My 4Yr Old (Sson to Be 5) Turns into Dr Jekyll at Night

He sounds like he is overly tired then not sleeping well. That's what kids do. They actually sleep less well when tired. Personally, I'd add back a nap for now gradually decreasing time napping over the summer. As you take time out of the nap, adjust by having him go to bed that much earlier. Start at 15 minute intervals.

So frustrating! A couple of things you could try. First, if you are taking away the naps and haven't changed his bettime, you could try making his bedtime a bit earlier. My boys both slept more at night when they no longer took a nap. For us, we knew it was time to end the nap when taking a nap mean they weren't ready for bed until later. Second, you could try sitting with him as he falls asleep. If he's feeling scared, having you in the room could really help him to feel safe. It wouldn't be for long, just until he feels safer.

Just a few thoughts. Good luck!

SuperMommy, my vote is that your sweet son is having Night Terrors. They are similar to nightmares, but are far more disturbing for the parent to manage.

Please read up on them:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/sleep/terrors.html

My eldest daughter had them at this exact age, and I swear I thought she was possessed. It was a horrible few months. What finally worked, was turning on all the lights, sitting calmly on her bed next to her, sometimes my hand on her leg, or ankle, or back, sometimes not. It's like she wanted me there, and at the same time did not want me near. It was heartbreaking and exhausting. But finally, it passed. I tried sooooo many things. I let her sleep with me, and that did not work. Some morning I'd find her at the foot of my bed, or at the threshold of my bedroom door. :( That was super sad. Oh, I was exhausted by it all too.

You answered your own question. You took his nap away. Let him nap. Why are you worrying about starting school when he has not even finished this year. Give the kid a break. Even the nappers survive all day Kindergarten.

I suggest that you try treating this in a more neutral way. Treat it as this is just what is for the moment. Don't try so hard to change it. Be calm, casual and matter of fact. It's bed time. Time to be in bed so it's back to bed when he wakes up. Know that he's scared and so stay with him, with the lights out, quiet music on while sitting in the room. No talking about why he's awake or why he's scared. Just a calm, quiet back to bed you go. Then stay with him quietly. I suggest that it'll take a few nights for him to calm down.

I suggest that when you focus on his fear and behavior you're telling him it's natural to be afraid and thus increasing his fear. He needs to know that it's no big deal he's afraid. It's OK to be afraid and this is how we handle our fear. By acknowledging it briefly and moving on.

It's a few months until Kindergarten. I would go back to giving him naps to ease him away from this. You're right. He's over tired. I suggest that this is just not the time to take away naps.

If you think he still needs a nap, let him nap. Sleep begets sleep in a preschooler just like it does in babies. Also, I think 8:30 is probably a bit late for a child this age. I'd even go with 7:30 or earlier, if you don't re-introduce the nap. With my kids, if they went to bed on the late side at that age, they wouldn't sleep well at all. This is especially true if there's anything else going on, like a growth spurt, the transition from preschool to kindergarten, really anything that would rock a kid's world. They really do need a lot of sleep to be able to properly process changes like that.

Since his little sister sleeps so well, would he be happier sharing a room with her?

