules but she has a great relationship with her and I have never heard a complaint from my daugher. Her rules and rules are different but your husband is fine and she will too. all my friend complain about how others take care of there child too, (me too) but getting away is good for you. Have a great trip and have fun with your husband. Atleast you can get away and that is good for any marriage. Enjoy and being away from your son will make you a better mother.

D.:

You are very fortunate to have someone who is willing to watch your son so you can have some alone time with your husband.

While I understand your frustration, I personally feel you need to be forgiving and more relaxed. Unless your son is being maltreated, I find nothing incredibly wrong with the care he's been giving.

If he's 18 months old and not drinking much while he's at grandma's, he's probably not getting that wet. Is he getting a diaper rash after grandma sits? If not, I wouldn't worry.

And I have to side with the grandma on the sippy cup thing. As much as we wish they were, sippy cups are mostly NOT spill proof. You need to respect her home. Remember, she is doing you a favor by watching him. I still have 5 year olds use a lid at my house when most families stopped using lids at 3 or 4.

Keep in mind, too, she was a mother once in her life, too and she knows a thing or two. She must have done something good if you married her son. Grandparents usually want to do the nicest things. My kids (twin 3 year olds) don't get candy that often, but Grandpa gives them candy every time we go to his house. It's his way to bond with them. I wish it was something else, but I'm letting it go, because my desire for them to have good memories and a good relationship with grandpa outweigh my disdain for gummy worms.

Enjoy your time away!

D.-
Each time I had a baby, I was nervous to go away overnight, even if I didn't have any issues with the baby's caretaker.

Start by going somewhere for 1 night, and make it local. We enjoy a hotel in our town. It may seem strange to check into a room when home is just a couple miles away, but it gives peace of mind to know you are just minutes away if needed.

You will eventually be able to go further away and for more nights.

I'm sorry, but remember that grandma was once a young mother too. As a grandparent I really feel offended when every little thing is picked on. I am an extremely capable and loving grandmother as I'm sure your mil is. You may be the expert on your child, but that does not make grandma wrong in what she does. It might not be exactly the same as you do, but your son will grow up with the love of his grandma even if she doesn't change his diaper as frequently as you do.

Daniella
Your mother-in-law managed to raise your compassionate and seemingly patient husband so I really don't think there will be a problem she can't handle.
Go with your husband and enjoy yourself,it will all work out just fine.

P. V

I am going to have to agree with the other moms. Your son is 18 months now...alot different than a newborn. He will be fine with grandma. Those things you mentioned are not life threatening. He probably really doesn't need his diaper changed that often..that seems excessive for an 18month old. As for the food, if he's eating what she gives him, she must be picking the right food if he is that picky. She won't let him starve. Go have fun. You had a life before baby, you need to keep that up a little, it is great for the marriage and your sanity!! He will be fine! Enjoy!

Hi, D..
I can see that you have some heartfelt responses here already. Here is mine. I just want to tell you to follow your instincts about leaving your son overnight for the first time. This matters more than how old your son is, how you feel about your mother-in-law, the exact date of your anniversary, and how much your husband wants to get away with you. If you address these understandably major concerns of yours, THEN you can get away and have a great time.
That said, you should always feel comfortable about your son's babysitting arrangements. If you don't feel good about your mother-in-law (or whomever it may be) caring for him, then you don't. Period. Explore these feelings. It sounds like your husband would be willing to do this with you. You are always right to honor your feelings.
Good luck.
Amy

Change can definitely be hard. You are lucky that you have someone to leave him with who will love him and care for him. With respect to the diapers, because they are so absorbent, they really don't need to get changed all that often. If they are dry, then they can last longer.
I think you should talk to her about what he is to eat and how much liquid he needs. Maybe lay out a schedule. But in the end, a day or two on a diet that wouldn't be your first choice is not likely to harm him. Though I would make sure she understands that he does need to be able to walk around with his sippy cup.

Boy oh boy, she sounds like a very lazy woman to me. She would rather have the child not drink so she has less diapers to change. She probably doesn't play with the child either. Find someone else so your child is developing and doesn't regress.