Moving Back to Parents House in New Mexico....I Am Scared

Moved back home after my divorce. I've never been more motivated in my life. lol Actually, it worked out fine for a temporary solution. Don't worry, you'll make it happen somehow. Best wishes.

There is something worse than moving back with your family: being out of work and not having anywhere to move at all.

Don't play mental games of "What if." It's counterproductive. It will do you in before you have a chance to start.

Thank your folks for letting you stay "*temporarily,* and be as helpful to them as you can. It will be stressful in any case (for your parents as well as for you), but do your best. Help your children to become as comfortable as they can with the move, and do a lot of reading with them. Help them stay interested in learning. Learning can happen wherever they are.

A lot of succeeding has to do with attitude. Try to make yours the best. That means being thankful for everything you have *right now.* You may be at a bend in the road; you don't know what's around the turning.

Hugs to you too!

We stayed with my mom once for a few weeks while making a transition. I never wanted to get out of anywhere any faster. Once you are on your own it is so hard to live with others. Not being able to do what you want to when you want to is very frustrating. Use the time to save every penny and get out. We tend to turn back into children when we get around our parents. Boomerang kids are all over the place right now. If there is any other way of doing the move without moving back in with mom and dad, I'd take it. We stayed on a friends livingroom floor for a month and a half once because I DID NOT want to go back into staying with parents. Sometimes staying with friends is a better option if you have a friend that will have you. It's stressful too but a different dynamic of stress. Your husband will be feeling pretty bad in front of your parents... like he's not a good provider for their daughter, and that usually causes a wall to form. So be careful with that.

Just talk ahead of time and understand it will be hard for both of you, parents too. They will most likely help you find something to get you out on your own. :-) I wouldn't worry as that is good you have family to go to for help but I would be very sure there is nothing where you are, I'm sure you've looked hard. It's hard to move to new schools in the middle of the year.
And yes, we have lived with our parents after a move back and it was not easy and we all love each other. You will have to all be very considerate of each other and be patient.

Owie, worry and anticipation are so hard.

In my mid-20's I had to live with my mom for a few months. It was tough, but at least I didn't have to change my child's school (she hadn't started yet). It did work out okay – in fact better than I had anticipated, and it didn't take nearly as long for me to find a job as I had been afraid of.

I'm wishing you an easy transition, success in your new location, and at least some good memories to look back on. I don't know how well you get on with your parents, but it's probably a blessing that they are offering you a fall-back position.

I was just thinking that although your kids have excelled in school here and that is wonderful, they'll be learning other life lessons by moving back in with your parents that are just as valuable.... family commitment, sharing, being adaptable. They'll get a chance to become closer to your parents. Try to focus on the positives. I am sort of in the opposite situation, my mother had to move in with us. And it can be stressful at times, but she helps me with my kids and teaches them things that I don't always have time to do. Having other generations in the house is ultimately a very postive thing.

I can't give you any info from the adult perspective, but from the child's perspective, if your parents are loving people and supportive in your situation, it may be a very nice memory, in some ways, for all of you. When my parents divorced, my sister and mom and I all moved in with my grandparents & great grandmom. There was just enough room for us. It was a very nice multi-generational experience and love from multiple people is always a good thing. Take heart in that. Financially, things may be tough, but approach it from the perspective of returning to a multi-generational home. Make it a team thing. It'll just be a bigger family for a while. It'll get better. Enjoy creating some loving memories.

All the best to you!

I too went back home wiht my mom when I was young. I have the best memories of my childhood with my grandparents. Grandma indulged me by brining me grilled cheese sandwiched poolside ( to my 18" Doughboy pool on her patio). Grandpa owned a used car lot and taught me to drive when I was 8!!!! OMG! As an adult I look back and he was nuts! But I have never crashed - and I am 54 now. Funny, I just went back to my parents house a few weeks ago for a funeral and stayed for a week. It was a mix of my memories growing up there, a few of the lifelong tensions arose - but I took the opportunity to find my grace and demonstrate that I had grown into a woman of whom they could be proud. It wasn't easy in the moment, but afterwards, I felt strong for doing it.

Your children will be resilient if you make them a part of the solution and love on them. Use this time to reboot old habits and start fresh with kids and husband. Be the environment you want to have. Parents will follow.

Address your feelings and expectations up front with your parents. Make a written list of your expectaions. i.e., we will spend X hours every day looking for work, We will do our own laundry, dump all house trash, vacuum daily, pick up clutter at nights, take out the trash cans to the curb, wash the car, clean out the junk form the car, have our own toilteries, be on time and grateful for our meals, walk the dog, clean the cat box, muck the stalls.....do whatever it takes to relieve your parents of some of their daily living obligations. Figure out what the kids can do and make them part of the solution. That will do more for them than anything. Limit the TV!!!

Use it as an opportunity to get in and help your parents. Be grateful every day. All of you make it your goal to be pleasant even if you don't feel like it. If you slip up, just own up to it, apologize and name your feelings. "I'm so embarrassed that I am in this situation but I love you guys dearly and really appreciate you being here for us."

All in all, if every one of you have positive things to do each day, you will all feel better. You can do this and make some wonderful memories.

As far as school goes, make it part of your job to get down there and volunteer in the classroom, if only for an hour in each room 1-2 days a week. That can be valuable networking for a job. If you show yourself as pleasant, responsible, neat and interested in working, then people, know people. They may help you find something. Take what you can get. Babysit, do anything and be pleasant and grateful no matter how you feel. It will all work in your favor.

I agree with the other poster, read to your kids, work with your kids, involve your kids and give them real, age-appropriate responsibilities that contribute. If all of you are looking for solutions and helping around your parent's house 1 hour a day, that is 14 hours of week of help around your parents' home. Make yourselves a gift to your parents. You have run a household, wouldn't you have loved to have 15 hours a week of real contribution to things around your home that you never wanted to do nor have time to do? I sure would...just be graceful and suggest. If your parents resist, tell them how badly you feel about having to be there, are so grateful and would like make this temporary time a blessing for them as well. clean the garage, weed, mulch the beds, paint a room, clean the windows....whatever it is that you can do to give them some relief and payback for their generosity.

Remember that we are all in the right place at the right time doing exactly what we need to do to become who we need to become. Act pleasant even if you don't feel like it and soon you will feel pleasant. When (not if) tensions escalate, take a break and get a cool head. Just say, "That's a good point. Let me take a few minutes to think about and understand what you are saying." Then go outside or in your room.

Good luck. This is temporary and you can get through it. Be the kind of house guest you would want. Don't be afraid, just focus on the goal and enjoy the time together.