Mother in Law Advice - About Mothers Day

You have tons of responses and I dont have much to say other than you are not alone. I am glad that you posted this. My first mothers day was last year and my own mother did nothing but say happy mothers day. It was a terrible day anyways (long story) but made so much worse by my mom not getting me a card. I know that sounds silly but we have always been a card giving family, not necessarily gifts but always cards. I didnt get anything yesterday and it still bothered me some but not quite as much. I just know that for whatever reason she does not think she need to do anything and that is OK. She does so much for us and I know she loves me and thinks I am a good mom so I guess in the long run no mothers day card is really small. I do know that when my daughter becomes a mother I will definitely get her a card =).
Happy first mothers day to you!

Dear C.:

Don't worry about this. Usually my husband sends a card to his mother. I usually never send one to mine; I just call her. Some years my MIL sends me a card, sometimes not. With us it's more of if she saw a card and she says wow, that's L.!

Life is too short to go looking for things to get upset about. Frankly, I find most people don't try to be rude or mean, they just get forgetful or distracted with something else.

L. F., married to my best friend for 22 years

My mil does not give me a gift for Mother's Day...not even a card. We give her a card/gift because she is my husband's mother and we also give my mother something but typically I don't get anything from either one...that is what my husband is for.

If you are lucky enough have a mil who does that then you are truly blessed.

Happy Mother's Day!! For my MIL, I'm the "after thought". She'd clean out her bathroom cabinet because she would forget about me. My husband never believed me...until she did it to him last year! Anyway. Just be who you are. Still send her the cards, gifts, etc. After 11 years, my MIL finally caught on. Yes, it hurts, but try to find someone besides your husband to vent to. Don't put him in the middle or make him feel like he needs to choose. That didn't work for me. When I stopped venting to him, he talked to his mother about my feelings. Good Luck and hang in there.

Yes, and no. It is rude in the fact that we all tell other mother's Happy Mother's Day. She just doesn't seem to have any class about her to remember you on this wonderful day. And she is not your mother, so let your husband get her a gift and card. Hello!

C., I hope your first Mother's Day was a very special day. Isn't motherhood the most amazing thing you've ever experienced?! I could never have imagined the feelings you have for your children. They can make you happier and sadder than you knew you could feel. (My four children are mostly grown.)
As someone who has been married for many (32) years, I would like to say to you that however good or bad you mil may be, the ways we celebrate occasions such as this are likely the way our families celebrated or acknowledged them while we were growing up. Maybe she never thought of sending you a card or a present because that's not how they did it in her family! It would have been thoughtful, but not doing it wasn't necessarily rude. Also, mothers who only have sons aren't always in tune to the more tender feelings of their daughters-in-law. Sons just don't think or feel the same way as daughters, so maybe she just isn't accustomed to dealing with sensitive feelings. My advice is to give her the benefit of the doubt, and if you feel like continuing to acknowledge her on Mother's Day, do it. You are only responsible for your behavior and choices, and not anyone else's. I don't know who said it, but one of my favorite quotes is "holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die"!!

I am surprised at the number of people who think it was rude for your MIL not to give you a gift on Mother's Day. It is a day to honor one's mother (or, in your husband;s name, MIL), not to honor anyone in your family who happens to be a mother. YOUR kids should honor you on MD, and it is your husband's job to make sure they do -- take them shopping for you, help them make you something, help them pick out a card, etc. If possible, the generations get together and celebrate and there are mother's day good wishes all around. But to transform MD into a general gift-giving occasion for all who have the title "Mother" -- no. The honor goes UP the generational chain, not down. I would never have expected anything from my MIL.

Hi C.-

I've never gotten anything on Mother's Day from my mother or my mother-in-law- ever! My husband (with prompting from me the first couple years) "takes the kids" shopping.

Don't let it ruin your first Mother's Day!

Personally I feel this was rude. Perhaps it just slipped her mind.

