Moms with TWO Kids and Keeping It That Way

i have 2 kids and i have my tubes tied. My daughter is 5 and my son is 2.

I agree, there are lots of times that i see little babies and pregnant women and think, "awwwwww, i want another!" but then i look at it logically. One more child is just less time for me to spend with the 2 i have now! Its even longer before we can do a family vacation. It means that my kids will have to share a room (we have a 3 bedroom house and my kids love their rooms!), i look at all the money that goes into a new born and that is money i could be putting into a college fund for my kids i have NOW. I think of being tired and grumpy and snappy with my kids because im tired from the sleepless nights with a new born. I think about how we have a round kitchen table that seats the 4 of us perfectly right now and are able to save money buying sedans instead of a van or SUV because we only have 2 car seats.

i also think to myself that i have plenty of friends still having kids, and my SIL has yet to have kids that i can love, snuggle, babysit all i want to get my baby fix! then i can give them back and go to the amusement park with my bigger kids and not have to worry about a diaper bag! lol.

Oh my goodness! I hear a lot of the same comments that you do from people who have 3-4. I LOVE having 2!! I can spend quality time with them and just enjoy them. I have a boy and a girl, 3 1/2 and 20 mos. I think for me personally I would be too stressed out to have anymore. My hands are already full with my two. I am like you I do miss the newborn stage, but at the same time I don't miss the lack of sleep and not being as mobile as I am now. I had two c-sections, so I am not really looking forward to a 3rd:)

We have 3 kids: two bio boys ages 7 and 5, and one adopted daughter age 3. The old saying 'three's a crowd' holds true with my kids. There is always someone being left out or teased ~ usually my 7 & 3 year old excluding my 5 year old. I thought I was content with 3, but I almost want 4 to change the dynamics of the third wheel. The other thing I would say is 3 children seems to cost a lot more AND no one will babysit for you when you have 3 kids (especially when they are close in age).

My husband is the one who would like a 3rd but given I don't and do most of the "work", I'm saying no. :) You got a lot of the same reasons I have below. But it's something in a lot of ways I don't think you can "reason". I have no desire for another baby. That's just me. And I don't believe bigger families are necessarily happier. Most people I grew up with were 1 of 2 kids and they both turned out well. My husband is 1 of 4 and 2 of his siblings are disasters and it seems like most families I know with more than 2 have one with an issue. How much joy did these siblings really give these parents? I'm in the quit while you're ahead camp. One of my husband's siblings it was clear pretty early on would be a problem yet his parents went on to have 3 more children and it's been super hard on them - emotionally and financially. And once kids are grown, half the time they don't even get along with each other. I'm very close with my sister while plenty of people w/ several siblings don't get along with them at all. I think all parents love their children but given lots of people grow up to not be all that pleasant, have some kind of ongoing issue etc, do all children really bring parents peace and happiness? They're young, cute kids for a short time. I want to save my resources to deal with what may be coming vs spread myself too thin. Finally - there's the environment to consider. What if everyone had more than 2 children (kind of just replacing themselves?) I don't understand why more people don't consider this. The world population is growing too fast. Don't people worry about what the environment will be like for their 4 or 5 kids when the kids are grown themselves? If you love newborns, maybe you could volunteer at a hospital. I think many have programs for babies that need to be held but the mother can't, isn't around etc. But as I started to say, there are reasons but some people seem to just want more kids and that's not "wrong'. It's just how they feel. Not sure what you can do about that. I think i'm a pessimist and that's part of why I don't want more. I worry too much.

I know we are done with our two. I have a daughter who will be 7 next month and my son is 4 1/2. I like having just the two. Everything is very equal. Two kids........two parents. LOL We aren't out numbered. ;0) Lots of things would change in our life if we ever made the jump to 3. Someone would have to share a bedroom, or we'd have to move to a bigger house. I like that my kids each have their own bedroom. Even restaurants would be different........having to wait for a table big enough for 5. I think of all the little things like that. Plus, now that we are about to enter the phase of both kids in elementary school next year.......I think about how I would possibly find the time/money to allow a THIRD child to participate in whatever extra-curricular thing they would be into. Financially, I think 2 is perfect for us. We are able to live comfortably with a few good "extras" thrown in. We are able to take a great summer vacation and don't have to worry about the cost. I just feel like if I had a 3rd child, our quality of life would have to change A LOT in order to afford it. But, I can tell you this............if my 2nd would have been another girl, I know without a doubt, I would have longed to try again for a boy. I have a brother and a sister and out of all 3 of us........nobody had a boy until my son was born. I longed to have a little boy b/c all my siblings and even all my cousins only had girls. I wanted to watch my parents with a grandson and I wanted my grandmother to have a great-grandson (she had 8 great grandchildren.....ALL girls). So, when that ultrasound tech said, "boy"...........I knew my life was 100% complete. =0)

