4 Yo Only Listens and Respo Nd to Me When I Raise My Voice

I would suggest a few things to get his attention, without the raised voice.

First touch his shoulder.

Then get to his eye level.

Then say "Listen to my words."

Then ask him to repeat what you just said.

Do this enough times and he will catch on.

Has your son always been that way? That is, could he possibly have a hearing problem and not be able to hear your voice when you speak normally?

But often a child listens only to Mama's raised voice because he knows then than she means business. There's an old story about Jimmy playing in the back yard with his friend Billy. Jimmy's mother calls from the back door, "Jimmy, come here," and Jimmy keeps on playing. Billy says, "Didn't you hear your mom call?" Jimmy says, "Yes, but I don't have to go yet." A minute later his mother calls, "Jimmy, I want you right now!" Jimmy says to his friend, "I don't have to go yet." A couple of minutes later they hear, "JAMES EDWARD, DO I HAVE TO COME OUT THERE?" Jimmy says, "Now I have to go!"

So if your son is not hard of hearing but only hard of listening, you could try this. It can't hurt. "Jimmy, I'm going to play a game with you, because I don't like yelling at you. Any time you hear me call your name, I want you to turn around and look at me. That way I'll know you heard me and are ready to listen. So keep your ears tuned in. It could happen any time." Then be sure to call his name frequently. Do it when he's busy, and when he's doing nothing much. Call in your usual voice. When he's nearby, call in a whisper. Use a funny voice once in a while just to make the whole thing more interesting. When he turns to face you, commend him. Attention reinforces the behavior you want to develop. Maybe if he listens when he's called, say, twenty times in the next couple of days (not necessarily twenty times in a row), you might decide you both deserve a reward - him because he's being attentive, and you because you're not yelling.

Do this for several days. Be sure to commend him when he is attentive. You can let him know what a good thing it is to have ears turned on and ready to listen. You might even read some books to him in a *very* quiet voice. Tell him you're practicing not yelling. Actually, you're helping him to practice listening to your voice.

I am sort of a quiet person myself, but I remember doing a lot of yelling at my children to, um, emphasize points. I now wish I could have that time back to do it again - better and more quietly. I wish I had saved raising my voice for if the house were on fire.

Hmm.... just try this, and see what happens..... don't do it when he is in trouble, but maybe when he is playing with something.

Rather than raising your voice, whisper..... but not a command, but whisper something like "Do you want to go outside with me and play?"

If he does respond, reward him with a few minutes outside.... if not, do what Laurie suggested...... touch his shoulder to get his attention, and tell what you had just said, but tell him that since he DIDN'T listen to you for the treat, he doesn't get to go outside......

Do this a few times, and see what happens.... it may be he is just tuning you out until you get really frustrated and yell..... this might be a good way to re-train him to listen to a softer voice.

Kids are real good at "selective listening"...... for that matter, so are hubbies!

Well, raising your voice happens sometimes.
I understand all the lah-dee-dah approaches, but sometimes children have selective hearing and it's not what you say, but how you say it.

I was a Brownie leader with a bunch of high strung little girls and believe me, walking one by one and gently touching their shoulder or getting on my knees to their level to get them to clean up their areas and gather their things didn't work for one single second.
I thought about getting a whistle, because frankly.....

I would ask a couple of times and then announce that I would continue to raise my voice until they all stopped and paid attention to what I was saying.

It was the tone of my voice and not the level that let them know I was serious. We were using a room in a church that graciously allowed us to use their facilities for free and they had another group coming in after us. I didn't have time for 20 little girls to run around as though they couldn't hear me.
As a single mom, I raised two kids by myself and trust me...they knew when I was dead serious. I didn't muffy fluff around about it.
"If you aren't dressed by the time I start the car, you're going to school in your pajamas.".
They never pushed me that far, because I would have done it.

I'm not timid, so I never had a problem with just telling my kids like it is and I think once they know you're serious....you can whisper and they'll hear you.

Just my opinion.
No offense to anyone.

