Losing My Mind!

Well I don't have much advise to offer, I just want to let you know that you are so not alone on this issue, My daughter is 2 and she is exactly the same. Her problem started around 18 months also, temper tantrums are horrible and that combined with bad sleeping patterns just make them unbearable, I would like to tell you it gets better as they age, but my cousins boy is 3 1/2 and still has ear busting tantrums. I find sometimes I just need to put her in her room and let her scream it out, once she starts to calm down I will enter her room and try and talk to her rationally and always make her apologize to me or my husband and give me a hug or kiss, other times its just because she is tired so I let her scream it out until she falls asleep, then she wakes up pleasant and cooperative. so far its worked most of the time, mostly its just time for me to calm down before I react in anger and gives her time to calm her self out of her self induced hysterics. Good luck, H.

K. I feel for you! I have a 2 year old that is VERY outgoing and a 3 month old baby. I dont really have any advice for you but I just wanted you to know that there are others out there :) I really wish you the best of luck. Especially when the baby is born you will need LOTS of help to keep sane! Sorry if this wasn't much help I just know I like to here that other moms aren't perfect too :)
Best of Luck,
K.

I have a very strong willed daughter whose favorite word seems to be "no." She is almost 2. She screams when she doesn't get her way. She wants to do everything herself and she will start screaming even if you just ask if she wants help. She wants what she wants when she wants it! She started this at about 18 months. I put her in the naughty spot (the hallway) when she won't listen for 1 minute and then go and het her out. I always explain first why she has to go there and then when I get her out I tell her again and we do hugs and kisses and everything is fine. I ignore her if she throws a tantrum because she wants me to give in and I won't do it! If you really think this is something that isn't normal, you might want to go to a doctor and explain the behavior. A doctor might be able to at least help with the sleeping. Trust me, you want to have a method that works before the next one comes along. My son is 4 and a half months and sometimes I feel like I need extra hands because I am breast feeding him and I need to take care of my daughter, too. Sometimes I have to put my son down to put my daughter in timeout then finish feeding him when my daughter is out of the naughty spot. But you've got 2 months to get a plan in place. Good luck!!

Yes, this is just the age, and also the personality of your little boy. I have a strong willed boy, now 4, and it does get better, I promise! Set very strong guidelines, don't be afraid to put him in time out (he's not too young for 1-2 minutes of time out in a controlled environment) and reward him when he does the right thing. This age is hard because they are not verbal enough to tell you what they need or want. Also you could use some humor to diffuse the situation--make a funny face when he gets mad, or throw your own fit when he throws his--he is mostly just frustrated and needs to blow off steam. Also, while you may not have enough money to do some early preschool or hourly day care to give you a small break during the day, maybe you could find a mom to swap babysitting with? Anyone with kids at a similar age would be willing to do it, and the social interaction and play would help your little boy a lot. Also any physical activity to wear him out will help. Try something new with the sleep problem--change his bedroom, let him sleep on the floor, try pushing it forward a half hour, anything to make it new for him, and it might help distract him. He's probably getting ready to take his next big step as a child--usually they regress and get frustrated when a big advancement is coming. And remember that in no time at all, he'll have a little brother to play with, which will help you out a lot!!

First, hang in there---this too shall pass. Second, if your open to alternative remedies you might want to try a homeopathic to get him to sleep. Calms Forte for kids by Hyland's is a good one (my son has never been a great sleeper either). For you try calm drops by historical remedies (you can get them at vitamin cottage or whole foods). I used these with my recent pregnancy (8 weeks old now) and it really help me maintain my emotions. screaming baby--gotta go good luck

oh I could have written your post!! lol. It's my dd though. She fights sleep lately. I sing a song "it's time to go to bed, it's time to go to bed hi-ho the (dd)-O its time to go to bed" to the farmer and the dell...even if she is screaming as I take her upstairs. I then ask her if she would like to sleep right side up or upside down. the first time I did she just stopped and looked at me...so I put her pillow at the foot of her bed and said upside down? then put it up top, right side up? she said side down. and lay down. so I use that one, as well as giving hugs and kisses to her baby and bear that she sleeps with and if she is still crying I say "bear would like to take his nap now" we call bedtime nap too... sometimes that works, sometimes not. we say prayer, and sometimes I just have to hold her hand while she is throwing a fit. She will ask for anything to not go to bed. I say oh, I'm sorry sweetheart, it's naptime--when you wake up you can eat/drink/whatever it is...I do put her down with a sippy with a little water though. she'll ask for a snuggle to not go to bed and I say "mommy would love to snuggle you and if you are done crying I will for a bit" if she keeps crying I leave. It depends on my mood too though--some days when I am just worn out and at the end of my rope when dh is here we tag team but since he isn't right now I tell her mommy is just so tired, and we both need sleep. I love you. I kiss her and I go. I think it is better for her to cry than for her to see mom get upset. sometimes I take the timeout (why do kids get that luxery? haha) When I am hitting the end of my rope I take a time out in the bathroom. I have to shut my bedroom door and the bathroom door sometimes for a few minutes just so I can regain my sanity. other days I have to just put her in her room until the fit is over. I don't have any real answers just what I am doing, and to say thanks for your post, I have been reading other answers hoping to get some more arsenal for me!! Good luck, hang in there. You're a good mom--or you wouldn't be looking for answers! (((((((((((((K.))))))))))) Let me know if you happen to find the "cure"!! lol

My suggestion, along with all the others, would be to watch her diet. Limit her treats to only one per day, and make them healthy. You can also use the treat for a bribe and take it away if she throws a fit, or no dessert after dinner.

