Mother Guilt over Birthday Party

Relate? You betcha! All moms have been there. But chances are, without you, NOTHING would have happened that day. This may be the first of many experiences like this that you have. Make an effort next year to seek him out and spend two minutes of O.-on-O. birthday time!

You didn't miss the whole thing, you made it happen. As they get older they will remember where they went for their birthday, that they had a great time, and that's about it. Dad's can usually "enjoy" the party. No need to feel guilty.

NO you are not a bad mom, you're being too hard on yourself. He had a great time and thats what matters!!
Our son has had a couple birthday parties at a bounce house, and the only time I saw him and his friends was when we sang Happy birthday and brought the cake out and when they had pizza. :))) The rest of the time he was running around with his buddies and had a blast. I, like you, stayed in the party room with the parents and got to know everyone.
Relax..........you sound like a great mom, you gave him a wonderful birthday party and sounds like he had a fabulous time.

Your not a bad mom at all! You were simply being the host at the party. You don't have big parties to have one on one time! Take him to a movie or something if you want to have private time. You were being a good host. That is all. I'm sure he didn't even notice since he was so busy HAVING A GOOD TIME AT THE PARTY YOU HOSTED FOR HIM! :) Take it easy on yourself a bit and just enjoy that he had a good time!

Yes, I can relate. Birthday Parties are a funny thing. You want it to be the perfect party for your child and it ends up being a whole lot of work for mom! I remember a few years ago when one of my daughters birthday party was a tea party at home. I was so stressed getting the house just right and making all of the cute food, she wanted to help so bad and about the third time I yelled at her to go out of the kitchen so I could get done, I had the same feeling. I realized that kid's don't really care if it is perfect or if they have it at a certain place, they want it to be a great day. Her party was for her, not me. Since then, as unpopular as it is at times with my kids, we just go out to eat where they choose with the family, or have one or two freinds over for a play date for their birthday and cake and ice cream. On the big years (like 5 or 10) we plan a birthday party, but even then we keep it small. They are still feel special and are happy, and I get to enjoy it with them too.
No you are not a bad mom. You just got caught up in the whole thing too. Obviously you care, or you wouldn't have written that. The best part, is that Birthdays come every year and next year you'll know what you want to do better. so he can have fun, and you too.

Its called being a mom... When we "host" a party we never see the focus of it. Birthdays or any party... The kids are playing, the other parents are talking and mingling, we are serving, planning, smoothing, arranging, restocking, cooking, refreshing, cleaning, picking up or putting down, etc.

There is no reason to feel bad about it. If it is something you don't want to repeat, then next time make a very focused list for hubby to do for a while and tell him its YOUR turn. :-)

Life and parenting is a process of trial and error. Live and learn.

I really doubt if your child is thinking you don't love him cause you didn't play with him. Sit and look at the pictures and ask him about what HE liked about it. Let him tell you about it.

Nothing to feel guilty over. It was HIS party, and if he was having a good time with his friends, that's important. You organized this so you had some obligation to connect with the other parents.
What you could do is just go back again when it's just your family and say "Because I didn't get to bounce with you guys!" Make it a family thing.

The main thing is that HE had fun at his party. I am SURE he didn't miss you bouncing. Someone has to be in charge and be the hostess/host. No worries!

you are NOT a bad mom! sounds like your little guy had a blast! you are just feeling guilty about doing 'mom' stuff during the party. can you imagine your hubby doing what you did and you bouncing around?!?
i can totally relate. we plan fun things for our kids and realize afterwards we were too busy working for our kids to have a great time that we didn't get to have the fun WITH them. but, live and learn. next time make an effort to play with him. most likely he isn't even going to remember it when he gets older so don't sweat it!

N. - nothing to feel guilty about. Your son had a great time and that's what it's about. Your husband had time to bounce because he's a man and you're a woman. I've made countless birthday parties (three kids) over the years and every time my husband has had the chance to join in the fun while I make everything run smoothly and make sure parents are happy........completely normal. Honestly, at your own party it's hard to have as much fun as at someone else's.......basically, what happened at your party is what happens to all moms everywhere! - Alison

that is being the hostess.

I have hosted quite a number of parties.. kid parties and adult parties..I stay so busy keeping the food supplied,,, taking care of my kids and being a host.. I never have time to eat or enjoy the party..

I have found that I do better if we limit our guests to a handful.. that way I can visit with everyone and still take care of my kids..

my husband just sits down and acts like a guest...!!

No, you are not a bad mom:) Please do not be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back. Sometimes, we moms have to wear so many hats and we have to be so skilled at multitasking in order to make the day "perfect" for everyone else. Without your efforts, your children would miss out on a memorable and happy childhood. You made some beautiful memories for your kids to cherish. Your efforts paid off--your sons had a great time. You sound like the most considerate and kindhearted mom and hostess:)

N.,

I am totally with you on this one. And it's not just kids' birthdays, it's everything. As our parents have gotten older, we've taken on the hosting of everything. In the last two months, I've had 20-40 people in our home for Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, the kids' birthdays, his mom's birthday . . . and I feel like I missed it all! I know I am making it happen, as you did for your son and as my mom did for me and my sisters for so many years. And I know at least she appreciates all the effort because she just told me so the other day. But I do feel the guilt and I guess it's unavoidable.

Bless you for posting this today, N.. My little one's birthday party is this Saturday and I am going to make a concerted effort to stress less about the chip bowl and ice bucket and spend more time with my darling daughter!

Thank you. L.

relax your children saw you and know how much you love and care for them. your part in the birthday party was just as important as their dad's

You were in charge and you did what you were supposed to do. My daughters have a little special evening for just family and the kid party another day. That way you can have your cake and eat it too (sorry about the unintended pun!). My daughters' weddings are a blur to me for the same reason.

I am the photo taker in our household. After doing exactly what you have done I started to hand the camera over to my husband and asked him to take a photo of me and the kids, me and my Dad, me and my mother in law etc... I had become the family photographer. People will assume you will take the photos if you don't hand it over to someone else who is around at the time of the event(your husband may not take good photos or not be there). I set up the photo for others sometimes. Then they will start taking photos of you too. I also talk about why a shot is good when I show them to my husband so I am tactfully telling him how to take a good shot. I can say he is pretty good today. But I never insulted him because a shot with me in it was better than nothing. Good luck

hey N.
as a mother of 5 almost 6 i find myself missing out on alot of the fun to catch the memories on film to recall year from now that just what being a mom is all about your son know you love him from the wonderful party you gave him and all you do for him so no you are not a bad mom

Chances are your son was too busy playing with his friends to want to play with you too. Don't feel bad. I know if it was my daughter and her friends i would be invisible to them. Becasue your husband bounced with them is different becasue he is a guy, and your boys and thier friends probly thought he was cool.

You are not a bad mom , my son had his birthday last year at a similar place and like you I didn't see him at all until it was time for cake , I was talking to other mom's and taking pictures. My son did not seem to mind at all and had a blast , and even now almost 7 months later he still talks about his party.