My 5 Year Old Poopy Problem

My son did this when he was 5. I had him dump the poo in the toilet and then rinse out his own underwear. After two times, he stopped pooping his pants. He though it was gross and realized that someone had to clean it and I wasn't going to do it anymore.. My Mom thought I was a horrible person to do this, but hey, it worked for him.
I was very matter of fact with him. I didn't yell or anything. Just said, "you made the mess, you need to clean it".

Have you talked to the pediatrician to rule out anything medical? There is a condition where children who try to hold it too long actually end up with a compacted bowel, and then their body no longer senses when they have to go. It also puts pressure on the bladder so they can't control urine either. Look at this website and see if it sounds familiar:
http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/Site835/mainpageS835P...

ADD: My doc said to have my son sit on the toilet for at least 10 minutes and just relax and poop on his own time. We do this every night after dinner/before bed. I just let him play on the ipad. No fuss.

Original:

Are you talking a full on accident, or like a dime/quarter size piece? If the latter, talk to your pediatrician, because my son had this issue and he had encoperisis. Basically backed up from holding too much. It was solved with diet, miralax and an evening potty routine. They can't explain why it's happening cause they don't know. PM me if you need more info :)

Added: you might consider using psyllium, a natural plant fiber, in smoothies instead of using Miralax. Blueberries are also a great source of natural fiber. And with dried fruits, be sure to 'stew' them before serving, as they will use the water in the colon to 'rehydrate'. I hope things work out. And do introduce good bacteria (like yogurt) while getting his bowels moving more easily. That will help a lot.

J.,

I hope one of the Grandmas sees this (oh, I can't remember which one)... they had offered a good link in previous questions of this sort.

Riffing off of the general gist of those posts, what was suggested may work in your case: using a 'power' incentive. By this, I mean: think of something your son LOVES. Could be a tv show/ video, video game, legos-- in short, one of his dear, favorite things.

If you feel that this lack of bowel control is more about a power struggle than it is a biological condition, then it's time to put that toy/privilege away for a while. He may ONLY be able to use it/watch it when he stays clean and dry all day. Period. And then, he may only have it for a limited time.

Here's an example. Let's say that your son makes it through the day with no poop accidents. Great. He can watch 15 minutes of the tv show/play video game for 15 minutes. Then, the timer dings and it goes away (preferably out of his sight/reach) until the next time he does well. Same with the toy. He can play with it for 20-30 minutes and then it gets put away. Allow him to 'earn' time with this item, but don't let him stockpile the time too much. This is results-based, too. No 'well, you did try'-- just firm "well, we had poopy pants today, so no, you may not...." if he asks.

I would check in with your pediatrician, just to make sure there isn't any other issue. At five, I'd also check on your interactions and how you emotionally handle pants-messing. If you are giving it a lot of talk and attention, then that definitely gives him a pay-off, even if it's negative.

You can also start having him do all of his changing by himself, as much as possible. This may mean removing the bathmat/carpet on the floor of the bathroom, but having him deal with his own mess: putting the poop in the potty, putting the dirty clothes in a plastic bag, cleaning himself up, and re-dressing himself may be appropriate in this situation. If you do have to help him-- no talking, no anger, no nothing. Flat affect on face (emotionless). Go about the business and do not chat. Do not do this angrily, just calmly and with no emotion.

Kids do give us a run for their money. Regression does happen. When I was a nanny, I had one habitual pant-messer whose mother just decided she was done washing his poopy underwear and would just throw them away. The new underwear came out of her toy budget for him and she let him know. "If I have to buy you new underwear, then we don't have that money for toys. You can choose to stay clean or not." THAT worked for him. Each kid has their own point at which it is just not worth it to them to continue on.

And I also stopped reminding kids to use the potty when I knew that accidents were about power/control. You might consider that, too. "It's up to you to get to the potty on time. I'm done reminding you." I did find that when they had a few unexpected accidents --because I decided that I wasn't going to get into the 'go potty'/'no I don't need to' argument, that was also very helpful. It made the problem *their* problem, not mine. Once they had no one to struggle against, it really took the wind out of their sails in regard to digging their heels in.

I hope something in here might be helpful for you.

There is either something medicaly wrong with him or it's a control issue. Either way you need help. Talk to his ped. and see if they can do some tests to see if it's medical. If it is not take him to a councilor and see if they can help you. Good luck!!!

I was having this issue with my 4yo. She would hold it for days and then either go in her pants or have such a hard time trying that it always hurt and we ended up in tears. I took her to a chiropracter that specilizes in pediatrics. Turns out her hips were out of alignment causing issues with her bowels. After about two months of adjustments, about twice a month, she has started to go on her own. No accidents, no constipation no issues. I'm one to take a more holistic approach to things. You might try googling why Miralax is bad especially for children.

Been exactly there. I could have written this. I got him the multivitamin with fiber and I sat him down and told him that by taking this special vitamin only once per day, it would help him with his poopy problem. I explained that holding poopy in only made it sneak out on its own, so when he thought there was a chance he needed to go, just sit down on the potty for a couple minutes.

Have you done any research on encopresis? This starts out as a psychological issue where the child may have had a traumatic potty experience (like being made to sit for an hour trying to go) or the child has anxiety about going to the potty, so they hold it a lot. Over time it turns into a physical problem where the child literally loses the ability to sense if they have to go to the bathroom.

My son had the same issue. What saved us was Soiling Solution: http://www.encopresis.com/ Without that we'd still be washing poopy unders every day.

By the way, don't use the Miralax. It makes the problem worse. It makes the poop runny which makes the child hold more and then ends up in a bad accident which causes more holding -- vicious cycle. Also, probiotics are much more helpful at getting things moving, and also magnesium (about 500 mg per day).

My son has done the same thing, but he has always been like that. He was hard to potty train, finished at 3.5 years old, and he still has some issues with it. We just remind him when he is dancing around, and if he says he doesn't have to go, then we remind him that certain things will be taken away if he has an accident. I try not to push because I don't want to make it worse. I know it's hard but I am hoping it's one of those phases that I can laugh about later that he will grow out of soon.