Mom Seeking Advice on "Behavioral Issues"

You should have him evaluated. If you feel there may be something wrong, you may be right. Ramsey county will do a screening for you for free and the sooner you get him in, the sooner you can start addressing any issues that they discover. That number is: Early Childhood Information and Referral of Ramsey County ###-###-####.

Both of my children are on the spectrum for Autism. My first child I didn't get evaluated at first because I too thought, is this normal 2 year old behavior? Will he outgrow it? Is it because he's a boy? I wish I had gotten him in for an evaluation sooner than I did. He was already 4 by the time we had a diagnosis. My younger son we got evaluated as soon as we suspected anything.

If there is a developmental problem present there are so many things they can do now to help. And there are things you need to relearn about parenting. I discovered that the time-outs we were using for my son was the absolute worst thing we could do.

Good luck.

I'm not one into getting children "assessed" but perhaps you might want to seek advice from your pediatrician. I'm certainly not an expert in child development, but I do have a relative who did similar things (head banging, biting, unusual and unwarranted violent outbursts) as a toddler, and was later (in his teens) diagnosed as a high functioning person with Autism. He too was extremely intelligent and excelled in the area of science and math. He tested beyond his years in school standardized tests (at genius level)and tested out of school by the time he was 15.

But because his Autism went undiagnosed, he suffered many other setbacks both socially and medically speaking. So, I don't know if this is what's going on here with your child, but perhaps you might want a professional evaluate your child.

If you are considering seeking any assessments I recommend educating yourself first. Read books on spirited kids, sensory processing disorder, and autism spectrum so that you can already have a sense whether assessment would accomplish anything and to help you understand your child better.

I also recommend tracking his diet as it relates to behavior. Especially track his consumption of food with artificial dyes, dairy, wheat, high fructose corn syrup, and other sugary foods. These foods have all been known to cause serious behavior issues in children with sensitivities. If he eats a lot of these foods such that it is impossible to track, then consider eliminating them from the diet one at a time to see if you get changes. Many people swear by the Feingold Diet.

Make sure he is outside for at least an hour a day and has plenty of chance to run, jump, and climb.

Also take a hard look at his day. Is he in daycare for a lot of hours? Is it a busy, loud group setting? If he has sensory processing issues, that can make his day miserable as we discovered with our son.

Lastly, stop the timeouts in his room. Instead work side by side with him to distract him from negative behaviors, to teach him words to use instead of physically reacting, and to teach him methods to calm himself (these are best practiced when he is not tantruming). Give him a lot of supervision and gentle reminders of appropriate behaviors (kids at this stage typically can not think ahead to a consequence for their action). Catch him behaving and flood him with love and attention. It will take lots and lots and lots of patient repetition on your part.And remember that the smile after he does something wrong does not carry the same meaning as it would if he were 5 or 6, it is simply him thinking about what exciting reaction and attention is he going to get from you now. So just keep calm as you deal with the situation, no "fireworks" displays. He is just testing cause and effect but does not understand it yet.

It's so hard to say, but if there is any worries I would suggest contacting your local school district. The ECFE program can provide you with a number to get a free screening done. I would go ahead and do this ASAP in case there is something early intervention can help with. And if his behavior IS normal, you can move on and focus on how best to deal with it! Good luck!

Reflex integration and developmental movement therapy can helps with these issues. My colleague and I work with children with behavioral issues from early childhood through school age. -- C. Burns, RSMT

I looked at the other responses and I agree that you should have him evaluated for autisim. I am so sorry he is going through this but there is a lot of good information about behavior issues in kids. I see that you are taking classes and probably have enough reading to do but start researching, on line and at the library. Also talk to his doctor and the behavior experts at the school he will be going to. Check out Headstart and any other program for pre-schoolers.
Good luck I hope you can make things work thing out for all of you.

