Lonely Single Mom

Hi B.:

One of the moms on this website recommended meetup.com and it has worked out pretty good. There are lots of different groups on this website,not only for singles but to meet friends and just meet people that like to do the things you like to do and it is actually fun. The important thing is to get out there and meet people, not with the mentality that you are out there meeting a partner but you are out there meeting people. Then one day you'll find that everything will fall into place. Good luck.

Hi B. w
i know what you mean it hard to start a new relationship and trust someone around your kid and believe it is scare because i feel the same way that lonelness inside and to share it with someone who wanted a relationship and not games or someone who wanted to be take care of

Hi B.. It might benefit you to speak with a licensed clinician to discuss why you get emotional when you see loving couples together. A good clinician will help you in every way; to make you aware of triggers that cause certain responses to you (ex. crying when you see a movie, anxiety about dating, etc). Also he or she can help you identify traits in prospective men that you might date. You can also do this yourself. Make a list of the things that are "deal brakers" in a person. For instance smoking might be on this list. Then make a list of things that you want the person to be or have. Some examples might be generous, honest, hard working, etc. Identifying things that you want and need from the relationship will put you in a better position to find happiness. Since your children are the most important thing to you, it is very important that YOU do not let any one into their lives that you don't want there. So making yourself aware of the characteristics that are important for you and your kids can only benefit all of you. My ex and I went to a clinician to try and save our marriage, which did not work. We both had different expectations of marriage and things that I needed in the marriage were very different than what he expected out of the marriage. I still see my clinician in a group format and I am a totally different person now and soooo glad that I had someone to help me work through issues that I have. He does not give advice or tell me what I need to do, it is more of him guiding me and helping me identify areas in my life that are causing or have caused me to be unhappy, stressed, anxious, etc. It is the best thing that I have ever done for me and my kids. It has made me a better parent as well as a stronger, more confident person. Before I felt like I was going through life in a haze or cloud. Just going through life as it dragged me this way or that way. Now I am in control of my life, and I know what I want my life to be like. I know what I want from future men in my life and if they don't fit the bill, they are gone! It is just empowing yourself, and you can do it. You proved that by asking for suggestions. Good luck to you!

It is probably easier said than done but just let time take its toll. Your time will come when you least expect it. Go out once in a while with your friends to different locations/places. Try to get out of your usual routine. I don't really trust on line nor friendly groups. Sometimes they are just a bunch of lies and you don't need that.

I am sorry you are so lonely *HUG*. Try getting involved in a church, they usually have Sunday school while you go to service and when there are activities there is usually babysitting or activities for the kids. Try the YMCA and see if there are courses for mother and kids. There must be other women out there that can trade off time so you can go out. Join a book club (there is a great one in Buttonwood). Anything that will give you a better outlook on life. Not all things cost money but you have to be willing to take a deep breath and look for something. Good luck dear! *HUG*

Your post says you are a SAHM. I would recommend you get a job or join a group that will get you out and interacting with other adults to at least make friends. Then, from the friendships with women and men you will have more access to people to lead you to love! Meetup.com has divorced/single parents groups and there are moms groups too. Check Craigslist too for groups in your area. Are you a member of a church?

Hi B.,
I'm not sure if you belong to any particular church, but they often have activities for singles. If you don't belong to any particular church, perhaps you may consider this? If you have had any interest at all in joining a church or support group of some kind (if you aren't interested in the church path..)
The county that you live in I'm confident has parenting organizations.. they may very well have single parenting support groups.. you could google that for your area and I bet some would come up.

They would probably also offer support to you with other family activities too. I think you could make friendships with both men and women and possibly find a special someone of substance this way. I think you deserve to do this for yourself as we all have a need for friendships and social activities...

both you and your children will benefit. They will feel more secure and loved if they see their mom feeling this way. When you feel confident with yourself and feel worthy of meeting someone of substance, I have faith that you will meet someone worthy.

If you did meet someone, you wouldn't have to have this person around the children for a while until you knew him better. Try and not allow fear to keep you from taking these first tiny steps.

This is a good thing for you and your family. If you still have issues from past relationships, perhaps some counseling would help you to learn to trust again and open yourself to the possibility of finding someone new. I admire you for taking this first step in vocalizing that you really want to do this but aren't sure how to start.

Don't give up before you even begin and be good to yourself, you deserve it!
Will keep you in my prayers.

I am not yet divorced, but have the same feelings you have. Not interested in anyone else, because I still love my husband, but I don't want to be alone either. And having children makes it even more difficult, because of course we don't want to parade men in and out of their lives.

The best advice I have received is to meet dates in public places. Never let on where you live, for your own and your children's safety, until you have established a long-term, trusting relationship with a person. And don't introduce dates to children. Save that for a long-term, serious companion.

Good luck to you!

All the time!! I have parented alone 17 out of 20 years and have six kids and now am 44 and trying to do things a woman in her twenties would do because my children were my life!! I have experienced that no matter how devoted and faithful you are, you will be misunderstood by lots of people so, why suffer for something you don't believe is best for you or anyone else, especially your children. I am heartbroken just this week because after six years of being alone, I fell hard for a younger man who has commitment issues. Be brave, be unflinching, and just ask God for His blessing and believe in it!!

Hello:)....I am also a single mom.I have been separated from my husband for 8 months now and I do at times feel lonely but I have had dates here and there cause we all need to unwind for awhile but nothing serious....I have a 4 yr.old who I respect and no one will come before her....so,I hope you find someone who can fit your needs and have fun and be safe!

Im only 23 and I might be in the same situation If I decide to stay with my childs father and get married thinking its the right thing to do. You se at first we were ok he spent time with me we had fun and sex, but know he acts like he dont really want a family since I had her she's 1yr, we dont get any atention or time with him, all his time is to friends he even tried to contact his ex the day before my baby shower and tries to get attention from girls and flirt. So tell me how did your marriage end if you dont mind me asking

Hi B.,
I have been divorced since my kids were very young (3 and 5) (they are now 12 and 14). I kept thinking I needed to be home with them. The fact is that staying at home is not making you happy. You need to be out in the working world to validate yourself so you can be a happier mom for them. Perhaps look for a job at first where you could bring them (I started working in a childcare center and brought my youngest with me.) Other jobs where you can bring your kids are bus drivers (I'm sure other moms may have more ideas!!).

The point is, that you need to get out be around more adults and to be the person you probably felt you once were at one time.

I have been on dates, still not married--but feel good about who I am-- and trust me, I never thought I'd be saying that.

You can do it :)

I have to respond- I was in a similar situation although not quite 5 years. I too was divorced when my little one was only a year old after 11 years of marriage and I was utterly devastated. You probably need counseling to get over your hurt and fear. I felt the same way-that I would never be with a man again. I went to an excellent therapist which I think was essential. I know everyone says that but it helps. You still have alot to work through if things like couples and movies make you cry etc. Again I was the same.
Now here's the funny part. My therapist put me in a group and I met my new husband there! (he was going through a divorce as well)SO there is hope even for those who really stuggle with it. Best of luck to you-