Liking School

No more video games. Period. He can earn them back on the weekends after several weeks of good reports from his teacher. You're owning his problem, instead of allowing him to take responsibility for it. Read John Rosemond's "Well Behaved Child." He also has a book on homework, which I have not read because it hasn't been an issue with my kids. (Yet, presumably.) You can't motivate him. His teacher can't motivate him. Only he can motivate himself. You've already seen why rewards don't work. You need to make the consequence of not paying attention and doing his work so miserable for him that he realizes his only option is to do his homework and pay attention in school. Good luck!

Can he tell you what he does not like about it? I mean, you have a therapist working with him, teachers have tried talking to him, but what does he have to say? Maybe he is not being challenged enough?

EDITED TO ADD: After reading the SWH, maybe it's time to cut back on the video games (or eliminate them completely) so he gets a chance to get interested in something else. Not saying that every kid needs to do sports, but martial arts, Boy Scouts, music, etc. SOMETHING. My nephew is 10 and all he cares about is watching TV and playing video games. He's been like that since he was little and my SIL never bothered to get him involved in anything else because "that's what makes him happy!". Maybe you could also have him spend some days with you or Dad or another friend or family member over school vacation at your place of employment so he can start to get any idea of what is out there as far as career options. Or have him hang out with different people in the community for a few days, like a police officer, fire fighter, veterinarian, etc. so maybe he can see that this is what he needs to be thinking about as far as his future is concerned, and staying in school and doing well is going to be necessary to get him there. Another adult male role model who can sort of be a mentor to him.

My brother hated school when he was younger. He was getting bad grades, and they tried many things like you.

But it wasn't that he didnt know how to do the work, or that he was lazy. It was that he was BORED in school. The assignments were too easy for him so instead of doing them he would just say whatever.

They gave him higher leveled things to try that gave him a challenge and he excelled and then started liking school because he felt like he wanted to now.

Maybe it's the same thing. You just have to find the root of the problem. Ask him WHY he hates school? Is it he doesnt know how to do what they are teaching? Is he bored? Or is there some kid that is mean to him? Does he not like his teacher?

Ask him flat out what HE thinks will make him like school better. Of course we are NOT talking about him getting a toy for every paper he does, because that isnt good to be doing.

Ask the right question and you might get interesting answers.

Good luck!

Do you think he hates being at school, the physical aspects of it (kids, noise, activity, etc)? Does he have any friends at school?

Does he enjoy learning anything at home? For example, does he appear interested in how computers work, or building with Legos or reading about anything?

Does he have any aspirations for when he's grown up? Do you ever hear him talking about being a baseball player or anything?

I'm just wondering if he expresses interest in anything. Some children can't see the connection between learning and being a sports player or other career, and once they understand the connection, or the importance of a good education to their future, they try harder.

Have you considered online school? There are tuition free, online public schools, and some kids just do better at home than in a big noisy school.

Hi. My kids just woke up from nap so I don't have a lot of time. Please look up a professional named Lenoard Sax http://leonardsax.com/

He wrote a book called Boys Adrift and it addresses the issue of otherwise intelligent boys failing to reach their full potential. Really good read and I can't stress enough how informative his research is.

Good luck.

My older son has always hated school . . . it was so perplexing because he's a good student and athlete, and well-liked by his peers. I honestly could not understand it!

I started homeschooling my younger son in 3rd grade (for academic and health reasons). My sons already went to different schools (long story) and older remained at his school (he was in 7th grade at the time). Finally in TENTH GRADE he joined us homeschooling.

Despite a couple of professionals warning me to NOT allow him to homeschool (they felt he would isolate himself), I followed my own intuition, based on a very positive experience I'd already had with younger son. Do you know it was the best thing we ever did? Older son started acting, singing, and playing guitar! He's still doing it! He's been in multiple plays at a local theater. This was a child who rarely spoke in school (though he did play sports).

He graduates this spring, and my only regret is not homeschooling him from the get-go.

Some kids (especially boys imho) are just NOT cut out for the modern schooling system.

Good luck and I hope you can figure out what's best for him.

It sounds like you are doing what has worked for us. From August to the end of January I packed my daughter's lunch. In February I made a deal with her that if she promised to work hard during study time, I would buy her lunch on her favorite day. They sell their lunches by the days of the week, so Monday's are tacos, Tuesday's are hamburger's and so on. She chose Thursday's...chicken nuggets and tator tots. Every Thursday I ask her how the nuggets & tots were and she giggles and tells me how yummy they were and I remind her that she got those for being such a hard worker. It is time to order lunch for the month of March and she is excited to switch to pizza.

My husband tried the bribing with a treat and it worked for the moment. He gave me the ah-ha nod when he saw what I did with her.

I don't know if this will make any difference, but that is what we did and it worked for us.

