Mom of One-month-old Who Won't Sleep Alone

She is only a newborn... do NOT do the cry it out "method." She is too young for that. It can be dangerous.

Next, all newborns are like this. Very common... they are used to being all cozy in a womb. Now, they are in a wide open space and having to sleep. AND, they are needing to "bond" with Mommy... very important.

Newborns are also adjusting to "sleep" on "our" terms. Not theirs, like in the womb. So, it's hard for the baby, not only us.
Also in the womb, a fetus will often suck their own fingers for comfort. Sucking is an "instinct" for survival as well.

Next, a baby has to get used to "day" and "night" time and often get confused.

Newborns also have a strong 'startle reflex', meaning they startle awake and their limbs flail. Thus, when put down in a crib, they wake. They cannot control their reflexes yet.. .so it is not controllable.

Some parents 'swaddle' their newborns and this may help.
Or you co-sleep. One alternative, since your own bed is too soft... is for example, (what we did and do), is we have a floor futon in our bedroom, and THIS is where I co-slept with my kids. And once baby is asleep, you can still be with her there or go back to your bed. LOTS of parents do this.

Or, you can try having her sleep in a "moses basket." My son loved his and slept nicely in it, until he grew out of it at about 3 months old.

Next, MANY newborns have 'gas' problems because their digestive systems are not developed yet. It causes them pain and keeps them awake... try infant gas drops for this.

Next, a baby often cannot sleep, because they need more intake. If nursing, make sure she is latched on properly and is actually sucking. Is her mouth completely encircling your areola? Can you actually see her swallowing and hear her swallowing? Is there sufficient milk coming out? Is she nursing long enough to get to the hind milk? This takes about 15 minutes, then they usually nurse longer.

Nurse/feed on demand whether from breast or bottle. Some newborns will need to feed even every hour....

But your baby is NORMAL. And we don't get much sleep once we bring them home. A newborn cannot be expected to sleep all night... or comfortable. They are adjusting to the whole world... to us, to the noise, to the lighting, to smells, to the night time, to gas problems, to nursing, to bonding, to needing comfort, to sleep, etc. etc. It takes a few months, for a baby to adjust to everything. THEN, they get teething and this will be another juncture at which they have sleep fluctuations.

I would try swaddling her. That is what we had to do with my firstborn. She hated the crib. And I co-slept with her. My son was easier. EACH baby is different... so cue into them, and see what THEY need.

I know it's not easy. We all go through lack of sleep, and it's hard seeing our newborn struggling with so much. MOST babies sleep best as we hold them, or co-sleep, or right on Hubby's chest.

All the best,
Susan

Imagine what it must feel like to have only been alive on this planet for 4 months... all of the new things.. some exciting, but mostly scary. Not being able to do ANYTHING for yourself and having to rely on someone else to care for your EVERY need. I'd be terrified, especially if I didn't know that person very well. My son slept on my chest and we slept on the couch for the first 6 weeks. After that we started with naps in his crib... no bassinette... no swings... just straight to his crib. At night he would still sleep on me until about 8-9 weeks. He no longer sleeps on me or even wants to sleep next to me so don't worry about creating this long lasting traumatic issue of your little one sleeping with you for the next 30 years.

Welcome to the 4th trimester! I am currently in week 8 with baby #3 and here is how our sleep progression has typically gone . . .

Weeks 1-4 infant sleeps not next to me, but on me - their check against my chest, their head nestled under my chin. Weeks 5-8 infant sleeps in bed next to me - no more holding, but I may place a hand on them or snuggle them. Then, somewhere between weeks 7 and 8, we start moving to the crib. Baby is rocked until they are fully asleep and then placed into their crib. Also, while I am holding and rocking baby, I place a folded receiving blanket between us. Then, as I place baby in the crib, the warmed blanket is placed between baby and crib sheet. Now she has a spot already warmed and smelling of both of us.

This method has worked pretty well for all three children. I know the theories of helping the baby self soothe or learn to put themselves to sleep, etc. (and we start on self soothing and putting self to sleep around 1 year). But this is what works for our family. Good luck to you.

Well, there's always the " put em down and let em cry" until they fall asleep. But i never believed in that. What worked for me was keeping my arm around my daughter while rubbing her back or hair until she fell asleep. It was hard because it took quite a while and my arm would hurt, but once i knew she was in a deep sleep i would slip my arm out from under her and then crawl into my own bed. I still do it till this day. My daughter is two now and i don't know that this will help you, or if you'd be interested in taking my advise, but it's worth a try. I hope this helps. You could also think about making sure your baby's diaper is clean and dry before you lay down and make sure you try to get all of the gas bubbles out too. Your baby might cry because she has gas in her tummy?? Another thing that worked for me was having a fleece blanket in her crib so when i layed her down i wasn't laying her on a cold mattress, so to her i think it still felt like the warmth I gave off when she layed with me. Anyway, hope this helps.

My daughter was the same way until 6-7 weeks old and today...@ 2 years old she is the best sleeper. Everyone asked if she was colicky...but she wasn't becasue she would sleep fine and be happy on us. I know your pain!!!( i read a lot of books late at night to keep me up and help me learn how to handle her) I never let her sleep in our bed, So we took turns holding her while the other slept. BUT we never gave up trying to get her to sleep in her bassinett. Every time she fell asleep... I waited until deep sleep (at first)until I would put her in her bassinett. She always woke up...but eventually she stayed there a little longer. What i found was she slept in her bassinett best (longer) in the AM from 8- 11 were her best hours...so I started from there. I used a sleep routine at 7:30 am consistently and then moved it back 30 minutes to an hour every 4 days or so. basically when she seemed comfortable with the new sleep time i would wait a day or 2 and then move the routine back 30 - 60 minutes. As the days progressed she slept longer and longer. By 3 1/2 months old she was sleeping from 11 - 6. A month or so later it was 8-6:30 (she had to be up then for me to go to work) I started this routine about 4 weeks old, so the same place you are at.
I used the book healthy sleep habits, healthy child to assist me in the process. It Is wonderful! I learned that babies need a gradual sleep transition and it may be a pain to do it but it is better in the long run for them and for you. My daughter will sleep anywhere now, she naps for 2-3 hours every afternoon. Every person that watches her has said she is an amazing sleeper. I credit the tips i got from that book. Good Luck... If you need anything else let me know!

Hi H., A couple tings sweetie, first, she needs to be trained to sleep in her cradle or crib, by aloowing her to sleep on you or your husband, you are creating a habit that may be very hard to break, at 6 weeks I started giving my babies rice ceral at bedtime, then rocked and sang them to sleep and then layed them in their bassent/crib and they slept through the night, some people say isn't that creating habit, and I say it's one I can live with becasue my baby's were being nurtured to sleep, and my husband and I didn't lose sleep or our time together, try it it may work. J. L.

I'm a Postpartum Doula and night Nurse. Please call me if you are still having problems. The advice you received here about NOT letting your baby cry is correct. I teach new parents this and i have the data to back it up. I am so proud of the Moms who posted this information.

Please CALL me if you need a break or help of any kind!!
K.
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