Mean Girls at 5-6 Years Old? REALLY!!!???

So early for life lessons but as parents we have to deal when they come...I think you are on the right track...please also consider why this child may be acting this way...you already know there is no interaction with dad but are these visits on Wednesday and the weekends? thinking viistation time with dad....and that neither parent have time for her and maybe she is put in the middle....just some thoughts as you approach this....I was always frustrated at those places at lack of discipline so we did not go often....good luck!

Instead of disliking the child, P., act like a mother to her. She is attracted to her because you handle her. Not because you pay attention to her. She is begging people to teach her how to act, because no one is doing that.

I hope that when she started this stuff about not playing with your son, that you walked over and told her that what she was saying was not acceptable. You need to deal with her every single time. Forget about the dad - if he pulls his nose out of the computer and says something negative to you, let him have it. Tell him that if he were acting like a parent instead of an absent babysitter, that you wouldn't have to teach her proper manners that he should be teaching. Don't back down.

She is not actually a bully yet. But she will be. You might the difference in this girl being hated by other kids and learning to act better.

Dawn

HA HA! This just reminded me of a time at a park with a nightmarish girl like this, doing all the same annoying things. At one point, she came up to me and said, "I don't want to play with your daughter because she....."

I let her tell her tall tale and said, "OK, good, you definitely shouldn't play with her then, she doesn't want to play with you either, please don't play with her". She looked SO CONFUSED!!!!! Especially because I said it all nice and matter of factly.

I taught my daughter at around 4 to feel empowered to say "no thanks" to kids who ask her to do things she doesn't want to do, and to walk away, not play, yell back, hit back, whatever she needs to do. My daughter is very nice and social but mean kids are out there and it is heartbreaking. All you can do is teach your child to identify the bad behavior so they realize when the kids are being mean, and react accordingly. If kids are playing "don't go play with her" at her expense, for example, I say loudly, "OK,___Those kids are being mean and staying away from you so just ignore them." Now at 5, she'll see kids doing that to other kids, and say something similar to the kids they're ignoring, and she knows it's not OK to be mean to other kids that way. Just be frank and clear for them at this age, so they can deal with it themselves as they get older.

I spent three years working in first grade and can tell you this behavior is very normal, especially for girls. For some reason even the sweetest little girls can go through a phase of bossiness and being in control, especially the whole "you can't be friends with me if you play with her" thing. Kind of surprising isn't it since we women are not controlling at all, lol!I
Yes it's annoying and a little disturbing but they are still LEARNING after all. What she is learning is that other kids don't like to be ordered around, and what your son is learning is "wow, I don't want to play with her, what a bossy-pants."
Please cut her some slack, she's so young! And dads at a play place? They are not nearly as tuned in/hands on as we moms are. It's perfectly fine for you to redirect your son, have him find someone else to play with, and perfectly acceptable for you to say to the girl "that wasn't a very nice thing to say, was it?" Like I said, she is LEARNING, and often the kind guidance of a stranger can have a profound affect on a young child.

The phrase others used leapt to mind: "Cut her some slack." I believe (and I have a girl who's now 10) that five is really too young for true, intentional "mean girl" behaviors. Instead, she is (a) in that normal but annoying bossy five-year old stage, which both boys and girls can go through; (b) going through that stage alone, with zero parental correction, at least at the McDonald's -- remember, you have no idea what the rest of her life is like, and she may get plenty of attention from mom, or from dad in other settings.

She was attracted to you because you dared to correct her; did you notice how, instead of being pouty and turning her back on you or talking back when you corrected her (which an older mean kid would have done), she was attracted instead? That indicates to me that she's not a mean-to-the-core kid; she mostly just wants attention and yes, some boundaries.

The next time you go to McDonald's this is what I'd suggest: Go with the thought that if you see her, you will actually intend to interact with her a little more. On purpose. Say hello to her with a big smile. Have your son introduce himself to her and ask her name and say "I've seen you playing here before." Tell her "Have fun! This is a great play place, isn't it!" as they set off to play. They don't have to be forced to play together, of course. But if she seems to be getting bossy, go over to her and try something like this: "Hey (Sally), would you help (Billy) and me put these balls in the bin? They're spilled all over the place and I'd sure like your help putting them back." (i don't know much about these play places but I'm figuring here they have things like plastic ball pools...) Improvise. In other words, see if you can find some little responsibility for her to take on right there and then. That may make a huge difference. I think the dad, if he's as checked-out and lacking interaction as you say, will not mind; he ought to welcome it. You're not trying to "run" her, just interacting enough to help her calm down and be less bossy, which benefits your son too. Bossiness can be channeled into responsibility -- that's the positive channel for it at this age. Of course you don't have to do any of this, but it would help this kid if you do. While there's no way to know what the rest of her world is like, I wonder if dad's always this hands-off....

She is five!! Cut her some slack, she doesn't know how to articulate her needs. She only knows they are not being met. Sorry your son got caught in the middle.

I have 3 daughters age 7 and under and we have been dealing with a 'mean girl' for years right here in our neighborhood. There's no amount of slack you can cut for an out of control child, the problem is she's had too much slack. How we've been dealing with it is to talk to our kids regularly about what it is that she's doing that isn't okay and do our best to learn from this. Unfortunately, this is life and the truth is, there are mean people we encounter even as adults. Hopefully we can use this situation to teach our kids the best way to deal with this so that when they're older and have to face it, they can. My oldest (who's had the most issue with it), has learned now to avoid her when she can, and when she can't she is still kind but when the girl starts whispering behind her hand to her other 'friends', my daughter will tell her "Oh, you're being mean again I guess. Okay." and that pretty much shuts the girl down. Your son is still a bit little for that, but teach him now that she's targeting him because he's obviously such a great kid. You can't change her. And lastly, pray for them. Maybe the dad is on the computer looking for a job and the play area is the only distraction he can get for his daughter so he can do that. Deep breaths help too! ;)

I wouldn't call a kid that age a mean girl or bully. It's lack of/crappy parenting that has a lot to do with it. At the heart of it is a little kid who just needs some love & attention.