I have never gotten a THING from my mother in law. Some people just don't think about it. Mine could just plain care less! :) Mother's Day has probably always been "her" day and it may have completely slipped her mind altogether that you are a mom now, too. What I find difficult is that my husband now thinks of ME on Mother's Day before his mother. She lives far away, which works out okay, because he wants the day to be for me. :)

I think it is very rude. A simple card would have been nice. Plus, it was your first Mothers Day!!! My MIL got me a gift and a card for Mothers day. And Mothers day IS about acknowledging ALL the mothers you know!!
Btw Happy first mothers day! I hope you had a great day!

It is nice of you to choose to get her a gift each year... there should not be an obligation for her to reciprocate.

Personally I have never expected to receive anything from my MIL for Mother's Day. To me it would be like my own Mom sending me something. I'm not her mother, she's mine. If your own husband and children honor you, that should be enough.

I have always felt like Mother's Day is a day for moms and Children. It is not a birthday or Christmas. We get our parents gifts and don't expect anything in return. My MIL did give me a gift, because that is her personality, she is always getting thoughtful things for us and the kids. My mom did not get me anything but that does not bother me in anyway because she is MY Mother. So I guess I think it is strange to get a gift from someone for Mother's day that is not my children. Hope you had a wonderful day...I wouldn't think twice about it...it will do more harm than good...now if my children and husband forgot then I would be hurt.

I know exactly how you feel! My daughter is 3 years old and noone (except txts from friends) has even ever acknowledged me on Mother's Day. I am a single mother living with my parents. This year, my dad and sister both got me cards and my dad really made an effort to make the day special for both me and my mom. My mom, however, got me nothing. It does hurt my feelings, and of course you have the right to feel your feelings. It's how you act on those feelings that really matters. Try really hard not to hold bitterness in your heart towards your MIL, this will destroy any relationship very quickly. Depending on the closeness of your relationship, you might gracefully let her know that it hurt your feelings not to be acknowledged by her on mother's day; you are the mother of her grandchild. Some people have the mentality of if it's not my mother, why should I celebrate them. I think Mother's Day is about honoring your own mother, but also celebrating motherhood and all the mothers in your life. So, yes your feelings are absolutely justified, but be careful about how you deal with those feelings. I know it's hard, b/c I'm still hurt, but I do kinda understand my mother having the mentality of all the focus being on her. I have always made a big deal of birthdays and mother's day for her, but she doesn't seem to think either are a big deal for me anymore. Anyway, didn't mean to vent my own hurts. So, just try to give her some Grace~ maybe she's just late or maybe it didn't occur to her (which, yes it should've), and if you're really bothered with it have a calm heart-to-heart with her. Hope this helps!

My take on Mother's Day has always been to recognize MY mother - not that she recognize the fact that I am a mother. I expect recognition from my daughter and son. In a nutshell, you aren't her mother, so I'd say it's not her responsibility.

My daughter gives me a Mother's Day gift. I give my mother a Mother's Day gift. Since you are not your MIL's mother, I don't think a gift from her is required.

I think gifts are way overated anyway.Htis is the first year that I have gotten anything from my husband because we just havent had the money to get anything.Not only is it the first mothers day i got something but I havent gotten an anniversary persent since we were married and havent gotten a birtday or valentines presnet in at least three years.Dont sweat the small stuff just appreciate the time you have with you family.Besides the best present you can get for mothers day is the fact that you get to celbrate it in the first place.Just look at you little angel and thank God you get to be a mom!!I not trying to grip at you or anything because I have definitly been where you are and I know that mother-in laws can be a pain.Good luck and Happy Mothers Day for the first time!!!!

Yes, it was rude, especially since it was your first mothers day...sorry, enjoy being a mom regardless of what she does, easier said than done. Husbands do not always get it, he will in time, wait and see if she send him something for fathers day....

Oh honey, I can see how your feelings are hurt, but you don't give gifts just so you can receive them. You give them because they are from your heart. Perhaps you should stop sending her gifts from now on on Mother's Day and allow your husband to do things for her on Mother's Day all by himself? I truly do appreciate your hurt feelings, but there is nothing to be done about your MIL's lack of manners (or maybe she just didn't take enough time to realize how important it was to you). I have always sent my MIL a card for Mother's Day that both hubby and I sign - this year was my first Mother's Day, and guess what - no card back. :) Yes, it hurt my feelings a bit too because I always think of her on Mother's Day, but what are you going to do? It's too small of a thing to hold a grunge over. All my best!

