Its sad to me that I am even writing this and my daughter is in kindergarten, my daughter is 5 and an only child, she is a little sensitive but what 5 year old girl isn't and she can give it out as good as she can take it but there is a little girl in her class and every day my daughter comes home and says she is mean ( this girl was in her pre-k/day care for 3 years with my daugter as well and I never heard a bad thing about her) my DD will say Sadie is mean or Sadie said girls who wear green shirts can't come to my party and that means you and points at my DD, we were at a birthday party a few weeks ago and parents were present but in another room, DD came to me crying and said Sadie hit her in the stomach ( I did not see this happen) another little girl ran up to Sadie and asked her and she said Who cares! Her mother was next to her and said nothing but I don't know if she knew what went on, as much as I wanted to approach her I did not want to make a scene at the birthday party. My daughter gets a chart from her teacher every day ( she had some problems following directions at the beginning of the year and if she gets all smiley faces on her chart for listening she gets a sticker each day) Most of the other kids encourage her and get excited for her, she told me last night that Sadie said I hope you don't get any smiley faces on your chart today. Again, I am not claiming my daughter is sweet innocent and guilt free all of the time, but do I go to the teacher about this? I tell my DD to just say you are not being nice and I'm not going to play with you and walk away but obviously kids are going to be mean to each other and as much as I hate that I'm not sure where to step up and do something about it. Another mother has told me that her daughter comes home and says Sadie is mean to her too. She also had an incident where a little boy pushed her head into the seat on the bus, but other days she tells me this little boy is funny and nice. I told her not to sit with him anymore if he acts that way. Granted kids over-dramatize things and you of course don't want your baby to be picked on or have her feelings hurt, I am a first time over-protective parent and I'm just looking for some advice on what more experienced moms would do in these kind of situations. I love her teacher and would feel comfortable talking to her about this but am I worrying too much or looking into this too much?
Thank you all for your responses, I spoke to a friend who is a 3rd grade teacher and she suggested I do role playing with my DD tio teach her the proper way to stand up for herself and respond to the mean girls, we did this last night and told her to say I am working really hard and doing a great job so I hope I do get all smileys but if you are going to be mean I'm going to play with someone else and walk away. or I love my shirt I think its pretty. She was really into playing with the dolls and working on her responses so I'm hoping this makes a difference. I had her show me what happened on the bus and told her to tell the driver and or her teacher if anything like this happens again and I will take it in my own hands from there also.. Thank you!
I know there are always mean kids, but I would just mention it to the teacher (the teacher probably already knows). This child sounds like a bully and maybe someone can intervene early in her life to help change her ways.
You need to teach her how to handle herself around children like this and understand when to talk to the teacher about it herself. There will always be mean people no matter what age.
Sounds like you need to teach your daughter when to tell an adult (any physical roughness) and when and how to deal with it herself. Practice "I don't like your shirt!" response: "I love my shirt" "I don't want to play with you!" "OK there are plenty of kids to play with" shrug.
i think it's appropriate to intervene when your child is getting mauled (getting pushed on the bus would rouse me) but for most things you're far, far better off modeling calmness and no drama. most young parents are so focused on making sure their children feel heard and understood (which is great!!!) that they inadvertently make little schoolyard incidents into Huge Great Dramas and the next thing you know the whole family is knotted up and everyone's emotions are being micro-managed.
role-play with her on simple calm statements and actions that can defuse the Meanies, eg 'i like my green shirt. i hope you have a nice birthday.' or 'i think i'll get some smiley faces. maybe you'll get some too!'
you can't help worrying, mom. but you work on giving your daughter tools that will help her cope for the rest of her life, and that will serve her better than all the 'mamabear' tactics in the world.
:) khairete
S.
1) there will always be mean boys or girls at school no matter what age
2) You teach your child, how to have her own self-identity and self-reliance. And to know right and wrong.
3) You teach her how to TELL the Teacher, if something wrong is going on or something mean.
4) You tell the Teacher if this is a problem. But some kids just have icky, personalities.
