Do You Think This Is Bad Parenting?

heh. when my baby started to walk, the downstairs neighbors complained constantly that he was always thundering and jumping and stomping. he was just toddling. sounds to me more like a poorly built building than awful neighbors.
khairete
S.

I think whatever schedule works for each family is up to them. Whether a kid stays up past a certain time that you think is right, has nothing to do with bad or good parenting.

Unfortunately noise happens and when you choose to live in an apt, you get noise. Especially when you live below people. Why not move to the upper level or a house?

carpets on the floor would help. however, I would call children's services. those late nights are not doing anything for the children's development nor mental health. it is called neglect.

I would say it is time for you to find a single family home because you can not control who will live around you and how they chose to live.

I can't say that how they chose to raise their family is wrong either. Every family needs to do what is best for them.

By calling the police I am sure you've harbored ill will and resentment on their part. I would expect things to get worse. What are the police supposed to do - ask them to stop living their lives?

I would start looking now...

I agree with momof2grlz and b.d.
This is happens when you live downstairs from someone. Not everyone will keep the same hours as you do. Some people are heavy footed and don't know how to walk lightly. Your kids may be in bed at 8, her's are in bed at 11:30. You may want to go to bed by 11 they may want to stay up till 3am.
Who's to say your way is the right way?
Maybe I just understand this situation from the POV of someone who worked nights. Even when I didn't my last down stairs neighbor would complain that I "stomp around at all hours of the night." Well thats what happens when you have a newborn and you need to get up in the middle of the night to fed her. I got even with her though.
Even if you do choose to involve the police most PD's have policies in effect with noise violations. Meaning they have to give a ton of warnings before they are even fined. If people do get fined they can fight the ticket and make their case in court that it's "normal living noises.". Sometimes the police offices don't even think there is a reason to issue a warning or a fine. So to even get to the point of a fine....can take forever. On top of that, thats all the police department can do...thats as far as it goes. So essentially people can keep making noise and get issues warnings/fines (if it even gets that far). After that all you can do is take them to small claims court.
I think you should start looking for an alternate place to live, or talk to the complex manager and see if you can transfer to another apartment (I suggest one upstairs).
Good luck.

Unfortunately, you live on the bottom floor so there really is nothing you can do about the daytime noise. They are toddler boys--she can't control them being loud during the day, they cannot walk around on tip toes because they live above somebody

Edited: I am currently living above another family with 1 young child and my downstairs neighbor is driving me crazy. She text messages me at least 3 times a week at random times saying "We are napping down here, can you please have your son stop running around?!". It is so completely rude and obnoxious. My kids nap from 1-3 every day, and she knows this (i used to babysit for her when her 16 month old was a newborn, she knows our schedule because it is consistent). She will send me a text/voicemail anytime between 3:30 and 7 saying her baby is napping and we need to keep it down. Finally I replied that I absolutely can NOT make my 2 year old sit on the couch for 3 hours every day after he takes a nap, just because her girl MIGHT be napping (it's at a different time every day--she's 8 months pregnant and puts her daughter down for a nap whenever she feels like she herself needs a nap). I can't stop my life and living in my house just because they decided to buy a condo on the first floor. I have dinner to make, a 6 month old to nurse and take care of, a house to clean, and sometimes letting my toddler jump around and dance to music is the only way i can get anything done. I really feel like you should fine a single-family home to live in, and not be so harsh on your upstairs neighbors because you do not know what their everyday life is like

I dont think letting toddlers stay up late is bad parenting, as long as they can sleep in, and theres no need to do anything like go to school, or daycare tired. But that doesnt mean i think they are good parents, or even good people stomping around with no care to your feelings.

But no staying up late (as in thats it) is not a direct indication of bad parenting, but merely proof of different hours

I don't think it's bad parenting.
The fact of the matter is, you live below someone. No matter what, you're going to hear noise. Some apartments are more sound proof then others, but you're still going to hear the noise. They might not even be jumping around, it just might sound like it. I lived in a downstairs apartment once and I'll never do it again. The people that lived above me weren't even that loud. It was just the way the apartments were built. They would walk and I would think the ceiling was going to fall in. Sounds to me like it might be time to consider moving to an apartment on the top floor. Yes, it's inconvenient, but there's not really much else you can do. The police probably aren't going to do anything unless they're blasting music all hours of the night. And then they might just give them a ticket.

We lived upstairs once and had our neighbors below come up and tell us we were too loud. We saw our kids running in circles (ages 2 and 3 at the time) but didn't even think it was loud since we didn't hear anything. But after that, we made sure they never ran again. Now we live in a 2 story house and the noise downstairs is terrible. It sounds worse than it is. We'll think the kids are creating a ruckus upstairs only to find them sitting quietly and playing. Once my husband yelled upstairs to stop running!! I was the only one upstairs and I definately wasn't running or being noisy. So if they are running it's going to be unbearable. It sounds like maybe you'll need to switch apartments so you're the one on top!! As far as bad parenting goes. It's hard to judge that. I hope you're able to work something out and get some sleep! Good luck!!

