Does Your SO Celebrate Mothers Day for You or His Mom? Spin off of Jims Question

Well, to M., Mother's Day is about MY mom. I want HER to feel special.

Anything anyone does for M. (my kids, my ex their father, or my SO) is a bonus.

:)

I think he should celebrate his mom and "help" the kids celebrate M., same way in Father's day.
Step parents depends on the relationship between them, how long they have become a family, do the kids have a mom or dad besides the step mom.
My daughter for example has no relationship withher bio dad, my husband has being with us since she was a toddler, she doesn't call him dad, but she does celebrate him on Father's day.
I celebrate Mother's day to my mom, my aunts and if I had, to my grandma.
To M., Mother's day is a "mother day" meaning ALL kind of moms, I do a special thing to MY mom but celebrate all I know, or ta least acknowledge them.

This has never really been an issue for us. My husband's mother passed away before we met face to face (he and I met online, and she passed while we were still in the J. talking phase). My mother has lived away from us since we got together so again not an issue.

My husband has always made that day my day to relax (along with my birthday), especially when the kids were little. Now that they are older, they all chip in to get the stuff done that needs done on that day. Then we go out to dinner.

I usually call my mom and step-mom on mother's day to wish them happy mother's day.

Personally I'm a big believer in compromise. He should acknowledge that you are the mother of his children and help them give you a good day until they are old enough to manage it themselves :) But he shouldn't forget his own mother either. A call, a card, brunch, flowers ... whatever works for each situation.

As for step-kids ... depends on the relationship I guess.

I don't see Jims question. =/

I'll tell you what we do. We celebrate at our house and my mom comes over for dinner. I make it. The kids make M. a pic or poem. Hubby buys M. something nice, usually jewlery and flowers. His mom is out of state, they don't have a great relationship, he sends her a card and calls and that's it.

I'm also a step mom, my kids have a step mom. My kids are with M. on MD and my step is with her mom on MD. So we celebrate on Saturday instead of Sunday, since that is when we have all the kids.

I think hubby should make an extra effort for his wife to make it special for her because simply, she is the mother or step mother of his kids and he should appreciate that and show her that he appreciates it. =)

My Mom is here.
His Mom is in another country.

We celebrate mine.
He calls his Mom.
But I also have to do and celebrate for my Mom.
So I am stuck in the middle of everything. Organizing it.
I mean, my kids are 5 and 9... "they" can't be responsible for organizing everything and taking "M." out to a lunch or brunch or dinner.
So of course, the Husband has to help, right? Even if you are his Wife and not his "Mom." The Husband has to do it for the kids. And therefore, it is doing for his "Wife."
And then we often J. combine mine and my Mom's.
My Husband, well like some men, he is not good at "planning" things ahead of time until the day of.

My kids, always have something for M., being they make it at school. Or Hubby goes out shopping with them and they pick something out for M..
And I always am with the kids.

Regardless, it is always *M.* doing everything, even on Mother's Day.

I encourage my husband to go and celebrate with his mom. It is like pulling teeth..

BUT he adores my mom also.. so we try to see my mom on Saturday.

I also have a stepmother, who's only child was killed in a terrible accident years ago, so We also try to remember her too.. We do not get together with her.. she says she likes to stay in bed and watch movies.. It is too hard for her to go out and see all of the moms and their children. ;(

My husband always made sure our daughter had gifts cards.. etc.. but now our daughter is old enough she and he do it together for M..

Why could you ever only celebrate one? I haven't read Jim's question yet, so I'll have to seek that out!

I would think if your children are old enough to celebrate their mother on their own, he would J. celebrate his mother, but if his children are not old enough yet, he would be expected to help them do what they should do.

We don't live near family, so this is a pretty easy one for us - my husband celebrates M. (although we send a gift to our mothers, and both of my kids are under the age of four). However, on the occasions when family has been around for MD, we all went out to brunch together, my husband got flowers for both M. and his mother (except for the first Mother's Day that I was a mother, when he forgot, but he won't make that mistake again...), and I got flowers for my mother.