I'm going to help you out here and what I tell you is going to work bu only if you put the foot to the floor and step in to make a change in the new behavior that is happening since the original nightmare occurred. Kids this age take all of their "sleep cues" and "sleep status" for us...the parents. They are not able to make decisions about their sleep arrangements or when they need to rest and for how long unless we establish these boundaries and make them the rule. First off....keep a predictable schedule every night and a good routine. A nice bath, some TV or snuggle time, then read a great story or tell stories to your son, then say your "I love you's and goodnight's"...prayers...etc. Once that happens, it's lights out and he stays in his bed and in his room. Barring a dire circumstance such as illness or the house is on fire, he needs to stay in his bed and SLEEP. Make this known to him and enforce it. Let him know that nightmares are things we all have but they are not real. Explain that they are scary and can make you feel scared when they happen but it is normal and nothing to be worried over. Limit the stuff he sees or overhears on the TV and absolutley no scary movie scenes or anything like that so it does set him off again. The less you play into this, the better. He will move on if you make it known to him that you're not caving in on the routine or rules. No letting him in your bed. Comfort him if he's sick or if a dream occurs and then walk him right back to his bed where he needs to stay. You will hear tons of parents drop to the floor with a coronary because I said to keep him out of your bed and only in his but if you want this to stop and only encourage good sleep habits, the bed-sharing....even on ocassion....isn't helping.
If you need some proof and true stories to latch onto about children and their sleep habits, get a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It is the best book ever and everything in it is real life stories and help that actually WORKS! Reward all the behavior that returns your son back to a healthy and workable sleep pattern so he feels that he is accomplishing something and stays motivated. If he seems like he's almost in a sleep-walking state or doesn't respond much when he awakens from these nightmares, he might be having something called a "night terror". That is completely different and he is still in a state of sleep and is not fully conscious to know what is going on. My oldest daughter had these right around your son's age and all we can do for them is return them to their bed, ride it out because they fall into another stage of sleep shortly into the night terror and know that this will start to disappear as your child grows but they will come and go for awhile before things get better. Night terrors are quirky and your child won't remember what happened even though you will! I know what it's like to go through this and I also know that putting the plans that I read about in Marc Weissbluth's book into place really made a huge difference. My kids both slept well at night, took their naps, and stayed out of my bed unless a dire emergency arose. Even then, they were more than happy to return to sleep and stay in their own rooms after I comforted them. You can turn this around and do so without becoming a zombie or starting up wih the bed-hopping syndrome. One more point I want to make....my two nephews and one niece also went through this and my sister-in-law chose to let them sleep with her and her husband. Might I add that they have a 12, 10, and 6 year old in their bed and this all started because she could not return them to their rooms and teach them to soothe themselves and learn better sleep habits. My kids cannot have them over to spend the night because none of the kids can sleep on their own. This goes on more than you could imagine and believe me.....it's not okay. I wish you all the best and I hope all of you can get some much needed rest very soon. You can fix this. You are Mom. Hear you roar!

My son also did the same thing. We stuck with his night time routine and also started a rewards system. I went to Wal-Mart and bought some pebble things in the flower isle and used a plastic bin I had at home. I sat down and made a list of things that he would get pebbles for like everything we do for night time routine, getting up in the morning without a fight, and other good behavior things throughout the day, we also added things like staying in his own bed every night. I also made a list of things that he could use his pebbles for rewards like TV time, playing at his friends house, a special movie, things of that sort. Maybe that will help. My son honestly did a 360 and has no problems and most nights he comes to us before bed time to do his routine because he's so excited to get his pebbles and be able to use them for something fun.

Awww...poor kiddo!

I would go hard on getting back to his normal schedule. Don't change anything. It's tempting to do so, but just don't. Also, instead of completely cutting out naps cold turkey, perhaps you could shorten them slowly until they're gone? It might take all summer to do that, but I think it'll be less traumatic.

Do not lose your temper with him, or get mad. Don't punish him for being scared. He is scared, and punishing him will not help. He needs to feel that you are on his side.

Keep up with the night time routine. Keep telling that you and Daddy will keep him safe. That the house is locked and no one can get in. That it is a dream, and dreams can sometimes seem really truly real, but they are not. Go through the whole house before bed time, if you or he thinks it will help, to make sure all is safe.

Sit with him at night, and/or hold his hand while he falls asleep. If he's too scared to sleep in his bed, or stay there all night, put a cot or sleeping bag next to your bed, and tell him he can come into your room and sleep there, or set up a place (like a couch) where and he can cuddle if he wakes up at night.

