Why Is There Always That ONE Person?

No similar story, but sheesh. :P That's something. Next time, hubby could be more assertive, because saying no sometimes is a very good thing. Glad you had a great party though----sounds wonderful.

can you add a comment on facebook?? if so i would write thanks for thinking of me as family. and so glad that you could join us in the celebration of my birthday!!! it's always so good to see you and your sister!!!

you could always post on the pic "Thank you for coming to my birthday party it was so nice to meet your sister and niece, I'm happy you enjoyed yourself" that would diff summ up the hanging with the family comment.

The ONE is your husband.

Why is he throwing you such an amazing party? B/c he loves you.

Why is he inviting 'extras'? B/c he wants a smooth event

Why is he always there for you? B/c he's committed.

Those others - don't deserve to be remembered.

**takes out washcloth and vinegar, and photoshops out unpleasant birthday scenes from K.'s memory***

See? Now there are only the wonderful friends and husband at your party. :)

Oh jeez. Some people! Here, let me share with you MY little story! :)

Hubby and I had a very, very small and intimate wedding. As in, only our immediate family (brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents) and my maid of honor and her husband and my husband's best friend AND my husband's cousin who lived in our area. Total of 21 guests. (BTW, we have a huge family and tons of friends, but we could only afford the bare minimum so we intentionally kept it very, very small) Well, hubby's cousin's mother also lives in the area and she decides that since she hasn't seen a few of her ex-family in decades, that she's going to invite herself to our wedding. Hubby's cousin mentions, not asks mind you, that his mom is going to come to the tiny church services. Ummm, ok..... I asked my husband, "Is this really necessary? If she wants to see your dad (her former BIL), can't she make other arrangements with him?" He doesn't want to rock the boat and says it's not a big deal if she goes to the church services.

So she shows up (uninvited), doesn't introduce herself to ME or the rest of the family there and proceeds to hop into every one of my friggin' wedding pictures and make chit-chat w/ the two people there that she knows (my father-in-law and his wife). Then she proceeds to the wedding dinner that my husband and I paid for and the owner of the restaurant is suuuuuper ticked because we promised him our specific head count and he literally didn't have room for one more person. So I have to deal w/ a mad restaurant owner, smooth his ruffled feathers and the re-arranging of our small space, etc. All the while this woman STILL hasn't come up to me to introduce herself, say thanks for letting me crash your wedding, nada. OH, and my husband hasn't seen or heard from her in 20+ years and in fact, doesn't even really know her.

Cherry on the cake: no card, no present. Not that I was expecting one from a stranger that would crash my wedding, but that just completed the bad taste in my mouth. And she never said one word to me the entire night!

So just be glad that you don't have a strange interloper in every one of your wedding photos, lol! I'm getting mad just thinking about it again and it's been 15 years :)

Added: I just had a chance to read all the other 'wedding crasher' stories ... it's an epidemic apparently, haha!

The pic would have ticked me off also!

But the snotty part of me would have added under her pic and her comment, I would have put "hope you and your family enjoyed your dinner! Happy Birthday to me! oh yeah the scenery was beautiful... by the way"

Yup grumpy and snotty... but she would have got the point.

For my experience:

Last year I had a surprise 40th for my husband. He is from 2 1/2 hours away. I wanted the party here ( where we live now) so that way I would have a sitter and if we would have went to his home town and went out he would have known something was up.

I booked an Inn that was right next to the bar we had the party at to help cut down expenses for those making the drive. 20 people could have stayed there. I spent $300. on it because you couldn't only book for one night or it was more. I just asked if they could chip in on it great! What every they wanted or could was welcome.. if not, no big deal. I stocked the fridges with soda and snack/ finger food... another $100.

Then while at the party one of his friends said that they were on hard times and it took most of what he had to make the trip. I was grateful that he made the trip anyways so I bought most of his drinks that night. When I went around for donations for the DJ that I booked he didn't put anything in, but that was fine.. I understood he didn't have much money.

The next morning I went to the Inn to pick up my husband that passed out there the night before. We were all sitting on the deck talking and the friend opened up his wallet, took the money out and counted it and said "not bad". My husband asked what's not bad? He said I only spent $30 to get here and will spend another $30 to get home. That's a fairly cheap weekend. Now I will still have enough to go out when I get home and buy that stereo system also.