ETA: I couldn't find the original question. :-(

for M......it's never about M.. For M., Mothers' Day is always about honoring the Moms in my life. By dedicating the day to this....my sons have learned to honor M. thru honoring their Gmas. Life is a circle, & it's up to us to make it go-round. :)

Usually on the Friday of Mothers' Day wkend, I receive flowers & a card. We have a nice dinner...my choice. The men are my slave labor for my annual flower planting, & we usually have a project to boot. Fills up our whole Saturday!

On Mothers' Day, we have a Work Day at my Mom's. We do all of the labor-intensive chores which she is unable to do on her own. Some years, she has quite a list! But with my family & my sister's....we get it all finished in a very short time. The rest of the day is spent visiting & playing....& eating! Our reward is how nice the house & yard look as we drive away! :)

This tradition began when my Gma became unable to do many spring chores with her home. Up until that point, we'd been shuffling between sides of the family &/or doing fun stuff like the zoo/park. When Gma's needs became apparent, we spoke with both of our own Moms....& it was decided to put Gma 1st. It is a decision none of us have ever regretted. & what's even nicer is that my MIL began joining us when she became a widow!

There's really no excuse for it to not be both. The first year that my mom was a mom, my dad didn't do anything for her, explaining "well you're not my mom..." That was a mistake he never repeated LOL.

In our family, older relatives take precedence. J. because I am a mom, doesn't mean the mothers in my family and my husband's family shouldn't be celebrated too. Honestly, the whole weekend is a giant pain for M., but it's all worth it. We end up seeing my GMIL on Saturday (my MIL is deceased and SMIL lives in another state), then my mom Sunday afternoon and my Grandmother Sunday evening. I'm sure that some day, I'll miss being able to see the grandmothers and even my own mother on this day, so I'm fine with it being not all about M., and fine with the fact that I end up buying cards and gifts for all of the people we visit.

That said, I would be pretty hurt if DH did nothing at all for M.. I do expect him to help the kids pick out a small gift or flowers and a card, J. like we do for him for father's day. Mother's day and my birthday are around the same time, so we usually J. celebrate both at once.

Both :) when my MIL lived in town we all get together for brunch or dinner (M., my Mom and MIL). Now she has moved away so we always send a small gift and card.
My husband has always made Mother's Day special for M., even before we had our boys and it was only my SD.

I celebrate with my kids, after all I am their mom not my husband's mom. I would love it if my husband went and saw his mom on mother's day but he doesn't because he doesn't want to make the four hour drive by himself and he doesn't want to take away from my time goofing with the kids.

I think if his parents were in town we would go over there for part of the day.

As my husband's mother is in Florida, we can share quite nicely.

I don't think it's a competition of 'who should be honored more', though.I think that's a pretty unhealthy way of looking at it. If my MIL were in town, my guess is that we'd likely do a brunch or something together. I have to give her props--she raised a pretty awesome son! I don't think his honoring her takes anything away from the job I'm doing as a mother. And I know she and my father-in-law respect how hard I work during the day with our son.

I might think differently if I had an insensitive husband, or a shrew of a mother-in-law, but I guess I got lucky!

Oh, and as for steps-- I have one stepmother who has been very loving and involved in my life, so she's gotten a lot of cards from M. for Mother's Day over the years.

And Sue H: I absolutely love the idea of Work Day for our elderly parents and grandparents. What a generous show of appreciation!

Glad you asked this. The kids in our home at the moment are my step kids (it's J. a title). These kids know how much I love them and know I consider them my own even though their own father is very much involved and actually lives J. 5 minutes from us.
That being said, and from my lingering question... I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER.
And for those of you keeping score.... I still haven't decided on my trip ;)

DH's mother passed away 30 years ago, so he J. celebrates mother's day for M. (and my mom, which is sweet of him). Growing up, my dad always celebrated mother's day for my mom as well as his mom and his MIL.

