Middle School Daughter's Grades Dropping

Have you asked her teachers what they think is the problem? Homework is avoided by some students because they do not understand the classwork well enough to do it without adult help. I am a teacher and am often in contact with parents of students who are struggling to with at home assignments. I will reach out if they don't, but it is nice for to have parents contact me when they see the grades are not meeting their expectations.

OMG middle school cannot be compared to elementary.
It is totally different.
My daughter is in middle school now, 6th grade.
They have 7 classes. Each day.
Homework and projects, for each of them.
Weekend homework too, or things due the next week. All in tandem.

As parents, both me and my Husband "help" my daughter.
No we don't do the work for her.
BUT even since elementary, we have taught her that school is "work." No one gets a free ride. You work, for it.
Smart or not, EVERYONE has to learn a work ethic. And a purpose for it.
College.
Getting a good job.
KNOWING who you are.
All of this, is a part of school.

We daily, keep aware of what our kids bring home.
We don't just expect them to do it.
We, sign off on our kids' daily planners. It is required by the Teacher etc. We KNOW what our kids, are doing in school and how.
We even "tutor"... our kids. When need be.
That is what our idea is.... of engaging our kids, per their daily life in school.
IF a kid struggles in a subject... find out why. Talk to the Teacher. The kid also has to INITIATE and talk to their Teacher. THAT is what middle school is, too. The KID, being an ADVOCATE for themselves, when they are having a hard time in a subject.
Nothing comes easy. But if a kid does not know how... to navigate... the school or get help or do inquiries with the Teacher... then they will not "succeed." This is all a part of school TOO. Learning how... to use the system.... to help yourself. And INITIATE it.

Saying a kid is lazy, well maybe that is.
Some kids are lazy.
But some seem like it, simply because they don't know how to get themselves... out of it, their poor grades.
AND kids are NOT taught "time management" nor about HOW to take notes..... in class that may help them. For THEIR knowledge and to do the necessary homework/projects etc.
They are just expected to know how... by middle school.
SO, even for my daughter, I have, taught her BASICS... like time management and HOW to take effective NOTES in class, to help herself. This is not taught in school. Not all kids even know how to do it.
I work at a school. I see this everyday.
And I also see, many kids who flounder in their subjects, because, they don't know what to do about it.... their parents do not know what their kid is doing in school and they only look at the grade (not the daily, process of their studies), and they don't help their kid... to understand how to manage all that work.

For me/my Hubby, it is not only "grades" that we look at. But we look at and gauge our whole kid... and what "skills" they need to learn/do, in order to "succeed." And then, we do what we can, as a parent, to help them prosper.
My parents did that when I was a kid, and me and my hubby do it too.
Versus, when my Husband was a kid, his parents did NOT even know, what he had for homework nor what he was doing well or not in, and they just were totally hands off. They just expected him to know all that school stuff, already. But they never taught him anything. Themselves.
And he did not do well in school as a kid.

Instead of offering your daughter that you will teach her how to study.... just do it. SIT her down... and do it at a certain time. And tell her this is what she must do.
Or, you let her sink. And try to swim again.
And if she fails a class, well, that is a lesson to learn.

She is struggling.
SHE has to learn, to not be so hard headed and she can do it all herself. Being mature... ALSO means... realizing when you need extra help, too.
That is what being mature and wise, is.
As well.

Middle school is a big adjustment and it can be so overwhelming.
It's great she wants to deal with it but what ever she's doing so far - it's not working.
Half the year is up.
She needs to try something different.
Make sure she's organized - has an assignment planner to track assignments and due dates - make sure she sleeps, isn't OD-ing on tv/computer/games/socializing/etc (the quickest way to fun is to get the work done).
How she gets the work done is up to her but you establish check points to look it over.
Praise her successes.
I might talk to her guidance counselor.

IMO, middle school is a WHOLE new ballgame.
It's about responsibility, planning & organization.
There are locker combos, rotating schedules, changing classes, hormonal changes...wow!
It's a learning curve.
My sons very smart--never had to "study" much in elementary school.
He's had some clunker grades in middle school.
He's still very smart.
Organization? Another story entirely.
He sees how O. missed assignment can trash a quarter's grade.
He gets it. He didn't like it.
He's working on it.
He'll figure it out.
It's a process.