I hit the roof!! That "friend" I spent $50 on his drinks the night before! He was the only one that didn't chip in for the DJ or the Inn.

Yes... I wasn't very nice then either and called him out right then and there and said well if you have enough for a stereo then you have enough to pay me back the $50 for your drinks last night, right? He just laughed and walked away.. I looked at my husband and said its time to go or I wont be able to keep my mouth shut any longer.

Needless to say my husband hasn't talked to him since that day either.

Ughhh i can't stand people like that, I would feel the exact same way, very annoyed. I have the same problem i get stuck on the little thorn of the issue instead of seeing the big picture. I have a somewhat similar story, well as far as feeling annoyed and taken advantage of, and it's from a 'close' friend!

I was in this friend's wedding and spent all kinds of money on it, i made it to her bridal shower even though it happened to fall on my wedding anniversary, went to her b-day dinner a couple yrs back which my husband wasn't invited to because it was 'close friends only'. I should've said no right then and there but he was working anyway and i brought a gift and STILL ended up spending $50 for a damn meal at this expensive place she picked.
Now she has flaked so many times on events i've invited her to so i stopped inviting, but what really hurt my feelings is when i invited her to my b-day last yr it was at a nice lounge which i bought bottle service for, she was complaining and whining because it started sprinkling rain and they had to wait in line for a few mins until i came to the front to get her. Then when inside she said 'you know i'd only do this for you right!' as if to say she hated being there and it was such a chore when i was excited to have a fun night out with friends.
Oh well, i've let it go and never said anything to her but it just made me realize how selfish some people are. I never said a word about anything to her even when i felt like it.
The bottom line is that I've learned to say no because i do get annoyed when my generosity and manners are not reciprocated. I try not expect anything in return but manners should be a given. So next time just tell hubby to say no and you won't have to worry about it later then.

I can understand you being annoyed, but dont let it ruin your great memory of the weekend.
When you start to get pissed just think of the great thing your awesome husband did for you.
I would not invite them to another event where you will be put out. Hurt feelings or not, they were rude and maybe they will learn?

no, i don't have an experience such as this but boy it would peeve me too. i love the suggestion to post on that FB photo and saying thank you so much for being there to celebrate my birthday, and it was nice meeting your sister as well. i mean, really people. potluck parties are ok, or even buffet style parties are ok. but restaurant, pay per person party, bringing extra is just tacky and trashy.

This needs to be your Facebook post

"People really need to read Emily Post's etiquette book"

leave it at that... maybe it will make her think....

Hope you had a wonderful Bday :)

OMG! this is exactly what happened to us recently. At our son's birthday party. My husband wanted to have a huge extravagant 1st birthday party because it is the thing to do where we come from and we feel so blessed by our little miracle and wanted to celebrate having survived the first year. So we invited a lot of folks.....one of the couples was my husband's coworker whom we know from moving in similar circles and would not have looked nice to not invite them but invite other co-workers we are closer to. The invitation specified the venue - which should have automatically screamed "expensive". so the day of the party, we are getting ready and my husband gets a call from this guy which he ignores since we are so busy, he proceeds to call again and goes to vm and leaves a message asking if he can bring his parents who are visiting to the party. Since we are not close to them we decided to plead ignorance and state we never got the message especially since it was so last minute. We are driving down to the venue and I get a call from a number I don't recognize and I pick it up thinking someone may need directions or something....and guess what....it was the persistent not so close friends again and this time I didn't want to be rude and said "sure.....please do bring them"......can you believe that??? not to be pettybut they also didn't bring a nice gift..........

I wouldn't take it so personally. You invited them because you run in the same circles. It's possible they accepted the invitation for the same exact reason. As far as the extra guests, yes that was rude, but I imagine that unless someone explicitly mentioned it to them, they had no clue about the costs you incurred.

When an 80th birthday party was thrown for my grandmother, I was absolutely shocked to learn that the dinners cost $25 a plate...I had no clue. If had known, I would have been more insistent on at least paying for my family. Although I doubt my dad and the other hosts would have taken any money from me.

