so my almost 3 year old is a strong willed, stubborn, intellegent child. She had some health issues as a baby, but is now pretty much 100% other than cronic constipation. We are currently at my parents house while my husband is deployed, and I also have a 10 month old baby boy. My daughter has started screaming when people say goodbye to her when they leave for work. I stay home with the kids, but when my parents say hello to her in the morning, she lets out a single screech....then a few minutes later she is happy to see them. When they say goodbye to her she yet again lets out a single screech. I attributed it to her not wanting them to leave. However, she does this in the mornings when they don't go to work, if they just say hello to her. Even more odd, is when they come home, she is excited when she hears the garage door opening, knowing they are coming home. My mom will walk in the door, and head up the stairs (our living quarters are upstairs) and my daughter runs to see her, but when my mom or dad say "hello!" to her, she lets out another single screech and runs away. A few minutes (5-10) she is fine and talking to them.
I always attributed it to just a phase, but my mom thinks it's something more and is concerned. She says that isn't normal and that something is upsetting her yet we can't figure out what. She is happy when she hears the door open, but when they say hi to her, every time she lets out a single screech and runs away.
Is this abnormal, normal?? Should I take her to a child psychologist?? I'm not sure what to do. She does throw fits and stuff during the day, but why does a happy occasion turn sour when someone says hi to her?? She will also do this at dr appts and such.....it's odd.
I do the time out thing with her and tell her when she is ready to be nice and say hello that she can come out and we talk about it. Doesn't seem to phase her. I wasn't concerned about this behaviour, but apparently my mom seems very concerned about it, stating it isn't "normal" and it's very strange. I'm guessing she thinks something is psychologically wrong. She now comes home and is trying different things to see what doesn't trigger it....she comes up and doesn't say hi to her, just ignores her and when my daughter goes to her then she will talk. I'm not concerned with it being a developmental problem. Most of her issues have been resolved. I just chalked it up to a phase, but now not sure. I don't think it has to do with her brother and the attention thing. She gets lots of attention from me, and my parents since we are here while my husband is deployed. And I don't think him being deployed is the problem....that I can tell. He is gone A LOT so it's normal for her to have him gone.
I'm just perplexed and maybe I should be doing something more since my mom seems so concerned about it instead of thinking it's a phase??? I have tried to ask her why she does that and she just says "why" lol....she will be 3 years old next month.....I don't know that she can tell me why yet. I wasn't that concerned with it until my mom started becoming very concerned. I don't know....My mom didn't say goodbye to her this morning either, so she wouldn't screech at her. I talked to her today and told her that when she does that it makes people sad, and that we say "hi mimi", "hi papa"....when they come in...and when we are out and about I told her if someone says hi, she just needs to say "hi" back....though I'm not really concerned with her saying hi to strangers, because I don't think it's all that bad not to want to talk to strangers lol. but family is a different thing. It just makes me worry, like I'm not doing my best or I'm missing something, or I'm not a good enough parent. I am a single parent most of the time due to my husband being gone a lot....so it is stressful at times...but I think I do a pretty good job. When we go to church and I take her to sunday school...the teacher always says how polite and nice she is, and she always wants to help and stuff....so I guess there is some good in there lol
Is it garnering extra attention? With a new baby in the family...That seems like reason enough for a 3 year old to do all sorts of wacky stuff. Are you using time-outs for this behavior? I would try a time out (I put a backless stool in the middle of the kitchen and make them take the time-out there) and tell her she can say a nice hello/good-bye when she is ready.
Hi L., I was just thinking if it is a phase have you set boundries and told her it was inappropriate to scream, but explain that the proper hello is regular voice. I was unsure if you have tried to correct with discipline and see if this is her trying to control the situation.Have you tried timeouts when she screams so she understands that it is unacceptable?
I do have a son with Asperger's and understand that some children have special issues and sometimes we parents need to look to therapists to guide us through these tough moments. I am very grateful that I have gotten my son early intervention to help us learn what we can do to meet his needs. If you feel you need to talk to dr there is nothing wrong in seeking advice. It helps in the long run. I wish you all the best!
I think its probably just a quirk that will work itself out when she learns it is not acceptable to do that. My son would start punching and hitting almost every man he met for some reason from a fairly early age..everyone except his dad. It was worrying sometimes, but he learned eventually. Sounds like what your mom is doing is actually right on. If she doesn't say hi or goodbye ..the words your daughter starts screaming at then perhaps those were the triggers ..she found she got extra attention for when she screamed. She didn't get that special attention for the other things...sounds to me like you have a teenage drama queen coming up on your hands! :)
When I was reading your post I was thinking your Mom/Dad can maybe stop saying Hello to her or Goodbye and come up with something different. How about they come up with their own little hellos/goodbyes that's just for your daughter. Something cute and maybe funny to make her laugh.
In your "What happened" you said that your Mom has stopped saying it and your daughter is fine. Just keep doing that for awhile and see what happens. Have you asked your daughter why she does that? I'm curious to know what she said. What does your pediatrician think? In my experience most kids have their own little quirk. Both my kids did but they outgrew them. Obviously it's a good idea to teach her how to be proper and respectful and it sounds like you're trying everything! Just wanted to give a suggestion on what else to do instead of discipline since that's not phasing her. Best of luck! You sound like a terrific Mom!
This could very well be just an odd quirk your child has and there's nothing wrong with that. :) If you are concerned due to other observations you've made about her development bring them up with your pediatrician. The screaming alone is not cause for concern. This at least to me sounds almost like a game to her. My 6 year old who is completely "normal" has similar quirks and they are just that quirks. Hope you're able to figure things out.
Hi L.,
Just sounds like a learned behavior: clean and simple. I actually really *like* your Mom's solution by ignoring her and letting your little girl approach *her* -- especially if it's working!!! (Nice job, MOM!)
T
It sounds annoying more than anything.
Have you taught her "there is nor loud screaming, shouting or screeching inside."
"Screaming is only for outside."
Make sure she knows this is a rule.
Also at 3 she should be learning about "Nice manners"
How to greet people how to thank people, how say excuse me and how to tell people good bye, please come back soon..
It needs to be said by you, your husband and the grandparents with each interaction even between the grown ups so that it just becomes a normal part of the conversation. It will seem strange at first, but I promise she will respond pretty quickly.
We also used to praise all children each time the used their "manners" .
L.,
I don't think you need a psychologist, this is a habit that she's been getting away with, and you can break the habit. Your child is old enough to understand "We do not scream or screech. If you do it again, you will go to your room."
Before you go into a store, church, restaurant etc. give her the rules of behavior, tell her if she misbehaves you will take her back to the car.
Blessings......
Can she be missing her dad? You may want to keep an eye on her behavior and see if any other quirks start up. Does she handle other transitions okay?
But, you should bring it up at the next pediatrician's appointment.
