Mother-N-Law Stating Bad Thing to My Husband

Well, in my opinion this is not a battle to be fought with you and your mother-in-law...Where is your husband in all of this? You are his wife and when he married you he left his mother to be with you. Having said that, he should never just sit there and listen to her complain about you and say nothing. Where is his support of you? I am sure you feel pretty alone in this battle right now. I would start with talking to him about supporting you then I would set up a day for all 3 of you to sit down and talk. It is easy to say and do things in anger but much harder to forgive one another. Think outside of yourself, you sound like a much bigger person than your mother-in-law. Take the high road and show your kids what a wonderful person you are. If your mother--in-law (who obviously is threatened by you or she wouldn't act so stupid) is not able to sit down and talk to you without all of these hateful acusations then just be happy with your husband's support and go on with life. You have too many other things to worry about, you don't need this spineless person bringing you down.

M.,
Praises to you for keeping your peace! I am a divorced mother of three and had the same issue with my ex-mother in law...I have done all of those things that you say you would like to do - I'm still divorced.
Would I have done anything differently? Maybe not - BUT - in reading your situation and I, being a third party, smarter and a much calmer person, I would let my husband handle his mother. You are speaking WORDS to the family by NOT doing what you say you wanted to do. The sister sees, your husband sees and everyone else sees that you are taking the higher road by being the natural person you are. Hopefully, you are praying for strength and forgiveness (for the mother in law) because she is really being ugly - even if we are only hearing your side of the story. Your husband is speaking for you. He has your side. But, if you choose to voice your opinion, be careful of what you say - no matter what, that is the ONLY mother he will ever have.
YOU be the Christian and love her the best you can (I failed in that category) and keep your head high.
May GOD Bless You in your endeavor!

Honestly, it sounds like she is just trying to get attention. I would just keep taking the high road. "Kill her with kindness" so to speak. Either pretend like nothing happened (as far as you know...nothing has that you can figure out), or in the sweetest voice you can manage, ask her if there is anything she would like to talk to you about. It may take an act of God (and you should be praying about this situation) to keep your cool, but when she realizes that she isn't going to get a rise out of you, she may eventually give up the shenanigans.

You also need to thank your husband and be sure he knows how much you appreciate that he is backing you up on this. There are so many situations where the husband doesn't stand behind his wife and then the Mother-in-Law wins essentially because she is creating a rift in the marriage. You can "vent" to a friend or something if needed, but try to keep the rant to a minimum when talking to your husband. He obviously knows how you're feeling since he is defending you in front of her, but he may be feeling a bit helpless about it and could be frustrated more by listening to you vent about the situation too. Men are "fixers" and I'm sure he doesn't really know how to fix what's happening. Keep your chin up! You're doing the right thing!

Let it go! If you are a Christian, it is mandated by the Lord! You MUST forgive her ,in order that you might receive forgiveness. I know it is hard to be the one that forgives but it is only your pride that stops you. You KNOW that she is in the wrong...BUT....you MUST still forgive her. It may very well be one of the most difficult things that you have to do but you must. This could cause a rift in your marriage and all of your mfamily relationships!!

“How good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity...for there the Lord has commanded the blessing…” (Psalm 133:1-3).

Did you know the Lord has commanded that blessing come upon you when you are at peace with your family in the Lord? As believers, we are called to work together in unity in order to fulfill God’s purposes. We are called to serve one another in love and serve together in the house of the Lord. When there is someone that you don’t quite get along with... Pray for that person. Go out of your way to be a blessing to them. Do your best to walk in peace and unity. As we serve one another in love, the Bible says the world will know that we are Christians. The world will recognize that we are true followers of Christ by our actions, not by our words. Make the decision today to live in peace and unity with your Mother-in law. If the only thing you can agree on is that Jesus is Lord, focus on that. Focus on the love you have for God and for seeing people come to know Him. As you focus on walking in peace and unity, you will walk into the place of blessing the Lord has commanded for you!
God bless you.

