Mom Needs Sleep!

Let him stay with you...and enjoy it. There will come a time when he won't even want you in his room! hahahha. My daughter is 3.5 and has been in bed with us for the past 2 years. She kept coming in when she got sick. Then she got sick A LOT. So she just stayed. I love it personally. Who cares what other people think, he isn't that small anymore and if it feel right, it is.

Once he's in his crib, do NOT take him out. you can stand, then eventually sit by his crib. as he gets used to you being in the room with him you can gradually get farther away like sitting by the door, then eventually be out the door. You have to stay strong, don't give in and do NOT take him out of the crib once you put him in. you can do the pick up put down but don't move away from the crib when you pick him up. i used to have to stand over my son and rub his head until he fell asleep, he just wanted my touch.
try to get him in his crib before he is really tired so he can fall asleep in his crib instead of you trying to move a sleeping baby into it. try a routine before you put him in, read a book (the same one over and over), sing a lullaby, tuck his favorite stuffed animal under his arm, rub his belly, head, etc...
just remember that once you've succeeded at a step in the process, it only takes 2 times in a row of giving in to undo all the work you've done.
be strong! good luck!

The pick up put down method is a good one to try like the previous poster suggested. CIO can work if you have a situation like mine for example where my kids have no sleep issues , but every now and then will cry/make a fuss at bedtime so I leave them to CIO once I have checked to make sure nothing is wrong. To go from laying with him and having him sleep in your bed , to putting him in his crib and leaving him to scream basically is mean and he is too young to understand what you are doing. If your going to try the pick up put down method , why not try it out first of all at nap times , get that up and running and then move onto bed time , if you are consistent with the method , and don't give in at all by letting him into your bed then it can be fairly quick to achieve the results you want. I'm sure you can google baby whisperer to find out exactly how you should be doing the method.

Good luck

K.

I had the same situation with my first child ... I co slept with him for the first 8 months and my husband and I got to the point where we had enough! My husband was relegated to the guest bedroom and I am a light sleeper so I was basically getting very little sleep myself because my son woke every few hours to nurse (I called it the "all night milk bar"). My mom bought me a book by Dr. Ferber called "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems", which gives you a step-by-step plan to get your baby out of your bed and into his own, and it does involve letting him cry, but not cry it out. It worked within a couple of nights and he started sleeping through the night after that! He would wake up early at which point my husband would change him and then bring him into bed with us to nurse and cuddle, and we would usually fall asleep again for a few hours, but we all slept much better with him in his own crib!

Good luck,

S.

My son is not a great sleeper either. We had been holding/ nursing him at night for a long time. Whenever we left him he got really upset and I wasn't interested in doing cry-it-out.

At about 10 months we decided to try and get him to fall asleep in his own crib. We did a modified "Baby Whisperer" approach with a little "No Cry Sleep Solution." What I did was nurse him as usual but then put him in the crib awake. Everytime he pulled up to standing I laid him back down. If he got upset, I held him for a couple of minutes until he calmed down and then put him back down, even if that meant laying him down calm and then picking him right back up. I did this at bedtime and at his naptime.

The first night it took 75 minutes and I laid him down 109 times. The next couple of nights it took 45 minutes. It has been a couple of months and progress is slow but evident. Now he puts himself down for his morning nap about 90% of the time with almost no problem and at night about 50% of the time. The other half we have to go up a few times and comfort him either by picking him up for a minute or just patting his back.

More importantly he sleeps 2-3 hours for his morning nap and 7pm-5am at night. Still trying to figure out how to get him to 6am.

This approach worked for us so hopefully it is helpful, but I think every kid is different. I read like 6 sleep books and put the ideas together in a way that works most of the time for us. Good luck!

Politefully disagree with all the responses that encourage the CIO method. In my opionion, it was not a mistake for you to let your baby sleep with you-- this may be what he needs!! He spent longer than 8 months in your tummy close to you!! Dr Sears says it best, so check out his website or books. I really really believe in what he says. Our 2 year old still sleep with us and she is happy, adjusted, confident, and our bond with her is amazing and intuitive. They are small for such a small time-- don't worry you are "spoiling" him and as far as self-soothing goes-- I don't think they need that as much as learning trust of their parents...