When you go to the park give her some kind of time warning (3 more times down the slide, or 2 more minutes, etc.), and if she throws a fit when it's time to go, she misses the next play date. Take away things that "hurt".

What worked for me was a squirt bottle. They train cats this way, so it's not "mean". Just squirt in the face once and leave the tantrum until they learn that screaming that way is not acceptable.

I think all kids 18 month to 3 years show the lovely "terrible twos", but I think the "terrible threes" are worse. My oldest was just like yours at that age, and I don't know how many times I called my Mom in tears. She said "never give in". Stick to the rules.

Hang in there. Hope you find what works for you soon. They eventually do come out of it.

I totally feel for you. My 2 year old throws a fit at everything and anything. He hits me, pulls my hair and scratches my face. I've tried to ignore the bad behavior and reinforcing the good. Every time he does something without a fight I say "you are such a good boy for mama" and he gets excited. I think if you constantly focus on the bad you'll end up yelling all day which is not good for either of you. We have good days and bad days, but they are so precious that even the bad days are a blessing to have them (at least I keep telling myself that.) Good Luck!

I've had this same type of issue with my middle daughter and I am happy to report she is great now.....
Even though your son is 18 months old, he is very intelligent and comprehends much more than you think....with that said, discuss with him your plans to do XYZ and the consequences of his behavior....if your a good boy, we will stay and play for awhile, but if your a bad boy, we will come home and you will have time out in your room, a nap, or whatever disciplinary action you chose.....same type of scenario for bedtime....if your a good boy, mommy will read you a book or you can take bear to bed with you.....but if your a bad boy,then.....
you get the idea.....
Children need boundaries and the sooner those are established and understood the easier your job as a parent becomes. It will not be easy at first, but stay strong and DO as you say you will. Children are very intelligent and remember what you say and do and if they figure out that your words are empty and you won't do XYZ, then you've lost the battle and it is very difficult to regain their respect and attention in regards to discipline. Invest in a good pair of earplugs as well; this helps to cope with the screaming until he learns that it is inappropriate behavior. The less you react to his behavior while removing him from the situation, the less he will do it and eventually it should stop.
A.-mom of 3 (16, 12, 7)

As they say...this too shall pass. My son has always been difficult to handle. In my sons case it is because he has a difficult time communicating...he knows what he wants but he is unable to communicate it to others efficvevely. He just takes some time and I have to limit his activities because he gets frusterated easily. This is not uncomon...you will make it through. It might seem worse than what it is because you are pregnant too!

How well I remember being in a very similar spot!!! I was also 7 months pregnant and had a very strong willed 18 month old and wondered how I'd ever cope with the child I had let alone the child I would soon add. Thankfully, for us, it really was just a phase. By the time the new baby came home my 1 1/2 yr old had moved into a very sweet phase. To cope unitl then, I tried to get my husband to help out more, when he still couldn't give me what I needed, I relied heavily on friends I made in play group. They'd atleast give me the reassurance that I needed while my terror tore up their houses or mine. I even started looking into day care once a week just because I needed a break from her so badly! I hope that this period is also only temporary for you. My girls are 2 1/2 and 11 months now and we've moved on to new phases of challenges but I'll never forget how truly overwhelmed I was at that stage of life. Good luck! Go easy on yourself and ask for help! This too shall pass. (One other quick tip - I made my daughter take a 'quiet time' every day whether she napped, tore up her room or whatever just so that I could have a few minutes away from her. She eventually relied on this period to regroup too and I even occasionally got to nap!)
Andee

You need to find some help and soon. Children in general are challenging...that's their job. Your job as mom is to love them unconditionally while guiding them through their development with consistent and level-headed discipline. My daughter has a 17 month old and has gotten some really good tips on how to discipline a child that age from Jo on the Nanny 911 TV series. Have you talked to your pediatrician about your son? Have you read any child development books (Dr. Sears has several very good ones out)? Do you have family, (parents, siblings,etc) who can help with a little child care and give you a break every now and then? Some churches or community centers will have 'drop in day care' available, which really helps young children become more socialized. Your very first sentence started out "I feel so guilty..." Please try to lose the guilt! It's an empty emotion and has absolutely no redeeming value! Feeling guilty will stall your efforts to find a solution. You probably have great anxiety about having another child in a couple months when you haven't been able to resolve some of your son's behavior issues. Having a 'strong will' is a great thing in our world and will serve your son well when he's older. But he does need to be taught how to be civil and respectful to those around him. Do some investigation and find some techniques that you can stand behind, then be patient, calm, firm, consistent and loving with your boy..if you feel like you're going to blow up, call someone who can watch him for a couple hours so you can 'recharge'. Kids that age are like sponges, and will soak up everything they see and hear around them. If you're a basket case with him, he'll simply mirror that behavior back to you. Take a deep breath, and hang in there. Helping your son resolve his issues now may not be easy, but it is totally do-able. Good luck!

