Problem with Neighbor

M.,

I deal with the same thing with my neighbor who has 2 teenagers. I have a son who is 10yrs and like you said you can not keep them tied down they need to play. I do not complain to her unless it is after 9:00pm. I basically told her that basically she is going to have to deal with it. It comes with living in an appt. that is the life we choose. You can not control you neighbors. I also notified my landlord of the problem and he agreed. Best of luck.

D. H

I had a problem like this too, what I did was I got my manager involved, to which she sided with me. The building was child friendly apartment, so the neighbor couldnt kick us out anyways. I would explain my side of the story before the neighbor got a chance to complain about me and she also knew that with a new baby in my place, it was harder to get my kids outside to play, especially when it was cold. The manager should be able to remain unbias and calm all problems. I hope this helps you out. Good Luck!

Hi M. M. I say tell her to buy a house if it bothers her. It always amazes me that people want the privacy and quiet of a house when they live in apartments. It is hard enough living in this area in the winter and you cannot keep a child, especially a boy in a corner all day. Remind her that you can also hear her dogs and that the next time she rents, she should take the upper!

Try writing a letter regarding noise to her and landlord, outlining your son's daily schedule and noting the hours when he plays. State that if she feels this schedule is unreasonable that she may contact you (in writing) and you will schedule a meeting with the landlord or building manager to work the issue out to your mutual satisfaction. Note that at any meeting to negotiate reasonable "quiet hours" you would like to include times wherein she takes responsibility for keeping her dogs quiet.

If she's complaining to you, she's probably already complained to the landlord. Rather than wait for a response from the landlord, try to resolve it as above while keeping a record of your attempts. Hope this was helpful, P., Lawyer and Mom of Four

Hi M.,
My brother lives in an apartment and has had complaints on his kids. When you live in an apartment you have to have flexibility. If you don't, buy a house. If he isn't being out of control, I wouldn't worry about it. That's what my brother did. He talked to his neighbor and they came up with quiet times. At about 7:30 the kids quiet down and her dogs quiet down. I personally find barking dogs much more annoying then the sound of pitter patter of feet. Good luck.
Chris

Here is my suggestion: If she gets nasty with you and keeps making comments - I would write her a letter describing her rudeness and lack of understanding and how you have let her alone and not mentioned anything about her annoying dogs (make it a nice letter) send it to her and to the person whom is responsible for the apartments (so they know and understand the situation that is fuming between you two) Then I would wait - and see what happens.

I would talk to you landlord to see if there a noise rule (ex. after such-a-such time). Even though it may be mean and you might never get along, i would complain about her dogs barking through the night. Other than that, as far as parenting, kids will be kids and if she doesn't like it, she can move.

Slippers for your son, rugs if you don't have carpet, maybe trying to avoid the noisiest toys. Be friendly & open with her about how you're trying to remedy the noise level. Notify the apt. manager of her complaint (as well as your complaint about the dogs) just so they are aware that you are attempting to work it out with her. DOCUMENT everything--what time the dogs are barking & for how long, what time she bangs on the floor & what your son is doing at that time--for future reference if necessary. Leave calling the police as a last resort. It will just REALLY tick her off, then she might escalate. We had neighbors that hated us no matter how nice/cooperative we tried to be with them. When they overheard us talking to other neighbors about them, they started calling the police on us & saying that we were beating & neglecting our kids, to try to get our kids taken away from us (they later admitted that was their plan in front of others). The police have to take their statements seriously, until the police can find evidence to the contrary. So just be careful. Your son has every right to play within reasonable hours, but try to find a peaceful way to resolve the issue before bringing in police.

I agree with the previous posts, just one other thought that I didn't see. Have you thought about purchasing a small trampoline, or another "outlet" for your son, to encourage him to be active in a quietier way, I know when we lived in an apartment, when my kids could get their "Energies" out in a quiet way, they were less likely to be "bouncing off the walls", thus remedying the situation on one level.
Hope that helps! And Good Luck...

Ignore her. ESPECIALLY since she has barking dogs. I live on the 4th floor and when I was apt hunting worried about neighbors below. I won't let my son jump off the couch, or jump rope inside- but normal play is normal play- if it bothers the neighbors- too bad basically. I don't mean to sound carass, BUT, if what your son is doing is normal play- then there is nothing you can do to make your neighbor happy. I would suggest telling her to find a new place to live next time- like maybe getting an upper floor apartment if it's a problem. :) I am just insensitive that way I guess

Until 10:00 p.m. your child has every right to play. The law is they can't say any thing until 10 that's when things have to stop. So let your child play he needs that time to be a child and when they play a 2year old is not only teaching his or her self new things and is growing as a person.