5) At my kids' school, the Teacher routinely talks to the entire class, about behavior and bullying and what to do about it.
6) You teach your child how to speak up.
7) You teach your child about people. How to discern... people. And since she is very young, you teach your child how YOU can help too.
Kids this age, do not have total ability to handle, social situations or people. So YES, YOU AS THE PARENT, need to teach your child and/or talk to the Teacher when a problem occurs.
AND if this Sadie, is routinely causing problems via her meanness... then TELL the Teacher.
Teachers, need.... to know. Or they may not know. So TELL the teacher.
And also since, this Sadie girl is causing trouble. Literally.
So what if kids make drama. IF a kid is picking on your kid or others, I tell the Teacher.
If not, don't expect anything to happen or be corrected.
And a 5 year old, does not have adult skills of deductive reasoning or analysis of behavior.
There is always going to be a mean kid. My son dealt with one mean boy in kindergarten and it took a lot of open conversations. Keep comforting her in her bad days with Sadie and just keep telling her that Sadie isn't a type of friend she needs anyway. Through these converstaions with my son we have built up his esteem that if a kid is mean he just ignores what they do/say and realize that this kid isn't worth his time. Sucks that it starts so early but jumping in right now isn't going to teach your daughter anything. Maybe come up with some witty replies that are innocent enough but just enough to let sadie know that she doesnt give a crud what your daughter thinks. She doesnt have to be mean back just usually a "so....." or " thanks for noticing" or "yeah your right, what about it" will leave the other kid speachless. My son has learned his little replies and when he finally got the other kid to leave him alone he was so proud and felt that he could conquer the world. Now he is standing up for others that he see's are getting picked on and all the mean kids still wont say anything mean to my son because he won't put up with it.
I think I would role play some good responses your daughter can say to Sadie's mean comments. I like a lot of the other Mom's suggestions. And set up some playdates and activities with other classmates. Each time she tells you about an incident that happened with Sadie at school, it can be a good starting point to talk to her about friendship and kindness, how to act, and how to deal with people who don't treat us with respect. I wouldn't talk to her teacher, yet. Sadly, there will always be someone making rude comments, even in kindergarten.
Sorry to read about what you and your little girl are experiencing - I understand how you're feeling as my first grade daughter has had two different experiences this year with bullying! It's hard on our kids but just as hard, if not harder, on us first time moms! Unfortunately you're going to have to teach her to ignore the nasty comments, name calling, etc - BUT the physical bullying needs to be brought to the teachers (bus drivers) attention by your daughter and if that doesn't help then you need to step in and contact the teacher. It's so sad that our daughters (and us mom's) are dealing with this 'drama' at such a young age!
my son is in kindergarten also, and comes home with a lot of stories that I am curious to hear more about. Some are of kids being bad or just a normal day. Either way, I think definitely yes you should tell the teacher you have heard some things about this girl being a bit of a bully and just to monitor it. You don't have to tell any other mothers you did this. And you can have a lil peace of mind that someone is noticing and cirrecting this if this happens. You entrust that your kids will be taken care of when they go to school, but not things are noticed by adults who are looking after a full classroom. As many people tell me, the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Good luck!
Because the kids are so young, I would suggest talking to the teacher about this. The hitting sounds way over the top, and if the teacher doesn't know about it, she needs to A.s.A.p.
I would also suggest role playing with your daughter about how to respond to Sadie, and what she can do. Do some reading, or ask the teacher for suggestions about good ways to deflect or minimize reactions to this (she'll probably know the right answers to "deflate" the antagonist). Then, do some role playing with dolls.
Also, encourage your daughter to talk about how she feels, and let her know she's not alone. If you've had a friendship fail, share that with her, and tell her that talking about it can help. And in the meantime, build up her network of other friends--invite other kids over for playing/movies/trips to the park, etc., and help her build new friendships.