Having a son who sometimes has horrible nightmares, even though it makes me crazy and exhausted, being understanding and compassionate and keep telling him he's safe and we'll protect him helps.

If you can get him to articulate the dream, sometimes that makes it seem less real, especially of the child is at an age where he can realize that parts that are not real (my son is still too little to fully realize that yet).

I have also had some truly terrifying nightmares, and I am always thankful when I've been able to just roll over and get a hug from DH, who is always patient and compassionate about it. It makes me very empathetic to my son and his fear of nightmares.

Ditto Marda's advice.

I'll also add that you should check with his kindergarten, because most full day programs have a rest/quiet time, (ours does, they lay down), they know children this age still need rest and/or naps, this gives another full year before needing to eliminate naps.

At this point, don't make it a battle nor punish/scold him for it.
Keep in mind, that developmentally and per cognition, their imaginations ARE changing. And from even 2 years old, a child begins to have nightmares and/or "fears" of general things. Which to "adults" does not make sense.
Keep in mind, that we cannot turn "off" their imaginations or nightmares.
Kids this age don't even have, fully developed emotions, nor deductive or inductive reasoning.
I went through that too, when I was young.
My kids did, too.

My parents, let me sleep with them. They made no big deal about it. Because, they knew I would grow out of it. And I did. I too, would get scared at night etc.
But, how they treated me about it, is one of my fondest memories of them, as a child. How a child goes to bed or not, will be remembered.
My sibling on the other hand, was a cold fish and would make fun of me. I also, remember that.

For my kids: We had a floor futon in our room. My kids could sleep there if need be. We explained that to them. They went there on their own, and would sleep. They didn't wake us, and they fell asleep. They GOT sleep. That way.
They grow out of it.
Keep that in mind.

The main thing is, that he gets sleep.
All of this is developmental.
And we cannot turn that off.
Sure we can rationalize it with the child. But, that does not mean, it makes it "go away" for them.
Just let him, sleep in your room, but on a floor mattress or blanket or something. Explain that to him.

Plus, you have cut out naps.
At that age, my son was STILL napping, everyday, routinely. HE needed it. And even in Kindergarten, the kids napped. It was full day Kindergarten.
My son, was a NAPPER. And NEEDED it. At that age and older. Even at 5 years old, he napped. It was what he, needed. And he knew that as well. I went by my kids' cues. For naps/sleep.
My daughter on the other hand, did not need naps as much as he did.

NOW, keep in mind, also: that once your son DOES start Kindergarten... school is hard "work" for them. At the end of the day, and when you pick him up, they will be tired. ALL day at school, they have to be spot on. Listen to directions, doing things, etc. And this, tires them out. They are concentrating on SO much, at school. So after school, a child NEEDS TO deflate... and get out their yah-yahs. Even nap if they need it. They are little, and have little thresholds for things... and cannot keep up being "perfect" ALL day. Once at home after school, it is COMMON that a kid NEEDS to unwind. Deflate. And not do anything, right away.
Remember that.

You do not have to take away his naps, just because he is going to Kindergarten in August.
Kids, young kids like this, still need to nap.
And yes, as the others mentioned, 8:30 is late for bedtime for a 4 year old.
He is getting lack of sleep, from all angles.
Then, consider how long it takes, for his bedtime "routine." ie: bath, read books, brush teeth, sing lullabies and prayers.). That is a whole string of things of a routine, for bedtime.
With that routine, you'd NEED to start the bedtime routine, EARLIER. With my kids at that age, I began... the bedtime routine, 1 HOUR beforehand. AND then, also keep the room/house dark and only had 1 lamp on, made things quiet etc. So that, it set the stage, for bedtime. Making it, quieter and more subdued. I didn't do the bedtime routine, AT bedtime. I did it 1 hour, beforehand. So that, my kids went to bed, when it was bedtime. And so that, the bedtime routine, was not rushed.
Your son also plays out back, walks to school and back, and is in 1 sport activity. That makes any kid, tired. Overtired. And overtired kids... actually have a HARDER time, going to sleep. Or sleeping well.

