Hi Moms. This is my first time request although I've been a member and read the posts almost daily. I'm really at my wits end and know that I will get great advice from all moms who've had this experience themselves. Here goes.. My 21 Month old daughter is so attached to her father and when he's around is very different with me. If she falls down its Daddy that needs to pick her up. It's to the point that if i do pick her up she will kick and scream and go back to the exact spot that she was at when she fell and will cry until her father comes to get her. When she wakes up, she looks at me and asks for daddy. Everything is "Daddy do it".From changing her diaper to getting her dressed to putting her down for a nap. Everything is Daddy and God forbid if I try to step in. If she throws tantrums when he's around,he gives in to everything she wants. I don't want to resort to that to get her love. I spend time with her trying to teach her. I read to her, sing to her and play with her. I try to spend quality time with her as well as with my son who is six months old. I thought that maybe it could be the new baby but this started when I was about 4 to 5 months pregnant. I'm at my wit's end and find myself sometimes "jealous" of the love and affection that she lavishes on her father and not me and catch myself resenting him for it and then feel guily for feeling that way. He is an absolute fantastic dad and is so good with her. But she is totally different when it's just her and I and her father is not home. Its a different story alltogether. She's very loving towards me and is "my little girl". I'm at a loss as to why she's so different with me when her father is around. If her father and I are hugging eachother she has actually come over and tried to push me away from him.. lol.. like he's all hers. Help me try to figure this out. I need to get away from these negative feelings.... I love my family and DO love the fact that she loves her daddy so much but I wish she could lavish some of that on me and not reject me so much.
It is very normal for toddlers to start to favor one parent. Enjoy it...look at it as a little break from the things you usually do.
My 2.5 year old son acts similar to what you describe. I also have a 15 month old. I wonder if she is conecting with your husband because the little 6 month old needs more attention so she feels she conects with your husband better at this time. I think it might be a phase and as your 6mnth old gets bigger it will change. Try having set time during the week for just the two of you...see if that helps :)
Hi C.. I have a 19 mos old and we have had a similar experience here. Around 17 months she started to favor her father for play time and even when she needed comforting. In the past she has favored me for these things and I have to admit, I was hurt and admittedly my mothering confidence took a hit. I talked to other moms and they kept telling me that it was normal toddler behavior and that the pendulum will continue to swing between parents. Just be yourself around her. Love her as you normally do. I assure you that she adores you. You are her mommy. She is just getting something from her daddy right now that she needs.
My oldest son (now 3 1/2) was like this from the moment he was able to show preferences until, I don't know, sometime around 2. Now he doesn't show any consistent preferences. On the other hand, my younger son (18 months) has always been Mommy's boy. I never minded that my older son was so attached to Daddy, and I didn't take it personally, but I can see why you might. I don't really have advice about how to stop feeling so jealous except to tell you to keep in mind that it is probably just a phase your daughter will grow out of and that, even if it isn't, you just might get your turn to be favorite parent with your little boy.
My daughter is totally a daddy's girl. Has been forever. It got really bad when I was pregnant with my son (but thankfully got better when the baby was born, although she clearly still has a daddy preference). I know others are saying "enjoy it" but I think that's really hard. I remember sometimes being in tears (especially when pregnant!). Even still, it's totally one of my buttons. The worst is when I've rushed out of work early to get the kids, have my hands full of stuff from school, am trying to juggle them both and have her say "no! I want Daddy!" She's old enough now that I can remind her that I work very hard to take very good care of her and that hurts my feelings, but it does still hurt my feelings. Sorry, enough about me.
The thing that I've found works best is to push myself the least. If she wants dad to give her a bath, read her stories and put her to bed, let it go. I found the more my husband insisted that my daughter "be nice" to me, the more she pushed back. It still ebbs and flows, but I try to detach myself from it a little and she is better about it.
I do agree with another poster that this should not be about her father being the "easy" parent. You should be on the same page about discipline, rules, etc. Just like you don't need to bribe your daughter to love you, he doesn't either.
In spite of it being "normal" it still feels lousy, so just try to remind yourself that it will pass. Because it will (even though it might not be immediate). And remember, it will probably be totally different with your son, so remember to be empathetic when your son wants nothing to do with your husband.
I agree with the other moms, it's normal. I wanted to add that you and he should be on the same page as far as discipline goes. You mentioned that she gets what she wants from her daddy. He shouldn't be giving in to her tantrums. If this is what's going on, you should talk to him about it. It's easy for him to play the favorite and do what she wants, but that's not good for your daughter or for you.
My little girl went through a similar stage. Sometimes she still gets that way. I say enjoy the break! Enjoy your time with her during the day and let daddy take over when he gets home. I have to admit I can't wipe the grin off of my face when she needs a diaper change and insists that "Daddy do it".
my daughter is the same way. i went back to work after i had her.... and since she was at daycare all day - it was an even split between my husband and I. when i got preg with my son... my husband had to start doing more b/c it was hard to lift her, bend over to give her a tubbie etc. so she became more dependant on daddy. after i had my son i decided to stay home (b/c my entire paycheck would have gone to daycare). so now that i'm home with the both of them. she's fine when it's just us... but once daddy comes home from work... it's all about him. which is fine because we have our time together during the day.
she does have mood changes though... like last night only i could put her to bed, didn't even want daddy in the room. it will come and go in phases. i wouldn't be too worried about it at this point. just make sure you have some one on one time with just her... and it will help even it out.
my kids are 23 mos apart.
Hi C.,
I feel your pain. I have four children and my third (a daughter) was all about daddy. I also felt jealous. This can be difficult because it does make you feel rejected and does affect your ability to really bond with your daughter.
Please try not to take it personally. Sometimes people's temperments just match each other. When my daughter was a baby, she had a sister who was a toddler who took up all my time. I was a little stressed and I think it showed (trying to work and care for two babies). My husband always had a calmer demeanor and she found him more soothing I guess, contented to sit on his lap and she wouldn't come to me.
Now my daughter is eight and a real live wire. My husband, though, is still the laid back quieter type. Currently my daughter is totally into mommy, and daddy, though she still adores him, she finds a little "boring". So don't take it personally. Things will swing back and forth. If it is daddy she wants, go with it and take advantage of the time to enjoy your new baby.
To keep your bond with your daughter strong arrange for some mother/daughter dates. (it could be as simple as a trip to the park; just the two of you) These special times will allow you to be her "hero" when daddy isn't available.
Make sure you let your husband know how you feel and let him know, though you are going with it, you want to be sure it doesn't go to his head so much that he becomes blinded by the attention and spoils her rotten. You have to be a strong team and that will be hard if you are competing with each other.
Best Wishes,
J. L.
Sometimes these are the downfalls of being the primary care giver. They are with us all day long and then when daddy comes home we are chopped liver. My 19 month old son usually wants daddy when he's around. When daddy is getting frustrated or is in some way unable to pick him up I'll say oh I'd love to pick my baby boy up and I'll come swooping in and cuddle him. Usually he'll wiggle free, but I just try to not make it too big of a deal. If he doesn't want me changing his diaper and wants daddy (which daddy hates) I'll let daddy start and then come in to "help". Just try doing things together with your hubby. Maybe there's something he's doing that she really likes and you can try it with her. It really is a phase though which will pass. And before you know it she'll be a teenager and daddy's little girl will not want so much to do with daddy. So it's important that you show her now that you will always be there for her so when daddy doesn't understand her young lady feelings you will be there for her. So hang in there. Take the opportunity that she wants to spend with daddy as a chance to dote on the baby.