My boys do a lot of running and jumping around our house because they are boys and just seem to have extra energy. I take them outside to run around as much as possible, but they have endless energy. I couldn't imagine if we lived in apartment and on the top floor. Yikes!
You could try buying some sound machines. They work great. We have several in our house just from when our kids were babies to block out noise of their siblings when taking naps. We keep them on at night too and it seems to help everyone sleep better. These machines would probably help drown out some of the noise.

Well, yeah. Kids should have a set bed time. They should have a night time routine (bath, snack, book, bed).

That being said, it is unrealistic to expect people to be quiet during the day. With all your complaining, I think they make noise on purpose just to aggravate you. It's working! You need to move - even if it's in the same complex - maybe you can be the upstairs neighbor!

The fact is that that is their home, just like your area is your home. You must have been aware that when you live downstairs you are always going to have issues like this. Sometimes even just a normal walk across the floor sounds differently downstairs than it does upstairs. I know, I have been both the upstairs and downstairs neighbor at different times.

There are many options of what to do in this instance. Calling the managers office, even if you get the on-call person at least a complaint will be recorded. Going in and filing a formal complaint is another thing you can do. If the manager can't, or won't, address the issues then you can always call the police. It will make things more difficult for you in the long run. When neighbors get into this type of interaction then no one really wins.

You cannot make your neighbors act any certain way. The only long term solution is to move into a single dwelling such as a house.

It doesn't sound (from the description) like bad parenting--it actually sounds like my house, and while I might JOKE that I'm a terrible parent, I know I am not, I just have little boys. In fact, my 2 1/2 year old is jumping up and down on my recliner at this moment while his big brother is hiding behind it meowing like a kitten--and I'm too tired to make him stop since I'm snuggling my 2 week old boy and the recliner is really pretty trashed.

They do know they are not supposed to jump on or off of the furniture, but realistically they are kids and they are going to do it before I remind them again. Maybe the parents upstairs are trying to keep their kids quieter, but kids still manage to do noisy things before we can intervene.

My kids are one of the reasons I would NEVER live above someone. We had downstairs neighbors once in an old house who were so sound sensitive they would freak out if we walked around during the day (before we had kids) not to mention calling security any time my husband played music (again during the day). If your complex has "noises down" rules, they should be enforced. If not, you just have clashing lifestyles.

My kids are awake and active until close to midnight or 1:00 a.m. every night. My husband works evenings so they sleep in a bit with him in the mornings and he can see them after work. That has nothing to do with quality parenting, it simply means we have a slightly different schedule from other people.

There may be other issues involved here making this family unsafe for their children, but from your description it really sounds like a personal issue more than anything. My own kids drive me nuts sometimes with their late schedules and activity levels, especially when we can't get them outside to let off steam. I can't imagine how bad it would be if we lived above someone. I was really starting to bite their heads off when I was nine months pregnant, and I love them more than anything. Hang in there--most likely they are trying to keep their kids quieter (it is really embarrassing to be ASKED to be quiet after all), but no matter how quiet they are, they are going to sound much louder to you. :(

My boys did that at that same age. Some kids are highly energetic. Is it bad parenting? Who knows, perhaps there is some kind of structure to their day. It would be helpful if the mom takes the kids to a park/play date/library... but not all people are able to do that.

Really though, to expect them to be quiet all day during daytime hours is ludicrous. Even on thin floors just random walking would disturb our neighbors, even when we vacuumed they complained. My downstairs neighbors use to complain about us and it was very, very difficult controlling the boys so they weren't jumping all over the place and crashing into the floors... and I was a good parent with lots of structured activities, a little preschool, parks, I taught my kids about the people below us and tried very hard, we disciplined them... but the kids still loved jumping off the couches and playing with their racecars. I'll tell you though, after about the 10th complaint and the apartment office telling the neighbors to get used to it, I didn't try so hard to control my kids during the day b/c they needed to get their energy out and frankly,. the neighbors drive me nuts. They even called the police one afternoon and the police laughed about it and said people waste their time with these phone calls during the day and told our downstairs neighbors to calm down and not to call again unless it was an emergency or late night hours they would be fined.

At night time though, after about 9pm you are within your rights to complain. I would definitely call the office and police if it gets into the 10pm or later though, because there are noise restrictions.

I would call the police every single time. Call the OFFICE every single time.

Yes, some may consider this bad parenting, but are they mistreating their children, no. What ever the sleep schedule is for their children is their business. Also, little boys have lots of energy.