We didn't let our kids sleep with us, but I did change matresses for my son's crib. One was harder than the other. One of the big differences in crib matresses and our beds is the softness. At 8 mo I think it would be fine if you put a thick blanket (not too thick, but maybe some thicker fleece doubled over) between the mattress and the fitted sheet that goes on it. We found that really helped my son, and he even had a blanket to sleep with before 8 mo (that he really liked to be tucked underneath him), but I know some parents are really concerned about safety issues with blankets well into the child's second year. Our daughter on the other hand didn't sleep well until she was 11 or 12 months, maybe older. She just always had to be held. Hope you find a solution. Good luck!

I also agree with the posting that said that it was NOT a mistake to let your child sleep with you. Our son slept with us for almost 2 yrs. Yes, we did have some nights of less sleep than we wanted. Also, when we tried to put him into a pack and play @ other people's homes, he did wake when he was being put into it. But, he transfered from the car seat onto a bed or couch or the floor just fine. My son is an early teen now. He says that he is very glad that we had a family bed. He has continued to be very self assured,and independent. I would not suggest the CIO method either. I am also a big Dr. Sears advocate.
Bottom line, find what works for you.
L. M.

Yours is a common mistake.
Put him in awake at bed time.
If he has a mobile or music box, turn it on.
Check him if he cries.
Pat/rub his back, but do NOT pick him up.
They need to learn to self comfort.

Is he teething?? Maybe a little baby motrin is in order before bed?

YMMV

I did the pick up put down method as I couldn't stand the CIO method with my son. I think it was in the baby whisperer book but i can't recall! It allowed me to put him down awake, pick him back up when he cried, and put him right back down as soon as he stopped. The first time I did it I think I picked my son 30 times (no joke) and thought it wouldn't work. But the next nap it was 8 the next 6 then he went down without me picking him up. Now he's 2 and a great sleeper! What ever you try just be consistent and don't give up too soon or it will lead to more confusion! Good luck

Hi N.,
you must look at all these responds and think what on earth is going on? Yes, there are a lot of different answers and disagreements and you will find that there are so many different baby sleep books out there. I wish there was one magic answer to this problem but there isn't. I did not co sleep with my baby but I still had the same problem about sleeping while nursing and waking up at night every 2 hours to nurse. Actually, there was about 2 months where she did sleep next to us because she was sick. And let me tell you she was the happiest baby in the morning to be waking up next to us. As happy as I was seeing her this content, I wasn't getting as much sleep and my husband was getting none because he is a sensitive sleeper. If I was a stay at home mom, I probably would have kept her little longer but I was also working part time. We just made the decision that we could not continue with it. So there are people out there who can't co sleep and please do not feel guilty if you no longer can do it. When we were done sleep training her, she was still a happy baby despite my worries. Having said that, I guess the question still remains- how? Like many of the responds, we did not use a single method. I love love love the Baby whisperer book however my child was so stubborn that I would have had to stay up all night picking her and picking her down probably a thousand time! We tried CIO briefly but I could not bear it too long. So we agreed that we were only going to focus on sleeping through the night and not necessarily how she fell a sleep (This was at 11 months already) So we had a routine at night- bath, books, nurse (or bottle by dad), rock and crib. When she woke up at night wanting to eat, we simply said no. Yes she cried and sometimes holding her was sufficient till she slept again, or rocking, or sometimes nothing we did was soothing so she would cry no matter what we did. And at those time we would simply put her in her crib. I had one of those video monitors where I would watch her from my room until she fell a sleep ( I got that monitor when she tried to climb over her crib rails a couple times!) Sometimes if she cried too long, I would enter and try to soothe her or rock her again. So it was a combination of everything and it took us 11 months to figure out what would work with our child. She eventually learned to sleep through the night but would have to be rocked to sleep. Then we worked on the rocking part gradually- maybe over a year. I would not let her cry to sleep if that was the only way she was going to sleep. But I gradually introduced putting her down in her crip while she is awake. She is now 2.5 years old and we still sit on the rocking chair and read books together and after rocking for a minute, she asks to go to her crib! I never thought it was possible. Our next step is to get her to a big girl bed and completely get rid of the rocking chair. Just remember that every baby is different and you eventually figure out what works for your child whether it is one method or a combination of both. Good luck with everything!

My son had sleep trouble for most of his first 4 years. He never really learned to self soothe, and he was such an active sleeper that he would kick and turn sideways, so we had to get him out of our bed or we would never get any sleep. He is six now, and it took until he was around 4 for him to stay in his bed alone most of the night. The sleep issue early on was beyond exhausting, and as a working parent, I was a walking zombie. Co-sleeping may work for some, but not for all by any means. Watch supernanny, and try her method. Start all sleeping in the crib, never anywhere else, and start when he is awake but tired. When he cries, go to him, pat and rub and lay him down, but no talking. Try to make all sleeping done in a crib or pack and play so he associates it with sleep. Also, whatever method you choose, be prepared to repeat the steps HUNDREDS of times, not just a few. It almost never works without days and days of effort, and you must be consistent no matter what. Patterns and repetition are what work best with any method. Good luck!!

