"Mine"itis

You have gotten such great advice here, I am just going to add something that gives me the giggles (and saves sanity) whenever I hear the "mines".

My friend calls it the "German Phase". Mine truck, mine cookie, mine kampf.

He didn't 'learn' it at playgroup. Now, he may have heard it and started now because he was at playgroup and had experiences there that brought it on, but it is a normal two year old stage. In fact I have a great poster saved to my computer of the Toddler's Creed, which goes like this:

Toddler's Creed

If I want it,
it's mine.

If I give it to you and change my mind later,
it's mine.

If I can take it away from you,
it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago,
it's mine.

If it's mine,
it will never belong to anyone else, no matter what.

If we are building something together,
all the pieces are mine.

If it looks just like mine,
it is mine.

You do work with your son on sharing, and continue to do so, but remember this is also a stage they all must go through and it will pass with time. Meanwhile, try to learn the creed and use it to diffuse your own frustration when he is practicing his "mine, mine" stage. Incidentally, there are several versions of the creed as well as something that involves "If the switch is on, I must turn it off" etc. If you are interested in any of those versions, let me know and I will share them.

Larissa mentioned that her husband mirrored the child's behavior, grabbing one of the child's things and whining that it was his...I have seen this work with a child also. They see it with other kids and feel like it is normal kid behavior. It is so unexpected to see an ADULT act that way, it gets their attention very quickly!
Some parents say teach by example, explain gently---but it depends on the individual kid. Some kids only hear "blah blah blah" when you explain things---Sometimes kids have to be on the receiving end of a behavior to really "get it".

Unfortunately I think it's just a normal phase they all go through. As long as you are consistent in teaching him to share I wouldn't worry too much about it. My son is 2 1/2 and is a great sharer, but he still refers to everything as "mine" (or my's). I think it's part of them learning their identity and that they & their possessions are separate from the people around them.

It's par for the course. At this age, they are developing boundaries.. so it's not so much that they are being selfish and not wanting to share, but more about discovering THEIR boundaries and others.. I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it.. the more you do, the more they seem to want to hold on. If in the event you want him to share something with another, just gently take it away without making a fuss.. I think it's when we make a big deal out of certain things that a child catches on and automatically wants to do the opposite. The phase will pass. IF as they growing up you teach them by example that sharing is a good thing, they eventually will discover that as well.
good luck

To look at this in a funnier light at least you will keep the toys that you spend so much money on-smile. My child was a giver, he would give all of his toys away and he wanted to play with kids and befriend them so bad that he would give his toys to him (expensive ones, Power Rangers, the new Spiderman action figure of the month etc.) and I would have to be the "mean" person after park play and say, "I'm sorry honey, I think you have my son's Spiderman and we have to go now" and then I would hear that child say, "no-mine" and as I am slowly trying to pry it out of his hand (because we just purchased that toy maybe the day before) the mom would look at me with those mom eyes and we would say, "bye bye, say good bye to your friend honey"-smile.

I always responded with "yes, that is your ____, but right now we are sharing it with our friends" The "mine" bug didnt last long in our house!

Oh, and she tried it with her dad, and he took something she wanted (I believe it was her sippy or snack) and told her that it was his...just as whiny and in the same way she did) and that seemed to show her how it made others feel (I think she was almost 3 though)

Hope that helps!

Hi R.: Having 5 children and now several grandchildren all to love, let be tell you that this is a must do in the art of growing up.
Knowing what is mine and what is not is apart of the art of manipulation. That is not a bad things unless misused. It is also a way to have power at such a tender age.
Recently we were watching Nemo, for the 100th times. There is my favorite part when all the gulls say MINE- MINE- MINE, over and over again and then you see how redundant it is. Ofcourse certain things are mine and some are shared, and some belong to another. It is teaching that message that is important. My 12 yo grandchild did it as well and she grew out of it.
My 2 1/2 yo grandchild had a visitor over here at my house recently, she invited the adult into the bedroom that we have set up entirely for all the toys for both young and older grandchildren, and crib, we even store the high chair in there when not in use. She said "Come see all my things", I asked quietly whose things? she turned and said Nana, today they are mine they are yours later." After a good laugh we recognized that she was telling the truth as she percieved it.
Parenthood has many twists and turns and more adventure than a theme park. So Good Luck, Nana G

Hi R.,
I have 3 kids the youngest is 18 months old. he is also in the "mine" stage but don't worry it is completely normal. your son will eventually grow out of it once he has been exposed to more situations with different kids. it's only one of his many ways he is learning to express himself.

Hi R.,

I think it's just a phase that all kids go through! Ours learned it at daycare (we're living in Italy so she says "mio" all the time, proof that she didn't learn it a home where we speak only English!). If something is hers, I say, "yes, that is yours." And if it is something she should share I remind her that it is also nice to share. If it is not hers I tell her so. She seems fine with that and seems to like to think about the difference if something being hers or not. It hasn't taken long to get out of the "mine" phase. Of course, she sometimes says it, but it's not as bad as when she was first learning the concept!

Hang in there, it's just something he is learning and he'll grow out of it. :)

H.

Welcome to the world of 2!! The most you can do is to stay calm and supportive. I have a plaque hanging in my house with the same toddler creed Betty quoted. Toddlers really do feel like it's all theirs!

There are some good kids books out there about sharing that can reinforce sharing, taking turns etc... the best way to deter it is to be with him while he plays with others and give him other things to say besides "MINE!" If another child is taking a turn remind him that they are having a turn and he can have the next turn. If he is expecting a play date and has a special toy that he has trouble sharing ask him if he wants to share it with his friend or put it away for the duration of the play date. Sometimes kids need more resources from us than to say..." you need to share, " and they need more control over what they are expected to share sometimes too. I also make sure we take extra toys to the park so we have plenty to share.

Good luck. It will pass. Remember to praise him for being good at waiting his turn and sharing too. Positive reinforcement goes a long way!

J.

Hi. I'm not sure why your son waited until his visit with older kids to start this, but it's a phase that was bound to happen. Every kid goes through it - what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine, if I can see it it's mine, if I even think about it it's mine, even if I don't know it exists, it's mine, mine MINE!!!

Sharing is a skill you'll be reminding your son about for the next, oh, 16 years (especially when it comes to his brother).

I was trying to remember what exactly got my kids through that intense MINE stage that happens when they're toddlers, and what came to mind, oddly enough, was making sure they had some things to call their own. While you're helping your child to learn to share, I think it helps to also have items that they know are theirs and theirs alone. I think it helps them to understand when you tell them that some items belong to other people, and you don't get to have everything you want.

Good luck!