Haven't read through all your responses but I just wanted to share that my daughter hates school too and has since preschool. She is in 1st grade now and although she hated preschool when in it, now says she wants to go back. She does good while in class, completes assignments, but homework is a pain! I have been doing my best to get her more excited about school, but some days it just feels pointless. The only thing I think that has helped a small amount this year is her teacher is a fun/young girl teacher. She loves her but doesn't really enjoy what school is all about. We constantly remind her why you need to learn...constantly!

This is so strange to me because I loved school. I was having a talk with my brother a little while back and he stated he never liked school but just went through the motions of it, because he knew he had to.

So what I think I learned is some kids just aren't into school. I think you can do everything in your power to try and make them change, but they just aren't going to. I don't think rewards are your answer as I think just reminding him the importance of why he needs to learn. At least, that is what I focus on with my daughter. For example I will say "Well do you think you would like to drive a car someday?" She will of course say yes and I will reply with "Well in order to drive a car you need to learn how to follow directions, read directions and take tests...(etc)"

Good luck, at least you know you're not alone!

Most of my first thoughts have already been addressed.

I'm not sure how coherent this will be, but bear with me...

When I was in early elementary school, after I was tested and placed as GT (gifted and talented for those from other areas), we would be pulled out of class periodically for special programs/events that the other kids wouldn't.

It allowed us to learn what the other kids were, plus explore some additional areas in ways not allowed in a traditional classroom - more creatively and in more depth. I remember one time we put together a "newspaper" - we wrote the stories (all fiction), the advertisements, the comics, the crossword - all of it. Another time we learned about the 8 (7?) ancient wonders of the world, another time it was a lesser-known sport - for both of these we were given a the topic and allowed to research and build a diorama/poster board, etc. with the information we learned. I remember those GT activities more than I remember almost anything else about my early childhood years. It definitely instilled a love of learning.

I'm not sure if any school is still doing this - you may want to check. It sounds like your son is at a pretty progressive school. It also may still not appeal to your son - but being pulled out as "special" might give him a bit of motivation.

As others have suggested, home schooling might be a good option. However, it's not possible for many of us. There's the idea of "unschooling"?? Where you don't have set lesson plans, but you take his passions and turn them into lessons. For example, Beyblades - use that to discuss inventions, patents, toy research and production, focus groups, etc. Or, you use it to teach about gravity, physics, etc.

He also sounds mechanically gifted. He may be more of a kinetic learner - he needs to DO something rather than be told or read about it. Obviously, in order to prove learning to the school's and government's satisfaction, he'll need to deal with SOME non-kinetic activities and assignments, but if they were fewer and his opportunities to get hands-ons with something were increased, it might not be so much of a struggle.

But - I wanted to add - it sounds like your son has an INCREDIBLE teacher. Talk her up to her principal - they get so little positive recognition.

1) Have him tested for giftedness if possible. That way you know better what resources will benefit him. Check out: http://www.educationaloptions.com
http://www.talentigniter.com
2) Become familiar with what types of learning scenarios he likes. For example, my son comes alive when the activity is project based with open ended exploration and is multidisciplinary. He loves science activities involving experiments...happy to write and do math in this scenario compared to fighting his teacher during normal writing or math activities. Same with any project that involves planning and building something. The Instructables website is awesome for gathering ideas.
3) If the school is not able to provide the type of learning environment that stimulates him, start visiting other schools (charter schools, private schools, etc).
4) I agree with the people who say to severely limit any sort of screen time (computer, TV, video games) during the school week. Instead, read together, play advanced strategy board games, or try out building projects or science projects.
5) Encourage his strengths (for my son reading and science), but work on weaknesses in spare time to improve his chance of feeling success (for my son, math and writing).
6) Check into gifted opportunities in your community or online (EPGY online program, ALEKS online for advanced math and other subjects, Odyssey of the Mind group, etc.)
7) Avoid any threats about how he has to do well in school or life will be a disaster. Instead, watch for his joys and strengths and then give him resources and support to pursue. If he wants to be a video game designer then help him research what skills he needs and give him opportunities to learn those skills. If they involve a class or something outside of school, you can make that a reward for doing his best work at school.
8) Make a careful balance of meaningful rewards for doing his best work at school and consequences for not doing his best. Sounds like earning all video game time will be a good start. Do not make rewards negotiable after they are put in place. And make sure the consequences are uncomfortable enough to be a motivator. It works better to make rewards be tied to experiences rather than things.

What DOES he really get excited about? Sports, music, Military, Planes, Acting?

I used to tutor a 4th grade boy in reading. He HATED reading. This made him dread homework.. He was terrible on testing because it is all reading. But I would make him a deal, For as long as he would read the assignment, I would allow him to read about Military stuff. He was crazy about fighter jets, rescue helicopters.. I learned a lot about them as he read to me.

I then shared this info with his teacher, who shared it with his mom. They too were able to engage him through his interest.

Find out exactly what he does not like.

Its it the sitting? Is it the reading? Is it the rules?

Is there one subject he does like?

Hard to just say he hates all of it.