Mother-in-Law - Denver,CO

You can't. Just be respectful to her and smile when she says something you don't like. When she questions your authority, what you feed your kids, or anything else, just smile and say something like, "our kids eat so well during the week that sometimes we like to treat them" or, "they normally eat so well that we don't mind if they have treats sometimes.
I don't get along with my mother in law either but after 11 yrs I have just learned to 'politely' stand my ground and tell her that we are doing pretty good and think our kids are turning out pretty good. ;o) It is all you can do, they are stubborn and for some reason think their sons are perfect but not perfect enough to choose a wife.

Old folks tend to get set in their ways.Your MIL was probably taught by her parents and grand parents. Its not uncommon to have three generation homes in Germany, Holland, Norway, Sweden, Denmark and the other Scandavian countries. The elders are respected and usually revered. She is probably appalled by what she sees happening to America's younger generation and wants to keep that from happening to her grandkids.

Sometimes it helps to take a look a things from another's perspective. I hope this helps you.

Good luck to you and yours.

Oh Norwegians are very straightforward and there is a large cultural gap between them and the way Americans communicate and view many different subjects! I love my Norwegian friends, but I know exactly how they can be very blunt and not find humor in the same things we do.

As for having a better relationship, stop whining about her to your husband. Tell your husband you don't want to her hear complaints. Stop looking at the petty things. That will stop a big issue in the gossip and hurt feelings.

She is entitled to her opinion about fast/fried food and the kids. Really, a nutritionist would say she is correct in that sense. She only sees you guys eating junk food as a family, not what you do at home, so that is where her opinion is based. Just take it that people raise their children differently and that you have different standards of care and health. Maybe you can try to implement some healthier eating choices for your family while dining out, not just for her, but for your family. It sounds otherwise like you all are doing fine.

I had a rough relationship with my mil. When I decided to not be bothered by the little things and started to learn to value her insight and not get as easily annoyed/offended... I actually worked on having a better relationship, our relationship blossomed and can truly count her as a loved friend now.

I think... the problem is your Husband AND your MIL.
I mean, they BOTH.... seem to target you. Your Husband in the way he GOSSIPS about you, to his Mommy.
That... is really sabotaging you.
He should not do that.
You are his Wife.
He should be sticking up for you.
Not running to "Mommy" with every little gossip he has about you.

So, they BOTH are the problem.

I've been to Norway 4x in 20 years. The food is not exciting. Next time you expect her buy Gjetost Cheese. It's real Norwegian. It is made with goat and cows milk. She probably drank goats milk growing up.
Ask your husband what she fed him while he was growing up.
She is at least interested in your children which is a plus. Let your husband take them to her house on his own sometimes. You do not always have to go.
When you describe her character it is very Norwegian. We all carry the traits of our nation of origin.
Does your MIL have Norwegian friends? Does she watch Norwegian movies.
We had a Norwegian movie festival last winter and the films were great. Maybe you can rent one and while she is listening to it you can read the subtitles. Elling was one of the really funny ones.
No I am not Norwegian I've just worked all over Europe for many years and speak many languages. Of course she may not get American humor but after so many years here she's got to. I laugh at German language humor, and Dutch humor.
Overlook her abrasive ways she's very likely just being herself as she was trained to be in Norway. And, do not listen to your husband. Tell him not to carry tales and you will not hear him out if he comes home with what she said about you.

Tell your husband to stop relaying complaints or find a friend to vent to instead of him. I bet that is causing a lot of animosity and strain on the relationship between you and MIL. I don't think that you will bridge the gap completely because it seems like you two just have natural differences that don't click, but not hearing each other's complaints about each other can make things more pleasant. It sounds like they eat good at home, kids need whole milk the fat in the milk plays a role in their brain development. The eating out/ordering in isn't a big deal unless it is excessive, because you do it at her house and she doesn't see the at home then maybe she is under the impression that that is how they eat a majority of the time.

