Men Around Pregnant Women

My husband's ex wife told me (at 7 months pregnant), "You're bigger than I was the day I delivered." She must have put on some weight since then - since even that day I could hide in her shadow.. and I told her so. Bwah haha.

The men I just kind of brushed off - they're trying to be nice, they can't help it when their y chromosome shows. I will tell you, though, that when strangers - male or female - touched my belly without permission, I just reached out and touched theirs too.

I was under the impression that "Great with child" is a religious type compliment.

S.

I used to dream up witty responses to these comments and entertain myself with them as I commuted to work.

"Well, it's only temporary, and there IS a baby in there. What's your excuse?"

Or I would imagine replying in mock surprise "OH MY GOD! You are SOOO STUPID! I can see your dumb ass coming around a corner even before you're there...."

In response to "Man, are you carrying twins?" (which happened more often than I cared in my second pregnancy) I would want to say "No, but shouldn't you be doing something about that hair loss?"

And, if you really want to shut them up, tell them about your hemmroids (sp??) or constipation, or some general random fact about pregnancy gleaned from the "what to expect" series.
"You seem very interested in my pregnancy, would you like me to tell you all about it? Maybe you'd like to know the last time I had a bowel movement? I tell ya, things sure get uncomfortable after the 3rd or 4th day..."

Coworker: Man, you look huge!
You: "Did you know that pregnancy decreases a woman's immune system?"
Co-worker: *confused silence*
You: "I sure hope you're washing your hands a lot to help reduce the risk of illness in the office."

I actually had a girl at work that said, "hey chubby!" and then she later said, "oh, how cute, your hips are expanding!" I mean, come on!

I think people just feel the need to notice your growing belly (and other parts) as a way of saying they notice. It REALLY irritated me too!

A.,

I apologize for the treatment you are receiving. They are not thinking and they are using only half their brain. They also have no compassion. Not to brag, but I believe you need more of my type of men around you, not easy to find. I am a birth doula, massage therapist-specializing in prenatal/labor/infant massage, personal trainer- specializing in pre/postnatal fitness and Physical Therapy Technician. Again, sorry A..

Sincerely,

D. P., LMT, CPT
email: ____@____.com
(P.S. Note to all, I am str8, was married 16yrs and have 3 children and 1 grandson. :)

When I was pregnant with my second I got soooo many rude comments I literally cried to my husband every night because everyday someone would make a comment about my size. The worst one was:
My husband and I were at a local cafe where we ate every Sunday and this man that we both knew came up to my husband and told him (right in front of me) that he needed to watch what I ate because I was getting a little on the chunky side. My husband said, you know she's pregnant right? And the cranky old fart said, yeah, but she's not eating for 3 is she? He just laughed and walked out of the door. I started crying right there in front of everyone.

Hi A.,

I always got lots of comments like that from men and women alike, strangers and known people because I actually was carrying twins - LOL. It never really bothered me too much because I always felt like they were talking about the size of my belly (the babies) and not the size of my butt (although that was growing at an alarming rate, too!) LOL Anyway, I always took it as a sign of sympathy because most of the people were impressed that I could still waddle through Walmart in my 39th week measuring 53 inches with twins. It was almost a badge of courage LOL Try not to let it bother you, it's amazing that women have been pregnant for thousands of years and it's one of the few things that still leave people in awe at the wonder of creation. I bet that's where a lot of those comments are coming from :-)

I just thought I would share something nice that a coworker said to me the other day. After a full day of the inappropriate comments from everyone else, she came up to me and said " your baby is really growing". It just put into perspective what I am sure everyone else meant to say, but it was such a nicer way to say it. It really made me feel like the attention was put on my sweet baby and the miracle of her life instead of me and how my body was changing. I wish everyone else could have heard her!

I had to respond to this because I will never forget walking into Blockbuster Video and having the clerk (female) make some remark about having to clean up if my water broke! Maybe she was joking/whatever the case it was NOT appropriate! I went on to tell her that would be a huge surprise since I had a about four more months to go-then she asked if I were having twins. I regret not complaining to the manager!! I am only five ft tall. It is ridiculous, try to laugh it off and complain to managers if necessary... I had other remarks but this was the worst.

