My 3Yrs. Old Son Still Sleeps with Me and My husband...HELP!

I see no problem with the "family bed" until the parents are ready to have some space back. My children slept w me for a long time. I moved my daughter to a toddler bed next to my bed at first when she was 2 (for over a year!)When I had had my son. (They were both breastfed so I kept them in bed w me, it was just easier, neither had a crib.) That transitioned her to her own bed. Then we bought bunkbeds. Put her on the bottom and my son in the toddler bed next to her. They adjusted easily bc they had ea other. Now they refuse to sleep apart most nights. My son is a night owl so he gets up repeatedly. I just walk him back over and over. Now that he's 4 he has rules. If he gets up too many times, he is told he can not leave his bed or his fave toy/movie is taken away. He cries for 10min -1hr but its getting better. It just takes a lot of time and patience. Good luck!

Put him down while awake! They do cry for like a week, it is tough. Eventually it will be old hat. I let my kids watch tv for a half hour too! I know most people disagree with that, but oh well. Eventually he will stay put and sleep. Just be consistent. My kids were horrible too!

My 3yo daughter has in a way been the same. I finally just let her scream it out in her room. The DR told me it could take anywhere from 0-14days. It took about 3. We did it during a long weekend and vacation time for my son. That way Dad wouldn't have to worry about being too tired from the start of it and my son wasn't going to be a zomby in school. We have a gate at the door so she can't get out. The trick is to remove all climable objects they can move over to the gate. If she's having a bad night now, she'll move chairs over to the gate to help her get out to me. But she's so much better!
It's really tough and you'll want to brake down and cry a lot but if you just stick to your guns and not bend, it will work. Remember it could take about 2 weeks. I prepared her for it to. We decorated her bed with princesses and told her for days in 5 days you'll sleep the night in your princess bed because that's what princesses do. and so on...
Everyone got into it, in laws my parents, friends that saw her during this time. We made it out to be a BIG deal. She would be a big girl princess then and we would let her know how proud we were of her for a while after too.
That was almost a year ago and she's spent nights in our room sense but nothing more than for special occassions. And we would prepare her. This is only for tonight. DH let her sleep on my side of the bed while I was at a convention and she moved to the floor for 2 nights when I returned. She was aware of what would happen to.
Best of luck. It will be tough but the outcome is really worth it. Plus you and yours get more time alone and privacy which is much needed for a successful marriage.
And yes, like everyone else...there is no problem with it unless you want them out. We never and still don't mind it only now I don't like getting kicked in the kidney or punched in the eye while sleeping. They are your kids and you know what's best for them. I have a hard time when mine falls asleep in our bed and looks like that angelic beauty and I just want to cuddle up with her and not let her go. So some nights she stays and some nights she goeswhen she falls asleep in our bed. She likes her night lights and the hall light stays on until she falls alseep. I still have to get up in the night with her sometimes but that's a mothers life.

HI, both our children have spent a substantial amount of time in our bed right from the get go. I paid no mind to people thinking I was trying to be trendy and European in our arrangement or that we'd have them in there 'til they were teens trying to prize them out, or that I was ruining our marriage if I didn't get them out, or we were looking for trouble not making them be in their own rooms. I must admit on occasion I thought about what some others said then decided that my kids (we have a boy and girl, ages 4 and 2 respectively) are well adjusted and happy and that basically is all that matters. We figured they aren't going to be small forever, so we'd enjoy the snuggle time in the "family bed" as my son calls it for this short bit of time.
And what has naturally happened is that my son loves his own bedroom, nothing was forced, we've not had to plot to make him like his room, to sneak in and out etc - he just naturally wanted his own space. Same thing is happening with my daughter. They still visit us and my daughter is hanging out the most but we know it is such a limited time and they'll be snuggling in their own rooms 100% of the time feeling independent before we know it.

So, no real advice for you from me - but if you aren't too concerned don't stress yourself over it. All of you get a good night's sleep. If you are feeling pressured because you don't seem to be doing what you think is normal - I wouldn't worry - do what works for you. Perhaps by not trying to force the issue might solve the issue.

I don't have any advice for you - but I wanted to thank you for posting. I am sleep training my 5 month old baby to sleep in his own crib, and it has been a really rough week - but he is doing better every night. I was feeling the same way you are feeling now - I am with the two little ones all day and I just need some of my own space at night!
I was having to go to bed at 7pm, whether or not I wanted to. So - readiang your post just helped me to realize that while I have some ambivalences about getting my son into his own crib, that the issue doesn't go away, and I am sure your need for some of your own time and space increases, too!

