Some background: My daughter will be 3 in January. My son is seventeen months older than her. They go to daycare (I work full time). He takes one nap at school that is around an hour...this has greatly improved. He takes 2 naps at home usually. Conversely, my daughter takes a really good nap at daycare (almost 2 hours) but at home on weekends won't nap. My son goes to bed at 7 or a little before and sleeps until we wake him (around 7). My daughter is currently the issue. She is a precocious girl and I know right now she's testing boundaries. We try to get her to bed around 7:30 but usually it's more like 8...she usually then sings until 9 or so. This bugs me because I know she needs her sleep and she can be difficult in mornings. But lately in the evenings she throws fits because she doesn't want to put pajamas on, or try to go potty before bed, or doesn't want us to turn off the tv (she watchs less than an hour a day)...and by the end of the day, I'm not at my most patient. I feel guilty that her tantrums make me angry...that I feel like I'm not teaching her good coping skills. My last resort is usually to threaten her to take her pacifier away (which she really only uses to sleep) and that makes me feel REALLY mean. This is the second day in a row that I've had these troubles at bedtime. I know it probably doesn't seem like a big deal but it's really bothering me. Are there some strategies to try to help bedtime go smoother? I appreciate any input you can give.
put her to bed before her older brother, or at the same time. You are missing her window of sleep and therefore she is going into the hyper stage. She is younger so needs much more sleep then he does, therefore her nap should be longer and her night time sleep the same as him.
I would say her singing to herself IS a good coping skill. One of my earliest memories is being sent to bed what felt like hours before I was actually able to sleep. I'd lay there in the dark, trying to find ways to amuse myself, and afraid to call for mommy if I felt thirsty or sick or had to pee, because she'd be mad at me. But I couldn't will myself to sleep. In fact, the harder one "tries" to sleep, the more elusive it tends to become.
It may be a biological clock thing set in the brain. I'm still a night person, getting most energetic between 8 p.m. and maybe 1 a.m., and if I go to bed early, I often still lay there for an hour or longer. I doubt that your daughter can help it. But next time you take her to the doc, ask about using melatonin. This natural brain hormone can help bring on sleep (I use it when I MUST get to sleep earlier), and some pediatricians think it's safe for children in tiny doses.
It can also be helpful to make sure children get a good, long exposure to natural daylight every day, which can also help regulate the natural production of melatonin. And NO BLUE LIGHT (like from TV and computer screens) within at least 2 hours of bedtime, because it delays the production of natural melatonin. Lots of physical activity during the day also helps some children unwind and sleep better at night.
Behaviors are strategies to get some legitimate need met. In children, these behaviors are generally spontaneous more than intentional, and often their strategies are pretty confounding and ineffective, because they don't have the life experience that increases the range of choices. So, if your daughter were able to actually feel tired and go to sleep at night, she wouldn't have such long, lonely times in the dark to look forward to (or dread), and will probably not fight going to bed so much.
Also, if you can empathize deeply with her desire to stay up and play, she'll feel more understood and listened to. At which point, kids are usually able to cooperate better with what must be. If they're NOT listened to with loving care, they feel constantly manipulated, controlled, rushed, and thwarted, and many self-respecting kids will struggle against that.
Find out more about this dynamic in the practical little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The authors have led parent workshops for decades, and they offer tips and techniques that really work.
Give her more time to "wind-down" before bed....
don't do any hyper activities or horse-play before bed.
Before bed time... PRIOR to the actual bedtime... start prepping already. ie: make the room calm, quiet, dark, boring. ONLY do quiet things... if she watches tv before bed, then make the room dark & turn off the lights. Make the volume low. Only put on a show that is not too stimulating. My son likes "Little Bear." for example. It calms him.
BEFORE the actual bedtime... verbally 'cue' her... tell her "after this show, it is bed time... " and before she settles down to her show, have her brush her teeth already and change into pajamas. Tell her she can only watch her show before bed, IF she changes into pajamas first and brushes her teeth. Or NO tv.
Some kids, NEED to wind-down first, before the actual bed time. It is a 'transition.' To the next step.
The important key thing is: to start the bedtime routine PRIOR to the actual bed time. Otherwise, things just gets later and later.... and let her wind-down prior, to the actual bed time.
This is what I do with both my kids. My son recently made 4 years old and my daughter just made 8 years old. I ALWAYS prep them for bed, BEFORE the actual bedtime. And, I turn off all the lights and make things quiet and that's it. They know that. It is the SAME routine, every darn night. They know it now, like autopilot.
all the best,
Susan
I can so relate as I worked full time when my kids were that age and by 7:00 you are shot. PJ's and a recliner is what you need - and kids who do not want to go to sleep is what you get.
If this has only been 2 days it sounds to me like she's going through a developmental stage. As kids finish one stage or prepare for another their sleep habits shift. She may also be at a point where she realizes that if she pushes to stay up she can spend more time with you.