K.,

The most valuable thing I can say is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! Please make sure you find a mom's group that organizes playgroups. It was the biggest help to me. First of all it gave me grown ups to talk to and second it made me see that other people's kids do the same thing. You can also get ideas as to how other people handle it. Also try to find a group that meets that offers childcare so you can have a break. I use to put myself in time out. I would just put them in their room where I knew it was safe and go where I couldn't hear the screaming. I know it's terrible right now but it will get better!!!! Two groups that I know of are the highlands ranch mothers and more association. You can find them on line or contact me and I will dig up a phone contact. It's a great group of women! The other I can suggest is at my church. I run the ST Andrews MOms Bunch. We meet the 2nd and 4th Mondays of the month and childcare is provided from ###-###-####. My email is ____@____.com if you would like to contact me directly.

HANG IN THERE and tell yourself........THIS TOO SHALL PASS THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!

First of all it sounds like you need a break. Is anyone available to maybe take your son for a weekend or a day to allow you to get yourself back together. You sound so upset and your emotions are feeding your little boy. You need to stop and get yourself together. Do you have family or friends that could be a resource. After you eliminate your stress you really need to focus on consistance with your little boy. I do not live in your home so I don't know if you are already doing this. It may be difficult at first but if you can hang in there then it will be well worth the efforts. Do you have a consistent bedtime? Start a routine with your son. He may not go to bed for the first few nights but you need to consistently tell him it is bedtime and take him to bed. If you cannot handle this you need to enlist help from your husband. I know that he works but your emotions sound like you may snap if you don't enlist help and that is only going to hurt your family. Try bathing him and then using a calmin lotion after his bath. Read a story and then tuck him into bed. I sit in the room quietly with my children for five minutes not acknowledging them but they have the comfort to know that mommy is there. If he gets out of bed put him back in and say it is bedtime. After five minutes I leave the room. If he comes out take him back to bed and again tell him that it is bedtime. It took me two nights but my two year old does not get out of bed anymore and rarely do I have to soothe him to sleep unless he is sick. It allows me to go to bed at a certain time also. Set up a schedule so he has consistancy. Do you eat, play and nap at regular times. You are the parent and you have to set limits. This will go on until he is raised. Choose your battles because consistancy is the key and if you give in he will continue to walk all over you and that is not pretty when they hit their teenage years. Set up your punsishment. It doesn't have to be harsh but it should fit the action. Don't punish when you are angry take a deep breath and assess the situation what conseequence is appropriate for the action. Time outs should be 1 minute for evey year your child is. After time out discuss why the child made a poor choice and let him know that it was his choice that caused the consequence not mommy's anger. Tell him your expectations for his behavior. He may be young but you will be surprised at how much a little one can comprehend, that is why he is battling with you. He knows he can cause a reaction and I really think he is feeding into your emotions and he may be a little afraid of how the new baby is going to effect his family. Good luck! Please seek some help so you can help your son.

Yep - just hang in there! I have a daughter who is now 8, she has been. . . challenging ... that's a good word for it, since the get go. Not that she's a peice of cake now, but when I was pregnant with the second, and she was much littler it was so much harder. Don't forget your reaction to them is half the battle. I still take time outs for myself, and tell her, - wow, I'm getting frustrated, I need to calm down. She needs the example, and I need the 10 seconds. I also used to read lots of parenting books so you know you're not alone, and take peoples positive advice (and try to leave the rest!) I like to think that some day when she's an adult, that strong willed behavior will be a positive.

Good luck, and it does get easier!

Your child may have a'sensory processing disorder". There is a great amount of information on the web re: this, and there are quite a few resources in the Denver area. Go to the 'search' area on your computer and type in 'sensory processing disorder resources in Denver, Colo". There is help - and hope for your child, and your family, no matter what the issues are.

The book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth is a great resource. Start with that and go from there...I also think you might benefit from seeing if he is having any issues developmentally that contribute to his disregulation (communication, sensory processing disorder, etc.) Just a thought...

Yes, it is the age. I know that doesn't help in the moment, but just be reassured that this will pass! You are right about needing good sleep, I know I'm cranky if I'm over-tired too. I would first work on that, get more naps, earlier bedtime, whatever you can do to get him more sleep. I think once that happens, the rest will fall into place on its own.

It's really difficult to advise you because you don't talk about how you relate to him or deal with him when things get tough. I have four children, the youngest is now 10 and the oldest is 22. I had very few temper tantrums while raising my children, but I allowed them a lot of space to do what they wanted to do. I'm not talking about spoiling them or letting them run the show, but when they wanted to do something or wanted to test limits, I really let them go as far as they wanted to go if they were not in danger or hurting anyone else. I fit my life into their schedule and their needs, rather than fitting them into mine (usually). Relaxing into the understanding that children, especially willful children, have their own agenda, but they are exploring and learning all the time...they don't watch a clock, they don't have any limits, and when someone is trying to stop them from doing what they feel they need to do, they feel they need to fight against that. The "battle" you mention is him wanting one thing and you wanting another. How important is what you want vs. what he wants. Again, not seeing how the two of you interact makes it impossible to give good advice here - I'm just suggesting that you look at what is causing the battle to see if you can loosen the leash a little and give him more time, space and freedom to do what he feels he needs to do, rather than imposing your limits on him. I hope I'm not sounding judgmental here...that's not my intention. I just know that with my kids, freedom to explore, to try new things, to push it to the limit, allowed them to become free-thinking, adventurous, curious human beings who hardly ever felt the need to resist me and what I was asking of them because they had a lot of freedom. Being clear about your limits is good...it's just important not to have so many limits that the child feels like you're always stopping him from doing what he wants or needs to do.

