Mom Always Seems Mad at Her Kids. Maybe I'm Just Being Sensitive????

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I can't imagine responding to my kids that way in that scenario.

I've certainly said "I don't care" - at the height of a temper tantrum or whining. But apart from that, that's just being mean. She's all they have. And they're stuck with that? I want to give them both a hug!
Hell, I think I'd offer the daugher a snack or a sweatshirt or something if I heard that. That other mom needs to learn by example herself, it seems.

Well, honestly, I'm pretty straightforward with my kids and it drives me up a wall to see parents being overly permissive or laid back... but to each her own, right?

I'm not defending this mom, but have you considered that the mom may have told the daughter to wear her jacket (or a hat, or warmer clothes) and the daughter did not do so (and/or may have given her mom some attitude about it)? I think, "I don't care," is a reasonable response in that case. Kids have to learn the hard way sometimes. You don't want to be cold? Then wear a jacket when I tell you to! Now you'll sit here and be cold, and think about how Mom was trying to help you!

Different children require different parenting. Your kids may be easy going because they're just genetically more like you. My older daughter is easy going and eager to please, and so I've never had to discipline her much. My younger daughter is just like her dad, and unfortunately she requires a much firmer hand. Don't think that your superior parenting skills are responsible for your kids' behavior, always - that's what I thought before I had my second child! ;)

Allow me to play devils advocate for a moment. Maybe the daughter hates having to be dragged to her brother's practices. I know when I have to drag my son somewhere to watch someone else do something he gets bored. In spite of bringing things to entertain him and making sure his needs are met beforehand the inevitable I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I have to go to the bathroom, etc starts up. It is essential for me to nip it in the bud. Otherwise we would never be able to do anything. It might be that this mom is worn out. She has clearly stopped handling things well. If you want to do something I suggest you engage the daughter during practice. Help her not be so bored and see if it diffuses the situation a bit.

That lady sounds a lot like my mom. And trust me when I tell you, it does lasting damage to tell your kids "I don't care" when they request the basic needs be met (i.e. food, clothing, shelter). My heart hurts for those kids, and I pray that when they grow up they recognize that behavior as poor parenting and do better for their own babies.

And when she asked you how you taught your kids manners, you should have simply told her you lead by example. :)

Maybe she needs a friend

I wouldn't like it either. It sounds like she treats them rudely and expects them to treat her differently. I will say that sometimes if I have told my kids "no" a thousand times and they start again I too may say "I don't care, I said no" but not to everything as a first response. I can see me asking my kids umpteen times "Are you sure you don't want something to eat before we go because we're not buying anything once we get there"...them saying no and me standing my ground to not buy anything but it doesn't sound like that is the case with her.

Also, your friend probably asked what nationality they are because every culture is different. I too don't think it should make a difference in a case like this but we weren't brought up in other ways.

When she asked you about teaching her children manners you could say "I will tell you my secret but you'll have to try it for yourself" and when she asks what the secret is you could say "I have always been mindful to use my manners when speaking to them and they in turn learned to do the same."

You're not too sensitive. She needs to learn that you have to show respect in order to receive it.

At first I was kind of leaning towards an answer of 'you don't know her back story, maybe she had a bad day, etc.' BUT if she's like this consistently week after week, then it's probably her normal behavior, which is sad. I don't think you're being overly sensitive, but the problem is there really isn't a way to pass on the message of hey, you kinda suck as a mom and lighten up! Again though, you don't know her back story and although I do feel that this type of consistent behavior is inappropriate, you have to wonder if she's not taking out some stresses she's feeling in other areas of her life on her kids. If she ever asks for advice, I'd give it, but certainly don't offer it up on your own! Continue setting a good example for her AND her kids and hopefully she'll lighten up a bit in the future.

It sounds pretty harsh. As far as her saying would you teach my kids manners, if you have the guts, and I'm not sure if I would, you could simply say kids learn what they live. That might make her stop and think about she is speaking to her children. My dad always said "You have to show respect in order to earn respect."