Hmmm, with your so what happened it would be hard to keep my cool when she picked the restaurant lol. I would tell her what a mom suggested, the "They eat so healthy and good all week that I treat them with ranch every now and then". The whole milk I don't think you'll ever subside that aspect.

I would start with a firm talk with your husband about relaying each other's complaints. That helps no one and surely he can learn to keep his mouth shut-especially if that makes both his mother AND his wife happy! You're going to just have to deal with her directness and judgment. Just be very casual and blow it off. Say things if you need to like, " If they start pudging up, we'll limit more of the treats but they eat healthy 90% of the time and we feel that's a normal appriach to life." She may get off on making you squirm -you never know! If you act like "no biggie" it may take some of the wind out of her sails. Plus, if you're all eating it, then you have to expect them to want it too! Perhaps the next time she wants to order Chinese or eat out, you should say, "No, let's hit the grocery so we can all have some healthy steamed chicken and broccoli." If she enjoys crappy food on occasion, then she should expect her granddaughters to as well.

It is not fat that makes one obese- it is actually grains. A high grain/carb and sugar based diet. Grains turn into sugars fast, and then help covert things into fat. In the old days, they are plenty of REAL butter, heavy cream, and meats. Even fried food. What they didnt eat a lot of was processed grains and corn syrup which is made from a grain. If they wanted breakfast, they had eggs or perhaps oatmeal, not cheerios or froot loops. Real potatoes not frozen kinds. People think potatoes are high in carbs, they actually are not. Watch certain yogurts, some brand like yoplait have almost as much sugar as a can of coke. If you were to try to get the corn syrup and corn products out of food, you wouldnt have many foods left! You can see how much these have taken over the food supply. With it came obese kids by the hundreds of thousands, and huge stores to house all the junk. in the old days, they didnt need huge stores because food was basic.

Why do you see her so much? Maybe limit your time with her and that will solve some of the issues. Also, just don't respond to her comments and then she should get the hint to stop when it falls on "deaf ears". No one likes saying things when they don't get a response! good luck!!!

What you feed your kids is up to YOU (and hubby). She has no place to say anything to you about it...unless it was actually causing a problem, then I could see her sharing a concern constructively. And, I'm not a fan of low fat anyway! I mean, bad fat should be avoided, but there's more and more info out there as to how important fat is for us!

As for bridging the gap, I have no suggestions. What you described sounds similar to my MIL, only my MIL is born and bred USA and still doesn't get jokes and is so easily offended and is the constant victim. I've tried hard, but I've had to come to accept that some people choose to be the way they are, and there is nothing we can do about it. I can only control myself. So, I work on that. I will treat her well, but I also won't be abused by her, so I am not a pushover around her. But I think at times there is nothing you can do to bridge the gap. That takes two people, and you can't do it unless she's interested too. I've tried bridging the gap with my MIL. I've even apologized for anything I might have done to offend her, but she wasn't interested (and I should add, she's way more offensive than I ever have been! She regularly ruins relationships because of her attitude/personality being so selfish and hurtful). Anyway...so that's my suggestion. You can control yourself. Maybe focus on that. She might never respond how you hope. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, though. i've struggled with that a lot. I kept thinking I should do something different, try something different, approach it a different way, etc...nothign worked. I know I've done my best...I can't change her...just as you can't change your MIL. Though, your hubby needs to keep things between the two of you private!

Good luck!

It sounds like you are going to have a difficult relationship no matter how much you want it to be easier. I would pick one part of your relationship you want to change and then focus on what you can contribute to make that part better. My husband is a counselor and he has really helped me figure out how to approach people and speak to them using "I" feelings. Take the food thing, you could pull her aside and tell her "I appreciate that you are concerened about the girls diet but I am trying to teach them how to have a balance diet and make good choices instead of forcing them to eat what I want them too, I hope you can help me with this" It may backfire but making the person feel as though you aren't attacking usually helps confrontation go more smoothly.