Hello everyone! I am 21 and my husband is 23 and we have two amazing children. Everything about our life is great except for my husbands mother. She feels like all of her children owe her and should have to support her financially. She has asked for us to give her money on multiple occasions which we have. She has told me that we owe her. She used babysitting her grand children once a week for three hours while my husband and I attend college against us so we stopped asking. My husband and I own a multi family and we let her move in with us and discounted her rent on multiple occasions. We asked her millions of times not to put border up in our apartment while she lived there and she did it anyways... I walked in and saw it half way done and told her not to continue putting it up and she did anyways. She put it all around the ceiling and around the mirror and vanity just to spite me. She has gotten in my face yelling at me while I was crying and my husband had to make her leave and on another occasion she got so close to my face yelling I thought that she was going to hit me. She has said things to me like I blow my husbands money, I am a bad mother, she will make sure that things do not work out between my husband and I. She wrote my parents a 7 page letter about how I am such a bad person and left it in their mail box. My father passed away when I was younger and I get a little money every month from that and she said that I do not work hard for my money. I am a stay at home mom and attend college full time along with managing a four family home. She has called gotten angry with her own children and told them that she was not there mother anymore... even her 13 year old son. She called my husband very nasty names because he would not defend her instead of me. Would it be selfish to not let her see my children? I honestly do not know what to do anymore. Every time I am around this women I get extreme anxiety and her own 13 year old child gets anxiety when around her. She takes money from her 19/20/23 year old chiIdren and even makes her 13 year pay for everything that he wants while with her. None of her children live with her but she always makes them feel bad for her until they give her money even though none of them have any money. I don't want my children to suffer... What should I do? Her children have told me that she argues and fights with everyone which I have witnessed but I cannot take the disrespect any longer and am desperate.
Thank you for all the reply's I appreciate all of the advice. This is my first time using this site and unsure how to reply to anybody. I have honestly been as nice as possible with this women. When the majority of this stuff occurred my husband and I decided that she would not see our children until she apologized to me and it took her 3 months. I had to apologize first and I told her that I was sorry if anything that I said offended her and she eventually apologized but to this day she does not agree that she has ever done anything wrong. My husband and I have asked her to come over and talk with us but we must talk civilly with no name calling or bad things said and she said if we are scared to talk to her then she should not be in out lives. And that she is only human and reacts like any other person when being told that she is being disrespectful towards my husband and I. She said that she feels that she has to walk on egg shells when talking to me because I do not like when she says mean things to me. I just want to be respected and I am honestly very nice to her and I would love for her to agree to not say bad things to us so we can have a good relationship. I get along great with everyone in my life and have had no issues with anyone is my family/ my friends/ or anyone else in my husband's family... My friends tell me that I am to nice sometimes. While living in our apartment her 18 year old daughter lived there as well and she had her pay 200/ month when the rent was 700/ month while she was receiving child support for her daughter already and did not pay for anything for her. When she went to get her taxes done she went with her daughter and she made her daughter swear that she would not tell us how much she got because it was a large amount because she wanted us to continue helping her out. She barely gets along with anyone and has gone periods of time not talking to just about everyone in her life. My husband and I can barely support ourselves and have soo much stress in our lives already this is just an added bonus lol Her and my husbands father got divorced 8 years ago and when he divorced her he told her that she was going to be one lonely old women because of the way that she treated people. She always tells her kids that there father left them when the truth was that he left her not his children. He is a great father but she always plays the victim in every situation and she is very manipulative and manipulates her children into feeling bad for her. She constantly brings up the divorce even though it happened 8 years ago... She blames her children's anxiety on the divorce and there father leaving them. She has told my husband that she wished that we let her live with us for free and supported her like her friends son does...
Blood does not make a parent. I talk to my mother about 3 times per year and I'm thrilled that I live 2000 miles away from her. I wouldn't leave my son alone with her. I don't like her and I don't want to spend time with her.
If your husband is comfortable cutting her off, do it. It does not make you a bad person. Your husband and kids are your first concern. If she can't be a decent human being, don't be around her.
She has big big mental problems, and I would not let her live in my house if I were you. I would cut her off from my family, and try to help her poor 13 year old boy. She's not a mother. She's a succubus. Start standing up for yourself and your family. Don't act the victim, take control if your husband won't. What's the worst that could happen? She would be mean to you? Well, no difference there. She would leave, and not speak to you again? Best outcome! Good luck, you didn't sign up for this sort of behaviour!
STOP THE INSANITY!!! Do not give her money, do not let her live in your building, do not fix her car if it breaks, etc. Do not talk to her unless absolutely needed. Limit your contact with her! Do NOT feel obligated to her just because she is your MIL...same thing for your husband! Invite her to your kids bday parties and that is it. If even that, in fact, that would be more than generous. You simply just need to stop it. Talk to your husband and get a game plan in place that you both agree to and stick to it. Good luck!!!
If you and your husband can both agree to it, without you forcing or pressuring him, you need to stop speak to her and cut her out of your life. That's if everything you've written is as it really is. I'm not calling your a liar, but sometimes when we tell our stories we slant them to get responses we want. But if she is as bad as you say, I would want her gone. And that also means legally evicting her from your apartment.