Hi C., maybe in years past, she THOUGHT you regarded her as mom. You are not HER mom, of course. Say nothing, let it pass, and wait for June, Father's Day. If she gives her son a card for being a new dad, then Bring out the big guns. :-D
If you really wanted a gift or card from her, maybe you should have sent hers WAY in advance, with a note saying "I'm so excited , this is MY 1st M.D.! ta-da !"

PS on a personal note, I never celebrate the one Special day reminder. I do things for my MOM everyday, and we talk daily, and she knows she is Special with me. I've told her in past, would you prefer a once a year treat, or surprises most anytime? (Flowers because thats her favorite, or a blouse because she'd like that, or a new wallet, as hers is worn, you get my meaning) The Special days thing is way too commercial, and your reason should not be "everyone else is doing it", be unique, and make your own tradition.

Again, this PS is MY opinion for MY life.Works for us.
Hope this helps some.

I go with the - you aren't her mother, so don't fret over it - answer. My mother has never done anything for me for mother's day (and I am a mother - but not her mother). I assume you are giving a gift from your husband and you?

Well, I think that most MILs do give their daughters some sort of token for Mothers Day (if it's their first), but then again, you are not her mother. She probably just didn't think of it. I wouldn't dwell on it, personally. Hopefully, your husband made your first one special.

Wow! You've gotten a lot of responses, and I can see that people's opinions are divided into two camps. Personally, I've never received a Mother's Day gift or card from my MIL, and only a couple of times from my mother (I've been through 5 Mother's Days since I became a mother). It never occurred to me to be upset by it, since, as others have said, she's not my mother. I'm sorry you were hurt, though.

I know a lot of other mothers think it was not rude, but I completely disagree. Mother's should support and recognize each other and this holiday is designated to do just that. Maybe she didn't do it intentionally, but I find it very unthoughtful of her and, if I were you, I would be upset too. Not that there is much you can do about itnow, but maybe let your husband handle her mother's day cards in the future, so you won't feel resentful if she does it again next year.

I think it was absolutely rude. Especially since it was your first mother's day. If it was your 3rd or something I would say no big deal, but it was your first and since you always do something for her, she should have not been so thoughtless, she should have done something for you to express her gratitude for providing her a grandchild and for taking such great care of it!!!!!! You are right!

Unless she is poor or disabled I would say its rude. I have always received a gift from my MIL. Heck she used to even get me a little present before I ever became a mother! lol

Not everyone thinks of giving gifts, its a generous gesture, but also a costly one. It may not be affordable for her to give gifts, or maybe she feels she needs to save every penny. Either way, just a phone call may be her method of expression, accept that as "her" kindness. Don't let someone's lack of generosity/gift giving spoil your Mother's Day, Birthday, any holiday. Just be thankful to hold your new precious baby and realize that there is no better gift from God.

Wow! You have had a ton of responses. I have never gotten anything from my mother or my mother in law, other than them telling me happy mothers day and saying that I am a great mom. I didn't even get that much this year. I really didn't expect anything. It is really not about the gift anyway, but about someone recognizing and remembering you. If she even called or your said anything at all, count yourself lucky. Everyone is different in how they gift and recognize others. Some are over-thoughful and some never seem to think of anyone else--that is just life. You should never give with the expectation of receiving as that is not really giving, it is buying. Really, it is your kids that need to make you feel special and when you are a new mother, that means your husband should do it. Be thankful if your husband did something. My son is 5 and it took me until this year to get him to realize that he needed to recognize me on this day to "teach" our son about giving. Every year before when I mentioned something he'd just say, "you are not my mother". This year, they let me sleep in, made me breakfast and gave me cards...yeah, progress! C., hang in there and focus on the really important things--you child and your husband and be thankful for what you have. God Bless you all!

I would agree that she does not need to get you a gift. I shop for my mother-n-law for MD even though she's not my mother. It's a wife thing....

However the gift or card normal does come from both of us. I look at it as... I am so thankful that she helped raise the son that I am married to.

