My 3 1/2 Year Old Cries Every Night at Bedtime

My daughter is 3 and she does the same thing. I just lay with her for awhile. I know you may not want to do that, but that is what worked for me. I also have a 3 month old, so that gives us some time to spend with eachother. I agree that 7pm may be a little too early for bedtime though.

You already have some great suggestions, but I wanted to ask one oddball question, in relation to your son still being awake way past bedtime- does he have any caffeine during the day? This would include sips of caffeinated pops or teas, and also chocolate. I've noticed that if my son has too much chocolate during the course of a day, bedtime will be a major battle and he just can't fall asleep. I've read that caffeine stays in the body for 18 hours or so, and with kids, they can really still be affected by it throughout that time period, unlike us adults, who barely notice it's there after a few hours. Watch out for pops that SEEM like they're caffeine free, but aren't. Read the ingredient list, not just the front of the can. Caffeine will be listed at the bottom if it's there. We have been blindsided by a root bear, and also by a Squirt product (Ruby Red, I think) we always check now just in case.

This of course is likely nothing to do with your issue, but on the off-chance that it could be contributing, I wanted to share that with you, as it has made a difference with our son.

First, some kids just need to let off some steam before they can get to sleep. Crying is perhaps his way of doing that. Some kids rock and bounce themselves, some kids bang on the wall with their arms or legs - and some kids cry. As long as he's going to sleep so quickly (5-10 minutes! That's nothing! half an hour is not a big deal.) As long as the noise isn't an issue for the baby, don't worry about it. It could be that by allowing him to let off that steam, you are giving him the chance to peacefully go to bed (peacefully after the crying.) I do agree that there could be some manipulation going on (believe me, he knows how uncomfortable it makes you when he's so upset.)

Second, is he still napping? He may be ready to give up the nap. If he gives up the nap, you may be able to leave the door open and he'll go to sleep anyway. It was about 3 when my son wanted the door open, too. It'll take him a little bit to adjust, but he'll learn to fall asleep with the door open. And while he's doing that, if he's quiet and resting, but still awake later, again, not such a big deal, I think. Give him a chance to figure it out for himself, and I think he'll find his way. Good luck!

My kids have cd players in their rooms so they can listen to kids music while falling asleep. As long as they lay down, stay in bed, and go to sleep they can have it on. If they are noisy then I'll turn it off. I just tell them if they aren't going to listen to it then it's a waste of electricity :o)
I really think listening to kids' nursery rhymes also keeps them company because they are all kids' voices on the music.
Hope this helps,
J.
Mother of 4, ages 7, 5.5, 5, and 3. Plus foster kids :o)

If he's still awake 2 hours after bedtime, then bedtime is too early. IMHO, 7:00 p.m. seems early for a 3 1/2 year old.

But, If you want him going to be going to sleep at 7:00, then try waking him earlier in the morning.

I would also make sure he is getting lots of exercise and fresh air so that he is plenty tired when bedtime rolls around.

Lastly, check into Hyland's Calms Forte 4 Kids. Hyland's is the company that makes the famous teething tablets. I use the adult version of Calms Forte and it helps me relax before bedtime. My husband and mom love it, too. It is a homeopathic treatment, is NOT a sedative, and does not cause a hangover effect the next day. It just relaxes you so you can go to sleep. Good luck.

My daughter always wants MORE stories! So I usually tell her I need to go wash my face or get ready for bed, then I will come back afterwards. Usually she is asleep by then. So I think just making excuses to get away for a few minutes but come back to check on him and says... I'm still finishing the dishes or I have to put clothes in the washing machine... I'll be back really soon! He will most likely fall asleep.

Could your son be afraid of something in his room? From your post, it doesn't really sound like that could be it, but my daughter used to do the same thing and we finally figured out that she was scared on something in there. She actually asked if she could sleep in the other bedroom we had...so we just switched her room. (We had just moved into the house, so it wasn't a big deal to switch!) Maybe just ask him if something is bothering him in there. It could be something as simple as a shadow on the wall...my daughter doesn't like those!

Good luck!