Sounds like it's time to institute a new bedtime ritual. Start 15-20 min earlier if you can. Tell her in advance what you expect of her. Set up your expectations. Kids rise to your expectations of them. Tell her, I know you're getting to be a big girl and maybe you canget ready yourself. Do you think that you can? I do. So -if you go potty, and get in your pajamas, and do it really fast we'll have time to read this new book together. Who cares if her PJs on are backwards, or crooked. (You can always say - wow how cool you're wearing it backwards? That's so cool! - and if it gets uncomfortable she'll figure it out.)
Find a new bedtime book. Let her see it and show her one or two pages.
Mayve you can race to see who can get ready first - you or her. Of course, let her win. Then tell her you're so proud of her and now we get to read this special book together. Make sure she knows you have this time to read the book becuase she got ready so quickly.
Kids also respond to incremental rewards. Do a sticker chart - for every night she gets ready nice & fast you'll put a sticker on the chart. When one row is filled (no more than 5 days) she gets a a new special something (trip to her favorite park, ice cream, rent a video, etc.
Set expectations, praise positive performance, reward continued performance. It works. And think about leaving hte dishes in the sink one or two nights a week and go to bed early - when you work full time everyone takes a piece out of you - your job, your boss, your spouse, your kids. So give yourself a break. And try to remember (it's really hard) that at the end of your life you are never going to wish you spent more time with your work - but more time with your husband & kids. They are your most precious relationships.
Good luck mama!
She can't tell time, so I would just "back up" the routine by an hour. My son watches on 20 minute Nick Jr. show or a little bit of a Disney movie before bed, so I get that this is part of the routine. Introduce a movie or something else that isn't time restricted (only on at 8).
Be consistent and she'll get back on track. My son also refuses to nap on the weekends, so he has an hour of quiet time in his room. No t.v. or "loud" toys- books and plush toys. Usually he gets bored and falls asleep b/c he knows he can't come out and play. When he doesn't sleep, he at least had some down time!
I can so relate as I worked full time when my kids were that age and by 7:00 you are shot. PJ's and a recliner is what you need - and kids who do not want to go to sleep is what you get.
If this has only been 2 days it sounds to me like she's going through a developmental stage. As kids finish one stage or prepare for another their sleep habits shift. She may also be at a point where she realizes that if she pushes to stay up she can spend more time with you.
Sounds like it's time to institute a new bedtime ritual. Start 15-20 min earlier if you can. Tell her in advance what you expect of her. Set up your expectations. Kids rise to your expectations of them. Tell her, I know you're getting to be a big girl and maybe you canget ready yourself. Do you think that you can? I do. So -if you go potty, and get in your pajamas, and do it really fast we'll have time to read this new book together. Who cares if her PJs on are backwards, or crooked. (You can always say - wow how cool you're wearing it backwards? That's so cool! - and if it gets uncomfortable she'll figure it out.)
Find a new bedtime book. Let her see it and show her one or two pages.
Mayve you can race to see who can get ready first - you or her. Of course, let her win. Then tell her you're so proud of her and now we get to read this special book together. Make sure she knows you have this time to read the book becuase she got ready so quickly.
Kids also respond to incremental rewards. Do a sticker chart - for every night she gets ready nice & fast you'll put a sticker on the chart. When one row is filled (no more than 5 days) she gets a a new special something (trip to her favorite park, ice cream, rent a video, etc.
Set expectations, praise positive performance, reward continued performance. It works. And think about leaving hte dishes in the sink one or two nights a week and go to bed early - when you work full time everyone takes a piece out of you - your job, your boss, your spouse, your kids. So give yourself a break. And try to remember (it's really hard) that at the end of your life you are never going to wish you spent more time with your work - but more time with your husband & kids. They are your most precious relationships.
Good luck mama!
My suggestion, no tv, and start prepping for bed time an hour before she NEEDS to be sleeping. I know this seems like come home, eat dinner and begin sleep routine but that might be your best plan of attack. then at 7:30-8pm after she is asleep you can finally unwind from your day.
I would turn the tv off for sure. My kids watch about an hour of pbs a day (sometimes 2 on the weekend) but that is never before bed. I used to let them watch tv before bed and it would take them longer to fall asleep. Now the tv is off and I usually have music on though nothing too upbeat (classical or broadway) while we do bathing and teeth brushing etc. The only other suggestion I can give is be consistent. If bedtime is 7:30 then have her in bed by then. If she doesn't want to put her pjs on then say "ok I guess you are sleeping in your clothes" and put her in bed. If she doesn't want to brush her teeth then tell her "fine but tomorrow you can ony have water to drink because the sugar in juice/milk hurts your teeth and you didn't clean it off today" Yes I know she is only 3 but kids are way smarter then we give them credit for and this sounds like a control issue for sure. Remember you are NOT being mean by disciplining your child. Setting rules and following through with them is the best way to show your children that you love them. Good luck!
