Military Move

Hi C.,
I married a man in the military who was divorced with a child. his daughter stayed with his ex and she visited us. also in the military, the needs of the military comes first,so no point complaining. there next duty station could be out of the country. so try to make a better relationship with the ex it is the best way. who has full custity? how far will they be moving there has to be a way of making things better and keep in mind what's best for the kid.
Let me know if you have more question,
we were in the army for 29 years
T.

My husband was in the military for over 6 years (Army). He is my first husband and I have not been in your exact situation, but when orders came down, there is close to nothing that is going to stop the military from placing you where they need you in my experience with few exceptions (birth, death, you may be able to delay them in extreme situations, it also depends on the branch of service). Your husband is serving his country and no court I know of is going to side with your ex to try to stop the military. I would check with a lawyer (and other resources)on post/base. You may need to go with your husband for more information - if nothing else, it will give you peace of mind. Hang in there and remember to get support when you need it. God Bless you and your family.

Hi C. S.
Well what can I say, been there, done that a lot. My ex was furious when I decided to leave and return to my home state and he tried going through the courts to make me stay. If your ex is the controlling type, he will try anything to keep you from leaving. I hate to say this but it might get nasty, really nasty. It is amazing how you can hate someone that you deeply loved. He might start saying that you are purposely trying to keep his kids away from him, and if that doesn't work he will probably get scared and then get really nasty and start with, your neglecting the kids to abusing them physically and he might pull your current husband in and accuse him of sexually abusing them. It's hard to say how far a man will go for his kids. My ex was so mad at me, he did everything he could to make me look BAD and this went on for years. I eventually gave up for the sake of my girls and their mental health, I stopped the court battles and finally said enough keep the girls. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, lots of tears. The next year they came back, my ex couldn't handle being a single parent and a bachelor all at the same time. Women have a nack for multi-tasking. Look at your custody papers and talk to a JAG Officer, they will know what to do and the most important lesson is try and keep good lines of communication open. That will be hard to do, especially if he is not cooperating. Good Luck, keep the faith, and remember every thing happens for a reason we just don't know what that reason is until later, and it makes us women so much more stronger.

I don't know if your husband is stationed here at Luke but the JAG office on base will probably be able to answer your questions and direct you what you should do. Just a thought. Good luck. Enjoy the military life, it's great if you make it that way.

Hi C.,

Yes, 9 years ago I divorced my first husband when our daugher was just a year old. We were living in Arizona - which is where I met my then boyfriend who was in the Air Force. 3 months after we met, he was sent to Alaska (for what was to be a 3 year assignment). During a TDY he had in Las Vegas 5 months later, we got married. Sadly, the next day - I flew back to AZ and he to Alaska.

We kept our relationship strong by calls, emails and visits every 6 weeks. I didn't move to Alaska with him because I didn't want to seperate my daughter from her dad, and he and I were maintaining a friendship around our parenting of her. Meanwhile, newly married, my new husband and I were working around the clock trying to find ANY way possible to get him back to AZ. Through a loophole, we found a way: I was being medically treated in AZ for a special condition. As his wife, there were no such facilities in Alaska that could provide the specialized care. So, the Air Force had to either bring him back to AZ or send me to the closest treatment center that could treat me...turned out to be in NM. So, a year after our long-distance relationship started, we both moved to NM.

My ex-husband and I had a long talk about it, and I promised him that I would drive once a month to AZ from NM (6+ hours one-way) so he could be with our daughter for at least a week. Likewise, he could come to NM anytime he wanted to. So, over the course of 2 years, I made the drive 24 times....he also visited us in NM. Then, when the 2 years was up - my new husband (and our new baby we conceived in NM, and my oldest daughter moved back to AZ, and now my ex actually lives about 15 min from us! We're all good friends. I've been married to my current husband now for almost 9 years....and we had another baby when we got back to AZ which was also his 10-year mark in the military, and husband got out.

I hope your situation works out for everyone. It's definitely a challenge. The 3 years it took us to all be a family wasn't easy - but it was SO worth it.

Best,
C.

i was married to someone in the coast guard, we had 2 children and divorced... he wasn't a big part of the kids lives and he had remarried with a child on the way... i moved with the kids to a different state, and he did start to fight me moving- yet pulled all the papers when his newly married wife was found to have many problems and left him....
i lucked out, apparently i was just getting in before the laws were made to keep parents within a certain distance from each other.
your situation seems opposite of mine...anyway, from personal experience, (as you're looking for feedback)i think it's hard to say in the military what is 'permanent'. i also think that you should encourage your ex-husband to move close enough to visit the kids regularly. i would try to keep the courts out of the picture unless you have to....your ex-husband obviously knows that there's not much choice in you leaving with your husband...
all in all just remember it's all about the kids and what's best for them, which means keeping lines of communication open with their birth dad while continuing to have a positive life for yourself.
good luck.

My family moved as a result of the ministry re-locating us. I simply asked my ex (not a very nice guy) and had a paper ready, granting his permission, to sign. When he said yes, I asked him to sign it and even had a pen ready. This might not work for you, but it fell in line with my divorce documents. Ask your attorney, he/she'll be better at advising you when it comes to the particulars of your situation. Good Luck.

C. - you should revisit your custody papers. Most times there are provisions for when either the custodial or non-custodial parent live more than 100 miles away. Visitation schedules change. Depending on what was court ordered, you may or may not have to obtain permission. Also, this may be a different situation if you share custody. Be ready for the possibility that you will have to go back to court or at the very least through some sort of mediation to resolve the issue and make both parties content. If you need legal advice / help, there are several organizations; I would be glad to pass these along to you.

Good luck!

Yes to all.We hired a lawyer and took it to court. Since your new husband is in the military and has orders to move, a judge HAS to allow it. There is no way to fight that.Our court order says that my children have to call their father once a week and if we were near him, we had to notify him so that we could get together. You should have nothing to worry about. Good luck.