If the management and the police won't do anything then you're only other option is to find another place to live. I know this doesn't sound very encouraging, but unfortunately it's reality.

Not so much bad parenting as bad neighboring. I grew up in a military family and always HATED living in base housing. Can your husband put in a request to move units? Good luck.

If the cops won't respond, then maybe the best revenge is about 7 weeks away. You know, your newborn who will cry at all hours so SHE can't sleep. I'm sorry they're not being respectful.

This is why when we lived in an apartment we requested a bottom floor because I had a two yr old at the time, and I didn't want her to feel she had to tip toe around. Unfortunately during the day, there is not a whole lot you can do, I mean they are kids, you can't expect them not to run around, but they shouldn't be allowed to run around and jump off things late at night. Is there a property manager that you can talk to about the noise at night? I would try that first.

I don't think it is smart parenting. The kids need more structure and routine when it comes to bedtime, and bedtime should be more reasonable than 2-3 am! The noise is an issue you should pursue complaining about. If their thing is to stay up really late with the kids, that's their business, but it in no way should be noisy enough to keep people up. Talk to the landlord and continue calling the police. There must be noise laws where you are, so check and see what time quiet time is supposed to be (around here, neighbors can complain after 10pm). Keep going up there too and maybe they will get the point and start putting the kids to bed earlier or having quiet activities if they insist on keeping all hours.

We used to live on the first floor of a rental property we owned and rented out the second floor apartment, using the rent money toward the mortgage. The upstairs had hardwood floors and you could hear just about everything. We had several different tenants over the years. The quietest were a married couple without kids who put area rugs down all over, were both gone working all day, came home at night, and then just watched TV. You hardly ever knew they were up there. We did have a number of tenants will small kids and that was pretty much all you heard all day long - running back and forth, jumping, toys dropping on the floor. DH would get pretty annoyed but I was like, what do you expect them to do? Make them sit still and just watch TV all day long? And he would insist that when his boys were that age (he had been married before, then divorced), they found quiet things for them to do, they didn't just let them run non-stop all the time in the apartment - that's what the play area outside was for. We also dealt with the loud music, and what sounded like moving furniture around too. Thing is, we were the landlords and we could stipulate when the noise had to stop. One family got fed up enough that they decided to move out (but the noise they made was not our only issue - they also had a hard time paying the rent in full on time).

Since you've said you have talked to them, and talked to the police, and the housing office, I would start putting my complaints in writing so you have more documentation of specific dates and times when the noise is excessive and there is a record of what you have said and when it's been said. It's normal for kids to be active during the day and it would be nice if they would take them out on a regular basis to help them get their ya-yas out, and then had them down for the night at a reasonable hour. If they are not doing that, I don't know if I would call it bad parenting so much as less-than-stellar parenting. Some parents are just really lax when it comes to enforcing bedtimes, rules about jumping off furniture, etc. and basically just let their kids go wild and run the show. Start looking for another place to live if possible, and once the baby arrives, if the noise is still an issue, let the management know that they will be losing a tenant because of the problem created by another tenant that they have failed to rectify.

What is bad parenting is not teaching your children to have respect for others and their feelings, which is what like this sounds like. The activity level and noise level and hours kept are personal preferences.

I hope that this issue can get resolved for you. I like things quiet too.

Duh. Yeah.
All I know is the I am a WHOLE lot happier when my son is in a routine. He's 8 now and he's still on a routine--not as tight of a routine now, but still.

When I see parent out at the store, a mall, a restaurant, etc late at night I feel sorry for the kids :( I immediately think "bad parent". I know there are exceptions to every rule and there ARE circumstances when you have your kids up later than usual...bur as the "norm"....nope.

I've spent time in poorly-constructed or old apartments, houses, and hotels that seemed to amplify every sound coming through walls or floors. The people in adjoining dwellings were mostly living reasonable, normal lives.

I'm sorry your experiencing so much distress over this. And young children need do need to move and play – your own baby may cry all night long for awhile, and that will disturb YOUR neighbors. If you just can't take the noise levels, you may ultimately be better off finding another place to live. So sorry.

Sorry for your situation. Unfortunately, that is just what you get sometimes when you live in an apartment. We had a single man above us one time and we called him the buffalo because he "walked so loudly". And I swore he rearranged his furniture every other night! I cant imagine what it would have been like having children above us. To make judgements about their parenting is probably a little harsh....things arent always what they seem when you are only hearing them through the ceiling. I would try to search for another apartment if possible- maybe a townhome or a top floor (keeping in mind that if you are on the top floor, your parenting may also be under scrutiny).