In my family... Moms still in the head to drywall repeat phase get priority, while moms of adult children are 2nd at bat. You don't stop being mom when your children are grown, but most moms DO at that point have their own lives. The same cannot be said for moms of young children to teens. Moms with kids in the house (ditto dads, for all of this). When you're raising your children, your life is not your own. So in my family, one day a year, that changes. The whole day... Done for mom. How that's done changes per family and per year. Instead of mom (or dad on fathers day) needing to take care of everyone SHE'S the one being taken care of.

Grandmothers are certainly still remembered/ given tokens of affection... But Mothers Day, in my family, is something of the Please God, Don't Go Insane, holiday. For gmas it more of a Congrats For Not Going Insane day.

Growing up, my father very rarely helped to celebrate mother's day, or any other special day or holiday for that matter. It was not his way. It hurt my mother's feelings, I think. She always brought magic to our birthdays, holidays, etc., so I think she hoped he would help us to learn to do the same for her, on that one day. My mother's birthday is on a holiday, coincidentally, and usually went less noticed than I would like, looking back.

My husband's mother died many years ago. He sends his stepmother a card or calls her.

I do not call my stepmother on mother's day.

Last year we had a wonderful mother's day. My own mother came over for brunch and then afterwards I left the children with my husband and went out with my mom. J. her and I. I think we went to coffee and lunch, and did a bit of shopping. It wasn't an extravagant day, but it was lovely to spend time with her. We both felt honored and pampered, I think.

This year I hope to do the same. Brunch all together. The day with my mom.

We rarely get to celebrate mom's day with my MIL. She lives 6 hrs from us. But if my hubs said "hey I want to go spend it with my mom this year" I would be all for it. Even if I could not go. (But he would take our kids so she could see her grandkids too) which would hurt but I know that grandma's are J. as important as moms.

Step families - we celebrate all moms in our family. My "other"mom has been around since I was five...and she truly is my other mom. I go to her far more than I do my bio parents...for many reasons but the main one is she is so different from them and so calm to think/listen that she's my sounding board a lot.
ETA: We do send her gift(s)/cards and we do the same for my mom(s). But we do spend time with both my mom(s) during the weekend.

I think it varies from family to family. Growing up, in our family, was much like my nuclear family now. The children gave cards and little gifts to Mom, Dad bought her flowers and/or helped make lunch/dinner, and we always did something for my Grandma (the local one). The long distance grandma (3,000 miles away) got a card and flowers every year.

The main difference between M. and my husband and kids and my childhood, is that my husband was not raised by his birth mom. He was raised by his grandma. He does have a relationship with his mom, and our kids know her as grandma, but I honestly believe he would "go the extra mile" if he had not been adopted and grew up with his mom as his mom. He still calls her on Mother's Day. And we have sent her flowers (in the years that we have sent flowers to MY mom), but not every year. And she doesn't live local to us, so that is as far as it usually goes.

He has always "helped" the kids make Mother's Day a big deal for M.. He's sentimental like that. AND he truly believes that what he expects from our kids sets the tone for how they will behave. He enforces (if that is the right word?) respectful behavior towards himself AND M.. And he always likes taking them for the afternoon to go shopping for M. in the days/weeks before Mother's Day, my birthday and Christmas. :) They aren't really old enough to do any of that on their own yet... but it won't be long. They for sure know, at this point, that they SHOULD give a hoot about making Mother's Day something special.
I don't expect them to suddenly forget about M. when they are parents themselves.

ETA: I wanted to give props to a friend of ours also. It's a friend of my husband's from work, but I know him and his wife also, we J. don't see them often (he and hubby don't even share the same days off/shifts anymore). Anyway... His wife had some problems during her pregnancy ten years ago, right after we had our 2nd baby. Hospitalization with pre-term labor, DVT..... really crappy scary stuff. Ever since their little boy was born (preemie, and J. over 4 lbs), he has called M. (and ALL the moms he knows) every Mother's Day. It might be the only time during the year that I talk to him personally, but he calls M. every year to wish M. Happy Mother's Day and to say how special I am.