This is just MHO, but while having many kids and a large family can be wonderful, it is also very expensive. I tend to look at things very logically and practically, and know that down the road, past the baby stage, there are things like braces, driver's ed, cars and insurance, and college. Unless you are planning on having your child pay for it all themselves, it adds up fast the more kids you have. And there's all the "extras" in life, like vacations and music lessons and other extra-curricular activities. Having just 2 kids makes those things more affordable than if you have 3 or 4. I know there are people who will say that such things are not important in life and having all the kids they have is totally worth it, and I would never disagree with them. However, personally, I would rather do more for the kids I have now than try to have more kids and each one potentially ends up with less in terms of opportunities. I also worry about another child potentially having serious health issues or other problems. I know that sounds terrible, but I just believe in "quitting while I'm ahead".

Unless you and hubby are both on the same page and totally in agreement, I would not be trying for #3. He already compromised on #2.

I have 2 girls ages 5 and 3. I am trying to decide if I want to have another. at some point. My girls are so easy. No diapers, no bottles. EASY. If we get a call to go somewhere or do something we can be out the door inseconds. Sometimes I feel the pull to have another one and sometimes I don't. For a while I felt I wasn't done yet and now sometimes I am. Well more often than not I feel like I am. Sometimes I want a baby but in a way I do not want to start over. For me I know that now is not the time to have another. Maybe someday, maybe not. The thing is no matter what my decision (or yours) we will not know any other situation than our own family. I don't wonder what it would be like because my wonderings will no doubt NOT be accurate. At the same time I do not feel like this is a decision I have to make now. Your situation may be different but I have several good child bearing years left to see if it is something I want to persue. My mom was always telling me that I need to have my kids 2-3 years apart and stuff. Now I question where the rule book is. There are no rules and I am SO happy about that. If my two are my only two my life will be amazing I know it. If I have another (or, yikes, more!) Then I really have no idea what my life will bring.

we had that dilemma. our first was a surprise, the second planned, and we just could never afford that third one that i wanted but my dh was ambivalent about. i hear the moms who say you can never afford 'em so just go ahead and have them and figure it out, and how they can never regret the ones they had in spite of circumstances. obviously you don't regret the children you have, but in my opinion that's a terrible argument for proceeding to produce kids that both parents aren't eager for or that one cannot afford.
i have loved being able to focus my attention and our resources on our two. i was able to homeschool them both through the later school years and do a good job of it. we aren't wealthy, but we haven't had to sweat issues like braces and community college and an occasional cool vacation because we live within our means and don't have more kids than we can afford.
if we had gone ahead and had more we would have loved it and got by fine too, but i cannot regret our wonderful life with two awesome, adored children.
khairete
S.

We have two and are done.

Here are our reasons that it works for us:
We were lucky enough to have a boy and a girl-so neither of us has to 'wish' we'd always had a XXX...
In my opinion from experience with my sister-I would rather not risk having two girls. It's hard and no guarantee they will grow up close, (or that they won't of course).
Financial-babies cost a lot up front-kids get more and more $$ as they grow and add in all their sports and whatever
You are never outmatched with two :)
You can each always have one to snuggle
And for us age-I'm 38, my husband is 42--our kids are 3 & 10mo so adding one more would be meaning we are THAT much older...and for me preg was H-A-R-D. Bed rest hard. So there was that too.

Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that you have even teams - one parent to one kid. JK. I have two, and every now and then get the twinge for more, but really having two works well for us. They are very close in age (18 mos apart) so are capable of doing the same things; if we were to throw another in the mix now that one would always be 'out' - too little for the amusement parks, too young for the movies we see, etc etc. They also play together very well, aside from normal sibling bickering, and a third would upset that because one side would be outnumbered (we have a girl & boy now). I like that I can take one kiddo for one-on-one time and dh takes the other; with 3 that would be harder to do. Really it comes down to the fact that having another might make me happy, but it's not worth upsetting the dynamic we have now just so I can cuddle a baby again - that's what friend's babies are for!

I would love a third but it would be financially irresponsible. I feel better and better about having two every day! I could list a lot of reasons but I will stick with just one:

If we added a 3rd child into our family, it would be another 18+ yrs before we were empty-nesters. I do not want to wait another 18 yrs before I get to be all care-free...Goo goo eyed...Lovie dovie with my husband again.