At the end of the day, you cannot control other parents or their kids. You cannot tell someone else how to parent their kid or discipline their kid. You can control how your child & yourself react to "not nice" kids.

I tell DD that she doesn't have play with anyone who's being mean to her, and she doesn't have to be friends with them. I tell her that your friends are supposed to be nice to you & vice versa. I tell her that if someone continues to bother her, she is to tell an adult (if she is at school). It's more important to teach your child coping skills & how to love themselves enough to know that friends should treat you nicely. Worrying about the other parent or kid is pointless.

Yeah, we found mean girls beginning around this age. It is horrible, especially when your child is on the other end of it and even worse when they realize it and are super sensitive to begin with. There is a little girl that was in my daughter's kindergarten class that used to get the other girls to gang up on her. She even convinced one girl not to invite her to her party (she was the only girl not invited and they told her that she wasn't--unfortunately it was at our pool and we ran into the party there--the little girl that didn't invite her didn't tell her mommies that she hadn't given an invite to my daughter and they forced her to apologize, but mean girl #1 continued on her mean streak). Mean girl #1 has some friends, but we quickly realized that she was the queen bee and most of the other girls befriended her and followed her because they didn't want to be targeted (fascinating how is starts so early). Now they are in second grade and my daughter fears running into her. At the pool this summer she pretended to be her friend one day and then told my daughter that she was a dog and threw her goggles into the deep end and told her to fetch. When my daughter couldn't get them, she threatened to tell the life guards on her. I have tried to build her self esteem and work with her on how to stick up for herself. My daughter can be bossy, but there is a difference between being bossy and just plain mean. If you can interact with this girl, you could turn the tables and ask her how she would feel if someone told her that she couldn't play with them. I don't know if it will help. What I have found is that some of the purely mean ones will always be that way and when you look her up in high school, I bet she is still that queen bee.

I wonder, what does this little girl hear about herself at home? Does she hear complaints similar to the ones she makes about your son and the other younger children? This sounds like something she's experienced herself; kids don't usually pull this kind of meanness out of a vacuum, but it all sounds so insecure on her part. Belittling and tattling to build herself up. Perhaps she hears this at her preschool or with older siblings?

I like what Dawn said about stepping up and addressing the situation. " I don't like that you are telling other kids not to play with my son. It's a very hurtful thing to say." is a pretty neutral observation to have ready. She may be glomming on to you because she's so hungry for adult attention and is jealous of your son, who has you and your attention? If it were me, when she complained about the way the other kids played, you can keep making the obvious statements when appropriate (as per the slide incident) and you can ask her "Oh, so how do you want to play?" or "Well, I see so-and-so is doing X right now, so what do you want to do while you wait (if she has to take turns)." I would find ways to be constructive and positively redirect while still maintaining your ground.

And don't be afraid that Mr. Marvelous Dad in the corner will get upset by what you do. It's incredibly sad that he doesn't want to be close enough to at least know who she's talking to and how the play is going. If she gets too out of line after you've been clear about expectations (being safe with body or words, which kids do understand at that age), I'd take your son with you and walk over to Dad. He might glare at you, but I'm guessing the other parents at the Playland may be feeling something similar and will be glad you stepped up, especially if they've had repeated encounters with this child and father. Poor kiddos.

oh yes they can be that mean that young. even the ones with nice parents. It's super crappy.

Wish i had more advice.

Thanks for this good question, I was having a similar problem with my son. This girl is doing the same thing to him. Didn't know how to go about talking to her, but it's become very annoying to my son and myself after seeing how she's a bit pushy to him. In the end, I noticed it was a "love-hate relationship" This is a crush she has on him, and he got a kiss at the end of the school day last Friday. Maybe this little girl has a liking towards him, and this is how she treats him. Kids sometimes don't realize what they're feeling, and go about doing some strange things to each other.

She is obviously starving for attention and is smart enough to realise that by being mean to others she'll get it...Its so sad when parents just totally dismiss their kids and let them run a muck. Try not to be too hard on her. I know it's hard, especially when she is being purposely mean to your son. This is the only way she knows how to get attention because her father is clearly 'absent' as you call it.
You can't tell someone else to parent but maybe you could try and teach her other ways of making friends and getting some attention, in a positive manner. Good luck.

I know how you're feeling, frustrated and helpless. I really do. Think it past your feelings now, though. There's nothing you can do that will REALLY solve the whole issue of the girl's behavior and the father's negligence. It's so very sad how some parents nowadays look to electronics during special times they could be having with their children.

I haven't read any of the other parents' answers, but I'm sure there's a lot of "tell the parent" "reprimand the girl yourself" "walk away" "play somewhere else"...those are all things you COULD do...will that solve the problem? Will that little girl REALLY understand, learn and listen to you? Will it possibly make it worse instead of better for your outings from now on?

The best thing to do is pray. Ask HIM to help the father to "see" his daughter better. Ask HIM to help the daughter become softer in her heart towards others. Ask HIM to stay constant with your son when wrongdoers are around him. Most importantly, ask HIM to give you strength and calm in times of frustration and anger. It's so very hard to not get so mad sometimes....I do it, too; we all do it......find the peace by praying and hopefully this situation won't worry you any longer.

Good luck and Merry Christmas!