Best wishes.

he has trained you to yell. Don't do it. Tell him in a clear voice what you want done. ex: Put your toys away. If he ignores you then say it again tacking on that is #2 when you get to 3 you take the toy and he gets it back at a later date. If he is watching tv say please turn off the tv then again thats #2 then shut it off and he is not allowed to watch for the rest of the day. it won't take long. you will get to 1 and sometimes 2 but seldom to 3 after the first couple days.

Don't give him the choice of "not listening." When you speak to him, get in front of him and get down to his eye level. Speak directly to his face in a firm tone. Use clear language that tells him what you want and remove traces of "would you like" or "can you" or "do you think you could" and other ways of asking him if he'll do something. Phrase things in a more authoritative way:

"Hi honey. It's time to get ready for bed. Turn off the TV and pick up your toys."

"Stop dawdling. I expect you to clean up your toys and put them in the toy box."

"Great job. I want you to go upstairs to brush your teeth."

"Are your teeth sparkling? Great! Finish that up so you can get in the bath tub. Okay, go get a towel from the closet."

"Hey sport. You've done a great job with lunch. Pick up your plate and put it into the sink."

If you can make it a habit to make your demands firm and kind, and also thank and praise him when he does well, you should see improvement. Reinforce the phrasing by getting back in front of him at eye level and use the words, "I told you to ____. I expect you to _____. Let's go! Thank you!"

This works with all of girls, from my ADHD kid to my typical kid to my special kid who has autism. When I lapse, things get frustrating.

I have been having this issue with my daughter as well. I recently told her that if I have to raise my voice to her then I get upset so I need two minutes to be by myself to calm down and be ready to play again. Since she is usually not listening as a way of getting attention and she is now getting the opposite of that, this tactic seems to be helping.

Take him gently by his arm or put your hand on his shoulder creating a physical contact so he can't ignore you. Turn him to you, squat down and look him in the eye. He may not want to look at you but get as much eye contact as you can. Gently hold his cheek if you need to, but never agressively and always with a loving touch. Instead of going for loud, deepen your voice and go for low. Not a whisper but like you are talking in a library or church. Quiet but with some base in your voice. Tell him what you don't want him to do and then tell him what he can do instead. Sometimes kids keep sticking to the same behavior for lack of something better.

You're the mom, your son shouldn't have the option to not listen to you.

Give him a direction and give him one or two warnings, if he doesn't respond to your instructions then stick to your guns and follow through on the warning you gave. He'll catch on quick to listen and respond the first time.

Your son has figured out that he has until you raise your voice before there will be any consequences so he doesn't REALLY have to listen until that point.

Sit him down and tell him you're tired of yelling so you're not going to do that anymore. From now on, he will be told one time in a normal but authoritative voice what you want him to do/to stop or whatever. If he doesn't listen the first time, there will be a consequence. Then implement it.

It won't take him but a few times to realize that he has to react the first time he's talked to because there are no more 2nd and 3rd times.

I taught four year olds for about seven years. We always told them there was a problem, asked them if they could figure out what it was, have them help come up with a solution to fix the behavior..works well but it takes A LOT of patience and time . :) good luck

Try to lower it now-and tell him why you are doing it-by the time he's a teenager, you could be mute!

It would be helpful to know what situations this happens in. If it's in getting ready to leave in the morning and you are going to be late, set the timer. don't yell just say 'Tommy, when the timer goes off we are leaving. If he is ready good, if not pack his stuff in a tote and let him change at daycare. If he won't pick up his toys, Tommy, when the timer goes off all toys have to be picked up or I take them away for 2 days. If he's not done pick them up put them on a shelf in a closet. You get the process.

A lot of kids understand very quickly that the tone of Mommy's voice is their barometer. Mommy really means it when she yells and I don't 'have to' until she does.

It sounds like he is already learning the very popular adult male trait of selective hearing;). Please do yourself and his future wife a favor and nip it in the bud now.

Possibly try a reward system when he listens to your inside voice. Maybe he gets a little extra computer time, or a sticker on a chart and a little prize when he gets to 10, or an m&m? Only you know the best commodity to use. Good luck Mom!