My 5 Year Old Doesnt Listen!!!

Sometimes "pick up your toys" is overwhelming for a small child. Have you tried saying " put all your legos in this container before the timer rings" "Great Job! You picked up those legos So fast! Now put away your dolls before I can get back from the kitchen with a glass of milk" "Super! Now put your crayons away before I can sing Twinkle Twinkle" You wont' have to do this forever, I promise! Let this year be fun before she's a teen and only wants to play with her smart phone and she'll never put that down!

Well, as a single mom, I didn't have time to muffy fluff about things and I also skipped the getting ugly, threatening, spankings or time-outs.
If my kids "pretended" like they couldn't hear me or selectively chose to "listen", I simply picked up the toys and put them in a garbage bag and threw them away.
Sounds mean, but it only has to be done a couple of times for kids to know you're serious.
I never accepted crying over it either. "That was my favorite toy!"
Oh well.....it seems like we need to get in the habit of you putting your favorite toys away when I say it's time. You're 5. You know where your toys go and you know how to put them back. If you don't feel like doing it, that's okay. I will pick them up, but you might not like where they go. You won't get them back.

I have a friend going through this with her 3 kids and she's throwing things away left and right. The fact is, they have too many toys as it is and if they don't care enough about them to put them away, they don't need them.
Now, all she has to do is go to the drawer where she keeps the garbage bags after giving a warning and the kids scamper to pick things up.
Just the other nignt, she told her 5 year old she did a really good job, but she left a few things on the floor. Her daughter looked at her and told her she left them because she didn't care if they got thrown away. Mom told her if she doesn't want them, put them in the garbage, and her daughter did, with no fuss.

The picking up of toys issue is really pretty simple if you're prepared to follow through. No threats. Just do it.

Best wishes.

It's the threats. Tell her BEFORE the behavior strikes what will happen if she does ___. When it does, follow through immediately. No getting fed up or mad. When she sees you ALWAYS happily follow through right away and NEVER have a battle about it or beg or get mad, she'll do it the first time you ask.

The other day I calmly told the kids about their room, "Hey, your toys are all out of the bin, your dress-up clothes are all over the floor, and your clothes are all out of the dresser. You have 5 minutes to put everything where it belongs. Anything left on the floor when I get there is getting given away.

We've always been consistent so they had no reason to doubt it and acted immediately. Spanking was super effective when they were younger, and got them accustomed to acting fast, but now at 6, 4, and 2 1/2 I almost never need that and whatever I say they believe. Now that they're old enough to be attached to their stuff, their greatest fear is that I will give it away because I said I would (even though I've never had to).

I also agree with Shane. No Muffy Fluff.

Ah, yes. Home is where you can try to get away with things because you might succeed. Out in public there are too many people looking at you to try that (or else it's too interesting out there.) You have an outright challenge being thrown at you at home!

Time for a mama consistency check. I agree with removing the toys - permanently, if necessary, simply because a child catches on fast when a threat is only a threat. Yes, you're throwing away money, but the child's character is more important than the financial loss.

Maybe later on, when your daughter is more attentive and less belligerent, she might ask, "Mommy, can I leave them out until bedtime? I want to go back to this game after supper," and you can decide yes or no.

I would also like to add that I like Shane B's term "muffy fluff," and I intend to add it to my vocabulary.

The book "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk."

Next: KNOW that... OFTEN TIMES, kids let their hair down, at home. The home is a place for them to vent/unwind/and yes, be not-perfect.
And yes, kids are often more behaved, in public or at school.
This is very very very common.
So it is not just your kid.

If a kid, had to be "perfect" 24/7, day and night and even at home and couldn't be upset, and had to be spot-on all the time even for their parents... then when, would they even unwind?
Could you do that? Be perfectly in a good mood 24/7 day and night, constantly... for your Husband or kids??? So, how can a 5 year old do that?

But now, yes, kids do get this way. But they need to have respect, too.
And putting away toys could be:
1) done all by herself
2) even if it is in a big room or small corner of the room
3) or you could do it with her... therefore teaching her about "cooperation" and "teamwork."
4) Or she could have her toys taken away because she didn't clean up. But it probably won't make a difference
5) She could be given the option of cleaning up after her nap, since you realize she is really over-tired right now. Hence the bad mood.
6) She could be given the option of having a snack... and cleaning up while music is on to make it funner.
7) she could be asked to clean up, by you saying "Please pick up your toys Sally, so no one gets hurt on it.... if you need help ask me."
Or "Pick up your toys now!"
8) there could be a timer on, and she ordered to clean up within 3 minutes

The point being there is a multitude amount of ways, the scenario can be played out.

And she is 5.
Even a 15 year old, is like that.
Even a SPOUSE/Husband... is like that when told to "do" something.

Pick up a copy of Parenting with Love and Logic. You will be so glad that you did. Children need to learn about the consequences of their behavior. And it is better for them to start learning these lessons at 5, rather than 15. L&L is about teaching your kids how to be responsible. It's not about yelling or getting ugly or threatening. You won't have to do all of those things if you will just teach her that there are consequences for her choices.

5 has been tough in our house as well.... He's a GREAT kid, but a little moody nowadays.... I think he's trying to spread his wings a little bit, and arguing with me on things.. It's a power struggle..I definitely thinks it's a phase, I hope~

Have you tried turning her jobs into a game? My kids like for me to count to see how fast they can pick stuff up or make their beds or pretty much anything. It gets them to do it and fast! I've discovered that they're a lot more willing to help out if I make it fun instead of yelling at them. Not that I never yell... Haha just try to find some fun ways to do the jobs. Good luck!

I think you pointed out the issue in your "ugly" statement.

You threaten. Do not threaten. Follow thru with what the consequences are.

I have a 4 year old who push the boundaries but she knows I will follow thru with the consequence. Typically, it will take me once to let her know what the punishment is if she does not begin the task. If she does not begin, the consequence is played out.

Usually, it begins with a time out. If for some reason she does the same action again relatively close in time to the incident, she does not get another time out she gets a spanking.

Have you tried some kind of reward system? It doesn't have to be anything grand. My son does the same thing to me a lot so I end up making a chart and every time he does what I want him to, he is rewarded (usually with a sticker on his chart that he gets to put on there.) Your daughter may not want stickers. She might want something else. The key is to find something that they want badly enough to stop being stubborn.

I recently started being adamant about my son's meal times because he wasn't eating well, and it was always a fight to get him to eat. Now I only let him eat breakfast foods for breakfast, lunch foods for lunch, and dinner for dinner. If he doesn't finish his meal, he doesn't get any snacks in between the current and the next meal. If he does finish his meal (I don't usually do this after breakfast) I give him a "surprise." Right now, it is only a piece of candy from his Valentine's. I don't have to coerce him to eat, he just eats his meal all gone on his own and then I reward him.

My sister-in-law does "Brown Bucks" at their house. Brown, because that is their last name, not the color of the "money." Her kids are 3 and 5, and whenever they complete something she asked, they earn a brown buck. Then they can save them up for things. Usually they use them for watching TV or playing on the wii or computer or other electronic device. They can also save them up to go on a date with mom or dad, or to sleep in bed with mom and dad one night. I plan on implementing this whenever we get a new printer.

I guess my suggestion is positive reinforcement when she does do something good. It doesn't mean that she doesn't get punished for being naughty, but if you do, just ask her three times or so without yelling, if she won't do it, send her to time-out. Don't bother with getting upset. Just try to put more attention on when she does follow through with something.

Hope this helps!