So - again, sorry I don't have any advice for you, other than to share I feel the same way and my baby is small. I think you have gottensome good advice about involving your son in the new way of things, and helping him work towards your goal (sticker charts and prizes worked really well for my 3 y.o.).

Good Luck - know that many of us are rooting for you, as one other mom said!

My son did the same and we went to see the sleep doctor. He suggested putting a cot next to our bed and telling our son he is welcome to come in during the night and sleep in the cot. We made if comfy and put some stuffed animals in the bed. Then we worked on getting him to go to sleep in his own bed. The idea was that he would eventually sleep thru the night and not come in. Well, my son is now 6 and the fact of the matter is he still comes in during the night. The cot did work for a while, but I got sick of having it in our room. He comes into our bed in the night - I guess he will stop when he is ready..... Good luck!

Cajoling, asking, begging, pleading and hoping will not accomplish this goal. I would have him help you set a goal date (ideally a night that you don't have to work in the AM, and when you will have the stamina to persevere :) Don't drag it out..."Alex, you need to start sleeping in your bed, we are going to do it Friday night and from now on" Then do it. He may do better with a future date? But the trick is not to waffle. Commit and enforce gently and firmly. Could also state that a reward would be in order after x# of successful days in a row. Good luck.

Just a short aside, my son was in my bed until he was 5. I redid his room, got him a twin size bed, and started reading "The Sleep Fairy". The Sleep Fairy brings a small gift each night that he stays in bed. It is working well for him, and was working for my 2 year old, though recently she decided she didn't care about the prizes. Worth a try though.

I don't say this to be mean...but stop giving in and just break the cycle.

Put a safety handle on the inside of the door (the doorknob cover thingy) so that your son can't open the door and get out, but you can still safely get in and out without a lock on the door.
Establish a nighttime routine with bath, books and BED! Let him have his comfort items (music box, night light, stuffed animal), go through the evening routine and kiss him goodnight, walk out and shut the door behind you--and don't give in. You are the parent and you make the decisions. Keep telling yourself that when he's pounding on the door or screaming his head off. This WILL NOT be easy because it's gone on for so long, but the longer it continues, the harder it will be. Start tonight and reclaim your bed, your room, the romance with your husband, etc. Do it now, don't wait another day. It will be awful the first night, and maybe even the first week-- but stick to your guns, be CONSISTENT and it will get better. He has to learn that your bed is your bed and his bed and room are just that, HIS. You can do this, don't give in, be strong and know that thousands of moms are routing for you! You can do this! You're a great mom!!! But you need your space and your marriage does too! You can love your son and do this...be strong! And good luck!

R.
Mom to Wyatt 3 and Imara 6 mos.

We coslept by choice from day 1. DD turned 3 last month and I've been wondering when she would be amenable to moving but I haven't pushed it as I didn't want to get into a battle of wills and I thought she would get there on her own (and really hoped it would not be years from now!!). We had tried moving her bed into the room but she really didn't sleep there more than a little while so I moved it back out of our room. One night a couple weeks ago she said she was sleeping on the floor and put a blanket down. I figured it was a pre-bed game, but she intended to sleep there and did for 4 hours before coming into my bed. She did this 2 nights then I suggested we bring her mattress in and make a real bed. She was all for this and has slept there all night every night since. We will need to transition it to her room at some point, but I am ok with this right now.

Sometimes backing off can help greatly. If you are getting stressed and trying to push him he may be digging in his heels, but if you just accept that he is in your bed right now and let it go, he may come to the idea of moving more easily in a couple weeks on his own or will be more amenable to your suggestions. (I know this is true with moms trying to force weaning on toddlers, sometimes if you just let them have at it rather than limiting, they start to limit themselves before long).

Did you involve him in the decoration of the new room? Have you tried visiting older friends who sleep in their own rooms and getting him excited about his own “big boy” room (but without making it a big pressure shaming thing)? Maybe try to get him to come up with the solution, find out what would make him comfortable moving-is he afraid of the dark? Monsters? Whatever –can you come up with something to solve that problem by engaging him in the discussion?