J.,
Frustrating, isn't it?! He is a boy. I have 4. Usually, if children have communication problems - if they are not being understood - they tend to resort to the behaviors you have described. However, you say that your son can say the alphabet and count - which makes me think that you just really need to focus on "using your words". My 2 1/2 year old bites and has a fit - but his verbal communication is not that advanced. My nephew used to bang his head until it bled, but his verbal communication was delayed as well. Try emphasizing that he must "use your words". They do grow out of this phase, but that is part of what makes it the "terrible twos".

Most of what you describe is normal for a child his age. I would be concerned about the biting himself and the head banging, however. The frequency of the tantrums might determine whether there are other issues going on. I would get advice from professionals, but also keep in mind that there is much controversy among the "experts" around over-diagnosing behavioral disorders these days. One of the most positive outcomes, as mentioned by other responders here, is the possibility of learning new techniques to parent your child effectively.
Good wishes to you and I hope you have supportive daycare help, too. (I'm also a parent who works and goes to school so can somewhat understand what your situation is like, so please reach out for support as much as possible).

Gosh - sounds like my youngest! The head banging thing drives me crazy...
A child like this needs an outlet for his energy. I keep my son very active and am considering enrolling him in tumbling or gymnastics classes this fall. Your son might need a physical outlet for all of his energy.
Also, I don't give him any attention with his tantrums. When they start, I tell him to use his words and then, if it progresses, I tell him that he can "have it out" as he needs. Meanwhile, I make sure he is in a safe place. I walk out of the room, then, check back in to see if he's ready to talk, repeat as needed.
When, he's done I just scoop him up and give him hugs and kisses and tell him that I love him even thought I don't care for his actions. He's calm in seconds and the whole thing doesn't last that long.
Just knowing that this is a phase is important for keeping perspective. My oldest child had no tantrums at 2 but was into them at age 3 and into his 4th year. Good luck!

J.,

Wow! I have been there. Although I have twin boys, and have had struggles with both of their behaviors, and not just one. I don't have the answers and I don't really have any spectacular advise, accept to be patient. Getting worked up yourself doesn't help. He sees that you are upset and feeds on it. Continue to try different approaches, and they will work for a while and then you might have to try something else. I look forward to seeing the other responsed that you will get. take care and hang in there. Your not alone!

I would get him tested to see if he has oppostional defiant disorder. It is more treatable the younger they are. my son has this and when school & myself put him on a behavior plan if worked very well. Try early childhood (ecfc)in your area- they should be able to direct you to services through you school district. Good luck.
Ps it may not even be this - but it is a starting place

Are you sure he isn't in pain J.? Pre-verbal babies don't have a way to express pain. A small pain in the neck or spine can cause a myriad of behavioral issues. Take him to a chiropractor to rule out cervical or spinal pain. It will have the added benefit of stimulating his immune system and calming him down.

He also may have an upset stomach. What is good for one baby is not necessarily good for the other. Foods that your daughter eats with ease could cause your son to feel irritable and sick.

Not all behavior is actually behavior. I'd suggest getting a natural doctor (chiropractor or natureopath) to find out if something bigger isn't happening to your son.

I know it is hard but when he throws a tantrum, try to ignore it or put him in his room and shut the door and tell him he can come out when he wants to be nice. However, make sure you really praise him when he is being a good boy. Whatever you do, do not yell--it will not help and he will just try to get louder and misbehave more. I know everybody says time outs are great and they are, but you must not give in to get him to stop his tantrums or he will just continue until he gets his way. Let him know he is being naughty and not nice and then ignore him until he stops and than ask him if he wants to be nice? When he does then go on with the norm.

My child fusses a lot, cries, hits, pulls hair and says no and she'll be two in a few weeks. Most of her behavior is caused from wanting something she can't have or that her sister has something.

The doctor told me to let the siblings work it out and if they punch each other then so be it. They'll figure out that it doesn't work.

They play games at this age and tests the water on how far to push Mom or to see which child Mom will side on.

Time outs are fine as long as you don't talk or let him play with things. My child keeps slipping down the steps or just gets out of time out and the doctor said to keep putting her on the stop but walk away once I do that and return to her to put her back if she gets out again. Consistency is good.