T.

K.,

You need to be firm with him. Set up boundarys on whats acceptable behavior, and what is not. The most important thing you can do is explain to him that its not ok to act this way and eliminate him from the situation. Both my kids have a very hard time with a transition into a new activity for some reason, also ending one. Expecially when they know they are leaving, try changing the subjct when you see a meltdown. Like picking a flower on the way back home or to the car. Bringing a wagon, or a favorite toy so he knows hes not leaving anything behind. I wouldnt suggest letting him know your getting frustrated, I know this is hard but don't let it get to you. Try just to laugh it off, because EVERY parent goes through this. I promise it will get better.

With my daughter she was really big on laying on the ground to throw her fit, or to start back talking (at age 1). All it would take is for me to grab her hand, tell her to knock it off and be very firm in my tone and she would be fine with it. On the other hand her father could never handle it that well. :) Shes another story for him!

My son was terrible with this, even playing with the neighbors when he was that age turned into meltdown mode. Id take him into the house kicking and screaming in football hold everynight just to get him in the house. And still to this day he throws a fit leaving a park or anything fun, I just tell him how it is. I put my foot down and let him vent or get upset byhimself. I don't pay any attention to him when hes upset, only when hes ready to talk about it on his time. Boys are pretty bullheaded in doing what they want to do. I know :) Oh, One thing I did try with my son when he was upset because he couldnt hear me he would scream so loud, is to touch his face and talk to him while I was sitting on my knees. It was a comfort thing, and got his attention to listen to me.

Your doing a goob job mom, just keep it up and TRY to let it not get to you. Being a parent is the hardest test life can throw at you sometimes.

First of all you are not alone! I have had many a day where I wanted to pull my hair out! I highly reccomend Love and Logic, they have lots of books and you can go online and find a workshop to attend as well. It is all about giving the kids as many decisions to make as possible so when a really imporatnt decision needs to be made they are more likely to go along. So like when you are at the park ask your son when he wants to leave but phrase it something like this " do you want to swing for 5 minutes and then slide 5 times or something to that affect. Make it like a game. I know how tired you must feel now and the love and logic is a great tool! Good luck!

There are no quick fixes, I think. I can recommend giving choices, little ones like which shirt/pants/jacket to wear, what to eat between cereal and eggs, giving a time limit for the park and setting a watch or phone alarm, little choices and lots of talking about the plan and how the child must feel (i.e. if tantrum-ing "you must feel so MAD that mommy won't let you..." or "it's SAD to leave the park 'cause we like it SO much, bye-bye park, we'll see you next time, we had so much fun at the park!") ALSO, making a point of commenting on good behavior, "Thank you for holding mommy's hand, I know your safe when you hold my hand."

I really enjoy the book by Ames & Ilg, YOUR ONE YEAR OLD. These things worked with my little girl, gonna be 2 in a couple weeks, just purchased YOUR TWO YEAR OLD---it took a lot of practice and patience on my part, the results have been great.

I try to remember how hard it must be to be small, have no real control over my environment, and not understand what emotions are racing through. You are doing a good job pregnant with a toddler! Keep on truckin'!

A.

p.s. The other day I found a new strategy for leaving the park: After my phone chimed 'time's up', I gave her a choice to be carried or walk to the car, we explored all the way back to the car with hardly a complaint at all, worked like a charm...but then we didn't have anywhere to BE either. When everything is on Toddler Time it's got to be flexible!

Wow! Take a deep breath and try to relax! I know it can be tough - believe me! I have three boys!!! I think that they feed off our stress! I don't have the answers ~ do any of us really? Just take a moment and try to enjoy the little things like the messy faces and the extra "I love you" when they want to stay up late, and don't worry or stress about the things that aren't going to matter 10 - 15 years from now! I don't always know what to do but just please know - you're not alone :) D

Hi K.

I do feel your pain and I too have a 22 month old that does not want to listen as well as she wants the control over everything we possibly do. When she started to get to whiney and uncontrollable I would give her the option to either stop or it would be a timeout in the crib. ( she knew the difference between nap time and a time out by if there were any toys in there) 3 out of 5 times I used a time out close to her nap time she was out cold. The time outs would last until she calmed herself down. I would give her 5 minutes when I went in there I would explain why the time out occurred and ask her if she was done with what ever put her there. Now when she acts up I can usually say crib timeout and she starts to adjust.