If you need him to move for reasons of sleep or intimacy or whatever, then absolutely find a solution that will work for you but if you are at the breaking point because you are feeling external pressure, try to let it go. I think when we get ahead of ourselves it makes it that much more stressful. Don’t blame yourself for creating a permanent situation here, it’s not permanent. Don’t feel like if he isn’t sleeping in his room tonight, he will be sleeping with you forever. He won’t. You want to sleep with your husband, it makes perfect since that your young child would want to sleep with someone too. I really wouldn't advise shutting him in his room and letting him scream for 1-14 days. That just seems unkind. He has been sleeping with you for 3 years and it will take time for him to be cool with the separation.

Hi,

My now 3-year old son started off sleeping in his own room at 22 months but still to this day comes in at 5-6am and dozes until we all get up. It is more disruptive than I would prefer, but it is part of a gradual bed-weaning process that is as child-respectful as we can manage.

We had been spending way too much time helping him fall asleep in his bed. We realized that he was willfully staying awake and it was getting later and later. Whether to go to sleep and where to go to sleep is his conscious choice. We had to find a way that he wanted what we wanted. Finally my husband and I sat down with him and had a conversation about how tired we were of waiting for him to fall asleep and how frustrating it was for us that he was trying to stay awake when he knows that sleep is so important for helping him grow bigger and stronger and feeling happy. Our son recognized the pattern of less sleep = cranky mornings. We told him that it was his decision about where and when to sleep but that we would only help him when he decided that he was "ready" to sleep (in his bed).

What is working really great right now is a sticker chart where my son works towards the toy of his dreams. He gets a sticker in the morning if he has cooperated and helped with his bedtime routine, and gone to sleep right to sleep after story time and parent departure. The chart is posted right in his room as a reminder. It has worked like magic every night and my husband and I are amazed that something so simple could be so effective. Our hope is that once he is in a habit of going to sleep on his own, in his room, we will be able to forego the sticker chart.

I think the sticker chart only works for children that have strong wills and deep desires. It seems at this age if a child feels in control, then their decision more readily aligns with what the parents want. My son decided he wanted that toy and would do what it takes to get it. The daily toy/surprise tactic could get old too quickly. It's the working toward something that my son responds to.

Also, another thing that has worked is to make sure there is something that he loves to cuddle and help him feel safe. Because my son and I had a long nursing/weaning process, he really depends on my physical closeness to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep. I have substituted a rubber hot water bottle, the "hot water boobie" that he loves.

Lastly, when you talk to your son, you may want to ask him directly how he thinks it could work to sleep in his own bed. You may be able to surface any fears he has and work together on problem-solving around those fears. Three year-olds seem to have a lot of ideas about how to solve their problems! Try to follow his suggestions, if they are realistic. But be upfront that you will follow his suggestions ONLY if he decides to go to sleep in his bed. You can offer concessions to sweeten the pot, for example, "you may come to our bed in the morning for snuggling or at 4am or..."

Best of luck. I feel for you!

My 4 year old has always been a difficult child to put down for bed. He has always had is own room right from the start.
However, I would need to stay in the room until he fell asleep. (this could be 5 mins to an hour.) Night lights are also a must.
.... for the past year he was sleeping in our bed. "The big bed" he called it. Even tho' he loves his new room (all rooms were remodeled) and wanted to be like his big brother.
My husband brought him to his Dr. appointment (which he hates)this past month... and was asked, like I knew he would be, "Where does he sleep?"
To which the Dr. spoke directly to our son,(he is awesome about that) saying he needed to sleep in his own bed now.
To my surprise he has been going in his own bed, because, "My doctor said"
Really ... I think it was because he was once again ready to do it on his own. He's quite independent like that I still stick to our bed time story routine and have to hang around upstairs until he's asleep.
This really isn't advice, but perhaps it'll help you to know that you aren't alone.

get more varied advice for all different sources. I personally like http://askdrsears.com they are wise pediatricians and parents who base their advice on experience. They have a whole book(and articles on their website) devoted to nighttime parenting. Don't stress, be patient with your little one. All he knows is sleeping with you, this is a hard transition for him as well. Good luck

I highly recommend the book by Feber "http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp.... Reading responses of kids sleeping in parents beds until elementary school years makes me wonder: what time do these kids fall asleep? My kids tried coming out but we just cuddle them and walk them back to their own beds. They go to bed hours earlier than we and are asleep shortly afterward. The stuff we watch on tv while in our bed is not for kids, and we need time for us. I used the book to stop night feedings and at other times just for moral support. Good luck and sleep well.