I had a simular problem like you. But mine was a little diff. Anyhoo,what I did, was called the police & mentioned it to the apt. complex owners. And both the police & owners of the complex fixed the problem right away. Anyhow, my suggestion is talking to the owners & the police. As for the dog problem, you also might want to try contacting your local animal control. IF you have one where you live.

C.

Ignore her. As long as your child is behaving normally it is just something she is going to have to learn to deal with. We used to live in an apartment below a family with a young girl & running, laughing, crying is just something you learn to deal with. The only time we actually caomplained to our neighbors was when the child was climbing up on furniture and jumping down to the floor repeatedly. The lights fixtures & cabinets would rattle & things actaully fell off the wall. We calmly explained what was happening & they took care of it. Granted it still happened every once in a while but the jumping over & over stopped.

It is just part of aprtment living. I a happy child is much nicer to listed to than an unhappy couple...

Wow,that was like reading a page out of our past! We lived in an apartment for a while when our son was 2 years old and the "what seemed to be" nice couple below us started complaining about how Ayden (our son) was stomping back and forth and it sounded like constant pounding down below. We told her nicely that Ayden is "2" and that he we cannot keep him from playing but that we would buy some slippers for him to try and cut the noise a little bit. Believe it or not, it worked! Buy a pair of cushioned slippers and you would not believe how much it can cut the sound of those little feet down below!
Good luck!
M. - 39 yr old mom of Ayden - my joy in life!

If the building you're in rattles and shakes when a TWO year old is running around, you have a problem that doesn't need to be addressed by you or your downstairs neighbour, but your landlord! That is a major structural problem!

If you have a neighbour who thinks living in a building with children involves silence at 6:30pm, she's going to need to get herself some much better drugs.

I think she hates children, and the normal level of noise your lad creates irritates her because of that, not him.

I think that you did the right thing by talking to your neighbor. However, for her to be banging on the ceiling is a little irratic if not insane. Your son is two. You have every right to live comfortably in your home and he has every right to be a two year old in his home. If it is a reoccurring problem at night in particular, maybe you could give him his bath, or have some kind of planned activity at night. This might help avoid "night terrors" coming through the floor. Whatever you do stand up for yourself. If your new neighbor understands that she cannot push you around, maybe she will be more receptive to working something out that you can all live with.

Everyone's responses are right on! You can't have the quiet of a house when you live in an apartment...it comes with the territory. I think your neighbor is probably a rude person in general (the banging on the ceiling) and I don't think you'll be able to talk sense into her. I would just live my life, let my son be 2 and not worry about the noise. If it were 10pm, that would be different. Crabby people shouldn't live in apartment buildings :)

Wow, that's a tough one! I guess the first thing this person needs to realize is that neighbor noise is an unavoidable problem with apartment living. My best suggestion is to be sympathetic, open, and calm, but to ask her sincerely, "What can I do to make this better?" And then wait for her to give you some suggestions. Allow her to realize that there isn't much you can do. Or maybe she'll come up with something! If she needs time, ask her to take a day or two and write down some ideas that might help you help her. Or maybe ask her if there are certain times of day she needs quiet for a nap or study time or something. And at those times you can agree to keep your son in the back bedroom or go to the store or something.

Hope you can work it out! It's nice of you to care enough to try to make things better.

-A.

Tell her to go fly a kite. No, not really, but seriously, that is just part of the deal when you live in an apartment. That is so ridiculous if you need to feel nervous about your 2 year old playing at 6:30 pm. You just live your life and if she is really that miserable she can move. That is so unrealistic.

If at all possible get carpeting or a large rug to cover area where your child plays, that should help muffle the sound. Have your son play in slippers, socks or soft shoes. You can not and should not be expected to keep all the noise down at 6:30 PM. Try to talk with your neighbor and tell her you will attempt to keep the noise down but there will be some. Will your landlord spring for carpeting or a large rug? You can also tell your neighbor that although you aren't required to keep your son quiet, she is required to keep her dogs from constant barking especially at night. Try to work out a compromise. You don't have to socialize with your downstairs neighbor but it is nice to get along. She may also be damaging her ceiling by banging on it and the landlord may hold her finacially responsible. That could get somewhat expensive.

If your neighbor can't handle apartment life, she will have to get a house. You have a right to LIVE in the place that you rent as long as you aren't specifically ignoring your neighbors' comfort (playing loud music, etc.) Also, I would definitely mention the dog issue.

Hi M.! When we lived in apartments, we always lived on top floors. Especially if you have hardwood floors, the noise level can get high for your neighbors just from every day living. In one building, our landlady, who lived underneath us, put a couple of rugs in for us and asked (nicely) that we take our shoes off when we get home so the noise wouldn't be as bad - that took care of it!