Is your only concern grades? Do you have a good relationship with her, do you know what's going on with friends, boys, puberty, her other activities, sports, clubs, music, other things she's involved with?
In middle school there's a LOT happening that has nothing to do with grades, though grades can of course be affected by many things that have nothing to do with school or learning.
Try to spend some time with her, one on one. Just talk, don't ask questions. Do something fun and relaxing. My kids (two in college, one still in high school) always opened up to me after some quality one on one time together.
And no kid wants to be called lazy (even if they are at the moment) so please don't say that to her :-(

Does her school use an online system where teachers can post assignments? Ours does (it's called Blackboard and is used in many areas around the country and there are other similar systems as well). Her school is frankly going to slip behind if teachers don't use some kind of online system to post assignments....If the school uses such a site, it's past time for her to check it every single day including weekends (one of my seventh grade daughter's teachers posts things for the week on Sunday afternoons so if she wants to know what's coming, in case she wants to work ahead, she does check in on Sundays). You should have your daughter's password and student ID number or whatever you need to see her assignments on the system, and until she is consistently and reliably checking her own assignments, you need to check them daily too as a backup. If the school does not use any online assignment system, see below....

Does the school give all students a planner notebook they use to write down every assignment, every day? Planners are in common use in every MS around here and students are given a few minutes in each class to ensure they write down that day's assignments. (This is done in addition to the online assignments listings. Our school system works pretty hard to help middle schoolers stay organized.) If the school does not provide these and insist on their use, you and she will need to buy one and you will need to work with her on USING it consistently and bringing it back and forth to school. Then at the end of the day as she stands at her locker she must get into the habit of taking that planner, opening it and using it to help her remember what to bring home.

Does she ride the bus home? That makes it easier for her to forget stuff as she bolts for the bus, and then once she's home there's no way to get back to retrieve a worksheet or textbook she needs. A planner could help ensure she doesn't leave things behind. If you pick her up after school, park, walk up to meet her in the lobby and do not leave school until she has checked her bag and ensured she has everything she needs. Yes, this is micromanaging for now, and some are going to say, no, just let her fail and take her lumps and learn from her errors. But kids do not learn to be organized by taking lumps - they learn by an adult teaching them how to be more organized!

She may indeed be hitting the difficult period of "Elementary was easy and I'm smart but now it's all so different and tough." That is very, very typical. Does the school have a counselor who specializes in teaching kids organization? Many schools do, and I would contact that person right away.

Also, be sure that she has a good space for doing homework; that she is away from TV, iPod or whatever; that if she goes online for homework she is not going onto other sites to read personal e-mail etc.(having the computer in a "public area" at home like your kitchen can help); that she has good light and all her supplies at hand so there's no getting up and down to retrieve things; and that any after-school activities get second place to homework, at least until she is organized enough she can get it done after any activities without a fuss or slacking off.

This may not be laziness -- it may be that she feels overwhelmed and doesn't know how to organize the many assignments she's got. Help her list what her assignments are for each week, while also looking past the current week (as in, there's a math text next Wednesday and a history short answer essay question due next Friday....). Help her decide: What must be done tonight because it's due tomorrow; what must I study for now that is in two days' time or whatever; can I work ahead on that assignment due next week?....Teach her to set priorities. That does require you to know, day to day, what she is doing. Again -- some parents squeal that it's "helicopter parenting" but it is actually called teaching your child to set priorities; kids are not born knowing how to do it, and kids who did fine without much or any oversight in elementary often do need this kind of help in early middle school, which has much more going on and many more assignments and deadlines to juggle.

I know you've "offered to teach her study skills and to quiz her" and she has refused. She is trying to show she can do it herself and she is capable, and she IS going to be capable soon. But you may have to sit down with her, talk to her like she's a grown girl and say, "We need to work together for a time to set priorities and then you will take that over for yourself, but for now, we're a team. We are not saying you can't do it yourself. But this is middle school, and what came easily in elementary just requires some different and new organizational skills you didn't need then. It's OK that you don't know this stuff. Very soon you will, but meanwhile, your teachers, you and we are a team."

Give her a lot of praise not just for improving grades but for working in advance on longer-term projects and studying in advance for tests and being organized when she brings home all the assignments.