Hi, M. v. I've been there and that's very hurtful to go through. But if you have a strong relationship with your husband; that's what matters. And first of all, does he know you better than his mom, if so he's needs realize that. Talk to him and ask him for his support. My mother-in-law wanted me to crawl on my knees to ask her for forgiveness for a mistake she thought i had done. And i told her,(knowingly i hadn't done nothing wrong) that the only persons i would do that would be my god and my parents. Of course she didn't like my response and my husband said just ask her forgiveness to make her feel better. My response to him was we give respect to get respect; not because we think we have a throne. And his response was i don't know what to say; because she's my mother. I don't know her age but, it could be menopause. Women have been known to get a little crazy; when our hormones get the best of us. Or lonliness, also. Good luck. I hope you can work out with your husband at your side. L.

Been there, done that! I have the WORST psycho MIL on the planet!
Saying something will always put you in a rock and a hard place. If your MIL was mature and knew how to handle relationships, she would've gone to you directly in the first place, instead of your husband. She would also see that it is WRONG to speak badly of her son's spouse to him. I would give up on the idea that speaking your mind to her would change anything, other than make you feel better. I would first go to your husband and somehow tackfully say that it hurts your feelings that she would say things about you that were ugly, plus trying to hurt the kids at that. It REALLY is his place to set boundaries and limits, no matter how much they hate to do that with their parents. IF he is a non-confrontational person like my husband, you could tackfully go directly to her and speak your mind, but let him know first. That way, she is not going and tattling and putting him in the middle, which sounds like she loves to do. I would NOT expect her to change. Plus, it sounds like he and she are somewhat close, if they are having lunch together.
I did the confrontation thing (via email, then phone) and the Monster In Law and I didn't speak for 11 months. She missed out on her grandchild being born, because of her inability to own up to her own mistakes, is the way I see it. The more I didn't speak to her, the more she would go to my husband and make herself out to be the morter. About how horrible I was, etc. When she NEVER acknowledged that she'd ever done anything wrong. But also, not having anything to do with her made my life so much happier! Funny! She was and is still very destructive to our relationship and our family, but now I just don't have much to do with her, instead of expecting an honest and friendly relationship. You definitely should talk to your husband about how it makes you feel when he allows someone (anyone) to say bad things about you, and how would it make HIM feel if you did the same.
Also, MIL's do strange things when they have too much time on their hands. I would still try to find her a job and a spouse, if she's not married. Keep you enemies close and occupied, I say!
Don't expect her to change - she never will.
If all else doesn't work, just be cordial and see her as rarely as possible. Also, plan your come-backs. If you know you'll be in a situation with her, plan what you'll say if she says something negative, even if it's just "What is that supposed to mean?" "Oh, you watch too many soap operas!", etc. It does help and shows her you won't lie down and take anything, while also taking the high road. I'm not for shutting up and just letting people say what they want - that to me, doesn't show others that you respect yourself. It's your family and she needs to be respectful.
Good luck and let me know how it goes.
L.

Don't let it go another day. I tell you this from personal experience. This happened to me with my now EX-MIL. I waited too long to tell her things that had hurt me and that bothered me. I believe if I would've addressed these things earlier on, I wouldn't have been so miserable in my marriage and possibly, my marriage may have been so much different. If you can't tell her face to face without blowing up, first try a letter, then you can talk about the letter later. I told her point by point but always showing respect because that is how you deal with other people. She never mentioned the letter to me, (by that point I was separated from my husband). I know she got it cause my ex-bil told me she had mentioned something to him about it. She apologized about 3 months later for some things and now she treats me with kindness and respect. A little too late, but oh well.

Hi M.,

I would definately confront the situation before it gets out of hand. Which from my understanding it has already. Maybe you should take her out to lunch and discuss the situation head on. If she doesn't accept your invite then invite yourself over with your husband. I mean there is plenty of ways to handle this. Yet, no matter what don't forget this is still your husband's mother. So becareful on what you say and how you say it. Although she is making false aquisations about you be kind and courteous. There is no need to get balistic about the whole situation. Just as long as you and your husband have trust amongs eachother. That bond can't be broken by anyone.

There are different ways to look at this. For one she should not be punishing your children for her dispute with you. I think you need to speak your mind and find out why she insisted on talking behind your back. My mother in law doesn't like me because I get along with my husbands step mom. She was doing things like this too and even started a fight in my parents house while I was pegnant. I was so upset that I told her if she did like us inviteing he step mom then she did not need to come. I also told her that if she kepe telling people from our church things about this and kept talking ill of my husband step mom she would no longer be invited to the family get togethers. Do what you can to find out why she is ill with you and speak your mind. Then hope for the best and remember that you love your husband and children so you can only do as much as his mother.