If cold turkey (cio) didnt work then try doing it gradually. CIO didnt work for my son either.
Lay him down and pat him, tell him its bedtime and then sit by his crib. He may cry but seeing you there will help. Once he adjusts to that you can scoot to by the door and then right outside the door. It might take a week for each move. But while sitting next to him dont talk. I think a quiet shhh is ok once in a while tho. And dont look at him either.
Maybe something along those line will work for you. GL>

the cio method will take a while and some consistency! stick to it! we had to do this with my daughter when she was nursing and 5 months old! took over a month to work it out. but each night the crying dropped in length! keep at it!

you can't just go from one to the other, at least not without a lot of angst for your little guy. you need to slowly make the crib the 'sleeping place', and that means not letting it become 'the place where i'm left alone'. CIO is not appropriate in this situation. pick up/put down is probably your best bet here, but at the very least stay with him, rubbing his back, singing softly to him, while he works through the transition. this may take weeks at this point.
have you considered keeping a family bed? having gone this long with one, it might not be a bad idea just to see it through for a few years, ya know?
khairete
S.

I hate CIO and will never accept it. You don't leave your baby to cry alone when it is you who broke the situation to begin with. What I would do is stick with putting him in his crib for naps and night no matter how long it takes. My daughter didn't nap for the first 4 months unless she was held and night time wasn't much better. But with time, she adjusted and I was there for her always. You soothe him, rock him and you might be with him for hours at first. Then, every time will get better and he will eventually get use to his crib. As far as him refusing at first, he will eventually pass out from exhaustion, just hope it is before you! I realize so many others will think I'm crazy, but just like the CIO eventually works, so will this. With this method, he has you and isn't crying, no brainer to me. Your sleep situation doesn't change since you are up, but would you be sleeping with him crying? I have a 4.5 and a 15 month old who are wonderful sleepers and never cried more than 2 minutes in their beds. Fussing is one thing. All out crying for anymore than 5-10 minutes is cruel. Also, their brain is being deprived of appropriate oxygen during extended times of heavy crying. I was up with my daughter a couple of nights ago for almost 2.5 hours. I was the first time in weeks and she obviously needed me for some reason, even though I did all I could to figure out why. They are babies who didn't ask you to be born and cuddling in mommy's arms could NEVER be a bad thing, CIO can. I normally don't sound this far out there, but when I hear about 4/5 month olds being put through this, it upsets me.

Have you tried giving him his bottle in the crib w/out holding him? Use a very thin blankie to hold the bottle in his mouth. At first you can kinda hold it for him so he sees you but after he closes his eyes let the blankie prop it up for him. Is there like a chair or a bed you can hang out in until he is completely asleep? Also, with my 1st, I let him cry his self to sleep. After about 4-5 days he caught on. (oh yeah, prop the bottle to where he is facing away from you so he doesnt see your every move.) Good luck! (((i didnt let my son cry more than 10-15 minutes, real "cry" not whine, you know the difference)))

You may not want to hear this, so forgive me if it bothers you, because it is just my honest advice that might help. Consider this: Your baby boy is only young for a very short period of time. I know you hear it all the time, but it really does go by so very fast! Why not let him sleep with you? Trust me, he won't be there forever, even the resistant kids come to a point when they want their space. Giving in on this doesn't mean he will be spoiled or get his way with everything, as I am sure you will find what works for you to discipline him when he is old enough to be mischievous. Right now he wants you, not because he would like to have you wrapped around his finger, but because he needs the security and comfort that comes from your presence. A lot of people sleep better when snuggling a loved one! As for special time with hubby, it can be quite fun to sneak out to another part of the house and be a bit adventurous.

As for enough sleep for you, if you nurse, co sleeping can make it easier. If you bottle feed you can leave a bottle of water and the mix on the night stand ready to go, so you don't even have to get out of bed to feed him, this can help with your sleep deprivation. If you find having him in bed with you causes you to stay awake for fear of hurting him, or maybe he grunts when you move, you could try a co-sleeper. Or you could make a co-sleeper by taking the side off the crib and putting it against the bed. This way you have your space to sleep and he has you close to him.

I hope you find a solution!