Mom of a 16Yr Old Girl

this is the type of thing I keep for use as my own information. I would not tell the dad; but I would also not let my daughter go over to their house anymore. they would need to see each other at my home where I am supervising.

I also remember a very similar post from a short time ago, also from a first-time poster. I couldn't find it by searching so perhaps it was removed by the moderators because it was a troll or a bogus post. Not sure. You can search the site and look for relevant posts - this comes up ALL the time. Here are a few you can check:

https://www.mamapedia.com/questions/16977721643344592897

https://www.mamapedia.com/questions/5016784748903661569

Good advice below re seeing a doctor and learning more about reliable contraception, which condoms are not. They are helpful (not perfect) for preventing sexually transmitted infections, but I can tell you from my years working in a clinic that plenty of adults don't even know how to use them properly. So teens are even less reliable. I'm not sure what kinds of conversations you have already had with your daughter about sex and protection, but this is an ongoing process starting when they are young.

Like some of the good responders below, I don't understand parents who are unwilling to be parents and make the hard decisions. Failing to tell appropriate parents because of a fear of "hurting" a teen (when you aren't dealing at all with the hurt of a pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease) or "breaking this trust" (when she didn't trust you and just let little bits of info out over time) just says that the child is running the show here. Children (including teens) don't get to make parens swear what to do or not do. So I think that things in your household are kind of backwards, and you are not well-equipped for the additional challenges that are coming your way. Please work with your child's doctor as well as with a family counselor to get you and her father on the same page with some skills to manage these difficult years.

16 year olds having sex - not exactly a news flash. You know, the act of having consensual sex at the age of 16 isn't really the be all, end all of everything. While it might point to low self-esteem or other issues, many times it is just two horny kids who think they love each other.

First, why did you SWEAR not to tell and then tell? Shame on you. You should never let a child force conditional actions in exchange for telling you something. I always tell my kids that I can't "swear" not to tell until they tell me what it is. Also, while I agree that dad should know, I don't understand why you had to tell him so you weren't "dealing with this alone." Like this is some huge undertaking, filled with stress and worry. Geez, it is sex, not brain surgery.

Second, I would be getting my daughter into the OB/GYN immediately for the depo shot. That way, YOU are in control of the birth control. No pills to miss, no condoms to break. If she gets pregnant now, it is on you. She told you she is sexually active - now do your part unless you want to raise another child.

Third, I guess I don't think it is up to you necessarily to tell the boy's parents. I had a family meeting with my daughter's boyfriend's parents when they were 16 and had been "dating" since 7th grade to talk about the realities of what kids do, our expected level of supervision, that I was putting my daughter on birth control so that way none of us would have a grandbaby way before we were ready, and that I would appreciate them talking to their son about treating a girl he loves respectfully, including if she wasn't ready for sex (I didn't know whether or not she was having sex when I called the meeting). Why can't you do something like that? Why do you have to be a whistleblower to his folks? What do you stand to gain by telling them?

Your job is birth control and to be supportive - that's it.

I would make sure your daughter is fully protected. Condoms break and so you need to get her on the pill.

But your question about whether to let the other parents know - including your husband - yes. That trumps your daughter's trust. You are a united couple in parenting. Your husband is her parent too. If something were to happen and she got pregnant for example - would you want to be handling that on your own too with your daughter? No. All you parents need to be aware. Some would like to bury their heads in the sand. That's not really an option nor is it responsible parenting.

You can do it in such a way as to just to say that at your house, you have an open door policy (bedrooms, dens, etc.) and that you don't leave them unattended in your home. That's what my sister did. She said that she just wanted them all to be on the same page as far as rules went. That's how she started the conversation - and they all agreed.

I like the idea of keeping them supervised, busy and productive. Encourage her to remain focussed on her friends too. A lot of girls get too focused on their relationships once they start having sex.

its recommended that once you are sexaully active you should see a gyn and start getting regular pap smears. the dr can also talk to her about safe sex practices and what bc option would best suit her to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.the dr can also help her understand std's and how to prevent them.
for the telling. you and your husband are ok knowing. but tell no more. the parents of the boyfriend don't need to hear it from you. they need to hear it from their son (and if he is a responsible teen he will have already told them) if you don't want them engaging in this activity then you should have the boy over to your house so you can supervise their interactions and prevent enough alone time for them to have sex. but don't make it punishment. just make your house the place to hang out.

This horse has already left the stall. You can't undo it.

Teenagers shouldn't be alone in the first place. Sorry. Rules in my house. no "couple" alone in a room, allowed under a blanket TOGETHER, if parents aren't home? No one else is allowed in the house.

I wouldn't worry about "hurting" her nor losing her trust. She told you. That's a good thing. You need to make sure she is covered and that means taking her to get on the BC pill. She still needs to use a condom, but HOPEFULLY, if she takes her BC Pill daily like she should? She won't end up pregnant.

Have you asked EITHER of them the tough questions? Seriously, can you afford to have a baby? what will you do if she gets pregnant? how will you handle the situation? there's more to this than them having sex and "Feeling" good.

If he's had sex with someone else? She needs to be checked for STDs. It's a fact of life. A VERY SAD fact.

It's not punishment. You are protecting her from future hurt. Can she REALLY handle an infant at this time in her life? Sex is so much more than getting off, etc. there are things that happen that will dramatically change the course of your life.

It sounds like you have made a good decision on how to handle it. I know being the mother of 2 boys I would want to know if this was going on. I had a situation that was the opposite. The girls parents didn't care what they did and I sure did. They may not care but at lease they will all know where everyone stands!!

Good Luck!

Added: saying she can't go over there she may feel is punishing her, it's protecting her. At that age they don't understand the ramifications of their decisions and how they can effect the rest of their loves. You may put her on the pill and they may use other protection but they can fail and they also don't protect her heart! She doesn't understand how she is going to feel when they break up. I am not saying don't put her on birth control by an means because obviously not being on it has not stopped her so her.

No, do not involve his parents. Their lack of supervision is their problem. Good for you for having a relationship with your daughter where she can open up to you and be honest with you - that's huge! Sharing this private information any further would damage that openness and honesty.

I think you need to schedule a gyn appointment for her. Now that she is sexually active, she needs to start having exams and talking to a doc about sexual health. She should also be on reliable birth control - the pill is a good choice for many young women, but there are of course medical considerations with that and other options if that's not a good choice. She should of course still us condoms to prevent against STIs but good birth control is paramount.

This is totally normal behavior in a teen relationship at this age. You don't have to like it or condone it or make it easy for it to happen, but you do need to address the health issues that come along with having a sexually active child and otherwise, just keep doing what you're doing.

I would tell her thank you for being honest and she can come to you for anything, and make sure she's on birth control. I also wouldn't tell his parents. If they don't supervise that's their problem.