If you do those two things and the neighbor still complains, she is just one of those people. But, if she goes to your landlord and complains, at least you can point to doing proactive things to be a good neighbor.

Talk with the manager/landlord. See if you can move apartments to one where you won't have to deal with someone like this. Also, you can file a complaint with the police about her banging on your ceiling/floor and complaining about a child, along with the dog noise. This way you are on record as trying to get a situation taken care of if she decides to go postal. Make sure all the proper people know what the problem is and that you are trying to rectify it. Be as nice as possible when you do all this so you don't seem like the crazy one. Good luck :)

It is tough to be in an apartment complex in the first place and unfortunately there are going to be people who aren't happy with the simplest noise of peole just taking a shower. You are not going to be able to please your downstairs neighbor no matter what you do. And until your childs bedtime, he should be able to play as comfortably and make as much [reasonable] noise as he wants!! It is his home and kids will be kids! Just don't let that lady get to you and let your little one have fun! When she writes you letters, just throw them away, and brush it off. And remember... you aren't doing anything wrong and neither is your son! You are living your lives and having a good time.
You might even need to just tell her, "listen lady, its only 6:30 in the evening and I AM going to let my son play! We aren't going to live our lives as party-poopers because you like peace and quiet in an apartment complex!"
If she doesnt like the every day noise of regular people, then she shouldnt be in an apartment complex... especially with dogs!!
Good luck!

You are a mom of a child...they are going to make noise! Does this neighbor have chilren or remember being a child themself! How selfish this person is!

You can apoligize until you are blue in the face, but it's not going to do a bit of good to the neighbor. That is one of the risks with sharing walls.

Why not remind her the 2 barking dogs? However, you are being the bigger person and not acting like a chid yourself. I compliment you on how you handled this situation.

DO NOT CHANGE YOUR SCHEDULE TO ACCOMODATE YOUR NEIGHBOR. YOU ARE ONLY ENABLING HER TO BULLY YOU AND CARRY ON WITH THE CHILDISH BEHAVIOR OF HIS/HER OWN!

First off, I would let your landlord know that her dogs are barking day and night. It would be helpful if you kept a log of when during the night the dogs barked (12am, 2am, 3:45am etc) and whether this is a few barks at a time or if they bark for ten minutes straight.

2nd, ask your landlord what the noise ordinance hours are for your building. 6:30pm is WAY too early to expect a 2 yr old to be quiet. Let your landlord know you are asking about the quiet times because you want to make sure YOU are "complying". It is the landlord's job to make sure the other lady is aware of those same hours to keep her dogs in line.

3rd, yes, do call the police any and every night her dogs wake you up more than once. (You can call the next morning). When you call the police, know what time(s) the dogs barked and how long approximately they barked for. The police will build a file of your (and possibly other people's) complaints against her. I don't know if they are required to confront her on the first time, but if it is a repeat problem, they do eventually address the issue.

4th, let the police know you have contacted the landlord. I would also let the landlord know if I contact the police.

I honestly don't know how she thinks she can get away with complaining about your son when it's her dogs that are actually a real problem. I think she must be one of those crabby people who hopes to annoy you into moving.

Keep any letters she writes to you and document everything! because if she goes completely nuts and tries to do something outrageous like sue you, you would need the documentation. Even write down any conversations/arguments you have with her.

I'm a mom of a 2 yr old. I also own 2 dogs, so I've been on that side too. I have been a renter and I have been a landlord. I have also have issues with a neighbor over noise problems. And my husband works nights.

(Does this lady work nights, and therefore she isn't there to keep her dogs quiet at night, and probably is trying to sleep in the day? Not that her working nights would make her right, it would just shed a little light on the subject.)

I hope some of that was helpful.

Oh yeah, and you can call the humane society/animal shelter also. Sometimes they will come and investigate if they suspect the dogs are not being adequately cared for. Constant or frequent barking might be enough to get the shelter to look into it. (I used to volunteer at my local shelter too.)

Ignore her! As long as your son is just being a normal kid, don't let her rudeness get to you...especially if she allows her dogs to bark. To live in an apartment and expect to have total peace and privacy is absurd! If she writes you any more letters, slide them in her mailbox, or under her door unopened. If she has a complaint she can address it with the apartment manager who can investigate and see that your child is not caving in her ceiling! Im sure this isn't the first time she has gone on a rampage against a neighbor...the manager probably knows her all too well!
~L.