Try Melatonin and I would have him fall asleep in my bed and then move him. Either put him in his own room, or put him on the floor of my room for the first few days. Don't be harsh - he's had trauma, and he has only been walking and talking for about 2,3 years. He's still learning. Comfort him, pamper him for a little while then gradually, move him back to his own room.

I agree that you need to get him to bed a half an hour to an hour earlier. My experience with my kids is that the more tired they are when they go to bed the worse they are about going to sleep.
What I did with my son when we moved into our house when he was 3 and finally had his own room (before then we had lived in an apartment and he slept in a toddler bed in our room) was set up a chart. For every night that he stayed in his bed, did not get up for more drinks or to give us just one more hug or get out of his bed to play with any toys, he got a star on his chart for that night. If he got out of bed for any reason other than an emergency or to go to the bathroom (when he actually needed to) he got an X for that night. If he did not get any Xs for a week, his reward was to be able to sleep in our bed one night that weekend and was able to watch a movie. After 2 to 3 weeks, we didn't even need the chart any more because he had made it a habit to stay in his bed.
As far as the nightmares, I don't have any experience with that. Between my 2 children they have only had a few. If you are a praying woman, I would pray with him every night for good dreams. My nephew had nite terrors when he was around 3 or 4 and he eventually grew out of them.
Good luck

My son is the same age as yours. About 6 months ago he watched something on tv (I was with him, it was very mild), but it scared him (this is a boy who loves zombies and ghosts, it was pretty odd). We had about a month and a half where he was scared every night, and did the same thing as your son. It slowly got better during that time (the first two weeks were pretty horrible), but it took a lot of work. Every night we would discuss how he was safe and didn't need to think about the scary things that were bothering him. We also made monster spray and sprayed it around the house at least every night (sometimes multiple times a day, he was really freaked out). After a lot of patience around this issue, he got over it and went back to normal. It would be really helpful if you could figure out what the dream is about (so that you can tell him things to ease his fears about whatever). Also, maybe try a children's book related to this issue, where a child is afraid of a nightmare, and how they got over it, might help him as well.

So frustrating - sorry you are going through this. I had a similar issue but it wasn't nightmares, just general neediness. Once he was asleep mostly he was out, but he would wake up now and again in the middle of the night - not crying, just wanting to sleep with us. Mostly his issue is getting to sleep. Mine is also going into kinder, and about a year ago, he started getting out of his bed for no good reason and with every excuse you could think of (thirsty, potty, etc.). He would be up until 10 or 10:30 some nights coming in and out of his room. A few things that helped - bath before bed, nightly stories, nightlight (several some have fun colors, etc.), prayers, rubbing his back for a few minutes after lights out, having a routine that we don't stray from whatsoever and getting a cot for our room for him (this was probably the best thing we did). Here's the one we bought:
http://www.amazon.com/Regalo-Cot-Portable-Royal-Blue/dp/B...

The cot allowed him to feel safe, and know he can come in our room but not in our bed (I've never been able to sleep with the boys in my bed). The only tough time was that hour or 2 difference or so, between his bedtime and ours, but even that has gotten better. It might be confusing though, to have him sleep in your bed 1 night a week on weekends - maybe consider cutting that out if it isn't a big issue for him. Anyway, once we let him sleep on the cot when he wanted to - low and behold he stopped coming out of his room. And at least now, I'm not woken up in the middle of the night. I think he felt he could come to our room if he wanted to and somehow that gave him the security he needed to stop leaving his room. He still has issues getting to bed sometimes, but now he stays in his room with lights out, even though he's awake - he's just wound up sometimes even though I make sure he has a lot of high energy outlets.

Also, keep in mind, this won't last forever even though it seems like it will! It's just another phase and it will get better. Good luck - I hope that helps!