It sounds like a toxic relationship, and everyone is involved. Its sad that she treats her children like that. She is pushing everyone away and its not healthy to associate with her any longer. It is too much stress and anxiety on everyone.
Talk to your hubby and see what he thinks you should do, or what he wants to do. Something must be done. You either need to agree to distance yourselves, cut her out completely, or have an intervention with all the family involved.
It isnt right that she acts this way. She is a child looking for attention. Do not give it to her.
Wow. And I thought I had a bad MIL. Luckily for me, mine lives in a different state. First of all, you and your husband need to set up boundaries for her. I would have never allowed her to move into one of your apartment/homes. She sounds like is nothing but a taker and it sounds like she is mentally and emotionally abusive. Actually she sounds like she is mentally unstable. I would definitely not allow your kids around her unsupervised. When your husband married you he is supposed to leave mama behind in a sense. He needs to step up to her and set some ground rules. None of her kids OWE her a dang thing. It sounds like it's time that someone teaches her that. If she continues down this road she is going to find herself all alone. What a sad way to be. Talk to your husband about the stress she is putting you under. He can not allow her to get between the two of you. Does he want his family or does he want his mama? Sending your family a letter was completely insane. Keep all of what she sends. Document everything. You may need to use it later in order to protect yourselves. We have to do this with my husbands grown daughter because of her behavior towards us. We have completely cut off all contact with her. If you are not able to participate in the family in a healthy productive way, then you are excluded. She is like a poison to us. We are doing what needs to be done to protect ourselves. You may have to do the same. It's sad but sometimes that's the way it has to be. Good luck!!
CUT HER OFF! and GET HER OFF YOUR PROPERTY! cut and dry! some people can be fed with a long handled spoon and she is not one of them. you may have to legally evict but get the process started and just be prepared for her to possibly tear your apartment up, but just get rid of her. if and when you can slid your 13yo in-law a couple of dollars when you can and help him when he finally gets away from her! but if your husband is also tired of her then it;s time to move along! i wish you the best of luck!
From experience, I would limit time around her to only holidays as to keep the poison at bay. You don't need to be around that type of toxic behavior and so just see her only during major family gatherings. She sounds miserable, very unhappy and so she wants everyone else around her to feel the same way since she feels inadequate as she herself is not a capable functioning human being who is unable to care for herself. If she had a shred of self-esteem, she would take care of herself and not constantly cause trouble. She is jealous of you - having her son and in a healthy relationship as she does not have that. A normal mother would want her kids to flourish and would be there to help them to continue to flourish with their families without payback. She is not well mentally (most definitely she needs counseling and meds) so I would definitely limit exposure to her with your husband's consent - if he does not - then it is up to him to continue a relationship with her on his own time privately.
When I first met my mother in law we did not get off on the right foot. She had never met me and told (then boyfriend) husband that I was not good enough for him. I heard her say this once while we were on the phone...he doesn't know (to this day) I heard her.
Anyway we have a lot of issues with her telling me how to run/organize my house. I blew up one time dropped the "f" bomb. While not my finest moment and I could have handle differently, I was at the end of my rope. I apologized a few days later. Then I received a 6 page letter about how I was lazy, no good, made my husband do everything for me and had no appreciation for him. "You are not good enough for him and this won't last"...
At the time of her visit where she witnessed all of this, yes I came home from work and was dog tired. My husband has always done the cooking, and I the cleaning. However during her visit I was not feeling right and it was unusual...
After she returned home I found out I was pregnant. Thus my laziness had an excuse!
It was once said to me by another one of his family members that "Before you, his opinion was the same as hers...once he met you his opinions started to change, she couldn't handle that"....
It is now 7 years later and she and I have worked through our differences and we actually get along and talk to eachother with respect. I always remind myself of the statement above and that has helped me to see her side of things. She was scared and threatened by me. As I was of her.
It's time for your mother in law to move it. She needs to be an adult.
Its your husbands mom, what does he think of it all?
I think I would be serving her an eviction notice. You don't have to put a relative in your building just because they are family and reduce the amount. That's dumb in itself. You and your husband are her landlord and as such have the every legal right for her to follow your rules or she is out.
As far as being bullied into giving her money - stop it. You guys are all adults and as such your families are first and she is second or third in financial needs.
No one owes anyone anything. So don't feel guilty. Do distance yourselves from her.
Good luck to you.
The other S.
i would limit time from my children with her....from going through a similar situation with my sons fathers mother i found out that MASSACHUSETTS has laws protecting grandparents visitation and rights with their grandchildren...
i truely understand if you dont want this woman to do to your children what she does to you in time....and i understand not wanting them to see it also.
i think its time forr her to go...as a landlord you have certain rights against your property....theres a reason her kids dont live with her lol. it might be tough between u and ur husband because when it comes down it to it is his mother but it seems like it would be in best interest for the longrun...
my sons grandmother lived in amherst and us in worcester and it still wasnt far enough away i think if she lived in my house id have to push her off the porch ....NOT LITERALLY ....bad idea
