Meeting Someone Online

I met my husband online too...

It sounds like your daughter had been pretty safe while interacting with this guy by having a friend with her. Plus, think about it... He actually wants to come over and meet her parents... That doesn't really sound like something a serial killer or rapist would do.

She is 18. It's gonna happen, with or without your permission. So my vote is get to know him and have him over for dinner.

wow your possible solutions seem like a way to get rid of a daughter.

not allow her?? she's 18 if you want her to move out quick and stop contacting you, sure....
if you want a relationship with her speak to her like you would an adult and tell her your concerns and have him for dinner
its common now that people meet online so let that be and also its pretty common for a boy in love to drive for a girl...hell my brother dronve that far to get laid when he was that age. if this boy is in love he'd move mountains for her quite possibly. invite him over and get to know him. he might be family one day don't treat him badly or have preconcieved notions

She's 18, so the control of her life is shifting. You say she is mature beyond her years. She's also now a legal adult.

Best thing to do - be the "nice" mom and have him over for dinner - restaurant if you're not ready to have him into your home till you know him. You can scope him out, etc. Because telling her she can't leave the house on weekends will probably backfire into her leaving, period. SHE actually asked to bring him over - say yes.

Don't assume he's nuts till you meet him. The internet has a lot of normal people.

Wow.

First of all, she's 18 so telling her that she can never leave your house is simply unrealistic.

Second, yes of course have this young man over to your home to meet you. Do this often. Get to know him. For all you know he may be a really nice guy.

Third, I met my husband online... it happens all the time. It's incredibly common today.

If he likes your daughter, it's not all that strange that he would drive to meet her. Speak with her calmly about your concerns and just keep an eye on the situation. As for not telling you about him... going on a limb here and guessing that you tend to freak out about things and overreact (based solely on the fact that you are thinking of forbiding an otherwise responsible person from leaving your supervision), so I can understand her hesitation.

Get to know him and see what happens. Remember that she's your child, but she's not "a child".

I met my husband online and we've been married over 10 years now. Meeting someone online isn't a terrible horrible thing. It doesn't mean he's a serial killer, or a rapist or something.

He goes to school in KY, his parents live in MI, and y'all live in OH...which is between KY and MI. It's quite possible he's driving back to his parents house, and he's stopping to spend time with your daughter.

I think your daughter has acted responsibly thus far. She took a friend with her to meet him. She wants you to meet him. And on top of all that, she's 18. You can't keep her from doing things now. Sure, you can lay down the law and tell her she can't leave the house on weekends because you don't trust her, but she's 18 and what is that going to accomplish? Nothing more than pushing her out of the house earlier than she probably would have otherwise.

I say, meet the kid. Talk to him and find out who he is. Don't pass judgement and come at the kid with an attitude of "You're taking my baby away!"

Talk to her. Find out more about what she's interested in about this guy.
Does she just like him or does she think she's in love with him?

Talk to her about your concerns without scaring her. Let her know that while you are disappointed she didn't share with you about this guy earlier, that you are glad that they are both up for him meeting the family. And then, plan a dinner out at a restaurant or some place where you can get to know him a bit.

See how that goes.
We have a neighbor who was in love with her online/Skype British boyfriend... until they actually met and spent some time together. (He flew out here to the States.) I don't know all the particulars, but they did break up and that was the extent of the drama. She didn't run away. She didn't wind up abused or pregnant.

So find out what's going on with this guy, what they have in common. Let her glow a little and instead of shooting down his good qualities, let her give you and earful and then reserve judgment until you meet him. From my experience, your husband will also have that good sense of judgment about guys that many older men have. He might get a really different read on this fellow. You never know.

Lastly-- you said your daughter's never given you any trouble. If she's that trustworthy, try to put that on the 'plus' side. She didn't meet him alone at first, and let's face it: she's at an age that if she doesn't have that good discernment now, it's a little hard to start backtracking.

I would talk to her about your concerns, but not in a OMG!! type of way. Ask her why she hid him from you. She was smart enough not to meet him alone, but she shouldn't have kept him from you overall. That wasn't so smart.

You can meet nice people online and weird people online. My BIL and sister met online. Two of my best friends (who are now married) met in a role playing chat room. So I'd talk to her about why he's coming, etc. How does she feel about him? What does she know about him?

If you do not meet him at your house, find somewhere else to meet. It would be completely acceptable to say no, but you'll meet him for dinner. Make sure he doesn't expect to stay with you. And see how it goes. Thank your DD for being honest with you now. Try to look at it as similar to meeting someone by chance that moved after the initial meeting. My friend flew out from Utah to meet her now DH.

And, to be honest, I met a guy in a bar, chatted so briefly, and knew less about him than some of the people I have met from online friendships. Yeah, people can lie. They can lie to your face, too.

So meet the guy. See how it goes. And tell DD you are just concerned that she felt she had to keep it from you and that she met him without telling you - just in case.

Fact is, she's 18 now and it's a weird place to be as a parent.

Well, T., your daughter is 18 so she actually can meet people without telling you....

I think you should definitely meet him, as it sounds like she plans on spending as much time with this guy as possible. If you're not comfortable inviting him over yet, meet him at a restaurant for dinner. Get to know him before you form your opinions.

