May Have Ruined My Chances for Having a Babysitter

It definitely would have helped if you had started earlier. However, if you try to go out,use a consistent sitter, and make it a clean break when you leave, without being wishy-washy.

C., Hello. My name is B. and I have been a 3 year old preschool teacher for 11 years. I know that this process is very hard for you, and your beautiful little girl. The main thing to remember is to be consistant. YES, when you leave she will cry, yell, hit,kick and everything else. It will be hard for you to see and hear. Keep doing it. Try to leave her more often. Start small, maybe a few hours, and build up. She is going through a transiton also. When she becomes mean, correct her gently but firmly. Look at it from her eyes, "Mommy is leaving and not coming back" or "Don't leave me!" She knows nothing different, so this change is scary. Like all of us with change, she just needs time and to learn that you are coming back. Go out and take your break! Listen to your friends, if they say she is fine after you leave, then she is. They will not lie to you. Also remember, a lot of the "scene" is for you, she wants you to feel bad or guilty so she gets her way and you stay home. I promise it will get better, you just need to stay consistant and let the beautiful girl know you will return and that you love her! B.

Try finding someone that will come over and just play with her for a while in her room while you are still in the house. Don't go in there while they are together. Let her get used to someone coming over to play and then start by having that babysitter come over about 30 minutes before you leave for a night out and just leave while they are in the room playing. She might get upset when she does come out and discover that you left but she will get used to it and it won't be that bad.

It's all great advice, and being former military dependent I get what it's like to not have a lot of family around, but with church and friends - they can be family! I am a nursery coord. and can say give hugs & kisses and then "drop & go"! It's not easy, but it is the best way. Your daughter is at a hard age to say goodbye and I always tell the parents that the child just wants to be sure that you know how much you're going to be missed. With a good caregiver, they will reassure your daughter of your return, because you love her so much, and couldn't forget about her, and it's their job to distract her! Don't beat yourself up over things - you haven't ruined your daughter, it will just take some work to have your time! I promise it will all be worth it, and healthy for all! It's important for you and your husband to have dates together! We have a Parent's Night Out program at our church to support marriages because it's important to spend time as a couple! You are the perfect mom for your daughter & you love her - don't forget that!

God bless you! You are not being overprotective! I have my kids with me most of the time too! And you do need a break! All that stuff she does is for you and she will get over it quickly, I am sure you see this yourself with your day care kids! You so haven't ruined anything! Are you doing some kind of trade or actually paying a sitter? You are working so hard, going to school and the day care! Wow! We had a neighborhood babysitting co-op that worked well, we used e-mail for requests, we had by-laws and everything( a must!). Another option is club for kids which is drop off child care, they do an excellent job, very safe, clean etc. It is expensive though but worth it.

I too am a Air Force wife and SAHM of four boys now 17,13,8,4. I also have a home daycare and for the most part all of the boys lives expect for the first one. That said I did have to let go a let my boys go other places and be with other people one to give me a break from me but to also give them a break from me and the other daycare children. I would put them in a moms-day-out and them love the time away. Therefore it made it easy for them when they had to go to school and stay with babysitters or just other people. I do have opening for a couple days a week if needed. I business is on this site if you would like to check it out. K. D.

No you haven't 'ruined' her! But you will have to ease her in. I have worked at various nurseries (at the gym, etc.) and at a parents' day out program where there were lots of families who had done things similarly to you. I'm not gonna lie, it IS easier to do this from the beginning, but it can be done. When I was in the nursery at the gym, we would recommend to these moms to start out with short increments, 15-30 minutes. Explain to the workers that she isn't used to being left. Then you kind of need to 'turn off' your emotions, firmly hand her over and GO. Even if you fall apart when you're out of sight. If she's standoffish and mean in those settings, so be it. She's probably angry at being 'left' and is acting out. Gym nurseries don't turn away kids who are 'mean' unless they have a track record of biting or hitting others. She WILL adjust if you can do this on a regular basis! And trust me, once she starts to get used to it, a lot of the clinging and carrying on she may continue to do will be purely for your benefit in an attempt to manipulate you. Before long, she will only 'perform' while you are in the room and quickly stop when you leave. And eventually, she will stop altogether because she will start to enjoy a little independence, and she will have learned that you always come back. Plus, if you do choose a gym setting, getting a little exercise off by yourself is a great way to get a break and de-stress. Eventually you will be able to leave her with others more easily as well. I hope this helps!

I understand completely. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and she acts the same way. I thinkwe do have ourselves to blame but I would not take it back. She is my first and I am very protective over her. Me and my husband do get time out together but she does scream and cry, but as soon as we are gone the sitter (usually a family memeber) just gets her involved in doing things like watching barney or making cookies and then she is fine. We all as parents need breaks to keep our sanity. I also have a 15 month old son and he is the same way. I work full time and my husband stays home. I think kids all go through stages of seperation anxiety but they will get over it.

As you know with daycare kids they do behave differently without their parents around--right??
As with me i have been doing daycare in and out of my home for about 20 years. That being said short and sweet is the key for me. The longer it takes you to leave the more she will fall apart. This is simply manipulation and she needs to know who the parent is! Are letting a 2 year old run your life?? I am a mom of 4 kids and they will run your life if you don't teach them that you are the controller. I don't mean to make it sound like you need to be mean . But changes are inevitable right. She will learn that mommy will come back for her and that she will have fun without mommy. This is a plus for when you have another baby. To start i would leave her with her dad once a week. This is called mommy time. Dad will learn how to take care of her and she will learn to rely on dad as well. Dads do things differently than moms but who is to say that it is wrong?? Give him a chance and stay stong and consistant!! Don't take a cell phone when you go . You can call.
God bless

I have a friend who went through the same thing and she said the best thing to do is say your byes quickly and don't come back until pick up. It took about 3 months for the child to get comfortable. The child now goes 3 days a week from 8 am until 5 pm.

My two year old went through a 'shy' phase...so did my other two daughters when they were two. I've always stayed at home with my children and never put them in Mother's Day Out until age 2 or 3. I've always put them in for socialization. Anyway, my oldest daughter never had anything before that due to lack of finances back then and we had no family in town. I worked in theatre so when my husband couldn't stay home with her, I'd take her to rehearsals along with the portable crib. It was difficult. Anyway, I'm happy to tell you that this did not ruin babysitters with her. I've always told people during the 'shy' phases just that..."She's in a shy phase." If no one is willing to babysit for her, find a different babysitter. Ask other moms around you who they can reccommend to you... that's how I've found my current babysitters. My sister-in-law teaches preschool. The moms of the children in her class ask her to babysit for them from time to time and she asks them sometimes. It has worked nicely for her. There are many options you have. Your daughter, well, if she's anything like my 3 children, she'll be fine once you start utilizing babysitters. From running an in-home daycare, you probably know this from your experience when taking in a new child. I worked at a preschool myself so I always remind myself when I'm nervous how the children were always fine after Mom or Dad left...no matter how much they cried while the parent was there, they were always fine once they were gone.