If the child isn't used to the crib I would recommend you using something else for a time out like a pack in play or a chair so they won't fear the crib at night.
I hope this helps and gl

Never feel guilty about your feelings, children are wonderful, but can be very difficult to understand. You mention that your son is not a good sleeper and is visibly needing more of it. There can be lots of reasons for this and usually it is not only one thing. You might consider consulting a nutritionist, just to see if there are any foods that contribute to the problem. Also, consider asking a neighbor/friend/family member about the possibility of doing some "trade" time, where he/she can take your son while you do errands or other things for them. The time with another adult may decrease your sons likelihood of having a tantrum, and therefore, his overall mood might be better when you are with him. The most difficult part of dealing with a child who is strong willed, is not letting our own emotions take over the reactions. Try and remember that the more "diplomatically" you respond to his behavior, the less likely it will be to escalate. This may mean giving your self a "time-out." Briefly state to your son that you will be there to help him when he is calm - and then leave the room. Less is better on the verbal part - also it is helpful to demonstrate what "calm" means - point it out when he is being calm and say "I like your calm voice...I like your calm body...I like how your face tells me you are happy...etc."

Most importantly, remind yourself that you are doing the BEST job there is and it is absolutely okay to feel frustrated and ask for help.

Read the book Making the Terrible Twos Terrific. You can probably check it out at the library too. It has great
practical information and ideas that you can use right away.
It is also a very easy read. When my kids were 2 I read it
and it helped alot!

I would like to recommend you read a book called "Raising Your Spirited Child." It's great and I think it will really help you, because it's helping me, and it focuses on the positive. It's by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. You'll love it and get a few laughs, too.

Parenting Magazine had a great article on this in the March 2008 issue. It was talking about how kids demand and why they need discipline and structure, and how to provide it.

It went through so many different scenarios... at the playground, in a restaurant, bedtime, playing with friends, etc. You can probably find it in your local library or they can order it for you.

Clear boundaries make them feel safe and secure. Also, they have to learn appropriate socially acceptable behaviors. We were all taught to whisper in libraries and scream at sporting events. If we don't teach them they will use whatever is most effective for getting what they want.

Being a SAHM is the most difficult thing. Sounds like you need a break. Your husband needs to take his turns. You need to find another mom to do trades with. Or get a babysitter. It's normal for your kids to drive you crazy. I am also a SAHM --- but I also work VERY part-time. Not for the money --- for my sanity. You need an outlet. Maybe exercise? Just find something that you can escape to on a regular basis. There are lots of books out there for sleep habits and strong-willed children. Check them out and find something that works for you. You're not alone.

You have received many wonderful ideas, but I would like to add one thought.
Look into sleep apnea... my son and nephews all had it. It causes sleeping problems and as such most children that have it have some serious behavior problems. They aren't getting the sleep they really need to function. Some signs are snoring, waking up frequently, funny noises when they are sleeping etc. You can find lots of info on the web.
Just a thought, and every little idea is worth looking into!
Good luck and I know when my son was having issues with it, I just put him in a room and walked away for 10 minutes or so.
You are doing a great job I am sure!

Be strong. Your son is going through the stage that he wants to express himself but doesn't have the language. First take a deap breath and talk quitely. Tell him he needs to calm down because mom can't talk to him while he is screaming. Sit him in a room by himself and let him scream. If he comes out and he is still screaming take him back without saying anything. This will take time but he will stay. When he comes out tell him you love him and are glad to see he is in a better mood. As he gets older give him options to help. Pick out his shirt, green beans or corn for dinner. Easy choices that will make him feel big.

Tell him when you go to the park " we can only stay 20 minutes" and then give him a count down. 10 min, 5 min, 2 min. One more time down the slide and then we have to go. Then go. If you drag on then he will win and the next time will be harder. If he throws a fit... "next time we will not get to stay this long because of your fit" and don't. If he knows what you want then it will get easier. If you are going shopping. Tell him before going in " no treats today. mommy has a list we have to stick to" Let him find the applesauce so he feels big. IF he throws a fit ... walk your cart to the manager and tell them you will be back. Take your son out. tell him you had things to do but couldn't because of his fit. Once he calms down... go back.

It will not happen overnight, but if you stick to your guns, it will happen.

I have 3 kids 7-4-2 and work in a daycare. I have a ton of practice at this and the parents can't believe their kids behave for me when they don't for the parents. I stick to my guns.

Don't forget to breathe!

Hi Kathy,
Boy do I know what you mean! My first son was extremely strong willed to the point that I use to wonder what I was doing wrong for him to act that way!! My best advice is to get out without him at least 2 times a week if you are really frustrated. This will provide you with a break and a mom that is refreshed, is always more ready to tackle the next challenging situation. Babysitting is always an issue for me(we have 5 now), but it is possible if you are creative. Let daddy have him for an hour or so when he is home and do not feel guilty about it!! Meet with a friend for coffee, go to the library, get your hair cut, get a 30 min massage, join a club that you are interested in ect.. Just do something that you love and gets you interacting with other adults that speak English and not toddlerish!! HEe HEe! This will be even more important after the baby is born. Even if you can't leave the baby, still meet up with other adults-it does help! You are not alone, crazy, are wrong for feeling frustrated. Being the parent of a strong willed child is one of the hardest jobs there is. Read a good book about strong willed boys/toddlers for parenting advice and ways to keep your cool -this is where the library comes in : ) As a last resort if you need a break, take a time out yourself- light a candle, put on some soothing or inspiring music, take a bath (with him if you need to) or shower and just chill--- this stage will pass. My oldest is 12, still strong willed, but turning into a great kid!
Lots of luck.