Don't fret over this. It sounds like a lovely party and wonderful gesture from your hubby. Don't let the rudeness of one couple spoil your fond memories.

At my wedding reception, a friend brought 4 extra family members and they gave us gifts that were clearly out of their kitchen cupboards. A quirky bunch, indeed. But for them,I found out, it was kind of to be expected.

If you don't invite those people to your subsequent parties, I think your social circle will understand. It's a lesson learned. I think you can rightfully say you don't need to extend yourself to them anymore, and that is good and you can move on with a legit reason( that's the bright side of this situation) .

My advice: in the meantime, stay off their FB page, it's not a healthy choice to check out what they are up to IMO

Damn, sounds like a great party! When's your NEXT birthday so I can show up uninvited for a free meal?!

(Sorry 'bout the moochers. Maybe they thought is was potluck?)

:p

I like people's suggestions of posting back on Facebook... As well, just delete them too from your memory. And then what I'd add as this would make me fume too but I've somewhat learned helps is to decide to never invite them anywhere again. Just don't do it They're obviously not worth it. That chapter is closed. One experience I had was when one of my now husband's friends I didn't know insisted on bringing both his kids to our wedding. For one, it was a no kids wedding except family. Two, this wasn't his +1 as there were TWO kids and we had to pay adult prices for them as either there was no kids price given so few kids or they were too old to qualify. Don't remember. He also never even gave us any type of wedding gift after we hosted 3 of them. He lives out of state and not too long ago was visiting and again insisted on stopping by with his kids and now one boyfriend. I said I wanted no part of this visit. Certainly we weren't serving dinner... I came home from work and there they all were and I have to say, somehow he's raised the nicest daughters. They were all just so nice and pleasant and enjoyable that I decided he's just clueless. Not really the same thing and I'm not saying to overlook what these "friends" did but maybe someday they'll do something nice that surprises you... Also, I certainly didn't let it dominate my wedding memories. And believe me I harbor grudges and cling to things. But we made it a bit more of a joke. How ridiculous was he??? type thing. And remember in the grand scheme of the party expense, the extra $60 isn't that big a deal most likely. Our wedding was much more per head - $150 maybe but it's a blip in the overall budget so I just also wrote off that money as never going to "make or break us."

Whle it would have been nice if the 'friends' would have paid for their own invited guests it seems that they were raised in the wild by wolves. They used your friendship for a free meal for their family. Nice. Next time I'd say not to worry about offending them by not extending an invitation. They just travel in the same circle but no reason to invite them just because you know common people.

Hope your birthday was wonderful. You have a great hubby.

You know what they say: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Live and learn. Bet your husband won't have a hard time narrowing the list next time.

I get it. It's not about the fact that they invited themselves and didn't give a gift--it's the attitude. Yuk. Some people!

I have that type of issue happen to me all the time. I am not prepared for extra guests, and inevitable there are more guest than expected. When it comes to facebook posts and how they wrote about their pictures, I do have to say, that I don't always give all information because there are people that I am friends with (mainly family so I can't unfriend them) that I don't want them to know anymore than they have to.

Enjoy your birthday surprise and all the work your husband put into it. Not many husbands do. Enjoy the fact that you had so many people who were willing to come and celebrate with you. Be grateful for what you got. Life is short, so just throw your hands in the air to them and say whatever. You are allowing them to steal your happiness if you dwell on the matter.

OMG, Yes...
First, my husbands uncle's wife, I really dont like her, never had, shes real ghetto, and rude, and just not my type. but shes family, so for my first daughters first birthday, (meaning, my first time, not really knowing what to do or expect) we had the pavillion at the park, and my daughter was one, so its not like she had a bunch of friends, just her uncle, aunt, who were 4 at the time, and her 2 cousins, who were 2 and 5. so we didnt plan on feeding alot of people, so we didnt have a bunch of food, but we are the type, to over do food, so we had more than needed for the amount of people we had.. ok. so my husbands uncle and wife, and thier 2 kids who were 3 and 7 at the time, didnt even rsvp, didnt call or anythign to say they were soming, but they did.. ok no problem. BUT, they brought some teenageish boys (like 11 and 12) and they were big boys, not tall, but big. I have no clue who these boys were... they were rude, they ate EVERYTHING.. when i tell you we had no food left, like one of them, ate like 2 hot dogs and like 4 peices of chicken i kid you not.. I was HOT. but i didnt say anything, I know how she is, disrespectful... same thing at my reception, she just brought people.. now, we dont even hardly invite them.
So we didnt spend alot of extra money like yall did, but I mean really. how rude.