I had some downstairs neighbors like that before I had kids. They went nuts over my dog running on the floor. We would toss toys for him to catch and he'd love that. It was great exercise. I witnessed her yell at a child that was bouncing a basketball on his balcony at 3:00 pm on a Saturday. It was insane. She worked the nightshift, so I could sympathize, but then again, we can't all schedule our lives around her. Some people just aren't suited for living in apartments. You did the right thing in trying to be nice, initially, but she's the one with a problem, not you. Your son needs to run and play and laugh, sometimes have a tantrum or wake up in the middle of the night. Such is life. Maybe you could suggest that she move to the top floor as soon as there's an opening, or mention a single-level apartment complex that you may know of. My neighbors watched my dog for me one weekend after we sat down and had a talk about the situation. It was a lot better after that, and then they moved shortly thereafter. Maybe you should let her see your beautiful boy at play. Good luck!

M., try all the good advices you get, and if nothing helps, tell her that next time you hear a complaint from her BEFORE 9pm, you call the police, as she starts bothering your family, suggesting her at the same time to better keep this barking down from 9pm to 6am (at least), otherwise it will be her trouble, not yours. If she is still ridiculous, you can really call the police, and the officer will come and set her straight on this. There is A LAW: you cannot make much noise 9pm-6am. Other times, a little 2 year old boy needs to live his happy life, and if he needs to jump up and down with joy, he is totally ALLWED by the law to do it!!! Good luck, and stay happy!

I'm not sure what your saying your problem is (I'm a little slow) Is it that you would like there dog to stop barking?
Maybe you can look into some sort of noise ordinance law in the subject, OR what I would do is become really good friends with the neighbors, give them Holiday treat plates. Visit with them, ask there advise, make them think you think the world of them, and then maybe eventually bring up the barking issue in a polite way.
Just Ideas, I don’t know really what I would do in this situation, when I was younger, we were the ones with the barking dogs. I was taught at a young age to have a bad attitude toward neighbors who complained (which they did a lot, even called animal control on us, I was too young to know what ever happened) but I always felt resentment toward our neighbors. Now that I'm older, I've actually went to my old neighbors and apologized to them for us when I was little, even though it was my parents decision to be snotty to our neighbors, I felt bad that I was snotty too and realized when I got older that I would be irritated if I had to live with the sound of barking dogs every day (and night). So you never know who your dealing with, it may be someone who is understanding, or someone who is defensive, Maybe you could talk to the landlord about what your rights are.

HTH, GL

Good evening M.! Congrats on your getting married in April. Hopefully that means you will be moving out of your apartment and into a home with your new husband and son. I remember when my son was two years old (he's nine now). And yes, they do need room to run. I can also tell you that I have been a resident manager in the past working at several large apartment complexes including those right here in Black River Falls. Part of apartment living is having to deal with other people in the building. It sounds like your neighbor is being rather unreasonable. If there was a true issue, she should have voiced her concerns with the manager. The fact that she has two dogs in an apartment is problematic at best. If you have a decent relationship with your apartment manager, I would mention your encounter with your neighbor to him or her. Little boys are going to play and be themselves. You shouldn't have to apologize to anyone for that. I'm sure her walls aren't going to "come tumbling down" and if the building was built that poorly, she should be complaining to the manager, not to you. I wish you all the best and know exactly how you feel. Best wishes and enjoy you little dude right now cuz pretty soon, he's going to be a little man with a mind of his own. I love my little guy and can't imagine life without him. I've also been married for 14 years (I still can't believe that one!!) so I know what it's like to have a little too much testosterone in the house too!! Good luck and keep me posted! SG : ]

This situation sounds all too familiar! I live in an apartment as well. My brother (22) lives down the hall, and he has a 2 year old. The neighbor below him has complained a few times about them being too noisy. She has also pounded on the ceiling, and once she came up to complain. Once, all my nephew did was walk across the kitchen/dining room, and they pounded. Toddlers have heavy footsteps, and he wasn't even clomping all that much. The flip side (like in your situation) is that there are times when the neighbors are quite noisy themselves - they like to play guitar and will plug in the bass, which is loud and clear as a bell in my brother's apartment. I think all that you can do is try to keep your child from being overly noisy, but not beyond reason. If he is wanting to toddle around at 6:30 in the evening, and he is not being unreasonably rambunctious - then I think that is perfectly acceptable. If he were being playful and a little rambunctious later (like 9 pm), he should probably settle down. Basically, my brothers have talked to the neighbor and explained that they do not let the child run wild, - he's just doing kids play. They've also explained that sometimes they can hear the neighbor's music (quite loudly), and that things like that are to be expected in an apartment building. They have never complained to them once about it. I advised that they perhaps fill the resident manager in on the situation - just so that he is aware of it, that he knows that they are trying not to be too noisy, and in case the other neighbor complains and paints an unfair picture. When you live in an apartment, you have to expect that sometimes you will hear "living noises" from your neighbors. As long as it's not unbearable, it's just something you live with and get used to. The apartment under me has 2 kids. I hear them thumping around quite a bit (in some cases, I wonder what the people under them think, it's so loud!) - but it doesn't bother me. They're just kids. They live in an apartment, it's cold out, they need to play. I have a 4 month old and just hope that when she starts toddling around, they will be just as understanding to a little "thump" here and there. I'm interested to see how other people respond b/c I'd like to pass on tips to my brother in case his neighbors complain again.