I don't expect a thing from her or anyone else. I am the mother to my kids... not my mother-in-law. If my kids are to young to do anything for me... my husband helped. I have a 12,15,and 17 year old and my husband still helped yesterday. They cooked two meals and cleaned up. So great!!!

My mother is dead but my father is still living and he does call and wish me a Happy Mothers Day. Not expected but nice.....

L. B.
www.GetOrganized.ws

YOu are not her mother. But she is your mother by love-so you can probably never expect a gift from her to you. It is only the other way around. My daughter and daughter by love give me gifts, I don't give them anything. I would never get my feelings hurt over such a little thing. She loves you but this is not the normal proceedure. God Bless you late on your first Mother's Day!

I had never really thought about this as I have always gotten my mother-in-law a Mother's Day Card too. I am sure it may just not have ever come to her mind. I have never gotten a Mother's Day Card from my mom either and never expected one anyway. I think sometimes card makers can have a tendency to make people feel guilty because they make cards from just about anybody to just about anybody. Not that it wouldn't be nice to have gotten a card from them over the years, (my oldest is 18) I just think it isn't something that comes to their minds and they probably figure that the son that they raised would make sure to get you one. It's funny because even my husband had a hard time remembering to get a Mother's Day card...even though he is one of the sweetest guys around! After many years, I realized one reason he had been a little lax at holidays and birthdays is because his real mom had passed away when he was about 6 years old. He probably didn't have big celebrations around his home like a mother would do in the home. His dad later remarried a wonderful woman in his teen years and has always been an encouragement to us. I wouldn't worry about not getting a card. It may be a few years before your children start making you sweet cards but your time will come! Just love your mother-in-law anyway and don't worry if she doesn't get you a card. I am sure she still loves you and is proud of you being a new mom!

My feelings would be hurt too! I made cards last year and sent them to all of my sister in laws and my mother in law with my little boys hand print on each one of them (they took me hours to make) and no one even acknowledged them. I think my MIL said thanks but I was a mother too and I couldn't understand why I didn't deserve a card or something. After all I was the mother of her grandson! I try to make her feel special on mothers day even though I cant stand the woman. I know this didnt help much but at least you know you arent alone :) This year I just sent out an email, screw their ungrateful selves! I'm sorry that your feelings got hurt though :(
P.S. I just read a bunch of the responses that said she doesnt owe you anything and you shouldnt just give gifts so you can get gifts back, I know thats not why you got her things so dont even listen to them. Mothers day is about all mothers not just YOUR mother. My mom and grandmas always get me a little something on mothers day because I am a MOTHER too!

Maybe she sent something in the mail, but it's just late. I made a custom card for my MIL last week to surprise her, but it has not arrived yet.

Happy 1st Mother's Day!!!!

I don't think it was rude, but, I do think it was a bit thoughtless to not even send a card or a note to you on your FIRST Mother's day, especially since you have been so thoughtful towards her. After this first, eh.
Sorry, you have just learned that all people are not thoughtful for whatever reason.

A present wouldn't have been expected, but, would have been a nice surprise, again, for this special FIRST Mother's day.

I even gave a card to my sil when she was preggo for Mother's day to try and make her feel special. Yes, I also did send a First Mother's day card, and not another one since.

Now, other than being thoughtful, it never crossed my dh mind to give his Grandmother a card until he married me. She isn't my Mom, I haven't ever sent her a card, is what he said seriously(not meanly). I said, no, she is your GRAND Mom....that's Mom to the second power :).

Now, another spin on this, did she call you? she may not have had the funds for even a card, or for that matter a stamp for a note, or she could have been avoiding going out shopping trying to avoid the flu or spread it to you and the baby.

It really doesn't matter the reason, so yes be okay with it and have peace about it. You just keep being the nice thoughtful person you are and that is all that matters to your child.

i would love to read your other responses because my mil has never given me a mothers day anything!! I never really thought about it till i read your question!

You should be okay with this. Mother's Day is not about everyone who knows/loves you to acknowledge you are a mom. It is about you and your kids and husband. That is all. The world beyond that does not owe you anything.