I miss the times when it was "just us". Love the kids but miss my "boyfriend" (aka my husband and father-of-my-children) a whole lot too. Which is a pretty great thing and nothing to be even marginally traded for a 3rd child.

Well I'm probably going to be in the minority here, in that my husband had to convince me to even have a 2nd. So there's never been a question in my mind that we'd have more than 2. (Unless some act of God happens...I'm on the pill and DH has had a vasectomy.)

2 is plenty for us. Mine are 2.5 and 4mos. I feel complete with that. They'll have each other growing up and are close enough together to hopefully have a good relationship.

I HATE being pregnant. It's ruined my body and my health. So for me, there's no way that I'm voluntarily doing further damage. I've had 2 easy pregnancies and 2 horrible deliveries. I now have Thyroid Disease, High Blood Pressure and a horribly saggy abdomen that I can't change with fitness (I've tried, it's a skin problem).

So that makes me really selfish, I guess, but I'm done. I can't wait for my kids to be older. My 2.5yo is so fun right now, and I'll LOVE when my daugher gets there. Unlike you, I hate the nb stage. I want her moving and talking. I'm sick of toting her everywhere.

So this probably didn't help you, but that's why we're sticking with 2!

I can't imagine having three. With two, each child can have a parent's full attention. We travel more, because it is less expensive. We have a smaller car, because we can easily fit two kids in the backseat.

The two of them love each other, and play well, and nobody gets left out.

Two is perfect for us.

HI E.,
My husband and I went through this as well. I always thought I'd have 4 kids, but we started ate and sort of felt we ran out of time. When we talked about whether we were really "done" or not, I had a hard time stopping with 2. But our son was a preemie and we didn't really know why, and I wondered if my body was really meant to have anymore kids.

Basically we drew a line down the page and listed all of the ways that our family dynamic would probably change, how it would change our environment etc... For instance we would have needed to get a bigger vehicle, and probably a bigger living space unless we were going to cram three kids into one room. We thought about how much time and energy we would have for all three kids. We thought about silly things like having to wait for a table for 5 in a restaurant, and needing a larger table to eat at at home.

We also thought of the family dynamic of having three. In our case, since we have a boy and a girl, adding another would child would mean having either 2 boys 1 girl or 2 girls 1 boy, and either way someone would always be left out. Although that the sort of "even number" theory was my plan until someone told me they had 4 kids in their family and they still ganged up on each other.

Now that they have started school it's also a whole new thing. Having 2 kids is BUSY. Getting to and from school with different schedules, homework... anything extra (both kids in swim lessons) adds to the schedule and the expenses. It's much different form when they were small.

At the end of the day we felt blessed with our two. They are so incredibly brilliant, and I mean that in a whole person way, not in a genius way. We know that adding another child would mean changes that we can't predict, and we feel pretty grateful to have what we do. So now instead of having another, I run a daycare and get my fix that way :) It's not the same and eventually they move on, but it's fun having little ones around. I also like being done with things like diapers and sleeping problems from my two!

Best of luck. It's a hard decision. I think if we had started earlier we may have had more kids, but I don't regret stopping at two at all.

Two is awesome! Many people have already cited all the little reasons--car size, college costs, house size, fitting in a booth. I love that each of our kids can have our attention individually or when it's one parent with the two of them. It's difficult enough sometimes to manage with the 2:1, so I can't imagine adding more.

When my youngest was getting to be 2 years old, I felt that tug, that loss, knowing that he was my last. (My husband and I went into parenting knowing we'd want just one or two.) But it passes. It really does. I'd just cuddle my 2 and the feeling would pass. Or that may be a time to add a pet to the family.

Anyway enjoy your family!

we joke that "we don't want to be outnumbered" when people ask us whay we are not haivng more. That really is part of it, it is nice to be able to easily "divide and conquer" so to speak. Also, I had complicated pregnancies and c-section deliveries, I dont want to go there again. Economics, college and just feeding/clothing/etc. get more and more complicated/expensive, as you add more kids to the mix. We want ot be able to do things for the kids somewhat, be able to pay for some amount of their college, go on family vacations, afford to upgrade our home and make it a nicer place to live, etc. Not just scrape by.

We were fortunate to have one of each gender, but I think we would've stopped at 2 even if they were both the same gender, though if we had 2 girls, DH would've been harder to convince, he really wanted a son.

He originally wanted 3 before we had kids, but after haivng 2, dealing with a toddler and a newborn, and a c-section recovery, and the complications I had with the first pregnancy ( 3 months of bedrest because of high blood pressure) and the miscarriage I had in between the 2, I think he revised his thoughts on that.

It is a personal decision, but i think with just 2, we can afford emotionally/quality time and monetarily to do more for them each individually. We won't be so stretched thin.

