Mama Needs Help to Reinforce Bedtime for Preschoolers

You need a routine.

At this age, a child needs to WIND-down first, before bedtime.
If horseplaying before bed, they cannot wind down.

1 HOUR, before the actual bedtime.... make things dark and quiet. I only leave on 1 lamp for example. It is a 'cue' that bedtime is coming up.
Verbally give them a head's up, that bedtime is coming up.
With them, wind-down.

You have to, set the stage so to speak. For bedtime. Make the atmosphere, quiet and dark. BEFORE, bed.
Don't wait until the actual bedtime, to get them ready.
Start 1 hour ahead of time.
THEN, that way, the actual bedtime... is more attainable.

You have to decide on a TIME... you want them to sleep.
8:00pm?
So start the getting ready for bed and the routine, BEFORE then. 1 hour ahead of time. Then the kids and you, are not rushed.
When kids are rushed or abruptly told "go to bed..." or "Bedtime now..." they don't have time to get ready.
YOU have to cue them.
YOU have to set the stage for it.
YOU have to tell them "wind-down... bedtime soon.... let's get ready..."

AND if you have to be in the room, while they get settled, then so be it.
That happens. Kids, need to be cued and nudged.

And you AND your Husband, can talk to them. Sit down and explain... that Daddy is not here at night for bedtime... and so, they AND Mommy, have to help each other etc.
Talk to them, as well, to get them situated on the situation.

My kids are now 5 and 9.
I have ALWAYS... 1 hour BEFORE their actual bedtime... gotten them into the bedtime routine, PRIOR to their actual bed time. Then we are not rushed or having battles about it.
And then they have time... to wind-down and getting ready for bed is more conducive, to doing it.

It will take 3-4 nights or as long as 10 days. Decide what your new routine is going to look like, then stick to your guns. Give them an inch and they will take a mile as they won't be happy about the new routine.

Our DS is 17 months old. Our routine consists of bath time, then milk in mommy's lap in the livingroom while we read 1 book. Sometimes he finishes the milk, sometimes he finishes the story, sometimes neither. He then gets up, turns around, and asks me to carry him to his crib. If he doesn't ask me, I nonetheless carry him to his crib. We say goodnight daddy, and goodnight to the fish. He tucks himself in, I put on the mobile, he smiles and I leave the room.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

You haven't done anything wrong!!! There's nothing wrong with anything you've done, you've just come to a place where you've decided it's not working for you anymore and you want to try something different.

Think about what time you want them to go to bed. Plan a bedtime routine, and do your best guess to count back wards what time you need to start. Make routine something that you feel comfortable with doing each day so that it's predictable. If you need to change it later you can, but it would be nice if you could try and stick with it for a week or two.

Write down on a piece of paper or posterboard or something, the time you will begin the routine and an estimate of when each new thing will happen. For example, ours says:

7:00 pm - Bath
7:30 pm - PJ's, pick out AM clothes, brush teeth,
7:45 pm - Read 2 books
8:00 pm - Bed

As I'm looking at those times, I realize we don't usually make 8:00, but we try. My oldest is learning to read and understand time, so it helps him as he learns. It also helps keep me and my husband on track.

Let them know before or during dinner that you will be starting a new routine tonight. She them the routine written down and point to each time and each task. Just be very matter-of-fact that this is the new routine and this is what you will be doing.

The first few nights you might want to sit in their room (or the hallway, if they don't share a room) while they fall asleep, just until they get comfortable. With my oldest I had to do this for awhile. After a couple of days I would leave the room for a few minutes and tell him, "Mommy's going to fold some clothes and I'll be right back." I really did come back. The excuses changed each night, and the time I was gone increased. After a few days we was already asleep. It wasn't long before I just said goodnight and left.

There are nights here and there when he makes excuses, but for the most part as long as I stick to the routine, we're good.

Good luck!!! Transitions are never fun, but they are so worth it. My youngest is so ready for me to transition him. I just don't feel like, so we haven't done it yet :-) Nothing wrong with anything you've done!

I agree with what others have said about having a routine and given that routine, backtrack and see when you should start the routine.

I found a couple things that help us move forward with the bedtime routine. One is taking it out of my hands. If it's not my decision, then the kids are less likely to balk about it. We have a tot clock that turns blue when it's bedtime, but I really have it set to turn blue 45 minutes before the desired bedtime. So, if they balk about it, I can say, "Go check the clock. It's blue. It's bedtime."

We've somewhat recently moved the kids to toddler beds. So we've had this issue where they want to sleep on the floor (it's padded) instead of their beds. We want to break that habit, so we are instituting a new technique now. We tell them that if they sleep in the bed, we will stay with them in the room for a while. If they want to sleep on the floor, then we will leave. It's worked for 3 nights now. Eventually, we'll have to work on not staying in the room, but it's worth it to us right now to encourage them to sleep in the beds.

If you think a sudden change to everything will be difficult, you can try to find ways to ease into it. Or find things that give them choices, but the desirable choice is the one you want them to have. When we encounter a particularly bad toddler moment, we offer them the choice of sleeping alone in the playpen in another room. After a few minutes of doing that, they usually come around. :-)

If you can incorporate some bit of choice or control for the kids into it, you may have an easier transition. For example, do you want to brush your teeth first or get into your pajamas? Or pick 2 stories that you want to read before bed. Or do you want the red pajamas or the green ones? Of course if they decide not to choose, then you choose for them.

My kids do well with timers. If one wants to do something before bed, I might say, "Set the timer for 5 minutes. When the timer is done, we are going potty and putting your pajamas on." Then I remind him a couple of times what we are doing and how much time is left. When the timer is over, I take him to the bathroom. If he complains, I say, "The timer went off. It's time to go to the bathroom and get our pajamas on." Then, as with the tot clock, it's not mommy's decision....it's the timer's.

We read books to the kids before bedtime. We had trouble getting them to accept turning out the lights so we started "flashlight book". We turn out the lights, hand them flashlights and we read one or two books with the lights out. Then when we are done, we have them turn off the flashlights and the room is already dark.

Initially, you might have to really stick to your guns and may take some practice to meet your desired bedtime, but if you stay consistent, they should come around.

I would think about what you want to do for bedtime and then start doing it. It may take a week or so but if you are consistent, you will get less and less resistance. You might start with something like the TV has to sleep by x time, no movies, no tv shows.

My DD goes to bed later than some kids, but when she was 2ish, she was pushing 11PM, so 9:30 is a big improvement. She also has the luxury of sleeping in vs some other kids that are up at 6 or 7. So...anyway, what we started doing was getting a schedule. We finish dinner around 7:30. She's in the tub around 8:15 and her bath runs 30 mins or less (DH lets her play longer). Around 9 she might ask for a small snack (something healthy, generally) and she gets a book if she's done around 9:15 or so. Then it's tooth brushing time. We try to get her into her bed by 9:30, prayers said, tucked in, lights out.

When she would get up a lot, we'd take her back and remind her that it was sleep time. She needed to stay in her bed. She has a comfort item, her bear, and she gets Bear instead of Mom or Dad, unless she has a nightmare. And even then, I hold her on the couch vs in her bed or in mine. If you take them to the couch, you can break the cycle of crawling into bed but still offering comfort. If I hold her on the couch, it's for a short duration (usually under 30 mins) and then I tuck her back in, asleep or not. Now, I'm far from perfect (we had a couple of months where DH found us asleep on that couch) but overall it works for us. Try to make bedtime positive time (like making a game of being tucked in) and try to stay calm if they get upset at first.

It's predictable enough that when we read her stories, the cats start pacing because they know that dinner is coming soon.