I would say the running around and jumping during the day is unfortunately just something you have to deal with when you live in an apartment with small children around.. do you really expect 2 and 3 year olds to walk around on tip toes?? I would say let that drop and learn to deal with it.. Although I do think you should take up the night time activities. Contact your landlord and find out if there are certain rules of the house as a certain time of night in which things are expected to be quieter.. If they are constantly being loud at night then I would definitely contact the landlord and maybe try to have a sit down conversation as to when a good time to have a house quiet time in the evening and nights.. If they see that you have dropped the idea that they have to be quiet during the days they may be more willing to be accommodating during the evenings. If you complain too much you can really turn people against you. Deal with day time noises, that is what happens in a house that is full of kids.. As for the parenting issues, we all have different schedules and while I think it's inappropriate it's not for me to say it's a bad parenting issue. Try to give a little to get a little..

I don't think it is bad parenting (necessarily). It is being a bad neighbor. If the kids don't need to be up at a particular time of the morning and get enough sleep, I don't think it matters what time they go to bed. When DS was an infant, he went to bed at 11:30 - when we did. Now that he has preschool, he goes to bed at 8:15 or so. Kids do need to run around and play - is there some reason the kids upstairs can't do that outside during the day?

I would complain to your landlord and file a noise complaint with the police. If your landlord will not initiate proceeding against the tenants upstairs, I would let him know you will be terminating the lease and moving.

Continue to contact the apartment manager and or business office and the police. Eventually they will all get tired of fielding complaints about these noisy neighbors. If any of your neighbors are also bothered by this noise get them to call too, the more complaints the faster something will get done. I hate to call CPS but sometimes it's necessary, if nothing else works call CPS.
I was in a simular situation with noisy neighbors and when I talked to the others on out street I found out thay had all called the police on these people.
You have the right to live in your home in a quiet and peaceful manner.

I think it is bad parenting because obviously there is a lack of discipline here. I believe children need to have a night time schedule so when they are older there are no ifs, ands or buts about going to bed at a certain time. Discipline needs to start at a very early age, or else it will be hard to get your point across.

Yes , that is bad parenting on top of being inconsiderate to the people below and beside them. What have the cops and the housing office had to say? Kids need structure, and it sounds like they aren't being provided that structure. Have you talked to the Mom or the dad ? Sometimes it doesn't matter , but, I would hope with the Dad's military training/discipline he'd know better, ..... I feel for you. Move if all else fails, even if they have an open place in the same complex,..... C. S.

I would call the police & the office anytime they are being excessively noisy after 10pm.

We have lived in downstairs apartments, but never with kids above us. Our last ones worked nights, so they would be walking around and it was sooo noisy! I never called the police because it wasn't too excessive, I could tell they were just walking around.

We live in an upstairs apartment now. After being the downstairs tenants, I am very conscious about my daughter & tell her not to jump around or anything that might be noisy to our neighbors.

People have no respect for others anymore...

I couldnt really say if its bad parenting are not - my kids run around and jump and make noise all day, but are in bed by 8:30.

I would keep callin the housing office, every day, and calling the police until they are either quiet or move.

.

Thank God we don't live in an apartment because I have no idea how my kids have the energy to run like wild little indians all day long. BUT they have a 7:00 bed time. This sucks for you & I am sure this is extra annoying since you are about to have a baby.

Can you invite them for lunch & try to be-friend them. Sometimes people are much more considerate if you get to know them a little. Maybe if you get to know her a little more, you can have her come down (make any excuse) when her husband is upstairs with the kids & maybe she will hear for herself how loud her kids are or how thin the floors are.

Either way this is disrespectful but not child services worthy like another poster mentioned. Best wishes

The best thing you can do is call the building manager and tell then that your upstars neighbors are being excessively noisy and what you have done to try to remedy the problem. Talk to your neighbors and see if they feel the same way- there strength in numbers.

LOL. It sounds to me like they are doing it more to get your goat.

grrrr....the lack of consideration and rudeness would drive me nuts. Of course children will make noise during the day but when living ABOVE someone common courtesy should play a part in your life. I would allow my kids to play and make noise of course but also would include quiet time when we would play games, make crafts, bake cookies, color, paint, any number of things that you can entertain your children with while sitting at your table. I have a 4 and 1/2 y/o and a 9 m/o and we have a single family home so noise is not an issue. However my kids still have quiet time and they are in bed by 8:30ish every night. My baby is up still several times a night for feeding but even that is quiet...lol. After repeated complaints involving both the housing office and the police...I pretty much think at this point their being spiteful. I would wait until everything has settled down and it sounds as if they are all settling into peaceful slumber...then I would take my broom and bang the heck out of the floor under the kids room to wake them up.....why should you be the only one without sleep catering to their sleep schedule? Let their parents have to loose their sleep for a while too. I know...I know...I'm being spiteful, sometimes I just can't control the devil in me ;D