It doesn't have to be only for your mom (or his mom) or you. It is a day to celebrate mothers. Period. I'd never thought about it that way, until the first time our friend called M. and explained it to M.. ;)

Well, let's see. I would expect both of our mothers (my MIL is now passed) would get flowers or something or gift card for dinner. They've always lived away from us since we were married. So we'd send flowers or something. Then my husband and I and the kids would usually do dinner, and depending on where we lived we'd go do something. When we lived in NC, May was quite warm so we'd go to the beach or have a picnic or something. So I'd get more than the moms would. Same with Father's Day. Our dads would get a card and a gift card or something and my husband would get gifts and dinner and all that.

With step kids, I guess it would depend on the relationship between them all. My step mother got notta! My step father got a little something. (my real father go notta!) As a step parent I'd want to make sure that my step kids did something for both of their birth parents, whether they did something for M. or not, out of respect. After all, I wouldn't have been the one who gave birth to them. The real parents had that honor.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

My MIL is out of state, so we send her a gift and call her.

My brother hosts Mother's Day for all of the moms in our family. My brother cooks fajitas for his wife, my mom, my aunt, my cousin, and M.. It's a wonderful tradition that we all enjoy. We each bring a side dish for the fajitas, so it isn't too much work for any one person, and everyone feels appreciated that day. We all bring a gift for my mom, and she usually brings a potted flower of some sort for each of us, too. My kids, and my brother's kids give us (their moms) gifts, as well. My husband helps the boys pick out something nice - the gift is from him, too. My husband is always very attentive, also. It's a lovely day each year that we all look forward to.

I like the fact that it's celebrated for M. but also my MIL.. after all, she is my son's grandmother. He is very close to her and despite how she can be a feisty at times, we always like her to know she is special, I especially like when my son does things for her.. In our family, she is the only living grandparent, so it's important he have that connection, which also means my husband is close to her. In fact, he IS a mamma's boy...

Usually with M.. His mother gets a card or flowers as well as a phone call. Now that we have started a family, it is more important to M. to celebrate this way. This is pretty much the only weekend that I get celebrated by my children and husband. I have absolutely NO desire to spend the day with my MIL.

My husband celebrates M. we also eat dinner with his grandma, ( same goes for fathers day)but neither of us have mothers or dads.

My MIL lives out of state so this isn't an issue for us. I feel that it's about the kids celebrating with their mother. Since my kids are young, my husband has to do it all right now, but when they are older my husband can do what he wants.

DH celebrates with M., gives M. stuff and calls his mom.

Both. Our moms live in a different state, so we will send cards and gifts. My husband will spoil M. on that day because I'm the mother of his children. And, I do the same on Father's Day.

We always spend it with my mother n law, which I am resigned to, but not thrilled about.

In my family, we always did special things for my mom all day and then took her out for dinner. We didnt load up in the car and spend the day hanging out at my grandmother's house.

However, my MIL automatically makes plans at her house every year for mother's day and my husband doesnt want to say no and have her feel bad, so we go. Its not a relaxing day for M. - packing up two toddlers and then spendign the day at my in law's not child proofed house - chasing my kids around and making sure they dont swallow someones medication or break a family heirloom while my husband naps on the couch and my MIL cooks.

With all that complaining out of the way - a family holiday is about family and being with family and loving your family. I'm sure some day I will look back on these days fondly? :)

Even after I had my first child I still thought of Mother's Day as a day to celebrate my mother and MIL. I felt this way until my son passed away. Now Mother's Day is J. a difficult day for M. although I try to be grateful and celebrate the fact that I have two other healthy children. I typically take my mom out to lunch during the week and we see my MIL on Friday or Saturday of that weekend.

This shouldn't be confusing, you celebrate the Mom's you choose. There are no rules, in fact, it's not even a holiday.

If you could only celebrate one...well that would be a competition and I won't even go there!