Also, check in with her a lot on how things are going. Is the history an era that just does not interest her much? Is the science boring compared to last year when (for example) the teacher did a lot more hands-on experiments but this year the teacher just assigns stuff from the textbook? Communicate with her a lot about specifics and see how she feels about the actual content. Kids at this age start to get more resistant, I think, if they are bored; however, the curriculum won't change just because a kid doesn't happen to like Imperialism this year as much as he liked the Civil War last year...Discussing things with her, if she is bored by the content, could help her be more interested, or you could find ways to supplement with museum trips or other things to keep her interest up.

My oldest is in 5th grade this year, so we tackle the middle school beast starting next year. I can tell you now though, that she is also a straight A student and things seem to come very easily for her. If her grades slip, my red flags go up. I don't think she is being lazy, but I ask what else is going on. Is she having trouble with friends? Does she not understand? Is she not paying attention? Is the teacher fully explaining things? If not, is she too shy to ask the questions so she understands? Etc...and if her grades are slipping, it's no longer about her doing things how she WANTS, because that's obviously not working. So she will sit down with my husband and myself and we'll work on it together.

OMG middle school. My son started middle school this year and it is a completely different ball game. There could be a few things going on. We have our son do his hw at the kitchen table so we can look over it and make sure he gets the right answers. She could also be, hopefully not, being teased or something having to do with a boy. You might need to sit down and have a talk with her to see what's going on outside of grades to make sure what the underlining problem is. If it's the curriculum then maybe a tutor. Sometimes coming from a stranger they are more willing to listen.

It's not a matter of her being "lazy", with learning coming so easily in elementary......

This happened to my kids..... frankly, they never learned HOW to learn... it came very easily... they didn't learn how to study. Thus, in middle school, they kind of hit a "wall", and grades dropped.....

Does she have an assignment notebook? That would be a good start..... if necessary, work with her teachers, and say that she has to have her assignment notebook signed by the teacher saying that she DID write everything down, or something like that. You can base privileges at home on whether she has her assignment notebook filled out every day, and signed.

An assignment notebook can help, but only if the student IS diligent about writing things down...... since you aren't in school with her, you don't really know what she has that needs to be done.

Do the teachers post assignments on a website? If so, that can help, also.

As far as her wanting to do it herself... you also might be able to say that you already trusted her to DO it herself, but she didn't, so now, you may have to take part of that duty over until her grades come up. And, since YOU are having to do some of her work, maybe she needs to lose something until grades do come up? There should probably be some kind of consequence to this behavior.

Middle school is different. The students are going through physical and emotional changes plus it is harder than elementary school. MANY things factor in here.

I never pushed out daughter for straight A's but I did push her to do her best. If she did bring home a C, we addressed it as to why it was a C. Did she not get the material, did she slack on the work, etc. We did have tutors in middle school as well because it is such a big change.

As for your daughter saying she wants to do things herself... well, I'd say no sweetheart, you have not proven that you can do this yourself. She needs time management and study skills. If she gets on the right track now, she can be on the right track in grades 9-12 which are critical for college admissions.

The tutoring we used was a teacher who tutored from home so she could stay home with her babies. The money we spent with her on writing and study skills by far paid off positively for our daughter. Our daughter is in college now, freshman, and one of her professors last semester added notes to her grade summary that she was one of the best writers he had in his classes.

I would enlist a good tutor, a guidance counselor knows teachers who do this on the side. Find someone your daughter likes and looks up to and go from there. It can make a world of difference in grades and attitude.

I didn't go to middle school, just k-8th. However, once I started high school things got tough. I realized I did not know how to study since things were so easy in elementary. For my kids, k-5 was easy and my son had the toughest time with remembering homework. He was disorganized in a big way. He did his homework but forgot to turn it in or forgot it at home. One semester of 6th, he almost failed. We worked with his teachers to get back on track. Now he is taking AP classes as a freshman in HS. You need to see where she is having trouble and help her get things straightened out. If this is not, it can get even more overwhelming for her. It could be an organization issue or that things are tougher--or like me, maybe the same study habits are not working anymore especially if things are harder for her now.

If she does not want your help, try to get her to open up about what she thinks she needs to change. I did that with one of my girls and since she was in charge, she has done great.