Your giving your MIL a gift for the same day is your acknowledging her gift of mothering to HER son, your husband.

Focus on her wonderful qualities and stop looking for offenses.

VickiS

No, it's not rude of her to not give you a gift for Mother's Day. However, it is rude of you to expect one from her. We don't give gifts expect gifts in return.

Also, I might add that there are more important things for you to worry about in this life than whether or not you received a gift for Mother's Day. My mother-in-law and I didn't always get along that great. Now that she is gone, I wish I would have done more to make the relationship better. Don't mess up the relationship that you have with her because she didn't get you a gift.

I have the best and sweetest MIL that we usually see on Mother's Day, and she will hug and wish me Happy Mother's Day, but no gift or cards. So, I would have thought she'd acknowledge it's your special day too....but really your husband should be the one to make you feel special about this day!

I think she should have done something for you too especially since it is your first. I agree with the Mama A that it was rude.

I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

You all throw the word, rude, around so carelessly.

Some folks's own mothers gave no mothers date gift. Was that 'rude' too? Or maybe it's okay rude if it's a MIL, as usual.

Updated

You all throw the word, rude, around so carelessly.

Some folks's own mothers gave no mothers date gift. Was that 'rude' too? Or maybe it's okay rude if it's a MIL, as usual.

My MIL does the same thing. No gifts or cards or even a simple Happy Mother's Day wish. I can totally understand your feelings being hurt. But I think the day is about celebrating motherhood in general. It use to bother me too and it still does a little. But, you can't change her view of Mother's day. There are lots of people that think it is ONLY about their mother. But, I disagree and try to show that to every mother on mother's day that is about honoring what we do for our children everyday. It is funny, I also use to go out of the way to find her the perfect gift and now I just do something simple. Because I too don't want this to about a gift. In my mind I just remember that I will try to be a better MIL when I get the chance.

Hope this helps!

I am like you with this...but over the last 11 years of being married to my husband, I have learned that not everyone remembers or cares as much about stuff like this. It would have been a nice gesture if she would have done this, but since you are not her mother, I would have to say it would be up to your husband to get you a card and/or gift from your baby. The MIL thing is tough, but the best thing you can do for yourself and your family members is to just accept her the way she is. Try to find a few things you really like about her, and try to focus on those qualities. I have to use humor to get past some of my MILs querky things. ;o)

Hi C.:

I think it's rude and thoughtless.

She'll get over it. Once she see's what a wonderful Momma you are and how much she loves your baby.

Your husband responded a lot like my husband responded when I gave birth to his first child and his parents didn't call me, visit or send a card to me (I enen had an emergency cesarian). They didn't acknowledge the fact that my brother took his own life when I was 3 months pregnant. Very thoughtless and cruel, I think.

That was 3 years ago and I now get Mother's Day cards and birthday cards. They came around. I've gotten over it. You will too. Although it is so very irritating right now, I think it will get better for you. I hope so.

I know that even more frustrating is that your husband won't acknowledge it. He'll probably come around, too - at some point. I think it all takes time when everything is so new.

Keep being who YOU are. Be the bigger person. You will always feel good about what you do.

Good luck to you - be patient...

Addition: I'm reading your responses. WOW! Some of these ladies don't get what you are feeling. You aren't being greedy about getting a gift. You just want love, acceptance and acknowldegement from your MIL, am I right?

i understand where you are coming from.
for me, i have my husband get his family cards or gifts.
it does hurt my feelings that i go out of the way to remember there special days. they go out of there way to get the kids and my hubby special stuff for their special days but not me- and not just mother's day either. i have to learn to live with it and not let it hurt me. i have too many other people in my life that show there love to me in many ways. honestly, i would let it go and from now on have your hubby handle this occasion....it is his mother. and hell, if you are wanting to do something special for her, do it without expectations. good luck!

Sounds like we have the same mother in law! Your feelimgs should be hurt. She's rude! My mil is the same way so your not alone. As far as your husband, men are narrow minded when it comes to there mommies. There's not really much you can do about it except forget her next year. I say that everyyear and i still end up getting her something. Mother-in-laws are hard, good luck!

