I have 7 yr old triplets who upon meeting them most people think they are the sweetest little girls you will ever meet. However, at home it's a whole other story. Two of the triplets are identical and fight like you would not believe. When my husband & I try to settle them down, they turn on us. I have had my nose broken several times, had black and blue marks all over me, have been bitten, punched, etc... and I am at a loss of what to do. If we try to seperate the two of them, they defend each other. Eventually when things calm down and they apologize it's as if nothing happened, they are back to their sweet little selves. The problem is their anger and how they deal with it. I have tried getting them to sit down and draw a picture of their anger instead of acting it out. It worked maybe twice but, then it was back to the violent behaviour. Neither my husband or I are violent people and don't know where this is coming from. Any advice on how to handle the anger?? I would like to stem the anger before it turns into the ugly brawl that it does.
We have tried time out, taking things that they really enjoy away from them etc... Even though two of the triplets are identical each one has their own personality and I encourage them to be themsleves. We make sure each of them has their own special toys as well as ones that all three of them enjoy.
Right now we are trying a "sticker chart" when they do something good they recieve a sticker when they do something wrong they lose a sticker or two depending on the severity. Sometimes just letting them know that they are reaching the point where they are going to lose a sticker seems to stem the problem other times it just makes it worse.
I contacted the guidance couselor at their school and I have to tell you, I really wonder if this woman knows what she is doing. She told me not to worry about their actions that at this age they cannot control their emotions. I find this hard to swallow considering that they can behave anywhere else we go, including restaurants, the movies, etc... I have an appt. this week with our family dr. and plan on speaking to him about all of this.
Hi D.,
I feel for you. I have not dealt with something like this before but I wanted to offer you a way to vent if you need to. I am always available and am willing to listen to you. I wish there were more I could say or do but please know that I'll be there for you if you need me.
I also have a set of triplets, however, they are only 17 months old but I spend the majority of my time breaking up fights now. They are identical twin girls and one boy. The girls gang up on my son and can also be pretty nasty to eachother. I tried smacking them on their hands but quickly realized that all it did was make them hit eacother even more. So now we are trying time out in the high chairs when they fight. Grant it they are spending a good amount of time on the high chairs but I want to do all I can to stop it early so that it doesn't get out of control as they get older. Did they fight when they were young?
I think the best thing to do is seperate them and take away personal items that mean soemthing to them.
Good Luck, I hope it all works out
That is a hard one. Because I am of the frame of mind as well: spare the rod, spoil the child. My children know good and well, esp. my son, don't put your hands on me. Really don't even do the play fighting for this reason.
Now, if you can't get them under control, I'd advise being so drastic as to putting them with the system to let them see just how bad it is. But, if you aren't willing to kick their butts every time and LET THEM KNOW who is the boss, things will only get worse.
I wish you the best of luck.
You need to step up and you and your husband need to let your girls know who is boss. Start taking away priveledges. Do they have too much time on their hands? If they have time to fight, perhaps they have time to do more chores around the house. And set out consequences if they don't do the chores, like no TV for example. I grew up oldest of 4 girls and we never hit our parents. It is a matter of respect. It sounds like they don't respect you. You and your husband need to back each other up. And each child needs to get the same treatment.
(my two cents)
Hi D.
It sounds like you got a range of different good ideas. Have you consulted their pediatrician? With the severity of their violence, I agree with the other poster that suggested getting professional help. They are limited with strength and the amount of damage they can cause at age 7, but as they get older, that will change. Your pediatrician could be a good source for specific ideas for dealing at home as well as helpful in determining whether it is a level that might require some intervention such as counseling. Good luck
I can't offer any advice but I do understand what you go through. I have a set of 4 year old identical twins who fight all the time about everything. When I buy anything I have to buy two and they still find something to fight about. They are so mean and so bad tempered to be so little and so young I don't understand how they can be so sweet sometimes and then turn around and fight and kick and scream the way that they do.
Hi -
I don't have multiples, and I know they present different circumstances. I was part of a 6 child family though, so maybe I can offer some help?
Do they have their own sets of toys are are they expected to share everything? My brother and I were from one father, and there was a different father for the others. He and I had to share EVERYTHING. it was frustrating and led to some horrible fights. Eventually, my grandmother figured out that we had different personalities (go figure), different desires, different ideas, etc. She got us into different activites adn times AWAY from each other. That helped a lot. We are 5 years apart but very very close. I mean REALLY close. Everyone thinks we are twins or that he is my son lol.
As far as fighting goes, can you try separate rooms? And for hitting, with my step son - he punched me once in the face - we took EVERYTHING away from him. Toys, videos, tv, phone, you name it wwe took it. For each week he did well - we gave him a privelege back. For each DAY - one toy.
It seems drastic and it also seemed harder on us than him at first. He pitched every fit possible. He really couldn't believe we took eVERYTHING from him. He had nothing but a bed, a dresser and that was it in his room. The essentials. Then we had to tell him how we EXPECTED him to behave. Told him it's ok to be mad - emotions are fine - it's what he did because of his emotions that would be scrutinized. Hitting NOT ok. Unless - he wanted to pound the heck out of his pillow. Screaming obsenities, NOT OK. Writing out his feelings - no matter what they were - ok. It was hard on everyone.
It took about a month to get everything back. We only had to take it again once. Never a problem since. Which is a good thing since now at 17 he's 6'3 and 250 lbs of muscle. Never raised a hand to me or anyone else since. Granted he was about 7 when he did this too - so maybe it's the age.
What kind of punishment do they get when they do something like punching?
It may seem drastic, but have you thought about a child counselor, preferably one that specializes with children of multiple birth. I suggest this mainly b/c of the violence, and injuries to you and your husband during their outbursts.
Please understand that taking your child to a professional is not saying that you your self can't handle the problem, you just need an objective view point. When I was younger I had severe anger/violence problems, and just talking to that complete stranger, my fourth counselor in, by the way, really helped, I still use a lot of what he taught me today, especially with my soon to be two year old, who is just like me!
It's just an option, and truly, what ever your decision, I hope things really work out for you!