Alot of kids go thru the don't leave me stage and it can last for a quite awhile. I would go in once after you tuck him and and reassure him that everything is okay and then if he continues just ignore the attention getting habit. He will grow out of this.. be brave. Also does he still take 2 naps a day? If he does it could be that at 7 he is not ready for bed yet or he need to stop his afternoon or morning nap. Be patience this will pass in time

Our son is 2.5 and we have a similar issue. We start the routine at 7:30pm so he is in bed by 8pm. We've pished it by a half an hour and all that has gotten us is a crankier kid.

I've found that he does well when there is a "reward" -- something fun coming up the next day, a new toy, ect. On days when a reward isn't offered he will sometimes fuss for up to 15 mins. My take on it is -- if he can do fine when he thinks he is getting something than this is all just for attention.

Another thing that has been working is we do a "silly I love you" when I walking out the door. Basically in a funny voice I say good-night, love-you and see you in the morning. My son copies me back. For whatever reason this has helped A LOT. We even call it the "silly I love you" in our house -- and we ONLY do it at nap and bedtime.

Good Luck!

If I could get that much attention by whimpering at bedtime, I would too! Three year olds have a lot to learn, but one thing they grasp quickly is, "What gets me the attention I want!" Be thankful he hasn't come up with something really annoying to get it. Crying a little never hurt anyone. I would act like he isn't doing it at all. Give him a kiss goodnight and walk out the door. Once you don't hear him whimper at night, make a huge deal out of it.

Hello,
Try putting off bedtime for an hour. He may not be tired enough and 7 pm seems VERY early for a bedtime. Especially now that it is summer, kids should be out getting fresh air after supper not being put right to bed. Good Luck.

Hi, A.!!! Sounds like you are doing everything that's typically recommended ... routine, consistency, etc. Maybe bedtime is a little too early or he is ready to give up naps? It's hard to get to sleep when the sun is still shining brightly (even if the room is dark). The best thing that worked for us when our kids were going through that phase is to spend a set amount of time laying in bed, snuggling, with them after story. I would tell them I'll lay with you until you're ready for me to go. Sounds a bit like enabling, but it gives them the ownership and feeling that they have some control - and not in a bad way. At first, it seemed to last longer, but didn't take long for them to say "ok, mom, you can go now". Sometimes, I had to keep asking "are you ready for me to go yet? I have some chores to do before I can go to bed and I'm tired!", etc. I always promised to check back in 5 minutes (or whatever amount), and typically they'd be asleep. Occasionally our 7 yr. old will still ask for me to snuggle with him for a little bit :) My kids have/had a fast metabolism at that age and we found they were hungry again at bedtime, so established a "bedtime snack" as part of the bedtime routine. I must admit, many nights it is ice cream (a small amount), but I've heard research that says something about icecream does help you sleep (grandma swears by that too!). I would also ask if you are ready for him to give up the afternoon nap. I know he is probably unbearable to live with in the evenings (ours were) and if you go anywhere in the car, he'll probably fall asleep, so be aware of that. I'm reasonably sure he gets lots of exercise and activity during the day (smile), but those little boys sure do love their wrestle time with daddy! Ours tended to be ready for bed more easily when they got time in for that. Good luck! Be sure to let your daycare know what you'd like to do about naps :)

My son has always been difficult to get to sleep. Really, the only thing that has always worked is to lay down with him. But sometimes, I'm anxious to do my chores or homework (I'm a student). Your son sounds like he has the same strength or personality as my son, which can be a challenge. I find that I have to let him play hard for hours and completely expand his energy and skip naps. He's four and a half so it's getting easier. The transition to no naps began at three. In fact, it was so hard to get him to take a nap that it's a relief to not even bother. With no nap and lots of physical exercise, play and stimulation, he falls asleep pretty darn quick most nights. Not every day are we able to play hard though. Some days I have to run errands, some days the weather is so poor... and he does have more trouble falling asleep on those days. So, I'm trying to figure ways for all us to get lots of exercise no matter the weather...Sometimes he does get overtired and has trouble falling asleep then, too. I wish I knew the trick or answer...I read everyone else's responses hoping I'd learn something new too. I'm working on the issue too...One thing to note is that some people are irregular. I am one of those too. So, my body's patterns are slightly irregular from sleep to bowels and moods. Every day is a little different. So, he may have a general bedtime that works for him, but some days he will be sleepier earlier, and some days later...I've also had to accept the fact that my children don't have a consistent bed time no matter how hard I try. Like me, some days they're ready to crash, and other days, they are wakeful. But we do have rituals to help signal sleep. Good luck!