Hi K.,
Don't feel bad one ounce for posting, and for feeling the way you do. It's very normal to feel this way when facing challenges and I think it's great you are looking for resources and other's suggestions to help you overcome the "phase". I truly believe that's what it is. My second child is 15 months and already I see similar behavior (which it's taking me for a loop, since my oldest daughter could not be any more different than her brother). My only suggestion is a wonderful book I came across a couple of years ago. Parenting with Love and Logic by Jim Fay. The books are easy and fast to read (in fact you could just read chapters related to your situation at a time). I've found it to be a respectful way to set boundaries, while keeping your sanity :) and helping your children become responsible and accountable for their actions by having consistent limits and by facing fair consequences to their actions.
Congratulations on the new baby, and I wish you well on overcoming this phase with your older boy.
Take care!

D.

I'm not sure if this will help your struggles with his strong will, but maybe it will help with bedtime. My son, now 5, never slept through the night until at 2 1/2 I just couldn't take it anymore. I worked full time and hadn't had a decent night's sleep in 3 years and was at my wits end. I went to Dave's Health and Nutrition in West Jordan and he recommended something called Child Calm. It's a non-habit forming herbal remedy you can give to children who have ADD but he recommended it for me to use only at night, to get him to sleep through the night.

It helped calm him down enough to relax enough to get a good night's sleep. When I woke up that first night 3 times to check on my peacefully sleeping son, I knew I had found the answer to my dilema! I continued to give it to him for a few weeks, just to get him in the habit of sleeping and then - he's never had it since and sleeps through the night just fine.

Like I said, I'm not sure if this would help with his daytime issues, but maybe if you go into the store and ask what they might recommend, if it's not the Child Calm - they may have something that would work even better for you!

Good luck!

We all feel like we will lose our minds somedays and even whole weeks and months sometimes. However your son is probably frustrated about the communication barrier and feels like you don't understand him. You probably feel he doesn't understand you either. It is part of the terrible twos that nobody tells really start 18 months and sometimes sooner.

You yourself need an outlet. Something you can do to not get so overwhelmed. Exercise, walking, scapbooking, etc... You had things you enjoyed before you had your child and you need to still have a release area. I loved to run, but it was really hard to get out and run with my child (now I have two) but I would get to the point I just needed to breath so I would put them in the stroller and we would walk... sometimes miles... the kids didn't mind and I got a break even if they were with me. With summer on the way it gets easier to get outside and get fresh air also. Just pick an outlet, even if it is a weekly (or daily) program on TV.

With the fits, somehow you need to create an understanding... I read a book the happiest toddler on the block, by Harvey Karp and found that many moms go through this and I wasn't alone. It gave example of communication breakdown between parent and toddler and then gave excellent example of how to make the communication work. My husband could have been in the book... when our oldest (he was more head strong) would through a screaming fit my husband would scream with him, not at the top of his lungs, just over my sons scream. He would stop after a few seconds generally and look at my husband like "you know what I am feeling" then we would have his attention back and try something else. We got to the point that park trips were not always a joy and realized that we had to prepare them to leave, let them know in advance we will be leaving soon.

With the sleeping the same kind of thing. My husband or I still go in a read a story and sing a song, prepare them for bed. Sometime we set a timer, when it dings, lights off. They are able to prepare for it. We also have given them a kid flashlight occasionally on nights they just didn't want to stay in bed, they tend to play with them till they fall asleep and then we turn them of.

I really recommend the Book "Happiest toddler on the Block" and if you are thinking ahead about the next little one how you can make it easier on yourself you might try the "Happiest baby on the Block" both are written by Harvey Karp, M.D.- My doctor recommended this book to me with our first child because he was a little head strong and we started applying it at about 4 months, it worked, but it worked even better with the 2nd child because we both started applying the simple principles from birth. I found both of the books at the public library were I lived at the time and loved the first so much I bought it when I was pregnant with my second child. I have only read the toddler one, not own it but it was great. He writes in a way that is captivating and you feel like he understands you personally even though the book is written for everyone. I am pregnant with our third and plan on reading the Happiest baby on the block again before delivery just for a refresher and it is entertaining. He gives simple solutions to what we see as major delimas.

I also have purchased a sign language video that I use to check out from the library that my two boys have loved. It really helped with the communication barrier. Again I wish I had started with my older child earlier, but don't regret it at all. It really helped in our communication. Alot of the screamming and tantrum were about wanting more or wanting something else that they couldn't really say and as we applied the signlanguage instead of screamming they would sign more or milk not water, play not sleep... It has really helped with tantrums and also there langauge skills in general. My two year old still signs some, but loves to talk. My four year old was thrilled that he knew what his brother wanted before he could talk and loved to try and teach his little brother signs. I used "signing times" and loved them, we eventually bought the first three of the series because when we moved we couldn't get them at our new library.