I don't know what happens to people's manners when it comes to pregnant women. I am completely confused as to why anyone would say anything about your size or state of mind or ANYTHING to a pregnant woman. My stance on it was that it is a very joyful, but personal time. I have 3 children and have had all the comments and unwanted touches by strangers. All I do is try to remember when I see someone who is expecting is just tell them congratulations and move on to another subject. Unfortunately, you can't do anything about it. I had my 3rd child when I was 38 and my husband was 50. Now we get the "are we the proud grandparents?" comment. It will never stop!

Trust me - it's not only men who make these comments. When I was pregnant with my second baby girl, one of my co-workers put her hand on my belly and said "I just know this one is a boy. Boys make your backside spread out more!"

I was mortified - especially when my "boy" turned out to be a girl!! I mean SERIOUSLY - who makes comments like that???? But I, like you, had to remind myself that she didn't mean to remind me how fat I was getting!

Pregnant with twins, called in to talk to a partner (boss) in a law firm; as I walk in, he exlaims, "My god! You are getting so big!" But hey, it's not how you look while you are pregnant that counts, it's how you look 4 to 6 months afterwards. You just concentrate on being as healthy as you can and bring this baby in as healthy as possible, and after you rest and recover you can worry about your figure. Keep your eye on the ball, so to speak.

When I was in the latter stages of my first twin pregnancy (yes, I've had two sets of twins), I could hardly walk into my office from the parking lot; I had to stop and rest two or three times. I could hardly drive home because my belly was pushing against the steering wheel and that made my girls mad, so that they kicked and kicked.

LOL, I am sure you are being pretty hormonal, but also that people can be pretty insensitive. I am 7 months pregnant myself and feeling a lot of the same thing. I gained weight slowly at first but in the last couple of weeks have "caught up." Now people are telling me everyday how I have suddenly grown. My most "unfavorite" part is the fact that I just overtook my husband in weight. He's a pretty light weight guy so I guess it isn't too bad... but it's that mental picture of being bigger than my husband that really brings me down!

Congratulations on your upcoming birth though. Just try to keep in mind that no one means things maliciously and that you are so truly blessed. Feel free to vent to me anytime!

I sometimes think people are just trying to make conversations. With my first child I was sick a lot and hadn't gained hardly any weight and I was about 30 weeks. I was really skinny but you could tell I was pregnant. An older man asked me if the doctor was getting on to me about gaining too much weight! I told him that the doctor was getting on to me for not gaining enough weight and I think he got a little embarrassed. He said his granddaughter had gained too much during her pregnancy. I think he just started talking w/o thinking. People are very inconsiderate and it does make it tough when you're uncomfortable, hormonal, and not sleeping well. Hang in there and good luck w/your little one!

I noticed this when I was pregnant too! Why do people think they can talk about your weight or size when you are pregnant? I think it's rude to talk about a person's weight and size no matter what. And I have my own rant... here's a question...why is okay to talk about your weight or size if you are "skinny"? "Look, I can put my hand around your wrist..." "Do you eat?" "Your legs are like toothpicks." "How much do you weigh?" Just because someone is thin, can you talk about their weight? I think it's rude.

Dear A.:

YOu're right - some of the comments are amusing and funny. Just keep telling yourself that they mean well, just not great with choosing their words. Of course some are neandertals and have no idea that their actions are uancceptable. For the person that touched your stomach, that is not cool. I handled the comments okay but when a co-worker started to touch me, I stopped him and told him no. Had he of asked I may not of been so blunt, but it made me very uncomfortable. There were many people I worked with who asked to feel and it did not bother me but I found anyone who just assumed it was okay to touch my stomach, RUDE. Would they rub my stomach if I were not pregnant??? This same man tried to touch me not too long before delivery and again I told him NO. Of course I was getting a little on the irritable side and told him to rub his own tummy as he looked as pregnant as I was. To say the least, he did not try that again. I think he chalked it up to hormones and we got along after the pregnancy.

Have a wonderful Christmas and best wishes on your new arrival.

T.