Jessie

A lot of the Mom's here have already said most of what I would say. Money, sleep, car, home etc etc. I will add one other thing. If you have three children and two parents and all three have a sporting event at the same time, who get's to not have Mom or Dad there? Two people can't be in three places. Someone would feel left out. I remember my parents splitting up between my brothers events and mine, I always wished they were both there, I think I would have been pretty upset if no one was:( I have 2 boys, when I found out my second was a boy, EVERYONE said, well now you'll try for your girl. No. I always wanted two children, I have been blessed with two healthy children. I am thankful for what I have. You'll find the answer for yourself, good luck!

My hubby and I had a discussion on the number of kids we would have while we were engaged. I said 3 and he said 2. My mom had 4 girls and his mom had 2 boys. Any hoot, 2 was the number we agreed upon. Now, when baby #2 turned out to be a girl, he decided that maybe a 3rd try would get him a "Jr." However, at age 37, and a high risk preganancy and a 2nd c-section... I was done!!! Two is my final answer!!!!

Perhaps when your babies are older, your hubby may change his mind. To him, newborn stage may be over, but there are still 2 babies that are a huge handful of joy.

I wanted 3 and my husband wanted two. We decided to stick with two. It took me 6 years to get pregnant with my second daughter. My first delivery was difficult. The second resulted in a c section. When I had my c section I also had a tubaligation.
Economically we knew that two would be the right amount for us to handle. I still sometimes think what if we had a third but am completly happy with our chioce. I miss having a baby around every once in a while but I think it's more to do with the different milestones my girls are hitting. The oldest is 11 and my baby is 5.

I have 2 boys, age 5 and 7. Honestly I wanted another, but now that they are older I am glad we only have two. Between soccer, swimming, and boy scouts, our time and bank account are stretched to the max! A third child would not only mean more activities and money, but a bigger car, house, ect..... and although I too love the new born stage and miss it, it will always go by fast, and you can not just keep having baby after baby just because they grow up. There is also something to be said about having them get older, you finally get to really sleep!

I can totally relate to this! My number has always been 3 partly because I have two other siblings so it just seemed like a nice number. I think I could have been talked into having 4. I love kids!! My husband is just like your husband though. He is perfectly content with our 2 children. We have a boy and girl so we joke about having the full set of everything God makes, why do we need more? I had a hard time for a long time with the fact that I wasn't going to have any more either. My kids are only 16 and a half months apart and while I have enjoyed how close they are in age, it has taken a toll on me physically lugging around heavy carseats and kids. I have been to a chiropractor and now a physical therapist to help alleviate head and neck pain from it. So now I question whether or not I could even have another child without excaserbating this problem even more. My kids have always been cuddly which helps as we have moved out of that newborn stage as well, but I find there are perks to moving into the toddler stage too. My kids are now 3 and 20 months, so they play very well together and can do many simple tasks on their own. No longer do we lug around heavy carseats or double strollers. I immensely enjoy their burgeoning verbal skills and their dialogue is so funny to listen to. I look forward to being a diaper free household and love the fact that they are starting to understand rules and consequences for their actions. So to sum up, I am now at the point where I am at the most win/win place I could be. If God decided to bless us with another child I would be over the moon, but 2 children is an awfully nice number to experience all of life's stages. Just give yourself some time to get there. I am a former school teacher so I figure I could always go back to work, volunteer at my church or a hospital nursery to get my baby fix as needed!
Take care and good luck with your decision!
A.

My hubby and I are actually opposite of you and your hubby....I'm almost completely certain that I'm finished now that we have two boys....He wants to try one more time (for a girl). He wanted to start trying again right after our 9 month old was born. I've tried explaining that two is plenty for us and that its a nice even number....no one will ever feel left out....we're financially able to handle two, but three might be too tight.....we have exactly the number of rooms (small rooms, not big enough to share) in our house needed for two kids (he said we could build a dormer on the house to accomodate a new one....yeah, that makes sense LOL).....I could go on and on.....but he's still pretty convinced one more would be a good idea. Thank God I'm on Mirena....so the only way it will happen is if I go to the doctor to have it removed (I DON'T plan to). Maybe really try to see his side of things. He may have some really valid points to consider.

I have two boys and as others have suggested it is very convenient for going places, doing things, school activities, etc. Many entertainment options and other activities are designed for 4. I had difficult pregnancies and very difficult (colicky) infants so more than two was never a serious consideration for us. I didn't read all of the answers, so I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but if it's the infant stage you like maybe you could babysit or get a part time job involving infants. I work in a church nursery once a month and get my "infant fix." There are childcare centers at the YMCA and other health clubs who hire part time employees. Or, you could periodically volunteer somewhere where you care for infants. Your kids are still pretty little. Maybe once they hit the preschool years and get more active and independent you might feel done with two!

