My 3-1/2 Yr Old Refuses to Poo Poo in the Potty

Does she have a potty chair for the (big) toilet? Just thought she may be scared of the big onw if so. If ever went poop a certain time of day, just try and take her and sit her on it with a book to look at, and you sit in there with her and she may accidently go, and see it is o.k. and not scary . just a suggestion.

My son was the same way, he was so embarrassed, and even started withholding. I basically solved this problem in two ways. One, I got out the little potty chair (he was using the big one for peeing), and taught him how to pull down his own pants. Then, I told him if he needed to go poop, all he had to do was take himself, and call me to wipe. He was so embarrassed about having anyone in there with him, this seemed to help. Secondly, he was really into stories at that age, he loved to hear about times when my brother and I got into trouble, etc. So, at bedtime each night I would start telling him a really good story. However, I would stop before I finished it and tell him I would tell him the ending when he pooped. Or I would tell him about this other great story I would tell him when he pooped, and just give him hints about what it was about. After doing those two things, I just quit talking to him about it. Before long, he was going much better. Good luck. I think pooping just really embarasses some kids. My son is 4, and he still won't go at the babysitters. He also tries to wipe himself because he doesn't want anyone to know what he is doing. He is not very good at it, but at least he is going in the potty!

One of my dear friends has had serious issues with this and I had similar issues with my first son. My friend's DD has distended colon and encopresis from not pooping. She has even been hospitalized for it. Knowing this about her scared me to death when I was training my oldest son. He is now 4 1/2 and does everything on the potty just fine. BUT - I got to the point where I was giving him enemas to get him to go poop, and that was not fun for either of us. He is easily constipated and I think the pain from that was what held him back. I wish I had known about Miralax with him since it is not a laxative but a softener. I gave some to my almost 3 year old son recently (we are potty training now) and a few hours later he HAD to go and we were sucessful - YEA! He was squatting over a little potty chair, but it was in a potty and not in his pants, I consider that success! All this to say ~
- Miralax will not hurt her and you won't have to use it every day, just when you know she needs it.
- Avoid constipating foods and promote foods you know will loosen her up. :)
- Maybe squatting over a little potty would help. They get so used to standing up when they go that sometimes sitting down is very foreign.
HTH
L.

Just for the record, Miralax, is not a laxative even with the misleading LAX in the name. it is basically a medicine that promotes soft stool by keeping more water in the colon, thereby making it easier to poop, and then that makes it more regular. it does not actually produce cramping and the impending need to void. like say Milk of Magnesia or Ex-lax which are laxatives and designed to produce a bowel movement rather quickly, associated with cramping etc. miralax, takes several days to work properly, it is kinda like metamucil, a bulk producing stool softener. the bulk and extra water keep everything running more efficiently.
i think what your doctor may be thinking is that if she is constipated and it hurts to poop, then she will not go, and therefore, be making the constipation worse by not going. because the longer poop is in the colon the more hard it gets and more painful to expel. by using the miralax, the stool would be soft and would not hurt when she goes. i think the doctor strongly suspects she is not going because she is constipated. so i don't think it is mean to give her something to soften the stools. might be messy, but not mean. if it does hurt then i would think that anything to make it less tramatic would be in order.
you might also cut back on cheese and constipating foods, add in some more water.
is she truly having a problem like constipation or being defiant? if she is being defiant a good swat on the tushy would be in order. my middle son had some of those issues, after about 3 days of spanking, he got the picture about not going when he was supposed to, he was about 3 1/2-4 and had gone several months without issues.
if she is indeed having constipation issues and pain with voiding then i really do believe the miralax is in order.
(i have been an RN for 15 years and the mother of 3 boys)
good luck,
L.

Kids are so funny. I feel your frustration. My son was the same way. His big sister came up with this one. Try putting the pull up in a child size potty. Talk to your daughter. Ask her what she is afraid of. Poop in her pull up cannot feel good on her tushy, it's warm, big and stinky. Does it hurt? Maybe she is a little constipated.

If you do not like the idea of buying a childs potty, get the one that doubles as a step stool.

Hope you find the answer you are looking for.

Hi J.,
Sorry you are having such a hard time with the potty.
I would really back off on making it a big deal right now. Pressure is not going to help her want to go but might make it worse for her. Relax and she will follow your lead. You might even want to except that she is going to go in her pull ups for now and try the potty again in a few weeks when the dust settles on this issue. As for holding it, this can become a really big problem for her and you. It can become a bad habit and cause constipation, creating a vicious cycle. Give her a cup of prune juice daily to keep her regular. I use a magnesium supplement called Natural calm for my boys to help keep them regular. It's a powder form and mixing with water and juice. You can get it at most health food stores.
Hang on and this too shall pass!
C.