I have been married 7 yrs, and have never gotten anything from my mother in law. I have never even thought of that before! ha. She does tell me Happy Mothers Day. My mom always gives me something for Mother's Day though. Now that I think about it, my MIL doesn't give my husband anything for Father's Day either.. so I guess I can't be too upset.

I wouldn't worry about it.. she isn't being rude, she just isn't even thinking of it I am sure!

I don't think it was rude. This was my first mother's day and I didn't get anything from my MIL - not even a card. I don't ever expect anything from her - since she is not my mother. I personally don't get her a gift either - my husband always picks it out (though I contribute to the purchase). It is a day to honor one's own mother (in my opinion).

I tend to agree with the other Moms that it was not rude. It would have been a nice thing to do but not doing it was not wrong. You need to decide if you want to let this small incident affect your relationship with your MIL. I caution you to be careful. Examine your own preconceived notions and move past this. Your expectation may have been a little out of line. I am sorry your feelings were hurt but don't let it go beyond that. My MIL did plenty to hurt my feelings back in the early days (I would never bring it up to her but now I can look back and laugh at what once brought tears to my eyes). None of it intentional and now she is as dear to me as my own mother. Love her and learn to live with her.

I have a twenty year old and have never gotten anything for Mother's Day from my MIL. She is the mother of two sons so I do not know if she would give her own daughter something because she does not have one. If you have sister-in -laws and she gives them gifts than maybe you could be offended. If that is the worst treatment you receive from her count your blessings and cut your losses, there are too many bad MIL stories out there. I have a great MIL and if not acknoweledging Mother's Day is the worst she does I will not complain. Congrats on the new baby and Happy Mother's Day to you.

Re: Mothers Day I have never received a gift from my MIL and never, ever expected I would, since I am not her Mom. I always give her a gift, she is the Mom! You are not rude when your children are older maybe you will receive cards or gifts from them. Don't be hurt, it is not appropriate!

It is a little disheartening. I mean you are the mother of her grandchild. Remember men don't get hurt as easily as women. But you will see that she will come around to shower her son, your husband on Father's Day. Unless she is not one of those people that celebrate things like this.
I've also heard from a lot of people lately. When asked are you giving your friend, sister, etc., a mother's day gift they respond, "She's not my mother." Stupid? Yes! but that could be it also.

By the way...
Congratulations and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Giving gifts on Mother's Day should be by choice and not a requirement. Remeber this is a man made hodiday. If whether or not a gift is given makes or breaks a relationship means it wasn't a very good relationship anyway. What about all the other days of your lives. Has she been a good MIL; not what you think she should be but just a good MIL in general.
Be Blessed.
@

We have always gotten my MIL a gift too. I have never gotten a gift from her but I do get cards. I don't expect a gift but I feel its important that she gets one from her son. I don't think a gift is required but it does show a lack of respect for you to not even be acknowledged on mothers day. My stepson gives me a card and always calls me and he is 9 and I know for sure he does this on his own. Its just a sign of respect. I am sorry that she didn't even say it....don't let that ruin your very special mothers day!!!!

Hi C.,

Hope you had a wonderful first Mother's Day! I'm in the group that says Mother's Day gifts go up the chain to "your" Mother. I give gifts/cards to my Mom, my husbands Mom, my Dad's Wife, and my Father-in-Laws girlfriend! I do not expect anything from them, but I do expect my own children to celebrate me! Sometimes I get a card or "thank you e-card" back from the "Mom's". I'm sure she didn't mean to be rude, so don't let it hurt your feelings and move on and enjoy your new little one! Let all her other actions speak for her! Best wishes!