You're not being too sensitive. I don't know if she'd want to hear the truth, but if she asks again and you're willing to deal with the consequences, you could ask her if she REALLY wants to know how to have nicer kids... since she is teaching them by not modeling the behaviour, I doubt she'd want to hear the truth, but you never know.

She sounds negligent. If my daughter said no to a jacket, I'd bring it anyways. I'm one of those parents that matches their childs clothes like if she's wearing warm clothes so am I. It drives me up a wall when parents are packed with huge coats and their child is wearing a short sleeve shirt (some are 1 yr olds, ugh). I don't think your too sensitive. If I was you, I would've been like well you give respect to get respect and maybe if you stopped hitting him he'd give a little more.
I'm paranoid, but I'd watch her because if you notice her being neglectful and hitting you should tell the authorities because if she'll do it in public it'll be worse behind closed doors. I mean she's yelling at her daughter for basic needs. I'd bring a blanket and give it to her when she says she's cold... I don't care if ppl think I'm mean or nosy, I'd be like here sweetie, I CARE... same thing with food. I could care less about rubbing the mom the wrong way, my concern is the children. Her daughter is quiet because her mom is so damn mean and some children who seem excessively quiet and timid (especially around a particular person) are physically abused. Watch out for that hitting b/c if you see it you need to record it on a camera or something and call CPS. Those poor kids. You MUST be patient cuz I would've flipped out on her lol. I'm a single mom, college full-time (my job) and I don't treat my child like that.

I agree with Mommy L and Dawn B, but I'd keep a copy of that video and send it to CPS

This breaks my heart, too.

I don't think you're too sensitive. It would upset me a lot too. It makes me feel helpless when I see something like that because I want to help the child, but the only thing I can think of to do is to pray for them.

You aren't too sensitive. Your mother/parent is there to guide you and help you develop your self esteem NOT destroy it. Her comments are not only rude, but if they are the tip of something - potentially abusive. We all have our moments of reacting or snapping at our kids out of frustration - as they do at us. This should never be the norm - EVER. Unfortunately, she probably learned this somewhere.. her parents? Poor kids.

I don't think she wants the right answer, but if you want your kids to be polite, you teach them. You say thank you to THEM, too.

I think your friend may have asked because cultures relate to children differently. Some feel that kids are to be seen and not heard, so it might give the friend insight when responding.

She might be an overworked mom, or a single mom, or just a tired mom. Depending on your comfort level, maybe say, "For what it's worth, I don't think your little girl is a bad child. She's just a little chilly (or hungry) today." Maybe it will start a dialogue.

It would bother me to always see a kid be shot down for reasonable requests. Bring a snack for your kid. Or a blanket. Or if she didn't want to wear her coat (as my stepdaughter sometimes did not), then more nicely remind her, "You chose to leave your coat in the car. You will have to wait for a bit til I go get it." There's just other ways to handle a kid.

The only time I have said "I don't care" to my daughter is if I've already told her the answer once and she keeps begging..or giving me excuses. lol, BUT I posted something a while back about parents speaking to their kids so harshly. It breaks my hearts. And like you, I am very loving towards my daughter. She's not a perfect angel but she is pretty well behaved most days.

Problem mom: "Can you teach my kids manners?? They are so rude compared to your kids”.
[sounds like someone who is reaching out for help!]

Your response: "Yes, I would love to sit down with you and go over the techniques I use with my kids". Get together for coffee or at a kiddie play place and review her kids' actions with her, the situations they arose in, and reactions.... and see if she is just worn out, in an abusive relationship herself, or what!

I would not go about attacking her parenting style or telling her off or suggesting she emulate manners to her kids.... if any of this were applicable to her, she would have done it already!

Parenting is learned not automatic. I am sure she learned from her parents, this is parenting. She needs to learn how be more thoughtful and loving toward her kids. Any chance you could invite her and the children over for a play date, send the kids outside and talk to her? Start off by saying 'the other day you asked me to teach your kids some manners... Please don't think I am being judgemental but I have noticed your behavior..... it's hard and I am sure she doesn't know any better. She may get angry and leave--she may blow you off -- she may listen. Maybe you can recommend a book to her. No matter what you will have planted some seeds, hopefully they will grow sooner than later.