Sorry to say I have nothing helpful for you. I just had to respond and ask, do you live above our old neighbors? :)

We had the same thing happen when my daughter was one year old. She tripped and fell on the floor once and the people downstairs banged on the ceiling so hard it sounded like a sonic boom.

We had lived in our apartment for 4 years with no problems whatsoever, and these people had lived there for about 2 weeks at that point.

Our landlord (who was a jerk anyway) sided with them and had the nerve to formally put a complaint in our "file." We moved out less than a month later.

I'm so sorry you're having problems. That is a horrible feeling. I sympathize.

You said night not day, so if infact your child is making a lot of noise keeping neighbors up, I feel you do have an obligation as a good neighbor to do eveything you can to keep him quiet past 10 or 11. You would want her to do this with the dogs, right? Let her know the dogs are noisy also. Just don't let this become "I'm going to do to you the way you do to me!"

But, if it is during the day and he is just being a normal 2 year old ignore her.

If attempts to make peace with her haven't worked, maybe you should include your landlord in the problem. It is important that he/she know you are disturbed by her dogs, but haven't complained. Are there other neighbors bothered by your child or her dogs? Is there an opportunity for a community meeting? Moving might not be an option at this point, but if you are planning a move around your pending wedding (CONGRATULATIONS!!) then maybe that could happen sooner than later, or you could stay temporarily with friends or relatives til the Big Day. Good luck!

That is her problem, not yours. When you live in an apartment, that's just what you have to deal with. Noise. This woman should realize that. Your son is just being a kid, and they run and make noise. It will be stressful on you and your son if you worry about keeping him quiet all the time. If she harasses you, talk to the apartment manager. But really, this is her problem. You aren't throwing load parties or doing anything on purpose, so you aren't in the wrong. If she talks to you again, be as polite as possible and comment how it's hard for you son to be couped up inside during the winter. If there are any activities you can take him to, do so, just to be polite, but don't feel like you have to cater to her. You don't. She has the problem.

I have had the same problem, and what I was told was that between I think 8am and 10pm (depending on your quite hour for your apartment) he can make as much noise as he wants and there really is'nt much she can do. Every time she complains, just remind her that it is cold and that he is two but that you will try to keep him down, and try to work out times when she needs its quite, and not. I would talk to your management if things don't get better. she cannot expect you to keep your two year old quite all the time! You may even want to let your son know that he may be being a little loud, make up a game for those time he needs to be quite, and things should start to look up. You can not be kicked out of your apartment because your child makes noise, its against the law.

Two things; number one, your neighbor has to realize that is apt living and two, it's not as though it was midnight and your son was keeping her awake. I would not apologize too much, and I would let her know that you deal with her dogs barking all day. Suggest she turn her TV or music up a little louder and tell her your son is usually in bed by 8:00 or so.

if you have tried to explain your problem to her and she is still not budging then maybe you should bring it to the attention of the apartments manager, maybe one of you cold move into a different apartment? has she never had children???

M., I had to go through the same thing when my kids were little. We lived on the ground floor and she lived next to us. She would come out and yell at us to be quiet at 11:30 in the "morning" when we would come home from shopping. It got to the point that my kids would freak out if one of them got too loud."the neighbor lady will get mad at us" they'd say. It really affected our living. When she moved out my boy, who was about 4 at the time, told her "thank you for moving so someone nice can move in". When we moved, I apologized to the manager for any problems she had with us. The managers response? "Oh, she complained about everyone, she was never happy. Don't worry about it".
So heres' my advice. Live your life, it's an apartment building the walls are meant to be paper. If you happen to bother her, apologize but don't change your life for her. Let your 2 year old be a 2 year old. Maybe you could tell her you can't hear how loud your son is over the barking of her dogs? Good luck.

I would say tell on her about her dogs barking all the time. And when is 6:30 late evening!! That is ridiculous. Anyways I guess I would ignore her and maybe she will move out. It is an apartment, you hear everything!! Next time she should move to the top floor.