Hi C.,
Congratulations on your first Mother's Day. That being said, I can see where you probably just wanted you MIL's validation and acceptance as a mom - by gifting you, she would be saying that you are doing a great job at being a mommy. I've had the pleasure of a great MIL for over 18 years (and I was 18 when I married her son so I'm not that old, yet) and over the last ten years of my being a mother, there have been a handful of times that I have received a card or small gift from her - not every year, though. I've never expected her to do it so it's always a thoughtful surprise. Yesterday, my husband called his mom in the car after lunch to wish her a Happy MD. After a few moments of talking they hung up. Within 30 seconds the phone rang and it was my MIL asking to talk to me. She wanted to wish me a happy MD and tell me what a great mommy she thinks I am. There was no card or gift this year but I really appreciated her kind words just the same. I guess I'm pretty fortunate based on other responses to your question. I think you are in the beginning stages of learning the very hard lesson that being a mom does not make you a super hero in other people's eyes. It's a thankless job that will require much and often times, give little in return. As a mother who almost lost a child a few months ago, I encourage you to not get too caught up on things that really aren't that important. Enjoy your little one and the joy and honor of being his/her mother.

I will respond in a different way.
Has she given christmas and birthday cards? or is she just the type that does not do those things? does she call and wish you happy birthday and all the other holiday wishes? If the answer is no, then do not take it to heart for that is who she is. If she is good at celebrating and sending good wishes on other holidays, then what might have triggered her to spite you this time? Is there a recent problem?
Do not keep moaning about this because it will only hurt your husband. Did you get a great mothers' day from your husband? that is all that matters.
Focusing on MIL only takes time and energy you could enjoy with your family.

Good luck.

My feelings would be hurt too, but then it also depends on how close the 2 of you are. I use to let my son pick out something I sell to give to his wife, but that didn't happen this year. I would just put it on the back burner and try to forget about it. She may not have even thought about it.

Not rude at all. The only person you should expect anything from when your child is really small is your husband. It would be be rude if you didn't give her a card (gift) b/c she is your husband's mom and your MIL. Vice versa does not count. I've never heard of a MIL giving a gift to her DIL on Mother's Day...that would be acceptable if the day were called "Daughter's Day."

I went through this for many years with my mother-in=law. I harbored resentment toward a wonderful woman who was just being thoughtless. I wish I would have had my husband talk to her about it. Have him explain how much her validation and acknowledgement means. If your hubby will just mention it for next year, then let it go.

do not worry about mil.... sometimes they think they are "owed" to be the only one on the thrones. as long as your child/husband acknowledges you ... then do not even worry about mil. hang in there.

I always buy my mother-in-law a gift but have never gotten one from her. My feelings aren't hurt. She is always good to me but just doesn't buy me a mother's day gift. I think lots of time the older mom doesn't even think about buying a gift for a younger mom. One day I will have a daughter-in-law and I will make sure to remember her on mother's day.

Just be the bigger person and give with a smile. I wouldn't make your husband feel bad about it - it's not his fault.

I guess I can see why you got your feelings hurt but for me I always pick her out a gift from the family but it's because I'm married to her son who should give his mother a present and being married to him makes us one so it is from us. But that's why it's mothers day, you give your mother a gift. Your not her mother so why should she give you a gift? She would give her mother a gift and a probably one to her mother in law from her husband or together since they are a unit. I've never heard of a mother in law giving a gift to the daughter in law although I'm sure it has happened before it's just not typically the way it goes.

First: congratulations on your first mother's day. It's a big day for you and your husband.
I agree 100% with Judith W---the honor goes UP not down. (My mom, and my grandma who mothered me when I was very young). I have very good friends who are moms but I don't give them anything, and they don't give me anything either. If we talk on the phone, we wish each other a happy mother's day, but it's not required. I have a very close relationship with my mother, but would never even think of her giving me a gift for mother's day-it's the day I honor HER. She'll say happy mother's day to me, when I call her to say it to her. It's strange that people would expect something from their extended family. I don't get it at all. My husband and son are the ones that make the day special for me....that's what it's about. Your MIL could have wished you a happy mother's day if you called her to do so to her, but otherwise, I think it's strange to expect anything from your elder on a day made to honor your elders. That makes no sense. Did she give you a gift for the baby shower or whatever? That was the gift for becoming a mom. And while I'm on my soapbox: I think it's gross when people think they're entitled to a gift because they gave something. I'd rather not receive a gift if it comes with an expectation of reciprocating. Give gifts to people you care for, BECAUSE you care for them. Not to get something in return. So who cares if you sent something on behalf of her child for mother's day in the past? That's your husband's job, but if you choose to do it for him, that's between you and him, not you and MIL.

