Middle Child Syndrome? - Dallas,TX

I read something years ago that has always stayed with me. It was about a father of TWELVE children who was given an award for his involvement in his community. All his children - including the middle ones - who were old enough to be interviewed praised him (and it sounded as if they would have praised him if they weren't being interviewed, too). The comment they made which has always stuck in my mind was: "My dad made me feel as if I wasn't one of twelve kids. He made me feel as if I were an only child - and so were my brothers and sisters. He made each of us feel so special."

I'm a middle child and never had problems with it. :)

I agree with another mom who said there is always oldest and baby syndrome.. or if you have an only girl or only boy... there will always be something, so just make the most of it and treat each child equally and according to their personality

I would say that as long as your are concious of this your middle will be fine. I would not base your decision on this either. I think you will be sorry if you do decide not to have another. You obviously want one. And there are also "syndromes" for your other kids that are not very positive. The "oldest child syndrome" and also the "youngest" child syndrome. I think it is what you make it so I wouldn't worry about it.

I was the middle and I did feel like that, but I had really crappy parents lol. My mom loved my older sister the most, it was obvious. Stepdad liked the baby because she was his we were not, so there I was. But really if you are a good parent, which you obviously are for even worrying about this, you'll be aware of this possibility of middle child syndrome and not let it happen. Dont let something silly like that stop you from havng another baby! Good luck

I married a middle child. He is a people pleaser he, likes to help, he is very grounded and more successful than either of his siblings. I'm the oldest and I am stubborn, I like to have things my way and I don't take no from many people, I'm bossy.
We have four children. My oldest is more an only child, he is 6 years senior to the next one. My 2nd is more the oldest child, bossy, in charge, etc.
My third is a classic middle child. She is always playing peacekeeper, she likes to please, she gets along with both the others at home and happens to be her big brother's favorite sibling. He is 21 and has been out of the house for three years. She doesn' have to be the one in charge but can be and she doesn't have to be the one who knows everything.
She is the one I can count on to get chores finished correctly and the one who is genunely in love with the world. She is my happiest child and by far my most content with herself.
And my 4th, yes, he is the baby and according to my oldest two I am very lax with him and he gets away "with everything".

I've never heard those things. I've always heard the middle child was the peacemaker in the family. I am a middle child and that's me. I have been told that I am the "glue" that holds our family together. I bridge the gap between my little and big brothers. That has carried me into adulthood. I play the role of liason between management and employees. I've heard the middle child sometimes feels invisible and may act out to get attention. But I never felt invisible. I got the best of both worlds. I got to be a little and a big sister. I got to have little and big brothers. I was a caretaker to all of them. It made me feel needed and loved. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I could have written the exact same question! We have two children. I have always wanted 4. While pregnant with my 2nd (and during the difficult months of his colic), we decided to stop after 2. Then my husband started talking about 3. I, too, would like to decide sooner rather than later. I'll be watching for your responses!

Ya know if we all had done all the reading before having kids then none of us would have had a single one. After all only children are spoiled rotten and if you have more than one then then get less of your time and energy so they could have behavorial issues .. well according to the books.

I'm child #2 out of 4 and I never felt like an outsider. There was always someone to play with so parential attention wasn't as needed because I had my brothers. I learned very early on to negotiate with my siblings, and now as an adult I'm the one they all call for advice. I couldn't imagine having a better life then having a lot of siblings.

I myself also have 4 children, 2 single births and the 3rd pregnancy was twins. So my second child was basically a middle child because she had 2 younger siblings. She's always been her own person, happy, unique, loving, caring, and attentive to everyone around her.

Go for it. You'll be a busy mama but you'll still be able to meet the needs for lal your children.

I have 3 kids and we are not going any further. I don't think my son who is 5 feels middle child syndrome at all. I love having 3 and would never do any different. The oldest is a girl (7), and then two boys (5) and (3)...so the boys do a lot together. But the "baby" is also following both of the older ones around. We make sure they each have their own special moments and events, and they all feel special. Sometimes I feel bad for a different kid at a different time for a different reason, but I assume all mother's get that, whether you have 2 or 20 :).

My middle child is the happiest, most vibrant, lively, well-adjusted person.

I can't imagine any child who is loved as much as your little girl is will have any problems. Go ahead, have another.

You're thinking too much! I am the third child of three, and while we like to joke that my middle brother isn't anybody's favorite, he is the brightest, most sensitive, and most caring person in the family. He is also the most successful, school and job-wise. Each of your children will have "issues," of some sort, and some of them may or may not be related to birth order, but our job as parents is to do the best we can and hope and pray for the best outcome possible. Make sure you spend special time with each individual child, and spend your time worrying about important things instead of middle child syndrome. Good luck! =)

So glad you asked this question because I have the same one AND I'm the same age as you.

