Mommas Do You Find This Weird?

A lot of guys just want to be around and love the park and hanging out with the kids and their spouse. My own husband wouldn't be very interested in all the womanly talk. He'd jump up and keep the kids busy while we talked. I don't think this is weird at all. I think it's a little more strange that you think so.

You spend a few more times with her, and if husband is always there too, then you decide if you want a friendship with a third man-wheel.

If not, then you discontinue the friendship.

In my experience, that's not common.

Not weird. Sometimes my husband accompanies me on get togethers with girlfriends. He likes to help out with the kids and enjoys having fun with them at a park. Gives me a break and I can sit and chat with my friend. If he happens to be sitting next to us while we are talking, I try to include him in it, but then he gets occupied with kids. After the get together, I ask him about his thoughts on the conversation. He gives me a puzzled look, and says that he wasen't paying attention and kinda tuned us out! LOL.

I'd make a little off-hand comment about it, something like "oh your poor husband, has to listen to us cluck about girly things again" and see what she says.

I wouldn't be too weirded out, because he's a husband and dad as well and has likely heard it all from his wife.

If it really bothers you though, invite 'her and the kids' to your house. If he STILL tags along, then maybe there's something else going on here........

If my husband worked from home - he would probably hide from a playdate. Even if there wasn't a playdate going on, I am pretty sure he would keep to himself most of the time and actually work. I'm with you, I wouldn't want to hang out with the dude either. Not much you can do, just hope his job gets super busy quick! Maybe you should accidentally cut some major phone wires in your neighborhood!

doesn't seem weird at all. If my husband (who doesn't have "regular" work hours) CAN go and be with the kids with me, he goes... always. He's just involved as I am. He has heard IT ALL about women stuff!!!! He was there for all four of my births, and he could probably answer ANY question about pregnancy OR breastfeeding. I was very open with him (well, he's my best friend, I tell him EVERYTHING), and he's very involved in all the baby stuff. My friends are very laid back moms. They have breastfed in front of him (still, with a cover over them...) and my friends and I don't mind talking girl stuff in front of him. He isn't too crazy about it, and would rather NOT hear it, however. LOL. we DO have four girls, though... so... he's gonna definitely have to get used to it!

I also had another thought: maybe she likes having husband there so she CAN talk with you without having to watch the kids every second. I like having my husband around wherever we go with the kids because it is like having backup "help".

Also, as another mom points out, you don't HAVE to talk about things you don't feel like talking about in front of him. BUT, I'm sure he's heard/seen it all like a lot of dads, and they may not like it but it's really not a big deal...

...and "weird" is not at all how I'd describe this. For one, why is it weird to work at home?!?!

*****ADDED: I find it WEIRD that some other dads DON'T want to be more involved... and that their wives are OKAY with that! I'm glad I have a very great equal parenting partner! I couldn't imagine it another way, nor would I ever accept or want it!

ALSO, a "girls" get-together is different than a play date with your kids. When you plan a girls get-together, usually that is without kids and without guys... "play-dates" to me are welcome to "parents"(and the kids of course!), not just only moms.

skip talking about the women stuff, until you and her are alone. Give it a few more tries & if he's always there.. maybe ask her about it, or invite her to your place, minus hubby.

Weird.

I have never had a Husband, just 'be' there, when out with the kids or playdates.
Unless they had a day off or something.
But usually, my friend will say that Hubby is coming along etc.

But my Husband or my friend's Husbands are not lurkers. They don't just sit there.

My hubby comes with me whenever I take our DD to the park. Mainly because he is my ride, and I really don't much care for driving around the big ol' Yucon. But he also genuinely enjoys going with us to the park to play.

I wouldn't call it weird. She probably didn't even think to tell you that Hubby would be there, because it didn't occur to her that it would make you uncomfortable. I would continue to see her, and just save the woman talk for the times he's not around. If he's there, you can talk about normal baby stuff or things that aren't even related to parenting. Heck, you could even try to plan a family play-date and maybe your husband can get a new friend too! :) She didn't have her husband with her when you met, so he must not go with her every time. You might even try planning a girl's day with her without the kids, so you can get in the needed woman talk. :)

I have a good friend whose girls are friends with my daughter. She is a SAHM and her husband works at an office. When we get together in the evening or weekend, he is always along. The good part is he is super easy to talk with and loves playing with the kids, so he is useful! Others in our friend group have remarked about his almost always being along, but it makes sense to me that he wants to spend as much time with his kids as he can, since he works a lot.

Well, that's only 2 playdates. Invite her to your house next time for some hubby free time. I don't think it's weird though, just so you know. :)

aw, he sounds like a great guy. he may need to be versed in the art of avoiding girl talk, but maybe hes that rare girls guy who can amuse himself in both worlds.

My vote is WEIRD! What man wants to hang around listening to girl talk? If he was off supervising the kids, maybe, but just sitting there listening to you talk about poopie diapers and breastfeeding? EW.

Just my opinion.
R.

I don't know, I talk girl talk around my friends husbands all the time... we always hang out as couples though. But I do agree it would be awkward being someone you don't know very well.

I find it odd too and I feel wierd when hubbies show up for a "girls" get together...but maybe they just like spending time together.