Edited to add: I forgot to include what my husband says. He prefers a one on one defense to a "zone" defense. (-:

I have two, and I am DONE! It's nice that we have one of each, but I would have been done at two regardless. I like that we parents will never be outnumbered and that I will never have more children than I have hands. I like knowing we can afford to send them both to college and that we can go on family vacations without breaking the bank. I like that I don't have to buy a minivan or a bigger house. My husband especially appreciates the environmental considerations that go into only having two (i.e., zero population growth).

I'm sure if I had more, I'd say that was the best thing ever, but honestly, what else would you say? It's not like anyone would say, "Oh, we had three, but we really should have stopped at two. Little Johnny was a mistake. I wish we'd never had him."

Two healthy children are more than many people have. We are blessed.

My husband always says, "The world is made for four people." With just 2 children we don't have to have a bigger car, we'll always fit in a booth at a restaurant, it makes traveling and college and all other things much more economical and possible. With them both under 5 now it's nice that we're not outnumbered by our children so we can each take one at bedtime or even just getting them in and out of carseats.

I know what you mean about leaving the baby stage, and I think if that's all it was about I'd want to have 10 kids. But you have to stop sometime, so you may as well make it be a logical decision.

Hi E.,

I have two and am very happy with the decision my husband and I made to stop where we are. I have several reasons for stopping at two but here are my top two:

1) Money (these kids are EXPENSIVE!)
2) Patience! I see friends and family with three or more and their lives seem so hectic and crazy. And while they say they love it that way, it is just not my personality to enjoy all that chaos. In fact, I'm pretty sure it would put me in the nuthouse (and sometimes it seems like I have my left foot in that door already!)

So do what you feel is best for you and your husband and enjoy the blessings that you already have. And just think about all the things you will get to enjoy BECAUSE you only have two.

We have 1 boy with another unknown due in 5 weeks. We have decided to stop at 2 for a few reasons 1) I hate to be pregnant 2) I am pretty much a single parent, so wouldn't be able to handle chasing after 3) events 3) I too am afraid of middle child syndrome, I would hate to unintentionally make a child missrable 4) I am just getting to old for this :-).

I love the idea of being able to tag team with 2 kids, there's only 2 adults so what would we do if we had 3 kids and had to be in 3 places at once. Growing up I always wanted 4 kids, but now that it's time I am more then happy sticking with 2.

I know people that have more children and love it, it is everyones personal choice, good luck to you.

Don't have another one just becuase you like the newborn phase and you're sad you won't ever see that again. I have two now, but would like three because I want to expand my family and years down the road it would be nice for my kids to have their kids interact with one another and have that large family feel. The newborn phase goes by so fast. That shouldn't be your only focus.

Our kids are so active and involved in many things, having two assures that there will always be at least one of us to get them where they need to be and cheer them on when needed. Even now, sometimes I have activities that conflict or my husband is out of town for work. It is HARD when it's just me trying to get to two different places. That being said, I know a lot of people who have 3 kids, and they just have to make it work. I would be a stressed out, guilt-ridden mess though!

I have two wonderful girls and I'm pretty sure we're done. I never say never, but I'm about 99.5% sure :) We decided to stick with 2 for several reasons. I hate being pregnant. Hate it. I know a lot of women love it, but not me!
Both my kids have been horrible sleepers from birth. I love sleeping and waking every hour just doesn't do it for me ;) I'm afraid of middle child syndrome. I know I say that I'd do things different, but sometimes I think that middle child syndrome is unavoidable. I already have 2 girls (2.5 years apart) and I don't know if I could handle another one! I say that jokingly, but I'm sort of serious too. I love my daughters and I won't trade them for the world. I'm so lucky to be a Mom of 2 girls, but I'm not quite sure I could handle 3 teenage girls in my house at the same time.
All of those are pretty petty reasons, to be honest :) But, the main one for us is money. Right now with 2 kids we can afford to buy them all the things they need and most of the things they want. We can afford to put my oldest in private preschool. We can afford to do all those other activities like t-ball and stuff. I don't think we could afford it if we had 3.
We might change our minds sometime in the future, but for right now we're fairly certain we're done.
I won't take any permanent measures though (and I don't think you should either). I'm young enough that if I decide in 6 years that I want another baby, I'll be able to do it. You're kids are still very young. You never know, in a few years your husband might change his mind.
In the meantime, love and cherish each milestone. They go by so fast!