Well, J., I wish I had some magic formula for you girl, but I am in the same sinking boat with you! HA! My son who will be four the last of June will STILL NOT POOP IN THE POTTY! I also tried the Miralax thing, which gave him diarrhea, scared him, and yes he did go in the potty like ten times but not once since then and that was three months ago. Yesterday I sat him on the potty off and on all day long and he wouldn't go. He will get off the potty, go hide and then go in his pants! I am at my wits end too. I just keep telling myself "everything happens at a certain time" but I want that time to be now. I have tried absolutely everything, treats, toys, stickers, charts, candy, suckers, taking things away, making him clean it up himself(which he loved and wants to do it every time now), a slight swat on the hiney (not enough to hurt, just enough to tell him it is wrong to poop in his pants), the Miralax, sitting in the front of the TV while on the potty, you name it I have done it! I am now just in a waiting game and dear one, you may be too. Sometimes these little ones need to be ready to let it go and get over the fear of it in their own time. Not much help, I know, but take heart that you are not alone in this! Good Luck! T.

My daughter was the same way. The thought of poo-pooing in the potty was scary and she would hold it until she was in a lot of pain. This is what I did and it seemed to work. I sat behind her on the potty. I would squish myself up against the back of the toilet and sit her in front of me and we would read and I would rub her tummy and reassure her that it was ok. After a few times she was no longer scared. The wrong thing is to make a huge deal out of it. My daughter is now 17 and has no problem poo-pooing in the potty. Hang in there. It is going to be ok.

C.
Proud mom of 21, 18, 17, 15 year olds

I have never potty trained kids of my own (my first is only 9 months old), but I have worked with kids of this age (3-5 years) for many years. I can offer some words of comfort that this is completely normal. Some kids are just afraid of their poop being flushed away. It is just a part of them. For some reason they feel a big part of them is being flushed away, and they do not like it. It sounds like (hopefully) with a little time and continued sensitivity this problem will solve itself. Good luck!

Try this...give her a scoop of ice cream and when she is finished give her a warm glass of water. For some reason the combination works as a laxative. Sit her on the pot.

Three suggestions:

1. Go to your local library and check out the book "Everyone Poops" by Taro Gomi and read that to her often. Every day if you have to until she gets used to the idea that everyone has to poop - it's natural and shouldn't be embarrassing. We all have to eat, and there's nothing embarrassing about eating, right? If she can't poop at home, imagine what she will be like when she's in school 8 hours a day and makes herself sick by not using the restroom when her body tells her too.

2. Get rid of the pull ups and if she poops in her underwear, make her wash them in the bathroom sink. Every time you wash them for her, you're just telling her that it's okay to do something inappropriate because mommy will fix it (i.e. clean it up). I used to run around in just my socks when I was a kid and my write socks would get filthy. My mom made me wash my socks (with an old-fashioned wash-board) and it didn't take long before I was wearing shoes with my socks. :)

3. Have a designated pooping time every day. Have her sit on the potty, then leave the bathroom and leave her alone for 5-10 minutes. (if you're worried about her falling into the toilet or doing something naughty, put a baby monitor in the bathroom so you can at least hear what she's doing.

Hi there! I remember when I was four I would not eat-can't remember why but what I remember most was the breaking of my fast(I was crying in agony but still refused to eat mortifying my mother) was my sister making chocolate chip cookies. Why kids do the things they do who knows why.
Medically: have the Doctor check her bottom to see if it hurts her to poop.
Best advice I received and it worked was let them run around buck naked. Allow them to feel their own bodies and learn to manage themselves -she will naturally not want to poop on the floor. How embarrassing for her. I purchased a cushion potty seat so my son could use the big potty and a step stool for easy access.
I did this vs my neighbor who did not with same age child(3 to 3 1/2yrs old). My son was quickly potty trained while running naked in the back yard where she was still cleaning poop from her sons cowboy boots-how yuck.
Your daughter will figure it out.
Another idea too - don't make a big deal out of it - what an attention getter not to go poo. If she does not want to poop and she is medically Okay -it is her business and she will learn that it does not keep mommies attention so why not go.
Possibly being the baby (I was the baby) or possibly just needing something for her attentions to be on (You) is her motivation.
It's spring time so maybe planting flowers or veges would distract her from her attention getting ways. Double check your daily calender too to be sure you really are giving her the time she needs.
If all else fails, including your nerves, seek professional help like a child psychologist.
So plenty of fresh fruit especially apples and pears. Be sure to get rest yourself so you don't lose your cool. God bless and let us know how it goes!
C.