A.P.
Hi E., I lived with my inlaws for 1 yr and that just ended in July!!! It was a long and grueling year. It was not easy but in the end it turned out fine. I have a few suggestions for you and you can take them or leave them as you wish. All of our stuff was in storage so as not to invade too much into there space. They gave us 2 bedrooms, one for my husband and myself (right across the hall from their bedroom!!! ) and one for my son who was only 4 months when we moved in. It was sooo difficult to keep everything in a bedroom (it's like living in a dorm from college all over again) but it could be done. I wasn't very organized in the room (it was small) but I could have done a better job. I would have a filing system for all of your bills and statements. Organization is key!!!
Having seperate spaces if possible is nice. If they have a finished basement, make that "your families hang out space".
Always keep your laundry seperate and do your own. Be aware of when they need to do laundry and try not to use the washing machine and dryer at that time.
I tried to cook one day a week but it's hard in someone elses kitchen so I usually took on the task of dishes and trying to stay on top of loading and unloading the dishwasher.
Make sure to give them time and space in their own home. On Saturday's or Sunday's find something that you can do with the family so that they can relax in their own space.
We also paid them while we lived there. They weren't trying to make money off of us just trying to cover the expense of extra water, electricity, gas, food, etc. while we were there. That amount was set up before we moved in and that seemed to work well. She did all the grocery shopping (execpt for what we needed for the baby). That was nice and it would be too hard to seperate 2 families food anyways. I liked that we paid them so then I didn't feel guilty about anything that we were using. We didn't pay them all that much just enough to cover some expenses.
It's a hard situation to be in and there probably will be some disagreements as you would expect when 2 grown women live together and have different ideas. Respect each other, give each other their space and also never say anything that you can't take back. You will have to bite your tongue sooo many times but once you leave you'll be glad you did so you don't have those disagreements hanging over your head. I had to bite my tongue so many times when my MIL would say something about how my husband and I were raising our son (they always have opinions especially with infants and luckily your sons are older so maybe this won't happen so much with you).
I wish you the best and good luck. I hope this situation is not long term. I know that things were best with us in the beginning and also in the end once the end was in sight!! While I was there in the middle I would say all the time that I'm never coming back here once we move out (and that was only to my husband) but now that it's been almost 2 months since we've moved out I'm willing to go over there. I've even had them over for dinner in our house.