Middle Child Blues

Hi B.: I've got 5 kids and am expecting my 6th soon. I have a middle child who is opposite of yours - very mild-mannered and easily overlooked (she's 7). I need to work at including her and being willing just to listen to her more readily. However, one of my older children (age 11) is very emotional and needs LOTS of attention and a more "tender" touch - of which I am not naturally inclined. So, I understand a little of what you might be experiencing with this one child. My aim everyday is to include both children in my busy life. My plan is to have each of them at times sit down next to me as I nurse my new baby or find ways to involve them more in being my helper and the baby's "special sister." These things don't have to be stated, but perhaps drawing your 8 year old into your routine more closely and finding all the things she can help you with or just asking her to be next to you more often as you do the dishes or do the laundry, etc. Perhaps finding things that interest her and making it a priority to instruct your older boys (at least one of them) to help her with her interests and hobbies, or at least play a game with her. It could just be for 1/2 hour a day like right after lunch. I have two kids that don't get along very well, but when they find something they both like doing they start playing nicely and seem happy together. Sometimes it's just guiding them a bit. Also, having her play a specific game or with dolls with her younger sister can make her feel important, too. Good luck - I'll be in your shoes in a very short time.

I'm a middle too and remember that feeling of "nobody pays attention to me." Since it is hard to do one on one, can you at least get her involved with things you are doing around the house, tackle household chores together? Is she in any outside activities just for her. Look into Girls Scouts. She'll get a group of girls her own age that will become like family over the years as well as teaching her lots of important skills.

As far as feeling overwhelmed-don't be afraid to ask for help and don't try to be super mom. Get the older kids to pitch in. Look for a mothers helper (young girls looking to start babysitting but aren't quite ready yet). It's not the end of the world if the socks don't get folded. Prioritize within reason. Remember to take a few minutes for yourself no matter how tired you are.

Hi B.:
I was the middle child in a family of 7 kids.I was also the only blonde amongst all my brown haired, brown eyed siblings,so i was a real odd ball.Friends would come to the house,and ask where they got me.and i'd always be the bunt of their joke( The mailman? The milkman? I was left on the steps in a basket! lol For years,I pounded mom and dad to tell me the truth,about being adopted! Anyway, I certainly know what it is to be in the middle.I have to tell you,the most memorable times i have as a girl,were the little trips mom took me on alone. She would take me aside, and ask if i'd like to go with her somewhere,and she surprised me by taking me all by myself to go sit and have a chocolate sunday together.We just sat there and enjoyed our sunday and chatted about little things.We were only gone a short time, but it was long enough for me to treasure in my little box of fond memories.On my 16th birthday,she took me all by myself,to Hollywood! We had a fantastic time. I guess,what i'm trying to say here, is that.Because I knew how very busy and demanding my mothers days were,that her stealing me away alone ,even for a brief time,made me feel pretty special. Another idea,would be to allow her to sign up for a dance class,where she can have fun with girls her age, and eventually be the center of attention at a recital,for the whole family to recognize her personality and talents. As far as saving your own sanity, the way I look at it is this. Its far more reasonable to spend the funds to take a day for yourself,then to have to pay for therapy latter! lol Get someone to sit a few hours and take a well deserved break!Take a craft class or dance class.What ever you like.I wish you and your whole tribe the very best.J.

While I don't actually have six children, from 7AM - 5PM Monday through Friday I have six kids ages 18 months, 19 months, 20 months, 2.5 years, 4 years and 5 years in my house. When I reach my limit and about to go out of my mind, I call the cleaning ladies. Spending the $85 every couple of months is really worth it. To have the entire house clean at once is refreshing. It always feels like a new beginning. I can't help you with the middle child, but I strongly recommend hiring a cleaning company to help you out once in a while.
~N.

Read the book BIRTH ORDER-WHY YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE by Kevin Leman. I feel this book will help you. Through studies, they surprisingly found that middle children, later in life, turn out more mentally stable than their siblings!