There is always a mean child in school. When my daughter was in kindergarten there was a tall bossy girl who was very mean to her. It was recess and the kids were playing on the playground. There were a few Playhouses, (just little plastic houses with chairs in them) and a lot of girls wanted to squeeze into the playhouses, including my daughter and the mean girl. However, when my daughter got there, it was occupied by the mean girl and her friends, and my daughter asked nicely if she could come in too... resulting in a hit in the shoulder and a loud bossy, "NO!" My daughter was nearly crying and ran off as the mean girl and her friends laughed as if it were funny.
When my daughter was in grade 5/6, there was another mean girl, who was more prissy and spoilt rather than bossy. She would raise her eyebrow at my daughter in a "I'm better than you and i know it and you know it" way, and she would say loudly to her, "Me and (another girl's name) are going to a SLEEPOVER, and you're not invited, SADDO." My daughter was angry and tried to say sth back, but it sounded lame because my daughter is not a confident speaker. This resulted in more insults, and my daughter tried to walk away without exploding.
Advise: These girls are either mean, spoilt or trying to grab attention. It's not worth losing your cool over them. They like speaking sharp cruel words to others, and they can really hurt. Teachers can't help here; students are capable of getting away with it while the teacher's not looking. Tell your daughter to ignore them, and walk away. Pay no attention to what bullies say, it might not be true. If kids end up believing what mean chidlren say, it can make them depressed. Bullies might worse as children get older, because they speak more spitefully, so it's never too late to teach your child how to face mean kids. However, if it involves physical bullying, like hitting or pinching hard, I would advise a word with the parents of the bully.
I would not say I have a mean child at school, but rather a child who does not know how to control his anger. Ex. a group of girls were playing a screaming game and he asked them to stop it hurt his ears. They did it again so he pushed or scratched the child. Enough to make a mark. My son got into trouble at home and at school. Explained to my child that if you are upset about something you have to tell the teacher. He was upset because he had to stay by the teacher in a cicle and no kids could play with him. I said It is no fun not being able to play with other kids, but if you would think before you react and hurt other kids you would get to play. Postivie note: We got his ears checked and he has some dysfunction and school nurse recommended him to see ENT. Our Ped office set it up for next month. Would not have had a clue had this incident happened. :(
Been there, done that. My son went through the same thing. He had a best friend in daycare. They were like brothers, because they grew up together. The boy used to cry everytime they tried to separate my son and him and put them in different rooms with different teachers. When they went to school, my son even defened his friend from bullies. Guess what? My son's friend all of a sudden started secluding my son from groups and even told his friends not to talk to him! My son told me that the school bullies wanted to be his friend, but he doesn't want to get in with the "wrong crowd." (He's a good kid.) I told him he didn't have to and I told him the others aren't worth his time. Things change when you get into high school and kids mature more, so it's easier to make friends there. Well, my son found friends and left the other "losers" behind. I got a remark from one of the principals, which is supposed to be a compliment...The principal said he was impressed with my son and the group he chose to be in, because they are so diverse. Wouldn't you know it...I got another question from my son, "Why are white people so cruel?" He told me the best people who are easy to make friends with are ethnic. I told him I never gave it a though, since I'm white. Now that I look back, he's right. The people that picked on me were all white. It probably has nothing to do with, but the point is bullies aren't worth your time no matter what color they are.
I would talk to the teacher. She may be tracking behaviors in Sadie, she may be aware and not care, she may be unaware. But until you talk to her you can't feel better about this.
In my granddaughter's 2nd grade class there is one girl who does this type stuff. On the days she likes you, you are in the "it" group. On the days she doesn't, your day is lonely and miserable. The parents are going to the teacher over this each time. The teacher has almost monthly meetings with the parents together that have complained and the parents of this girl. They work on helping her to learn better friendship managing (???) and how to learn better skills in a lot of areas.
I would absolutely refuse to let them be in the same class next year. I have already started talking to the pre-K teacher about my little heathen and how he needs an experienced teacher who can handle him firmly but care about him too.
common problem no harm in asking the teacher whats going on all parents should speek up sounds like the making of a bully you dau has a right to enjoy school go today and ask teacher