Either way, here is what I would do, try to get together on a day that your hubby has off and make it one of those get togethers. Then try to find another friend to gab with about the mommy things. I can totally get why you would be unconfortable with talking about certain things with her hubby around, but you can't really ask him to leave either. :) She just might not be that friend for you.

If you are not comfortable talking about women stuff, then don't. I would find it odd that her husband was always there and you might ask her if they always travel together or does she mean that a playdate will be you, her and the kids? When you met her at the park the first time, was he there as well? Not that he can't be home or can't go to the park with his kids, but I'd wonder if it was a fluke or if she was being chaperoned.

I have to say I got as far as the park thinking this isn't strange at all crazy woman. Yeah the park was kinda, doesn't he have anything else to do?

It could be that those are the only times he has to play with his kids and in that case it wouldn't be odd at all.

Depending on what he does he could work nights. My fiancee is a contractor that works with AT&T here and does get calls from time to time in the middle of the night because of a system failure. There are people there 24/7.

If you want you can ask her is there a time you guys can hang out without the husband for a little girl talk. You could also be like me and talk about the most embarrassing stuff you can think of to see if he would squirm and run off. :p

Do you think the mom maybe has an anxiety disorder or something where she needs her hubby to be there until she feels comfortable? Has she shown any indication that she is anxious? That was my first thought or that they just really like to spend time together and he makes it a priority to get to know her friends and spend time with his family. I would let it go for now, but if it continues, ask her if she wants to come do a mommy's only spa day or something and have your hubby watch the kiddos. Then you can ask her what the deal is with her hubby! GL!

M

My friends' husbands are sometimes around when we have playdates. No big deal to me since I like being friends with their husbands as well (I am the source of my husband's social life for the most part) and, if there is something that I feel is too personal for us to talk about in front of him, I usually won't bring it up until he is out of the picture.

You've only gotten together with her two times so far. He probably does work odd hours instead of the typical 9 to 5 job that most of us are used to, and he probably just wanted to spend the day at the park with his wife and his daughter as well. I wouldn't think too much of it at this point but if he continues to be there each and everytime, then I would be concerned about whether they have an unhealthy dynamic going on in their relationship.

I wouldn't trip on him being home while you are having playdates if he's off in another room most of the time and paying no mind to you two while you are having your visit. I'd be more concerned about him seemingly not allowing his wife to have any girl time on her own without him right by her side at the park, or wherever the playdate is taking place, or him making his presence known constantly and without reason while you are at her house. If that seems to be happening, I would be concerned about control issues.

Hope this helps.

I'm more concerned that you'd go to a stranger's house for your first official play date. Gotta be careful nowadays :-)

But, yes, I do think it's a bit odd, and it's odd that she wouldn't tell you he'd be there during both play dates. My DH wouldn't want to hear all the girl talk, and I'm happy about that. You do have to censor your conversations when a man is around.

I guess you have 2 choices - deal with it, or say something about it. I wouldn't want to put up with that, and I'd probably say something if it continued. Right now I think it's still too early to know whether or not it's going to be a pattern.

So, no, I don't think you're overreacting. I want to be friends with the mom, not the dad. I don't think he needs to be there, unless it's something that involves dads specifically. Maybe those that always have a DH present at a play date will take some of the responses into consideration :-)

I would feel lilke you. I have one friend whose hubby worked 3rd shift and happened to be around when we had playdates but if i had her to my house or somewhere else he didn't come. I found it really hard to talk to him too,

I'm in your camp. Maybe not "weird" per se but not optimal for sure to me. I've gotten to know husbands of new mom friends and that's great. I sometimes like men more than women... But I understand wanting to make a mom friend, talk about girl stuff etc first. And my husband would very unlikely come along like that! You said he sat on the bench too at the park so he's not helping as some moms suggest. I think doing the invitation at your house next does make sense and if he comes - that'll be weird!! :) I'd then address it somehow. Maybe something like - "oh, we'll have to get my husband to join sometime." And when the husband isn't around, then mention how amazing it is for her how her husband is always around helping, yours would never do that etc.. That might draw out how they view all this.

Yeah I think it's kind of odd too. Mu husband would certainly not be doing that - if I am watching our little one he's off the hook, and vice versa! And he'd never hang around for girl talk. You got some good ideas about how to investigate a little further- i agree that it just a few isolated instances so far.

Keep us posted, what a curious story!

Even though I am not uncomfortable talking about girlie things in front of men, I can understand why you are. Some people just don't like discussing personal stuff in front of other's husbands.
I really like what Lesley S had to offer..."oh your poor husband, has to listen to us cluck about girly things again"
Thats a nice way to bring it up and see what her reaction is.
My SO does come along when I meet up with a friend and her kids (not always but sometimes), and so does her husband. The men usually go to the garage for their own play date and the wives and kids are inside yapping lol. My guy rarely hangs around when girl stuff is being discussed.
Good Luck.

I know how you feel and YES its weird. I have a co-worker friend that I would love to have lunch with but......HER HUSBAND ALWAYS HAS TO HAVE LUNCH WITH.
I'm talking 5 days a week every week! I have suggested that we do have lunch and she says "great, Michael and I have lunch together every day and you're welcome to join us"......really??? I don't want to have with your husband, I'm sure he's a great guy, but YOU'RE my friend, not him.
Needless to say we've never had lunch together. ;( Ugh. Yea I know how you feel, its obnoxious.