Well, your daughter sounds really sensible. The fact that she wants you to meets him means she is not hiding anything from you. She is 18, so basically she can see him if she wants. I think when you meet him you can judge his character then, and not before. Just keep encouraging her to stay safe and use common sense. My friends daughter was 18 when she met a guy on-line. They met in a safe environment and 8 years later they now live together and he is really nice.

Invite the boy over to your house. She wants you to meet him! Look at it this way, she is showing you how responsible she is. She met him with friends present, and now she wants you to meet him..

I met my hubby online over 12 years ago. He lived in London, I in Chicago. We met in London, when I was passing through to Dublin. I did arrange for the layover in London so I could meet him, however. We actually fell in love via email correspondence. Mind you, we were both 29 at the time, which is a world away from 18.

I think it's good that he is meeting you. You can get a feel for him then and there, and decide whether or not your daughter should go out with him.

Sometimes on-line dating works , sometimes it doesn't. You have to trust your daughter first before you can trust this guy, obviously. I also would insist that she not take him to her home or your home by herself, until they go out at least for another couple of times, so you all can be comfortable.

I met someone on-line when I was 18. I lived in Fl at the time, he CT. My friend had a wedding to go to in MA, so we actually drove up and met this guy. He was nice enough, but we both felt weird, and obviously long distance just was too much. So, we said goodbye and that was it. He was your average, normal guy. We both had people around, so it was safe. I think it was good that your daughter wants you to meet him. If she didn't feel right about him, she wouldn't want you to.

Keep an open mind, until their is that parent/gut feeling you have that screams "run away"!

Check him out. Tell her that you'd like to really know something about him. Look at her facebook account (they are friends, right?) Read as much as you can.

When you meet him, don't treat him like a criminal. But DO ask him why he chose an online girl rather than someone at school. See what he says.

If you are uncomfortable with him coming to your house, tell her. First, ask her if he knows where you live. If she has already told him, then you might as well say yes. If you say no to meeting you, what do you think will happen? Do you actually think that she won't ever meet him? At least she is talking to you about it and wanting you to be part of this.

You cannot tell her she can't leave the house on the weekends ever again, Mom. You know that. Try hard to be part of this process with her, give her some understanding and leeway, and help her navigate this. He may end up being a perfectly nice young man.

Good luck,
Dawn

I would suggest that the family meet him at a restaurant or something. I would want to get a "feel" for the guy before letting him know where we live. Of course, he might already know from your daughter.

I would definitely want to meet him so whatever I had to do/agree to to make that happen, I would.

You can't tell her she can't leave the house; she's 18. I know you said she's never given you any trouble, but once you try to tell her she can't leave the house or that she can't see this guy again, don't doubt she will pull the "I'm 18 and can do what I want" card.

She did at least take someone when she met him the first time, but she did not show good judgment in meeting him on a walking trail alone. I too would be scared for her.

Meet the guy but even if you don't like him, don't forbid her from seeing him. You know the old saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!" Keep this guy close to the family scene until you feel good about him/the relationship, if you ever do.

what i would do is ask questions, be receptive, be inviting to your daughter and her new friend. after all she is 18 and if she wanted too she could leave your house at anytime w/o your consent. i am assuming that is the last thing you would want. she is growing up, she is showing maturity. you cannot treat her like she is a child forever. good luck!

Thanks everyone for the great advice. When I first wrote the post I was upset because she had lied to me about who she was meeting at the mall. I do have a very good girl and her dad and I have forgivin her for lying. I know she is 18 but I did fail to mention she is still in high school and never had a boyfriend. She has said the guys she is in school with are to immature for her. We are meeting the guy in a couple days. We are approaching this situation cautiously but with an open mind. I did not realize it is so common to meet people online. I just hear of horror stories of young girls meeting people in person that they have been chating to online. Maybe I watch to much news. Will keep you updated on our meeting. Thanks again

Well here's another woman who met her husband online lol.
I don't think that it is too uncommon this day and age.
When my husband and I first 'met' I lived in TN and he in Cincinnati. We talked everyday on the phone for 18months and then I moved up here.
She seems like she is a responsible ADULT since she has come through the teen years being responsible.
I see you live just north of Dayton. If he goes to NKY university that really isn't too long of a drive.
She is trying to include you in this relationship and I would tank my lucky stars that she is wanting that. I do question why you say you don't trust her. Just because she is meeting someone in person that she met online doesn't make her untrustworthy.
I would agree to a dinner date with her and her friend and your family. Or meet at a (public) park and have a picnic if you are uncomfortable having him in your home. And I would state it to your daughter that way, "Honey I would love to met John but how about we go out to eat together first to let me get to know him some?"

I would DEFINITELY want to meet this guy. It apppears she wants to continue to see him. So as a mom you want to OPEN that door not shut it. Ask her in fact to see him at your home for awhile before she sees him outside of it again. That way you can get a gage and feel for this guy.
I know there is a stereo type about meeting someone on line, but honestly she could've have met him in high school and the chances that something was wrong w/ him could be just as great.
Let him come to your home, see how he responds to you. Ask questions, but don't drill him. She's 18, you cant keep her in the house! But by keeping open lines of communication w/ her you'll be me more informed and involved. Good Luck!