hi tamara,
my 2 daughters are about the same amount of time apart as yours will be.
congrats on your 2nd baby!! (and the 1st,)
what me and my hubby did was we moved her mattress out of the crib and onto the floor. we had her like that for a few months so she could get used to it. by the time our 2nd baby came, we had her in a toddler bed. she always had a tough time going to bed, even as an infant. i mean she would scream at the top of her lungs until she fell asleep.
she doesnt do that anymore because she is so concerned about her little sister. but lately, whenever i put her down to sleep, she would pat her pillow and say lay down. i would read her a book, and yes i would lay with her for a few minutes, then kiss her goodnight and leave.
she would talk herself to sleep, or i can hear her with her book. she will turn the lights on and look at it.
since she and her sister share the same room, i still got the baby monitor up, so i can hear her. if not, she will knock on the door until i get up.
i do keep their bedroom door shut, but since she is quite the little explorer, we have a child safety door knob on the inside of the door, so i dont have to worry about her wandering around in the middle of the night and getting into who knows what.
we tried the gate thing, but she either climbs over it, or takes it apart. the door knob thing is the only way that will keep her in. we tried locking her door, but she figured that one out as well. she is too smart for her own good.
i wish you and your husband lots of luck. and tell him thank you for protecting this country of ours.