Good Luck-Write me if you need to vent or have questions....

Read this book,

'Raising your Spirited Child' by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

So much great information for the 'spirited child'. I have one too, he is now eight.

a couple more things I have learned.

-give choices when things are going well.
-always give up control when you don't NEED it. For example, if he wants to wear his jammies to the zoo, who does it hurt? give up battles for control when it does not affect his health or other people.
-definitely be firm with bedtimes and naptimes. Have him in bed by 7:30 pm.
-cut t.v. way down if not out (all screen time, including video games, computer.) Research has shown that it is actually stimulating, and can interfere with sleep. Less than one hour a day.
-give him plenty of one-on-one interaction. Leave the housework for later. He will be better behaved if his emotional and physiological needs are being met.
-when he seems ready to overload, cut down on distractions. Read to him, rock him with quiet music or let him play alone for a bit.
-VERY IMPORTANT- people don't realize how blood sugar plays into behavior. Make sure he is getting a carb/protien balanced snack or meal every 3 hours.
-finally, check into food sensitivities. Has his skin broken out after introduction of certain foods? Did he start getting a constantly runny nose after you introduced milk? Did you give him a food for the first time when his sleep patterns took a turn for the worse?

Hope this all helps, hang in there and scream along with him if you have to - I have.

A.

Hang in there, it will get better. I am about to have my 5th but I think my hardest time as a mom was just beofre the birth of my second and the 6 months following that. There is a great book called, "Raising your spirited child". It helped me a lot with my firstborn who was so intense. I came to appreciate her intensity instead of wishing she were another way. You can do this. We all feel like we are losing our mind some days- sometimes multiple times a day!:)

Don't feel guilty! Like it or not, we all go through these feelings from time to time. My son is 3 1/2 and still struggles with outtings and home schedules. He started acting up about the same age as yours and it continues to be a challenge everyday. I tell you this not to discourage you, but to inform you that there are plenty of other moms out there that are begging to be deaf and going bald as well. I would suggest limitting your time in public places, especially with being pregnant, the stress and physical exertion are just not that safe for you when the fits start. Next, I would tackle the sleep issue, try music, movies, a new snuggle toy or blanket, sleeping with him, reading, patting backs, rubbing faces, a timer......whatever you can find to comfort him and get him geared to appreciate sleep! Spend your last trimester completing this task so you may have some peace before the new one comes!
I had my youngest son when the "unruly" one was 2 1/2. I don't think I have ever recovered. Thankfully the baby is wonderful, laid back, and perfectly content in public. It will get better! Hang in there and best of luck to you.

K....
When I was a nanny for 3 years, I had a very strong-willed little girl that I cared for. I too was getting to the end of my rope so I went to the library and checked out "Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It SAVED my job! I read the whole thing cover to cover in just a few days, and every few pages I would think, "Oh, that's why she is throwing a fit! That makes sense." Then it would offer creative and manageable solutions. After using the book as a guide for two months, the mom asked me if I was doing anything different with Diana because she was so much better behaved. I told her about the book. At first she was skeptical, but then she read it, and boom, with both the parents and with me using some of the techniques it was like having a whole other kid! Now, Diana was only 4 when this happened, but the book works for any age. I hope it can help you as much as it helped me. Now, that I am a new mom I am glad that I had the experience, even though it was very challenging at times.

Good luck!!
A. :)

Well, I am almost at this stage I think...YOU have to be strong and stick to things you say. Have boundries. Amazingly, kids do better with structure. Sleep is a big problem if he is not getting enough. I know my daughter is a nightmare if she does not get sleep. Look, take a day where you all are just at home, maybe even a weekend! We do that at least once a month and it seems to help.

I have never been a firm believer in staying home because your child does not know how to act. He has to learn some how. The biggest obsticle is to make sure he does not get attention for the fits or tantrums he throws. You may want to get the book Parenting with love and logic. It is great and teaches you to give them choices and stick to them.

I just joined a great place for kids. It is called My Gym. (Vickers and Academy in Colorado Springs) We went on Saturday and my daughter had a great time. She was able to do what she wanted and spend some time with mom and others. Maybe getting him in a program is what he needs now to keep his attention on something else. You never know, if you guys start going it is something that will become important to him and you can use it as a crutch.

We also go swimming every Sunday at Cottonwood Recreation center and it seems to chanel my daughters energy to something she likes.

Let me know if you want anymore information on these things and I will be glad to help. I also think kids can sense change and there is a BIG change coming. Stay positive and give him as much attention as possible because it will be harder in a couple of months! Congrats on the new one! Good Luck!

J. S

Hi. I'm sure you are so frustrated at this point! Here's my thought...if there is a not enough sleep element, I suggest the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Mark Weissbluth. You gotta stick to it really consistently, but it is very successful.