We a big BBQ every year and we always supply the food. We don't really gripe about it because we know how parties are and how people can be. You're going to have your freeloaders, people who take a little (a lot) home or people who bring a friend or three. It's the nature of the beast, and nothing I focus on too much. I know if I go into it with the notion in my mind that people better appreciate what I'm doing for them, and they need to be grateful I will be very angry at the end of the party. 99% of the people are very thankful, but are the few that tend to forget to say thanks and whatnot, but I really don't get caught up on it.

For me, it's not about the money I've spend. It's about having a good time with good people despite the fact they may have brought someone I do not know. The more the merrier and I don't do things for others with the feeling of 'they should be appreciative'.

I guess you can say I've never really felt as you because I'm a pretty hospitable person. However, my MIL would have had a stroke behind something like that. She's very big on appreciation and gratefulness. It doesn't matter if she gave you an old rag. She wants a thank you with a smile, and you had better mean it. I sometimes don't like to accept gifts from her because of all the pomp and circumstance; it's aggravating.

My neighbor decided to bring her daughter to my wedding with no invitation or RSVP or anything. My caterers handled it all, so while I was peripherally aware of this issue, I didn't have to deal with the trying to reconfigure a full table to add a seat next to my neighbor, making sure there was a meal for this extra guest (plated dinner, not buffet), etc. My neighbor never mentioned that she wanted to bring a guest and never even acknowledged that it might have been rude or might have been an imposition to show up with an extra person. We had other friends (a couple with a child) basically blackmail us into letting them bring their friends' kid that they had promised to watch after RSVPing yes for their family. We got a call two days before the wedding saying they'd have to bring this extra child or they couldn't come. Our choice (and they were very aware of this) was scramble to seat this extra child and get an extra children's dinner for her or eat the cost of their two meals and their son's children's dinner, since we had already giving our caterer the final counts and payments. In both cases, we simply accommodated the rudeness and let it roll off our shoulders. Our wedding was simply too important and too wonderful to let ANYTHING anyone did ruin it in actuality or in memory. I suggest you simply erase their presence at your party from your memory, pretend they weren't even there. If you had a wonderful time and don't want their rudeness to ruin the great memories you have of the party that your husband so lovingly threw for you, just focus on something fun or sweet that happened with someone else at your party each time you think about these people being there. You can control how much you let this bother you and how much you let it effect your memories of that party.

Wow. Just wow. Yes they were rude and inappropriate to take advantage like that, however, your husband could have said no to them. He could have said something like, "I am really sorry, but there were so many close friends we wanted to invite and are trying to stick to a budget for a certain headcount. I hope you understand." It is perfectly ok to say that. It's your party after all!!
But what's done is done. Now your choice is to let this one little thorn eat you up or give grace to these people and let it go. It was generous of your husband to include these people even though you all aren't great friends with them, and then had the class not to bring their rudeness to their attention. Chalk it up to a lesson learned and don't invite these people to another event you host. Sounds like it was a wonderful time. Happy Birthday!
HTH,
A.

It makes me sad to think that a whole party is spoiled by this. Is this something you and your husband have been discussing? Is he upset about it?

If I were planning a party for someone - say, my husband - and one of the people I invited wanted to bring others, I would have the choice of saying yes or no. If I *chose* to say yes (whether I didn't know what else to say or not), then I have invited the extra people, and I must be hospitable - I must make them welcome and pay for whatever I have agreed to pay for. I would not expect any sort of return from them. It's not a case of the woman's just bringing them along; she did ask, and she received an answer. If your husband now regrets having said yes - well, he did say it.

