Daen -
I have 5 year old twins and one is on the spectrum. I understand that tricky balance. I actually think both feelings are productive. I have done a lot of soul searching here, as well, and I think it is positive to not give up - to work to help them, as long as it is a respectful process, and we are accepting and loving them no matter what happens. In the beginning, I just expected that therapy would do the the trick, and I did not at all understand what I was up against. However, my son has made truly amazing progress, so great things can be accomplished.
I do not know of a support group, per say, but I would be willing to talk if you need someone. Also, we do floortime therapy and biomedical intervention, and I do know other parents that do the same. We often meet monthly to talk, etc. Let me know if you are interested.
R. Setlak