Mother N Law Inviting Her Friends.....

If it's not okay with you, then no. It's not okay.

Personally, if I knew the friends who stopped by unannounced and if I wasn't busy, I would probably let them in. If I didn't know them or was busy, I'd ask them to come over another time.

So she's not great, and they're enablers -- Not sure if you know that for sure yourself, or if you're going on your BIL's opinions here. But her inviting them to a party that she, not you, hosted, may have been her way of trying to introduce you to people in the town. And these are the people she knows. So put the best construction on it that you can; why assume the worst of these women whom you don't know?

Yes, it was out of line for your MIL to say that her friend would "like to come over to your house once you get settled" (hard to tell from the post, I think you meant that the friend wanted to come to you rather than vice versa--?).

But if that is all she said about it -- she may mean that the person wants to bring over a welcome gift or whatever.

My mom's generation is like this, and her friends likely would have come over if we'd moved back to her town, even if they didn't know me. They would have brought food or plants for the yard, but would not have come over expecting to be fed a meal or to become my new best friends.

So it looks more like you just don't like MIL and therefore want nothing to do with her friends either. Fair enough and it's your call. But the party was hosted by her, and she had the right to make the guest list even if it wasn't to your liking. Smart of her? Maybe not, but perhaps understandable, unless you have friends in town already, whom she excluded while just inviting her own friends.

It doesn't seem yet to be at the point of her inviting lots of friends to your house for you to entertain them. If she does invite someone over, just say, "Oh, that's not a good day for us" or "I'd hoped to have some time just for you and the kids to have special grandparent time together." That'll get her attention in a positive way.

You're going to be seeing her because you moved to her town, so figuring out now how to react to her and to any of her friends you encounter (in the grocery store, on the street, wherever) would probably make things a lot easier. Soon your family will be busy with its own activities and you can just say "We're busy" and mean it.

I would talk with your husband to decide on what to say since you were both annoyed, and carry it out. Just because your MIL is inviting people to your home doesn't mean you have to let them come, tell them what you said here, you value your privacy. It is NOT OK for someone to invite their friends to your home without asking you first.

And, as bad as you believe your MIL is, don't forget this is Mother's Day weekend and do something nice for her. She is what she is, but she is family.

No, not typically, but my answer would change if there are extenuating circumstances on your guest's and their guest's part. It would also depend on how much notice was given and whether or not you had the chance to say something prior or if it was sprung on you.

No. I don't think "guests" should invite "guests" unless the host has been consulted.

"I'll call you." Works for awkward first dates, it should work in this situation as well. If your MIL asks you point blank, tell her you and your husband would like to be in charge of your own social calendars, thank you very much.

Not without asking, and they shouldnt act like a jerk if you say no.

No, its not OK to invite your friends to someone elses home, even if its a new home and wants to show it up. You always ask first if this is acceptable and if it is, ask when it is convenient to do so.

No. My MIL took people on tours of our house before the builder started locking the doors. After we moved in, my husband was hospitalized and we needed a medical device from home. She phoned her relatives(the one who is a child molestor and forbidden from coming near us) and gave them a tour of our house. The locks were changed and she is never getting another chance with our keys.

You just say "no".
"Thanks for trying to make sure I'm entertained MIL, but I have my own friends..

no it is not. sorry i have one of those in our family!!!

Where's your other question?

I feel like if I answer this without knowing the original explanation, that the answer is done in a vacuum.

Have you moved in yet? Does she feel like it's an open house? Do you know the ladies?

She should have asked regardless. But I wonder if may the degree of the offense counts here...

Dawn

I'm confused.

Your BIL and husband don't like their mothers friends because they have "enabled her poor behavior of being lazy and mooching off of well off individuals"?

Maybe I'm missing something.
If my MIL wanted to stop by with a friend after we got settled in a new house, I wouldn't think it strange.

Usually not, but I could not find any previous posts to find out the context. Still, this is not something that I would hold against a person if they are: 1) paying you a compliment (I can't to show you my son and daughter-in-law's new home!), 2) being friendly (I'd love for you to meet my son and his lovely wife.), 3) trying to make you feel welcome (Here is someone who would love to say "Hi and welcome to the neighborhood."), 4) so glad to have you living close (We were just in the area and wanted to stop in and say "hi."), etc. This is especially true of the older generation who grew up with, "Come on by any time and for Pete's sake, use the back door!"

If you will be living close now, make your MIL your friend. It will come in handy. You don't have to like all her mannerisms, likes, etc. as she is from a different generation, but you can be extra nice to her. It will pay huge dividends down the line.

Keep from trying to find things wrong that she does. Most MIL's just want to be included and involved in their kids' and grandkids' lives. And the nicer you are to her, the nicer she will be in return.