Hi C., when my husband and I were first married I always made sure his mom got flowers delivered, etc. After a few years, I decided to stop and make it his obligation to make sure he thinks of his mom as I don't make him get my mom anything. You make sure your mom is taken care of and he can do the same for his mom. Then if she doesn't recognize you, your feelings hopefully won't be offended.

Mothers day is for you to celebrate and honor YOUR mother or by your choice your MIL. But why would she give you a card? You are not her mother. You are expecting to celebrate Motherhood, a sorority that you now belong. But that is not really what Mothers day is about. Honor her and let your kids honor you. I don't get my MIL anything from me. Although, I will mail "something" from my hubby and remind him to call on occassion. She is not MY MOTHER. SHe is his mother. I honor my own mother and My Grandmother who mother'd me when my parents were divorced.
Anyway, whatever traditions you set are great. I think it is wonderful that you do honor her in a way. But you are expecting something back also. A gift giver should never expect anything back for it to be a true gift.

Good Luck,
L.

Well, I didn't get anything from my mom or MIL this year. I don't think it is that big of deal. Mother's day is really supposed to be for your mother. She is not thanking you for being her mother, but you are. Anyway, hope that made sense.

You are not her mom so I do not think it rude. Money is tight and I have had to over the years cut way back. I sent my mom a card and wish I could do more but as I feel I have everything and way more then what I need. Getting together to eat would have been nice. I do not remember if my mom sent me a mother's day card but we did for her. It should be up to your hubby to get you something nice in behalf of the little one. My boyfriend got me beautiful flowers and took my granddaughter shopping but I think most would only think about their moms. G. W

It may be rude, but it's life. It is however, your husbands mommy. Don't vent to him on this. I truly do have one of the worst MIL's ever, okay so maybe she isn't evil but after 8 years of marriage my husband finally saw how mean she was to me. It's been 10 years since then and my husband understands if I don't want to go into the strike zone and get blasted every holiday about how horrible my MIL thinks I am. Yes, that does equal 18 years of marriage.

Your MIL might just not be the card/gift giving type. She also might be jealous or she could just be forgetful. Give her some grace and don't expect her to give you gifts. That way if she does give you a gift you'll be happy, if she doesn't then you will not be disappointed because it's what you expected anyways.

While I agree that this oversight was thoughtless, it is up to you how you choose to feel about it. Think about what would serve your relationship with her better, feeling hurt or feeling OK with it? Then choose to feel the way that works best for you.

BTW...Happy First Mother's Day! You are blessed and no gift or lack therof can change that!

M.

She's not your child and you aren't her mother. Should you recognize her, yes. Would it have been nice for her to wish you a happy Mother's Day, yes. However, personally I would have found it a little weird to have received something from my mother-in-laws.

My take on it is, you're not her mother. I don't think she's obligated, nor should you expect her to give you a gift for that reason alone. I also feel this way about anniversaries -- only the couple are obligated (for lack of better terms) to buy each other a gift or card. Of course, it would be very thoughtful and nice of her to buy you a gift or send a card. I just don't think it should be expected.

It was a little thoughtless and I would have been a bit hurt too. I think mothers day is about apprecating moms, whether it be actual moms or people who have been like a mother to you in some form. I would take this as her 'special' behaivor and don't expect anything from now on. My MIL rarely calls and never sends cards to us for anything. BTW, many of the post said you shouldn't be expecting gifts, but I don't think your post indicated you wanted gifts to me. D.

You should be ok with this. Your husband should have been buying your MIL the mother's day gift anyway, right? If this was your first mother's day ... then your husband (on behalf of your little one) should be the only person you should 'expect' to receive a gift from.

Well, I think that you give gifts without expecting anything in return. People with good manners will definitely send a thank you, however.

But, since it's YOUR MIL and therefor HER SON's wife... and your first Mother's Day, Yes, I would probably expect something too -- at LEAST a card. But maybe she's from the old school of thought that she's not YOUR mother so she needn't send you anything becuase that's what your husband is for..???