We have 3 children, ages 15, 13, 10. I do not at all see that our middle child has any "issues". Each of our children is so unique - and receive plenty of attention for their special qualities. Our middle is the only girl, so that does give her something special and different in and of itself. Maybe that helps, who knows? I have a very dear friend who was the middle child of 3 girls and I swear she is the most well-adjusted in adulthood and I don't think she ever felt neglected or "lost" as a child. You are obviously a great mom, to even be concerned about this, so I find it very doubtful that any of your children, regardless of birth order, will feel slighted in any way. I love the saying, "One child teaches you the depth of your love. Subsequent children teach you the breadth of your love". If you really want another child, this isn't a reason to stop you. Best of luck!
OK.. have to laugh.. just asked my daughter - she grinned and said she loves being in the middle (because she gets teased.. but has someone younger to tease. LOL). She gets along great with her brothers - and in her wisdom, she ultimately responded that she has a good family and doesn't have that problem. So, back to my thought..... you sound like a great mom and I truly believe your now youngest will be fine as the middle!

Don't overanalyze it. I am the middle child (of 5!) and I have three children, my middle child is 11. She is smart, personable and athletic and doesn't display any insecurities other than the norm for a pre-teen. I don't ever remember feeling any of those attributes that go along with the label of "middle child." What I've learned is that every child has his/her own personality and I'm not convinced at all that birth order plays a significant role. If you're excited at the prospect of a 3rd child, then go for it!

By the way, I had my third child at age 38 . . . And yes, she was planned!

I agree with everyone here! I am a middle child from a family of 3 kids & I have 3 children of my own. We actually wanted 4 & had to stop after 3 for medical reasons and I'm so happy with our family of 5! My middle (2 boys & then a girl) doesn't seem to have any adjustment issues or problems being "left out". If anything, he is the most outgoing of the bunch and plays well with both older children & younger children. We have the typical sibling fights, but I think that will occur no matter how many children you have. If you want another child, I would encourage you to follow your heart!

You are definitely thinking too much...! :-) Nowadays too many people want to find syndromes and labels for their kids... We have 8 kids and none of them are sad or depressed because of their placing. I am 2nd out of 4 and was always very happy to not being the oldest! :-) Have your babies! Best wishes and God Bless!

I am a middle child and what you have said doesn't ring true for me. But my Mom read a book once on birth order and there are a lot of factors that play into a child's personality. For one it depends on the sex of your kids. Like if you had a girl then a boy and then another girl your boy would have some traits of a middle child but also some traits of a first born because he is the first male. Or like my hubby's family there are three boys and then a girl. So although she has some traits of the baby in the family she also has first born traits cause she is the first girl. For me I have one older sister and one younger sister so I really am the middle child but i still don't have the traits you said. I am actually the most independent one and i am the silliest. I'm always the one making everyone laugh and I'm the one both my sisters call when they need help or advise on anything. I think it depends on the parents....if you treat all your children fairly and love then all equally they will be fine.

I'm a middle child. We are just extra flexible because we have to be. Just make sure you give that one the attention they need and don't let them get lost in the mix. Otherwise, go for it! I love having both older and younger siblings.

I am a middle child! and I am a very well adjusted successful adult. I had an older brother and a younger sister, so I was the older sister. A lot depends on how you handle the dynamics of the family and how far apart your children are. Each child can feel special if that is what you try to achieve in your home.
Now that we are all grown with families of our own, we often joke that the first born (my brother) got tons of pictures and i got very few (they were very busy with 2 little kids). When my sister was born, my parents had just gotten new cameras, so they had tons of pictures and even video of her! Just make sure you acknowledge each child and their milestones! Good luck to you and your decision! I don't know where I would be without my younger sister, so I am very glad my parents didn't stop at 2!

Although I believe birth order does affect us, each one has its positives and negatives, as do all personality types. If you affirm your children, recognize their accomplishments and guide them to correct their flaws, I think you can rear good people. I have 3 daughters, and I am the third of 3 daughters. Each of my girls are individuals and successful in their own way. Each of my sisters is also. The problems arise when a parent either gives too much to one child over the others, or ignores a child. You don't sound like the type to do this if you've researched this subject as you have. I think the most important thing my mother taught us was that sisters (and brothers, too, of course) have a special relationship that can never be replaced regardless how many friends you have, so value it and never take it for granted. She would not allow us to demean one another in arguments. Today we are very close.

Thank you for asking a question that has been at the forefront of my mind lately too! I could have written your post! (Almost! I'm 35 and never wanted a big family...never actually thought I wanted to have kids...and now am SO glad we made the decision TO have kids! It's the best and now I don't want to stop at 2, but like you, 3 would be our max.) I'm enjoying reading the responses you're getting! Thanks!