I see you have already gotten a lot of good advice so I'll keep this brief. My son was the same way, only he also stopped learning new words. This was when I knew there was a problem. He had a age specific type of autism. Thankfully he grew out of it between the ages of 4 & 5. Watch his interactions with other children does he play well or likes to play on his own more? Is he speaking in two word scentenses? Behavior problem that begin to effect your life like this could be signs of a deeper problem. I called a group in our state called Early Intervention. They help special needs kids with autism, downsyndrom, hearing loss ect. Ask your childs doctor he should know of whom in your state assists kids with special needs if you suspect a deeper problem. They will usually come to your home and test your child for any suspected problems.It never herts to have them check. Although they never officially diagnosed my son, he had sever enough behavor problems to qualify for some help and with their help and specially trianed skills we all made it though those ruff years.
My son is now an above average eight year old in the 2nd grade!
Good luck and God bless.

Do you have a set schedule for your son? I found that at that age the more my son knew of the schedule the better behaved he was. I would give him a half an hour of warnings of what was going to happen next for activities. Like, Okay, today we are going to the store, to the library and then we'll have lunch. I break it down and give him warnings about when things will happen. He might not like change that he is unprepared for. Good luck!!!

Don't feel bad at all!! I'm a mother of 3 now. I just had a little girl 3 months ago. I UNDERSTAND!!!! The other 2 girls will be 8 and 3. I swear my 8 year old thinks she is still 2 sometimes. When I was pregnant I told my fiance I had to get away from them because I am starting to hate my children. I felt like the worse mother every for feeling that way. It has gotten a little better our 3 year old is just at that age but our 8 year old acts like our 3 year old and its very frustrating!! Anyways, when he does be have PRAISE him!!! It seems like when we ignore our 3 year old when she act like that she will stop and behaves a lot better then when we say something. Just hang in there, try to get a break once in a while, it helps!!!

DON'T YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR ONE MINTUE!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so sorry you have a difficult spot right now! But really, don't allow yourself to feel guilty. Mothering is one of the most wonderful blessings, and also the most magnificent trial! Find a strategy that fits with what you want to accomplish (I really like the TV show Supernanny...but that may not be the approach you want to take) and be consisent. Remember; you are bigger, you are stronger, and you will win. Praying for you!

Hi K.,
I just pulled out a book, yesterday, that I got while pregnant, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers. It offers helpful tips and made me feel like there are techniques out there worth trying that help to ease the so called "stages". Just dusted off an egg timer too this morning for helping with some transition times so the "ding" is different than mommy or daddy saying it's time to change activities, etc. We have an almost 2 year old and there are definitely trying times when we think a fun outing should go well and then it doesn't or some days seem like a battle from the start. Anyway, another book I've heard good things about is The Happiest Toddler On The Block. I hope you can find a few new ideas that work. When I take a few moments and put the toddler stages into perspective, it's really a huge developmental time where all we can continue to offer is patience, love, extra hugs and kisses. Little ones have so much to learn and get adjusted to. All my best to you and your family!!

Been there. Don't feel bad. You love your son, no doubt, but you are in a challenging situation. My advice is this: get some support. Talk to friends. Talk to family. Sometimes it is especially hard to ask for help from friends/spouse when you are having such a hard time. Do it anyway, even if you feel like you shouldn't have to.

Ask friends to come to your house to play with your son. If they have other children who can play with him, even better. It's a play date! Ask your husband to take you son to play in the yard for a while when he gets home so you can have some quiet time.

Last trimester of pregnancy can be exhausting physically and emotionally. Take good care of yourself during this time as much as you can, and you will be better able to deal with your child. Eat food you love that nourishes you. Take naps. Steal 30 seconds here and there for prayer and/or meditation. Find other moms to talk to who understand how hard it is to do this job you are doing. Then talk to them.

M.O.M.S. Clubs, Mothers Circle, church groups, La Leche League (which welcomes pregnant moms who may not be nursing at the time), library story times: These are all places to find support and other moms who understand. If you need to take your kiddo to a meeting in his PJs with hair he wouldn't let you brush that morning, do it. Other moms will understand. Really.

One more thing that helped me: get outside. The weather is great, and somehow it's just easier to be with a cranky kid when there are not four walls around you. This too will pass.

Best of luck!

You mentioned that your son doesn't sleep well have you talked to your pediatrician about a possible sleep disorder such as sleep apnea. My 5 year old has never been easy to get to sleep but always seemed to sleep fine once I got him to sleep. He also had really large tonsils so his ENT docotr did an oxygen test where they send a machine home to see if he was getting enough oxygen while he slept. Come to find out his oxygen dropped several times during the night. For him they just took his tonsils out and he seems better. I know there are alot of sleep problems out there so I would definetely talk to your doctor, just so you can rule that out as a reason for his tantrums.

Being pregnant with a toddler is rough. You need to have your husband watch your son and you need to take a rest. I'm sure your son knows things are about to change and is also more clingy. He just might need extra hugs and kisses, also.

I also agree with Sandy F., you might want to Googel sensory integration disorder. My son has this and it can be very frustrating at times. He doesn't like noise, the swings, the slide, grass. So, for us going to the park is not fun, it is torture. When it is windy, he cries, when a siren is within 1/2 mile, he cries, loud car or motorcyles go by, he cries. Not just cries, but has an uncontrollable high pitched cry.

I had a child like that. Sometimes I didn't even like him! We now give him fish oil and took him off any food with color dyes (most processed foods). That completely fixed it! It was unbelievable.

Good luck!

K. Loidolt
Author Shopper's Guide to Healthy Living