You are the boss not your children. I'd teach nice touch and let him know that biting or hitting is not appropriate behavior and to say sorry when he does it. We do immediate time outs for hitting or biting.

I think it's an age thing and the way he is. My oldest is mild, shy and well behaved compared to my youngest. It's just their make up and heredity.

Follow you gut - get him evaluated if you feel you need to. I honestly believe he is just being 2. My daughter went through a stage like that (and occasionally goes back to it!). My daycare called me one day very upset because she was acting that way and thought she might have an ear infection. She said some kids just act naughty when they have ear infections. So, I took her in. The doc checked her out and said "she is just being two." I asked her if they have antibiotics for that. *smile*

All joking aside, read the spirited child book that everyone recommends. I have read it and also attended a parenting seminar recently that referred to this book a lot (I had no idea they would use it as a reference before attending.) It will give you some tips and help you start watching for triggers.

J.,

Children can be so different in the way the react to to situations. It is probably even more pronounced when you have twins, especially a boy and a girl. Boys and girls develop at different rates, use different techniques to make their needs known, and react to situations differently. What you describe doesn't sound particularly abnormal to me for a 2 1/2 year old boy... What was your older son like at this age?

It probably isn't fair to compare him to his sister. My two boys are so different (20 months apart), I constantly have to remind myself not to compare them (my first was the worlds easiest baby, the second was much harder).

Good luck to you, if you really feel something is wrong, talk with your pediatrician about having him evaluated, especially at age 3 (which is when most school districts have programs available for kids with special needs).

J.

Hi J.,
I feel for you. One of the first things that pop out to me was if you are able to give him enough one on one time. Being that you are single, working full time, and going to school full time makes it really hard for everyone and I do commend you for doing what you feel that you need to do, but if I were me I would make sure that I was snuggling and giving him lots of praise for the good things that you see him doing.
Next, are you being consistent with your discipline, and then also role playing positive behavior your self with him. Kids learn what they see. I understand how hard it is when you have a difficult child and then trying to stay in control, patience, loving and then to top it off showing him how to behave appropriate. THIS IS REALLY HARD AT TIMES !!
I have raised a 23, 22 year old boys and then I have 5 more to go two of them twin boys (5)along with my foster children (Their like my own as well). I realized that when I had the twins that I had to let some things go for a while and focus on raising them so that I would hopefully get them on the right foot, it worked they are wonderful boys and their hearts are filled with lots of love and compassion for others and now that they have started school I feel I can have more time to do the things that I wanted to do the last 5 years. If this doesn't work go to your doctor see if he is healthy, then pull in out side supports early interventions, in home provider which that is what I do for a job now, we help you with different idea's and work with the child on different skills. HANG IN THERE it does get better remember he is 2 and some 2 year olds are more challenging then others but if you stay consistent then they tend to be easier teenagers because they are not afraid to tell their peers "no" to peer pressure. Write me any time if I can help. Take care of you too !!!!!!!!!!

your son is behaving badly probably because he knows he'll get your full attention for the time being. let him throw him temper tantrums and don't give him the satisfaction of taking your time to deal with his bad behavior. do have time to do something just the 2 of you? i know this is hard when you're a single mom, but see if a friend can watch the other children for you. if he keeps hurting himself or others, please get the child some help. i think he just wants your attention whether it's for doing something bad or good. i did naughty things to get attention even if it was negative.

The first thing I thought of when I read your request was sensory processing disorder. My older son had a very mild case of it and my younger son starts therapy for it today. It wouldn't hurt to look into that. Our therapist has also recommended cutting back on or eliminating artificial sweeteners, flavors and preservatives in kids' diets. There are at least two good books on sensory issues, "Raising a sensory smart child" is one of them. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka also has a good book about raising "Spirited Children" and one about "Power Struggles." He may also need some one on one time with you. It sounds like you have a very busy life. Good luck.