Could the extra guests have been a bit embarrassed at having been brought along to a party they enjoyed but had acquaintance with only one of the crowd? I would certainly be uncomfortable in that situation. I can imagine being told, "We're going to this party tomorrow - you'll love it! No, you don't have to bring anything." I'd be very uncomfortable indeed.

BUT... what a wonderful thing to be given a surprise party just for you! It isn't everyone who gets such a gift! Please refuse to permit one glitch in the works to turn that celebration into a bad memory. Maybe you can find something funny about it to make you smile.

The world is full of inconsiderate folks...A similar thing happened at our wedding. My husband's cousin's best friend was moving out of the country and had planned to be in our hometown that weekend to day good-bye to my husband's cousin. His cousin's kids were our ring bearers and they are close. She asked if her BFF could come because she was moving, etc. I *hesitantly* said okay because I didn't want to ruffle feathers. So, she RSVP'd for TWO and I said something to my MIL. My MIL said she'd pay for them and to let them come. I just thought it was inconsiderate because it was $100 per person, and this all came about 2 weeks before the big day, so I was already stressed! And, I already had the seating arrangement done! I can't remember if she brought a gift...Oh, well!

They are wrong and selfish people. From now on, be prepared to say no to their requests. It is NOT your fault. They have the problem.

I know people like this. I automatically say no to their requests now.

i would only be upset if that person made that comment and was a close friend. They were J. invited b.c they were in the same circle. She was a tad rude...but ehhhh everyone is sometimes. Be glad you had such an awesome turn out=) I'd be bummed if I threw a party for someone and they were irked because of something. Your husband did it to make you happy, dont let them steal that from him. He wanted to see you have fun and smile so let it go.

I don't have a story simillar to this but I can agree 100% that they were inappropriate. To even ask is bordering on tacky but sometimes plans overlap and perhaps you have family in town but want to attend the party as well, so you ask if your guests can attend with you. If I was brave enough to ask if my sister could come I would offer to cover her expense. I wouldn't bring a person I hadn't inquired about (the daughter) and if I posted the facebook pictures, I'd mention the party.

Next time you make plans with friends DO NOT invite them. If they ask why say it was for close friends and family and leave it at that. They'll understand and get the point. Don't worry so much about what people think, you aren't close with them so their opinion shouldn't matter.

I was going to say exactly what Kellie B said to comment on their picture :) Not mean, just a little jab at reminding them is WAS a birthday party for SOMEONE they were enjoying their "family time" at!

My story is from the birth of my first child. A lot of family rushed down to the hospital to be there because it was on a saturday night of a holiday weekend: both our parents, my sister and her 2 kids, my other sister and her boyfriend-now-husband, and my BIL and his fiance... and his fiance's cousin... who I had met only a few times. She had a bad break-up with her ex or something and needed to get out of town, so my BIL and fiance invited her down on their weekend to come see me have the baby. Okaaaaay... I was mildly annoyed to have this random, extremely removed family member visiting me in the delivery room, holding my baby etc. I actually could tell she felt a little awkward in those moments because she was sort of trying to hang back (but who can help themselves around a new baby?) She was kind enough to rush out and get a card and some baby booties to present us so she didn't seem like a total tag-a-along. I don't blame her but I think it was weird of my (now) SIL to encourage her joining this intimate family event! My BIL and SIL have since had a baby, and I never said anything but I wondered if it crossed my SIL's mind when she was in the hospital about how weird it would be to have some random person lingering in the first moments of bonding with your new baby... and I wondered if she saw the irony of it when she told me her same cousin was having a baby but she wasn't going to go out to see her til the following weekend because her cousin wanted time to bond with her baby without a bunch of people around the first day...

Things that make you go hmmm. I enjoyed reading the other stories! Looks like it happens a lot and the feelings fade with time til it becomes more of a curious story than an outright annoyance :)

For my wedding my grandma begged me to invite her friend Larry. Now not only did I just barely know who he was, he also kinda gave me the creeps. But she wanted it so bad that I gave in and sent him an invite. His response card said "Two, please." and I about exploded! :D
The worst part was that he came to our wedding (so late that he missed the dinner) BY HIMSELF. Not only did we pay for HIS dinner (which he missed) but we paid for dinner for his girlfriend who never even came! Grrrr.
I *totally* know how you feel! XD